As a critic, I feel I need to address this post.
A. I would venture to guess that your critics have somehow been harmed by the NCB Movement in some way. Some of us end up with dead babies. Some end up depressed because they are repeatedly told their c-sections/inductions were unnecessary. Some moms try so hard to do everything natural and when that doesn't happen, they end up with PPD. Real women have been hurt. Again, I am going to use my friend, a grieving mom, who just told someone postdates increases the risk of stillbirth and that person ranted and raved about her for months, to the point of making all sorts of allegations about this mom (ie mental health status to death threats). When you are not in the NCB camp, you ARE mistreated. If those in the movement cannot handle the anger that some of us carry, perhaps they need to look at the role they have played in that anger. How have they added on to the pain these women are already feeling?? Me, I am angry and won't deny that. Why?? Browse through my comments. Watch various homebirth groups/boards. Any mother with a homebirth loss is blamed while advocates rally around the midwives causing these deaths. The mommy blame is thick and it infuriates me like nothing else! It's not bad enough that we will blame ourselves everyday, but advocates want to heap the blame on us until we are brought to our knees. If you really think our anger is somehow unsubstantiated, you may want to look around you!
B. Please remember that some of us were in your ranks at one point in time. Some women still go to the chiropracter, they just don't buy that they are good for anything more than helping with back pain. Some do believe in homebirth, just with midwives who have real educations and training. Some have nothing against natural birth aside from the sanctimonious attitudes most of these women have. I've had women brag to me and have that whole "high and mighty" attitude because they've had two drug free deliveries or they've had a homebirth. Welp, that opens the door for me to say- BTDT Sister and I'm not all that because I did it. It's not a reason to brag. Birth has been happening for however long the earth has existed, so it really is just a biological function. We know that labor and birth are more than just surges and it does hurt. When we see the posted videos, the women are not just "vocalizing", they are in pain. We do think you are risking lives by not vaccinating your children and science actually backs that up, Herbs are good. A good money-making ploy. We find unassisted birth to be foolhardy, at best.
C. We don't say we don't take issue with inductions or c-sections. We just don't view them as birth rape. I would rather a baby be born by c-section if there is a chance something is amiss during the labor than wait for the heart tones to be lost to prove genuine distress or danger or a dead baby. I've seen it said repeatedly that if baby was born healthy, a c-section wasn't needed. Really?? What happens when you wait?? Brain damage and/or death and maybe a healthy baby, maybe. Some of us also don't view c-section as worse than the death of a baby. You extrapolate risks so every woman that goes in there thinks she or her baby will die or be maimed. You get mad at us for stating risks, real scientific risks, when you do your best to scare the hell out of women about doctors and hospitals. They think if they walk in, the scalpel weilding doctor will do his best to gut her like a deer. That isn't remotely accurate. You tell women that inductions are unneccessary and the doctor will just use pitocin to stress baby out so they can gut her. I've seen BOBB and I know what it says and this MYTH is perpetuated by NCB Advocates! You get angry when anecdotal stories are pulled out, yet are the first to say YOUR anecdotes are fact.
D. I love seeing that you admit that we do speak the truth. We know how we come across and for some of us, it's a persona. Among those who actually know me, I can be serious, but I also love cutting up and having fun and joking around. Sometimes I let myself show through so you can see who that person is. When I post and I sound angry, it's generally because something has been said or done that has really ticked me off. I refuse to coddle a bunch of whiny and weak women.
E. You talk about birth in the old days and how joyous women would walk in holding their babies while others laid in bed wistful of the experiencing they were just robbed of and that right there shows where you are trying to go with this. You want natural birth to be revered all over and to "triumph" because YOU think it's right. We, see nothing wonderful about birth and don't hold it up on a pedestool or have it as an idol. Birth is just birth, a way to get baby out. How a woman gives birth really has no bearing on anything, unless you continuously tell her how she was birth raped or had an unnecesarean or why she should be miserable or how she screwed up. Depression WILL impact the very early parenting days or months. When your kid is a teenager, they are going to be like every other teenager out there and you'll be ready to scream some days like every other parent of a teen. No teacher can tell if you gave your kid a natural birth or if they were a c-section baby or if they were breastfed or if they were formula fed.
What's more important, the wedding of your dreams or the perfect marriage?? If all you are worried about is the perfect wedding and do no prepwork or planning for the marriage, you are screwed. If you plan for the marriage and do all the prepwork and end up at the justice of the peace for a little wedding, you're golden!
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10 comments:
Great post! There are so many good points, I don't even know where to start.
Thank you!
I love the wedding analogy, and also your point about how we are born and how that may not have as big as an influence on the rest of our lives as some moms think. I think a lot of people in the NCB community forget to acknowledge that the baby being born is an actual person.
Great post, thank you. I especially liked your points about c-sections. I just had my first c/s (4th baby) and the whole thing was so far from the terrible tragedy that NCBers make it out to be it's not even funny. If I have any regrets about it at all it's that I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy feeling fearful and inadequate. It's so ridiculous to me now!
The wedding analogy is very apt. I am one of the moms who tried for a homebirth, ended up with a c section and felt horribly depressed about it, for months - that should have been happy! Good post.
Christina, I am glad your C-section was not traumatic for you. My last C-section was also a very good experience for me. However, my very first birth experience which ended in a C-section was very traumatic and I did feel that some of the care I received bordered on abusive - both from the physician and nursing staff. There's a reason the NCB movement has grown. By discounting the trauma of other women you are just as guilt as the NCBers who minimalize your experiences
I should have been clear that it wasn't a tragedy for ME. I didn't mean to discount the experiences of others. Having had a traumatic birth experience I would never intentionally trivialize what another mother has been through. I was just trying to say that because of some of the things I had heard about c-sections (often from women who hadn't even experienced one) I spent several weeks feeling fearful and distraught. I wish I'd had one friend tell me it was going to be okay instead of giving me bad advice or treating me with pity. That's all.
Love this post.
Another gem of a post Bambi!!
Great, great post Bambi! I think you've articulated very way the way many of us feel.
"There's a reason the NCB movement has grown. By discounting the trauma of other women you are just as guilt as the NCBers who minimalize your experiences" I agree with this in part, there were good reasons for the NCB movement, however, it has taken on a purpose that it shouldn't have. It is now cruel and used as a weapon against women who cannot or choose not to have natural childbirth. I constantly see women counseled to ignore their OB's advice. I've read that pre-e can ALWAYS be treated with diet and rest, that gestational diabetes is a made up condition, that someone's friend of friend gave birth with previa and was just fine. That group b strep can be treated by shoving garlic inside the vagina. Babies are dying because women are told that all they need to do is trust birth. And these stories are being deleted and censored so no one sees how deadly this advice really is. The NCB movement has gone too far and is now a potential danger to mothers, fathers, and children. Reform is needed in both the hospitals and the homebirths. I believe that some women are victims of patient abuse in the hospitals, but I do not think that taking birth home is the right thing in every case and for every woman. There must be some middle ground.
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