Happy Mothers Day- I forgive you

It is my gift to you after having spent much time pouring over Mother's Day card after Mother's Day card - helping the kids pick one out for you - and realizing that none of them express anything remotely close to those events that have transpired between us.

We racked our brains to think of the perfect gift for you... but what do you need? What do you want? What would even be meaningful, or enough, to you? Is there anything that would ultimately change you, them, us, for the better? Is there anything that truly fits this Mother's Day, for you, at this moment in time?

Forgiveness.

As I worked through the jaded feelings recollecting all the things that were never said, never done, never offered up on any Father's Day, birthdays, or holidays in between, I realized that what we both need more than anything is for me to let it go. And forgive.

You are not the perfect Mom. Or wife. I cannot muster up the strength to lie to you, nor am I sure it would do anyone any good. So instead, I will be honest.

I forgive you for the tiny white lies you told when we were dating many years ago - things I never learned the truth about until much, much later - at a time when you told me that it no longer mattered what you said "back then."

I forgive you for being angry at me for working so much that I couldn't help plan a wedding, for raising my hopes up high that maybe in two years... or three years... I wouldn't have to work like a dog. That things would coincide with your mothering and my business travels to plan out one very special day just for us. I forgive you for lying to me when you said "weddings don't mean anything" and "you're too strong of a woman to need something fairy-talish like that" because now, all these years later, you are resentful towards me for it.

I forgive you for expecting me to spend thousands on a ring, that truly isn't important.

I forgive you for resenting me for having to work to support our growing family.

I forgive you for throwing it in my face that we needed to move to a new area for my work. I would of loved to stay put and help raise our child.

I forgive you for acting like I couldn't change a diaper. All the newborn baby nights you said you didn't want or need my help and told me to sleep. All the work I had to do leading to me missing prenatal appointments, and lactation consulting, and doctors trips, but at least we had money for them.

I forgive you for getting angry that I couldn't participate in bedtime routines every single night. I forgive you for telling me I wasn't brushing their teeth right or reading the right story.

I Thank you for handling dinner, dishes, and the laundry while I work every day. I forgive you for not showing any appreciation towards how hard I work to provide the clothing and food in this house.

I forgive you for the kids' heartbreak when on the weekend they looked for me in the wee hours of the morning after you had repeatedly gotten their hopes up that I would be home.

I forgive you for blaming me for your lack of initiative in taking care of yourself. I forgive you for not utilizing the expensive baby carrying devices we have purchased.

I forgive you for not liking what I cook and putting me down because you don't think it's nutritious enough. When I stop off for fast food, I'm not doing it because I'm an idiot. I do it because I love you and don't want you to feel like you have to cook nor do I want to hear you criticize my cooking.

I forgive you for all the times you have held it against me that we couldn't do something. For all the times you harped and nagged wanting me to fix something in the miniscule amount of free time that I have. For all the times you wouldn't accept that we didn't have money to hire people to take care of everything you wanted.

I forgive you for never really listening. Even when I ask you to. Even when I repeat what is important.

I forgive you for the times your have picked fights with relatives and caused discord between us all.

I forgive you for blaming me, and me alone.

I forgive you for your change in admiration. The negative twist you placed on your body when I reassured you that you were beautiful. How you pushed me away so our child could breastfeed and co-sleep. I forgive you for not being able to see that not listening or respecting my concerns can hurt a marriage.

I forgive you for the loneliness that is so, so much more intense in an unhealthy marriage with the dream that maybe someday... I forgive you for the hope that doesn't often seem to show itself around here.

I forgive you for the days you've griped about needing time to unwind, but laid out rules you expected me to follow on where our kids can go, what they can do, and what they can eat completely taking the fun out of time that we have together.

I forgive you for the many "family" trips you were so impatient for that you decided to leave me behind.

I forgive you for the emotional and physical neglect. For treating me like a child. For teaching our kids that I am only good for sperm and money.

I do not know what is to come, and there are those who I am certain say I am a fool for giving you yet another chance. But you are not a violent woman. You do not mean to hurt us. In fact, you appear as a pretty typical mom and wife to most looking on. You are an average American mother... and maybe for that, I must forgive you too. And let go of those fairy-tale expectations of an equal partner and best friend for life.

So on this Mother's Day, as I try to occupy our kids and plan a nice day for what will surely not be the last time, I forgive you. And myself. Please do the best you can at being the greatest parent and partner you can be, and I promise to do the same. Hopefully, we will meet somewhere in the middle, and our kids will know that they are loved just as much every moment, of every day, as they are on this Mother's Day with you and hopefully we can show them what a healthy relationship can look like.

This is a rebuttal of something posted on Peaceful Parenting. Many women cheered and many of us cringed, so I did this up to show just how negative it truly is. The original was posted by a woman for Father's Day.