Thursday, May 29, 2014

This Sucks

In 8 days, it will be Mary's sixth birthday. I'm actually sitting here bawling alone. As I look back at these years, I really have no words other than, IT SUCKS. Losing a child sucks. I look back on all the platitudes and so many, though well meaning, they ended up getting on my nerves because I heard them so much.

I'd have so many do the "I'm praying for you". It was well-meaning, I get that. However, when it was said in place of "Go ahead and talk", it quickly made me think "Take your prayers and shove em". These days I'm glad that those who say this to me are those who will truly take the time to stop and listen instead of using it to shut me up!

Then there was the "God needed another angel" thing. Loved that one! My thoughts never changed on that. No, our babies are needed here in our arms, where they belong, nowhere else. 

Another treasured one was those who understood how I felt because they had lost a grandparent or an aunt or a pet. True story- someone once said they knew how I felt because they lost their cat. Unless you've endured this, you don't understand and you don't get it. This loss is like no other. I've lost family members that I loved. Still, there is nothing like losing her, nothing. 

There is the infamous "God only gives you what you can handle" line. Not how it works. That makes God look like a sadistic bastard and is certainly not how to win over people to Christianity! Let's just say it- Shit happens, even to good people. No God cares what a person can handle and they certainly would never inflict this kind of pain upon a person. 

Then you have the "Too perfect for earth". I think this ties in with the God needed another angel thing. No, she wasn't too perfect for this earth. She was just perfect for us. 

These well-meaning platitudes really do get old. After we've heard them a million times and then some, we're just like GRRRR. I learned that the best thing you can say to me about this is "This sucks". Nothing more. Honestly. Because it does, it sucks. This is something that every single bereaved parent can relate to. This sucks is an all encompassing term, too! 

 

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