I participated way more than I should of on a thread today on Mama Birth. She is essentially blaming those who want midwives to have educations/training/and insurance for babies dying.
I poured my heart out on there. I talked about my daughter and had one woman who was hellbent on tearing my story apart. She had to know exactly what happened and what was the cause of death and the kicker was she couldn't place any blame on the midwife because it was quite possible my baby would of died had I used a different midwife or gone to the hospital.
There were several women who blamed homebirth loss moms for not doing their research and not listening to our instincts. Gotta love the blame they place on US and not the women who caused our babies deaths.
This leads me to wonder why it is so hard to admit that a midwife screwed up?? They claim we don't listen to them, yet, we are always met with the same condescending attitude. We are supposed to be anti-homebirth, anti-midwife, anti-ncb, anti-bf, pretty much anti-everything. I am so burnt out and just plain worn out from dealing with this all the time. These discussions are so personal, emotionally charged, and really do lead to me being hurt because most of these women seriously lack any compassion or empathy or sympathy or anything towards a homebirth loss mom. Had my daughter's death been caused by an OB or Nurse or Pediatrician in the hospital, these women would be at my side advocating and calling for this professionals head. BUT because it's a homebirth loss caused by a midwife, they really don't care and have to find some reason that it is our fault. Intellectually, I know that this is their way of trying to protect themselves. They don't want to think that it could be them and their baby. I understand. I don't know if they do, but I do. Just once, I want them to care. Why is it ok for bad midwives to keep going?? Why is it ok for one midwife to continuously have babies dying on their watch?
This ties into my next rant. I was told that if I just chose it, I could heal. I think not having had a baby die, you have no right to tell a grieving mom this. Would you look at the mother of a murder victim and say "You can heal from this, just let it go"? Essentially, this is the same. A person has taken our child's life. There is NO healing from that. There is a new life you have grieving the child you loved facing a future without that child. Someone took my baby's life. She didn't just slip away due to SIDS or an anomaly or an illness. The person who took her life is still going about her business like my baby didn't matter. Nobody was willing to help fight for her, or us for that matter. This midwife got a free pass to keep on, like she has done FIVE other times. I shudder to think of the babies that have died since my daughter. Does anyone really wonder why I am angry and why it's impossible to do more than move forward with my life?? The more murderous midwives that are supported by advocates, the more women that are going to suffer like we have leading there to be an even larger voice. If you want us quiet, take the deaths of our babies seriously and insist upon change within the movement. Several women claimed that our stories made them cry, but if it really got to them, they would say "This isn't ok, this baby should not of died, we need to prevent these deaths from happening", but nobody ever thinks that or says it.
If it wasn't for the way I feel, I wouldn't be able to continue on in this fight, and believe me, fight I will. Those with passion are the ones who make a difference. How do you think these cancer research organizations started?? Should those survivors have just healed and moved on?? Look at organizations such as MADD, SHARE, Angels On Track, Cure Search, etc. They began because someone was affected by something and set out to change things. That's admirable. Would you of told these people to just heal and that by starting a movement they must not be healing and are angry? No. So, why are us women villified the way we are?? What is there to hate about women who WANT to see SAFE homebirth practices?
I hate that as soon as we start talking, no matter what we say or how nice it is said, we are full of hate and angry and attacking people. There were many hurtful things said, but in no way was I attacked because anyone had a differing viewpoint. I think all these women that hang out in these echo chambers should really broaden their horizons. Life isn't all about someone coddling us. We (Liz and I) had one woman actually completely block us once we started talking about our losses. Why can't they acknowledge or listen??
I really don't even know if I have a point here. I guess I just needed to vent about this. It just really bothers me. We have one psycho who screencaps stuff and completely twists it around to make us all seem just horrible. She even created a video laughing at homebirth loss moms and completely minimizing baby deaths. Really?? She is the one running around claiming that we are anti-everything. I did go to her little facebook fan page and she had taken a HIGH RISK mothers post and tried to make it seem like the mother thought all moms should have a c-section at 37 weeks with a NICU team there. Luckily, not all the commenters were as crazy as she is. People really tend to forget that so many of us really do practice and support the same things, just not in the same ways. We all support natural birth. However, we are more "Not all women should have to do it or be guilted into it and it's not all that". I guess you can say we don't push the militant crap. Not all of us support homebirth, but for those that do, they support CNM's because they do have real training and educations. We know CNM's are real medical professionals and not just some birth junky. We are supportive of doulas, just can't stand those who push their agenda, and several of us want to be doulas. One doula has been a target because she doesn't push natural birth. Isn't it good that a doula isn't pushing her agenda on a client??
I tell ya, I probably have more in common with these women that they realize. I probably am more AP than I care to admit. I've been at this parenting thing for 13 1/2 years and have been doing many of these things since before I knew it had a name. I never thought "Dang, I'm so awesome for doing this". I just always did what I did. I've been been out down and accused of being a formula feeding mother because I'm not all about breasts. I think these women would be in shock here. It's not hard to not be a shrew about your parenting style. Do what works and back off others. It's quite easy.
I'm going to jump off of here and snuggle with my sweetie. I probably didn't even make a point here, but I just needed to get stuff off my chest.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
How hard is this??
I participated way more than I should of on a thread today on Mama Birth. She is essentially blaming those who want midwives to have educations/training/and insurance for babies dying.
I poured my heart out on there. I talked about my daughter and had one woman who was hellbent on tearing my story apart. She had to know exactly what happened and what was the cause of death and the kicker was she couldn't place any blame on the midwife because it was quite possible my baby would of died had I used a different midwife or gone to the hospital.
There were several women who blamed homebirth loss moms for not doing their research and not listening to our instincts. Gotta love the blame they place on US and not the women who caused our babies deaths.
This leads me to wonder why it is so hard to admit that a midwife screwed up?? They claim we don't listen to them, yet, we are always met with the same condescending attitude. We are supposed to be anti-homebirth, anti-midwife, anti-ncb, anti-bf, pretty much anti-everything. I am so burnt out and just plain worn out from dealing with this all the time. These discussions are so personal, emotionally charged, and really do lead to me being hurt because most of these women seriously lack any compassion or empathy or sympathy or anything towards a homebirth loss mom. Had my daughter's death been caused by an OB or Nurse or Pediatrician in the hospital, these women would be at my side advocating and calling for this professionals head. BUT because it's a homebirth loss caused by a midwife, they really don't care and have to find some reason that it is our fault. Intellectually, I know that this is their way of trying to protect themselves. They don't want to think that it could be them and their baby. I understand. I don't know if they do, but I do. Just once, I want them to care. Why is it ok for bad midwives to keep going?? Why is it ok for one midwife to continuously have babies dying on their watch?
This ties into my next rant. I was told that if I just chose it, I could heal. I think not having had a baby die, you have no right to tell a grieving mom this. Would you look at the mother of a murder victim and say "You can heal from this, just let it go"? Essentially, this is the same. A person has taken our child's life. There is NO healing from that. There is a new life you have grieving the child you loved facing a future without that child. Someone took my baby's life. She didn't just slip away due to SIDS or an anomaly or an illness. The person who took her life is still going about her business like my baby didn't matter. Nobody was willing to help fight for her, or us for that matter. This midwife got a free pass to keep on, like she has done FIVE other times. I shudder to think of the babies that have died since my daughter. Does anyone really wonder why I am angry and why it's impossible to do more than move forward with my life?? The more murderous midwives that are supported by advocates, the more women that are going to suffer like we have leading there to be an even larger voice. If you want us quiet, take the deaths of our babies seriously and insist upon change within the movement. Several women claimed that our stories made them cry, but if it really got to them, they would say "This isn't ok, this baby should not of died, we need to prevent these deaths from happening", but nobody ever thinks that or says it.
If it wasn't for the way I feel, I wouldn't be able to continue on in this fight, and believe me, fight I will. Those with passion are the ones who make a difference. How do you think these cancer research organizations started?? Should those survivors have just healed and moved on?? Look at organizations such as MADD, SHARE, Angels On Track, Cure Search, etc. They began because someone was affected by something and set out to change things. That's admirable. Would you of told these people to just heal and that by starting a movement they must not be healing and are angry? No. So, why are us women villified the way we are?? What is there to hate about women who WANT to see SAFE homebirth practices?
I hate that as soon as we start talking, no matter what we say or how nice it is said, we are full of hate and angry and attacking people. There were many hurtful things said, but in no way was I attacked because anyone had a differing viewpoint. I think all these women that hang out in these echo chambers should really broaden their horizons. Life isn't all about someone coddling us. We (Liz and I) had one woman actually completely block us once we started talking about our losses. Why can't they acknowledge or listen??
I really don't even know if I have a point here. I guess I just needed to vent about this. It just really bothers me. We have one psycho who screencaps stuff and completely twists it around to make us all seem just horrible. She even created a video laughing at homebirth loss moms and completely minimizing baby deaths. Really?? She is the one running around claiming that we are anti-everything. I did go to her little facebook fan page and she had taken a HIGH RISK mothers post and tried to make it seem like the mother thought all moms should have a c-section at 37 weeks with a NICU team there. Luckily, not all the commenters were as crazy as she is. People really tend to forget that so many of us really do practice and support the same things, just not in the same ways. We all support natural birth. However, we are more "Not all women should have to do it or be guilted into it and it's not all that". I guess you can say we don't push the militant crap. Not all of us support homebirth, but for those that do, they support CNM's because they do have real training and educations. We know CNM's are real medical professionals and not just some birth junky. We are supportive of doulas, just can't stand those who push their agenda, and several of us want to be doulas. One doula has been a target because she doesn't push natural birth. Isn't it good that a doula isn't pushing her agenda on a client??
I tell ya, I probably have more in common with these women that they realize. I probably am more AP than I care to admit. I've been at this parenting thing for 13 1/2 years and have been doing many of these things since before I knew it had a name. I never thought "Dang, I'm so awesome for doing this". I just always did what I did. I've been been out down and accused of being a formula feeding mother because I'm not all about breasts. I think these women would be in shock here. It's not hard to not be a shrew about your parenting style. Do what works and back off others. It's quite easy.
I'm going to jump off of here and snuggle with my sweetie. I probably didn't even make a point here, but I just needed to get stuff off my chest.
I poured my heart out on there. I talked about my daughter and had one woman who was hellbent on tearing my story apart. She had to know exactly what happened and what was the cause of death and the kicker was she couldn't place any blame on the midwife because it was quite possible my baby would of died had I used a different midwife or gone to the hospital.
There were several women who blamed homebirth loss moms for not doing their research and not listening to our instincts. Gotta love the blame they place on US and not the women who caused our babies deaths.
This leads me to wonder why it is so hard to admit that a midwife screwed up?? They claim we don't listen to them, yet, we are always met with the same condescending attitude. We are supposed to be anti-homebirth, anti-midwife, anti-ncb, anti-bf, pretty much anti-everything. I am so burnt out and just plain worn out from dealing with this all the time. These discussions are so personal, emotionally charged, and really do lead to me being hurt because most of these women seriously lack any compassion or empathy or sympathy or anything towards a homebirth loss mom. Had my daughter's death been caused by an OB or Nurse or Pediatrician in the hospital, these women would be at my side advocating and calling for this professionals head. BUT because it's a homebirth loss caused by a midwife, they really don't care and have to find some reason that it is our fault. Intellectually, I know that this is their way of trying to protect themselves. They don't want to think that it could be them and their baby. I understand. I don't know if they do, but I do. Just once, I want them to care. Why is it ok for bad midwives to keep going?? Why is it ok for one midwife to continuously have babies dying on their watch?
This ties into my next rant. I was told that if I just chose it, I could heal. I think not having had a baby die, you have no right to tell a grieving mom this. Would you look at the mother of a murder victim and say "You can heal from this, just let it go"? Essentially, this is the same. A person has taken our child's life. There is NO healing from that. There is a new life you have grieving the child you loved facing a future without that child. Someone took my baby's life. She didn't just slip away due to SIDS or an anomaly or an illness. The person who took her life is still going about her business like my baby didn't matter. Nobody was willing to help fight for her, or us for that matter. This midwife got a free pass to keep on, like she has done FIVE other times. I shudder to think of the babies that have died since my daughter. Does anyone really wonder why I am angry and why it's impossible to do more than move forward with my life?? The more murderous midwives that are supported by advocates, the more women that are going to suffer like we have leading there to be an even larger voice. If you want us quiet, take the deaths of our babies seriously and insist upon change within the movement. Several women claimed that our stories made them cry, but if it really got to them, they would say "This isn't ok, this baby should not of died, we need to prevent these deaths from happening", but nobody ever thinks that or says it.
If it wasn't for the way I feel, I wouldn't be able to continue on in this fight, and believe me, fight I will. Those with passion are the ones who make a difference. How do you think these cancer research organizations started?? Should those survivors have just healed and moved on?? Look at organizations such as MADD, SHARE, Angels On Track, Cure Search, etc. They began because someone was affected by something and set out to change things. That's admirable. Would you of told these people to just heal and that by starting a movement they must not be healing and are angry? No. So, why are us women villified the way we are?? What is there to hate about women who WANT to see SAFE homebirth practices?
I hate that as soon as we start talking, no matter what we say or how nice it is said, we are full of hate and angry and attacking people. There were many hurtful things said, but in no way was I attacked because anyone had a differing viewpoint. I think all these women that hang out in these echo chambers should really broaden their horizons. Life isn't all about someone coddling us. We (Liz and I) had one woman actually completely block us once we started talking about our losses. Why can't they acknowledge or listen??
I really don't even know if I have a point here. I guess I just needed to vent about this. It just really bothers me. We have one psycho who screencaps stuff and completely twists it around to make us all seem just horrible. She even created a video laughing at homebirth loss moms and completely minimizing baby deaths. Really?? She is the one running around claiming that we are anti-everything. I did go to her little facebook fan page and she had taken a HIGH RISK mothers post and tried to make it seem like the mother thought all moms should have a c-section at 37 weeks with a NICU team there. Luckily, not all the commenters were as crazy as she is. People really tend to forget that so many of us really do practice and support the same things, just not in the same ways. We all support natural birth. However, we are more "Not all women should have to do it or be guilted into it and it's not all that". I guess you can say we don't push the militant crap. Not all of us support homebirth, but for those that do, they support CNM's because they do have real training and educations. We know CNM's are real medical professionals and not just some birth junky. We are supportive of doulas, just can't stand those who push their agenda, and several of us want to be doulas. One doula has been a target because she doesn't push natural birth. Isn't it good that a doula isn't pushing her agenda on a client??
I tell ya, I probably have more in common with these women that they realize. I probably am more AP than I care to admit. I've been at this parenting thing for 13 1/2 years and have been doing many of these things since before I knew it had a name. I never thought "Dang, I'm so awesome for doing this". I just always did what I did. I've been been out down and accused of being a formula feeding mother because I'm not all about breasts. I think these women would be in shock here. It's not hard to not be a shrew about your parenting style. Do what works and back off others. It's quite easy.
I'm going to jump off of here and snuggle with my sweetie. I probably didn't even make a point here, but I just needed to get stuff off my chest.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The Raptors, what we are and what we aren't
I've recently been drug into drama created by a blogger who calls herself The Mom:Informed. I was a fan of hers on facebook because I enjoyed her posts and the discussions that went on on her wall. I also enjoyed her blog.
Since people choose to watch the open group Fed Up, they make snap judgements about us. They assume we stand for c-sections and formula for all. They also assume that because we do talk about things and do make jokes on the group that we are just horrible and spiteful and out for blood. They call us liars when we discuss the fact that we have/do the same things they do. This blogger, in particular, has written about us being Amy's minions. Yeah, I know I've addressed that multiple times!
So, I'm going to take this opportunity to discuss The Raptors. The name was a joke that stuck. I can't even tell you what was going on that we were up in arms over, so a joke was made about velociraptors and many of us changed our profile pictures to that dinosaur. Of course, this is when we were accused of hacking Birth Without Fear and threatening her/her family. What better chance to try and make us all look like crap than by copying names of all the women complete with links to their profiles due to them having a dinosaur as their profile picture. That was great! Thus, The Raptors were born!
We normally do NOT go trolling pages, at all. We have things we do enjoy talking about. Just like Natural Childbirth and Homebirth Advocates, we like talking about pregnancy and childbirth. We like talking about all aspects of parenting. However, we are not keen on the whole Natural Birth/Homebirth idolization. My Dear Friend writes the blog Birthing Pains. She just recently wrote a post about how people don't see death of a baby as a bad outcome. It rocked!! It relates to the discussion because many advocates don't see death of a baby as a bad thing. It's preferable to a c-section that could possibly prevent you from birthing in the future. IOW, sacrifice the baby you are carrying for ones you could possibly carry in the future. I have yet to see a mother be told "you are too high risk for homebirth". Risk factors are blown off all the time! The Brewer diet is a treatment for pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes doesn't exist, you don't make a baby too big to birth, babies come when they are ready, etc. This is all stuff that we say "Hey, this isn't accurate" and it gets us blacklisted!
We also try to address the sanctimommy stuff. Nothing drives us battier, I think. The breastfeeding browbeating of women gets old, very old. Women who formula feed for ANY reason deserve support. Over the years, I cannot tell you how much crap I have been given because I support and defend formula. I've been told that I have no idea about breastfeeding because I haven't done it and if I had ever experienced a breastfeeding relationship, I would shout it from the rooftops. What really trips me out about that kind of stuff is all of my living children have been breastfed. That's right, I have nursed 6 children, with most of them stopping around a year and half when I'm usually pregnant again (and, lol, since I can't get pregnant again, my youngest is still going at it). And yes, I've given formula too. A lot of the time, I don't want to tell people I breastfeed because I don't want someone to think "Oh, she's one of those". Women shouldn't be treated like crap because they aren't doing what another mom thinks they should. While I was on TM:I's facebook page, I saw a woman post complaining because she kept trying to "educate" her friend about different parenting practices and her friend just wasn't listening. That is the kind of woman that we deal with regularly!
Yes, some bloggers have been talked about. Generally, this is because dangerous ideals have been promoted and dissension silenced. Course, people like Dr Momma, she's easy to chuckle over because of her sanctimommy behavior and fake DR credential. How many other bloggers create business cards that they have followers buy and place in products in stores to promote their agenda?? It's also the only place I've ever seen that totally trashes fathers!
I know that people target ALL members of our group, even those who are amongst them that aren't as hardcore. My friend above has been treated horribly just for daring to be friends with any of us. It's guilt by association, no matter what you do or stand for. Like friends, yes, we do like some of the same pages. It's where one person joins and you're like "Hey, sounds interesting" and check it out. Just because there are a few of us in one place doesn't mean we are out to get anybody. The paranoia displayed is amazing, but with TM:I, pretty good publicity stunt! We see those a lot and they do get talked and laughed about. Several times bloggers have said they are taking breaks and accusations against us start flying (although there has never been proof of anything!). This is how our screencap thing began. We were tired of saying something, having it erased, and being accused of saying something different. So, we would screencap what we said to pretty much cover our asses. Now, caps can be done to show what people say. Heck, I use them in my own family, to be honest. Now, if we think a thread or comment will poof, we get a cap of it, just in case. Caps are also used as discussion topics or "OMG, this person is insane" or "OMG, people actually say/think this".
The Raptors are actually a fun loving group. Those who have taken the time and effort to get to know us know that. We gush about our kids and our spouses and jobs. We share sorrows. The babies lost aren't just soandso's kid. These are babies we all care about. We have cried with our friends who have been hurt. When I had Amber write Paying for Perfection, I cried like a damn baby when I read it. I see how women are treated and it hurts me. It hurts us all. Really, as long as you try to make us into something we aren't, you will not be able to see us for who we really are because your judgement is clouding your thoughts. We try and tell people that we really do parent like they do and due to their preconceived notions about us, it doesn't sink in (newest is accusing us of letting our babies CIO and our guilt over it though I can't think of a single one of us who has done that).
We can show you that you don't have to be a sanctimonious bitch about parenting choices. We can also show that there is a place for science in parenting choices. We can also teach women that it is ok to have epidurals and ultrasounds and inductions and c-sections. We don't want women feeling bad for not holding themselves to a certain standard set forth by the natural community. How many women say "I had a c-section" and are automatically told how it could of been avoided or told how other women grieving her loss. C'mon. When someone has a baby, what is so hard about saying "Congratulations"??? Why does it have to be "I'm sorry for your c-section", "Congrats on your vbac", "Congrats on your homebirth", etc, etc, etc. I have pushed 7 children out of my body, SEVEN. 3 hospital birth with epidurals, 2 unmedicated hospital birth, 2 homebirths and I can confidently say "It doesn't freaking matter how a baby is born" It is the getting a baby here alive and healthy that matters!!! You can look at my children and you couldn't tell me which ones were born or fed in any particular way.
Yes, we can be snarky as hell. I won't deny that and neither will the rest of the women, though some of our friends are more softspoken and sweet. We WILL keep battling with people until they stop promoting dangerous ideas and behaving like sanctimonious bitches. I see some women talking about unification and support of mothers, but I really see NO effort made. I think it's more a "birth, feed, and parent how I tell you so you can be worthy of my attention" kind of thing. Seriously, when your insults are "you must formula feed and make your baby cio", you are showing women that you think these are bad things and creating a nice little divide there. You know any level headed mom who FF's is going to see that "insult" thrown out there and think "Well, F you". The only unification that you will promote will be women just like you. Funny enough, us ladies all birth and parent in different ways and are the closest friends ever. It's because we don't put one another's choices down. We support eachother in everything we do. That is being united. If that means people dog me while thinking I am a FF mother like my friends, I'm fine with it! I see a bunch of happy and healthy kids who are loved, which is what we all should be striving for to begin with. Course, thanks to dangerous ideals, supporting of negligence, support of crappy midwives, and nobody wanting rules or regulations or standards, there are some unhealthy kids thrown in there and some missing ones too. You would think mothers wouldn't want to see their peers burying their brand new babies, but lots of mothers are selfish that way, after all look at all the anti-vaxers out there, dead babies and kids are no big deal as long as it's not your own!
Since people choose to watch the open group Fed Up, they make snap judgements about us. They assume we stand for c-sections and formula for all. They also assume that because we do talk about things and do make jokes on the group that we are just horrible and spiteful and out for blood. They call us liars when we discuss the fact that we have/do the same things they do. This blogger, in particular, has written about us being Amy's minions. Yeah, I know I've addressed that multiple times!
So, I'm going to take this opportunity to discuss The Raptors. The name was a joke that stuck. I can't even tell you what was going on that we were up in arms over, so a joke was made about velociraptors and many of us changed our profile pictures to that dinosaur. Of course, this is when we were accused of hacking Birth Without Fear and threatening her/her family. What better chance to try and make us all look like crap than by copying names of all the women complete with links to their profiles due to them having a dinosaur as their profile picture. That was great! Thus, The Raptors were born!
We normally do NOT go trolling pages, at all. We have things we do enjoy talking about. Just like Natural Childbirth and Homebirth Advocates, we like talking about pregnancy and childbirth. We like talking about all aspects of parenting. However, we are not keen on the whole Natural Birth/Homebirth idolization. My Dear Friend writes the blog Birthing Pains. She just recently wrote a post about how people don't see death of a baby as a bad outcome. It rocked!! It relates to the discussion because many advocates don't see death of a baby as a bad thing. It's preferable to a c-section that could possibly prevent you from birthing in the future. IOW, sacrifice the baby you are carrying for ones you could possibly carry in the future. I have yet to see a mother be told "you are too high risk for homebirth". Risk factors are blown off all the time! The Brewer diet is a treatment for pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes doesn't exist, you don't make a baby too big to birth, babies come when they are ready, etc. This is all stuff that we say "Hey, this isn't accurate" and it gets us blacklisted!
We also try to address the sanctimommy stuff. Nothing drives us battier, I think. The breastfeeding browbeating of women gets old, very old. Women who formula feed for ANY reason deserve support. Over the years, I cannot tell you how much crap I have been given because I support and defend formula. I've been told that I have no idea about breastfeeding because I haven't done it and if I had ever experienced a breastfeeding relationship, I would shout it from the rooftops. What really trips me out about that kind of stuff is all of my living children have been breastfed. That's right, I have nursed 6 children, with most of them stopping around a year and half when I'm usually pregnant again (and, lol, since I can't get pregnant again, my youngest is still going at it). And yes, I've given formula too. A lot of the time, I don't want to tell people I breastfeed because I don't want someone to think "Oh, she's one of those". Women shouldn't be treated like crap because they aren't doing what another mom thinks they should. While I was on TM:I's facebook page, I saw a woman post complaining because she kept trying to "educate" her friend about different parenting practices and her friend just wasn't listening. That is the kind of woman that we deal with regularly!
Yes, some bloggers have been talked about. Generally, this is because dangerous ideals have been promoted and dissension silenced. Course, people like Dr Momma, she's easy to chuckle over because of her sanctimommy behavior and fake DR credential. How many other bloggers create business cards that they have followers buy and place in products in stores to promote their agenda?? It's also the only place I've ever seen that totally trashes fathers!
I know that people target ALL members of our group, even those who are amongst them that aren't as hardcore. My friend above has been treated horribly just for daring to be friends with any of us. It's guilt by association, no matter what you do or stand for. Like friends, yes, we do like some of the same pages. It's where one person joins and you're like "Hey, sounds interesting" and check it out. Just because there are a few of us in one place doesn't mean we are out to get anybody. The paranoia displayed is amazing, but with TM:I, pretty good publicity stunt! We see those a lot and they do get talked and laughed about. Several times bloggers have said they are taking breaks and accusations against us start flying (although there has never been proof of anything!). This is how our screencap thing began. We were tired of saying something, having it erased, and being accused of saying something different. So, we would screencap what we said to pretty much cover our asses. Now, caps can be done to show what people say. Heck, I use them in my own family, to be honest. Now, if we think a thread or comment will poof, we get a cap of it, just in case. Caps are also used as discussion topics or "OMG, this person is insane" or "OMG, people actually say/think this".
The Raptors are actually a fun loving group. Those who have taken the time and effort to get to know us know that. We gush about our kids and our spouses and jobs. We share sorrows. The babies lost aren't just soandso's kid. These are babies we all care about. We have cried with our friends who have been hurt. When I had Amber write Paying for Perfection, I cried like a damn baby when I read it. I see how women are treated and it hurts me. It hurts us all. Really, as long as you try to make us into something we aren't, you will not be able to see us for who we really are because your judgement is clouding your thoughts. We try and tell people that we really do parent like they do and due to their preconceived notions about us, it doesn't sink in (newest is accusing us of letting our babies CIO and our guilt over it though I can't think of a single one of us who has done that).
We can show you that you don't have to be a sanctimonious bitch about parenting choices. We can also show that there is a place for science in parenting choices. We can also teach women that it is ok to have epidurals and ultrasounds and inductions and c-sections. We don't want women feeling bad for not holding themselves to a certain standard set forth by the natural community. How many women say "I had a c-section" and are automatically told how it could of been avoided or told how other women grieving her loss. C'mon. When someone has a baby, what is so hard about saying "Congratulations"??? Why does it have to be "I'm sorry for your c-section", "Congrats on your vbac", "Congrats on your homebirth", etc, etc, etc. I have pushed 7 children out of my body, SEVEN. 3 hospital birth with epidurals, 2 unmedicated hospital birth, 2 homebirths and I can confidently say "It doesn't freaking matter how a baby is born" It is the getting a baby here alive and healthy that matters!!! You can look at my children and you couldn't tell me which ones were born or fed in any particular way.
Yes, we can be snarky as hell. I won't deny that and neither will the rest of the women, though some of our friends are more softspoken and sweet. We WILL keep battling with people until they stop promoting dangerous ideas and behaving like sanctimonious bitches. I see some women talking about unification and support of mothers, but I really see NO effort made. I think it's more a "birth, feed, and parent how I tell you so you can be worthy of my attention" kind of thing. Seriously, when your insults are "you must formula feed and make your baby cio", you are showing women that you think these are bad things and creating a nice little divide there. You know any level headed mom who FF's is going to see that "insult" thrown out there and think "Well, F you". The only unification that you will promote will be women just like you. Funny enough, us ladies all birth and parent in different ways and are the closest friends ever. It's because we don't put one another's choices down. We support eachother in everything we do. That is being united. If that means people dog me while thinking I am a FF mother like my friends, I'm fine with it! I see a bunch of happy and healthy kids who are loved, which is what we all should be striving for to begin with. Course, thanks to dangerous ideals, supporting of negligence, support of crappy midwives, and nobody wanting rules or regulations or standards, there are some unhealthy kids thrown in there and some missing ones too. You would think mothers wouldn't want to see their peers burying their brand new babies, but lots of mothers are selfish that way, after all look at all the anti-vaxers out there, dead babies and kids are no big deal as long as it's not your own!
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