Common homebirth advocate reactions

When a mother shares her story of loss or injury, she is met with animosity. In order for these people to make us look like complete idiots, to put it bluntly, they have to make comments. Below are the most common ones and my rebuttals::

1. Your baby would of died in the hospital too.
Unless my child had a fatal anomaly, no they wouldn't of. Hospitals have ways of monitoring so they would of known something was wrong. Knowing something was wrong, they could of given a c-section if the signs showed up during labor. If baby was born and in trouble, doctors and nurses could of addressed it immediately. They have life-saving equipment and NICU's.

2. You should of researched your midwife better.
When a midwife comes highly recommended by trustworthy friends, you believe them. They generally are not going to be honest and say "Yeah, I've caused a few deaths, but yours should be ok". Does anybody know exactly who tracks a midwife's record?? Oh, that's right, NOBODY! So, exactly how are we suppose to know?? We don't have women calling us for references, so you know new clients aren't being told about us! The only way we can connect with prospective clients is if we see a woman asking for midwife recommendations in our area or asking if anyone has worked with this midwife.

3. You should of known something was wrong.
When you have a midwife, you choose to work with her because you trust her. So, when she is telling you that everything is fine, you trust and believe in her. If you didn't, you wouldn't of hired her to begin with. She is suppose to be a medical professional who can pick up any potential complications. Didn't she tell you how she handles various emergencies?? Yeah, enough said.

4. Why aren't you advocating for better hospitals/doctors?
A DR or hospital played no part in my loss. An under-qualified, under-educated, uninsured midwife did in my home. Why aren't those who bitch about horrible doctors and hospitals advocating for better doctors and hospitals?? We are asking for midwives to actually get actual nursing degrees. This means going to college and getting a better education. This means making yourself eligible to carry insurance. If a plumber or contractor has to be insured, why doesn't a midwife? These other professions are dealing with a house. Midwives are dealing with LIVES. Lives are irreplaceable! If you know more than doctors, you should have a very easy time getting a degree!! Let's face it, anybody can decide they want to be a midwife or take a course to get a midwife certification! So, exactly what are homebirth advocates advocating for??

5. I fail to see how homebirth led to this.
Death at home, death due to not receiving specialized medical care is exactly how homebirth led to this. Is there an OR in our house?? No, I don't think any of us have one of those!

6. This was because of a negligent midwife, not homebirth.
Again, had we not chosen to birth at home, we wouldn't of hired the midwife we did. Yes, she was negligent. However, again, this was a choice we made to have our child at home.


Now, I question why the mothers who speak out are vilified like we are. Would it make people happy if we sulked away and shut our mouths so we don't tarnish the romanticized image of "safer than hospital" birth?? If a mom has a hospital birth and her baby dies (these are mainly due to health related issues), she has unending support from everyone. So, why is it different with homebirth loss moms? Somehow it has to be our fault. It's not though. We chose providers who ultimately failed us and our children. If anything, homebirth advocates should be pissed that midwives are causing this kind of damage, walking away, and continuing to practice. These sub-par individuals are the ones making homebirth look bad, not us. Actually, homebirth advocates and their hatred towards us mothers are doing almost as good as midwives are in making it look bad! Why?? The attitudes towards loss moms, the hiding of real stories, and the hiding of statistics. You are doing a fantastic job preventing mothers from feeling safe enough to share their stories of loss. There are real women, real babies, and real families being affected here, so why don't you care?? Because we might take away "your options"?? What about our options? Wait, it's too late for us and our babies to have options, thank you homebirth advocates. Ignoring homebirth deaths isn't going to make them go away. Sub-par midwives won't make homebirth safe. It's time to place blame where it really belongs, on the shoulders of midwives across this country.