Those that know about tides know that the moon's pull dictates high and low tides. I view life from this standpoint. We all have outside forces that change our own personal tides, whether these are familial, employment based, or even spiritual. Life doesn't stay the same, it's an evolving process changing who you are all the time, depending upon the factors that are tugging against your very soul.
A few years ago, I spoke of milestones and memories that we never experienced with Mary Beth. This list continues to grow, but, as a family, we're continuously including her in our lives so that she may be here with us, even if it's in spirit. Last week marked twelve years and that grief, it's still there, but it's different. My heart still hurts and it's embedded into the very core of who I am, but this isn't just who I am anymore. It no longer defines me.
I miss writing here as there's so much to cover, but, it feels foreign to really discuss anything other than my daughter. However, in going with life changes, this space is going to be evolving to match the life I have now. Mary Beth is not my only child, she just happened to be the one that had such a profound impact on who I've become. In losing her, I became a new person with a new normal. I wish this wasn't how it happened, but, life has a way of shaping you into who you're meant to be and placing you where it wants you.
In my new life, I have three adult children, two of whom are married. My oldest daughter and her husband are now expecting their first child, after battling with infertility. I have three minor children that are still at home. We still say that our youngest was a gift from her sister as her personality is so much larger than even she is. My circle, it's tiny, and I like it that way. I am no longer close to my family of origin. The family I created is my priority, above all else.
My daughter taught me that life is short and to enjoy every moment with the people you love who love you back. And family, however you define it, that's what really makes life worth living.
