At 17 years old, I did my best to have a natural birth. Nurses helped me immensely. However, the labor was very long and I couldn't do it anymore. I was determined to breastfeed and did. My son co-slept. I tried cloth, but not having a washer or dryer cinched that one. He was supplemented around 6 months. Still breastfed to 16/17 months. Next baby- Natural birth (in the hospital), co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth, formula supplement at 9 months, still nursed to 18/19 . Next baby- natural hospital birth (had begun researching homebirth with this one), breastfed to 3 months, co-slept. Are you seeing anything here??
I lamented the epidural I had with my oldest and blamed the hospital/nurses for the epidural I felt that I was "forced into" with my fourth. I kicked myself for allowing pitocin with that first labor. I hated that I had had my boys circumsized. I was a non-vaxer. My children were even homeschooled for a bit. I had one awesome homebirth and eagerly awaited my second one. While she was alive, I was proud of myself because I did it!! Are you seeing anything here??
I'm sure you are wondering why I keep asking "are you seeing anything here?". I am asking this question because I want you to see that I was JUST like the rest of the Natural mommy/NCB/homebirthing crowd. I was probably practicing the AP/Natural mommy things when most of the zealous women were children themselves.
So, ladies, when you are putting me down or bashing me, keep in mind that I've been there. You don't have any special knowledge that I never had. Your behavior and attitudes are the same ones I had in my crunchy days. There are no differences between us, except that I've since buried my baby girl and changed my mind about the militant natural mothering behaviors. My blinders were ripped off. Had I not had the experience I did, I would probably be on the same blogs/pages that you are! I wouldn't be so horrible then, now would I??
4 comments:
I can totally relate to this. I used to be very crunchy too - and am still actually very crunchy (organic foods, don't like plastic, recycle everything to the point of obsessive, etc). I'm definitely a modern day hippie. BUT not when it hurts people, especially my own child. Luckily, I got schooled in the dangers of home birth before I had my daughter and my worst experience was my mom wasting $500 on a nasty doula who fought with a nurse over whether or not I needed a life-saving intervention and we ended up kicking her out of the room. So, I was really lucky and my daughter was saved my the great OB surgeon and doctors in NICU and is very healthy now.
I'm not even remotely as publicly vocal as you are about the dangers of HB, but in my social circle my fellow crunchy friends are horrified by my insistence that HB is dangerous. Strangers tend to think I just have no idea and am not educated in what it means to be "crunchy". They roll their eyes about how "if only I knew" or "if only I weren't brainwashed by "the man"
Also, my idea of AP parenting is to meet my daughter's needs and one of those was even as an infant she didn't sleep well in bed with me and preferred her crib. Despite that I got lots of crap from my AP Mommy friends. Like I wasn't sufficiently forcing my daughter to be the perfect AP baby! If I let her sleep where she liked and it wasn't in my bed I must be doing something wrong!
I was sad to learn that movements for "natural" things turned out to be as militant as the mainstream I thought I was rebelling against. There are still things in the mainstream I rebel against (Cartoon Network, crappy snack food, etc) but good medical doctors and meeting my child's needs - her individual, unique needs - are not one of them. I don't need to be "cool" or "the best AP Mommy ever" to my peers over being a good parent.
I think I love you, lol!! I think 99% of parents are perfect at tending to their child's needs and they don't have to subscribe to the strict AP "rules"in order to be. I've always just done my own things when it comes tp parenting. It is what works. I don't care for militant people and it's why I rarely share that I breastfeed. Now, some crappy snack foods totally rock (gummy bears and moon pies)!
Ok! Ok! I'm not saying we don't eat crappy snack food once in awhile! And we get McDonalds about twice a month (and my daughter even gets the fries instead of the apples ... aaaack!) I TRY to be really good about organic and eating healthy but like everything else I"m too lazy to be militant! :)
First and foremost, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I won't even pretend to have any inkling how you feel. The closest I've come is a couple of miscarriages which doesn't even touch your loss.
I'm fairly crunchy and I'm very pro-natural birth but I'm also pro-educating yourself and making the choices that seem right to/for you.
You wanted a natural birth but wound up "giving in" (see how I put that in quotes?) to the epidural? Go, you! You tried what you wanted, it didn't work, you adapted. Yay! :) I would never dream of telling someone that they were horrible for not doing things the way I did them. I encourage women to learn fully about their choices - assuming there is time to do so - but, again, if it feels the right thing to do, then do it.
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