When a child dies

When your child dies, the devastation it leaves behind is massive. This child you loved and carried inside of you, birthed, and held is gone. The emptiness is imeasurable. You aren't back to normal as soon as the funeral is over. You are NEVER back to normal. Something like seeing seasonal stuff out at the store brings a renewed sense of loss because it is one more thing you won't celebrate with your child. Family functions are no longer fun get togethers. They are a reminder that your child isn't here. If you have lost a child, you'll know exactly what I am talking about. If you have never lost a child, this may all sound strange to you. If you've been touched by child loss, you will probably understand as well, if you had a close relationship to the child.

If you have never suffered like this but know somebody who has, do what you can to let the parents know that although you don't understand, your there for them. Call them and genuinely ask how are you. Show them that you haven't forgotten about their child. Don't assume that once a set time has passed that we are ok, because we aren't. Nothing will ever be ok again. We usually aren't up to doing alot. Don't assume that something is a magic pill to healing us all up. In our early days, we will most likely take offense to those who couldn't even conjur up an I'm sorry. Even if you don't know what to say, say "I'm sorry". Heck, go to the store and just buy a card and sign your name. Don't do nothing, because we will most likely remember and hold that hurt in our hearts. Instead of it being "I don't know what to say" on your part, to us, it is "I don't care". Please don't ever tell us you want nothing to do with the child or want to no longer see anything. Having someone not accept your child hurts more than words can say. If there is a charity or remembrance, be involved. Doing something in that child's name means so much. If anything about this child's death makes you uncomfortable, consider how we feel. We don't like or enjoy this life. We just have no other option than to suck it up and continue on. I have also found that the more you can deal with us talking about it, the more able we are to get it out of our systems at that moment and think about other things. If we are sitting in silence, the thoughts and feelings are just brewing. Let us cry. Crying is just the thing we need at times. If you are able to show us compassion, love, and understanding we will be able and willing to do so at a time when you need us.