I don't quite know how to say this without coming off rude, but I'm going to try.
As a grieving mother, I can't help but see things from my selfish perspective. I see women lamenting over these less than perfect births (sometimes only drawing this conclusion after the Ncb camp has worked their magic). These mothers grieve hard over their birth. I rarely see anyone telling mom to get therapy to deal with her issues. No, instead the answer is ICAN or having another baby to get it right. I see coddling like you wouldn't believe. This grief is carried on and on to where even birthdays make mom sad.
Here is where I'm at. I want to cry when I read this stuff. Its not because I feel so bad for mom. No. Its because she has no idea that I want what she has. I wish I could sit here whining about what I think was an unnecessary c-section. I would trade an experience for a healthy living baby a thousand times over. You get to celebrate your child's life at each birthday and watch them blow out candles. I light candles on a headstone. You get a real celebration with your child. I get a celebration of my child. Picnic and balloon release in the cemetery. You get to watch your child grow every year. I get to watch plants grow.
Maybe, just maybe, these moms need to step back and see things from another perspective. Heck, how many women don't even get the chance to have a baby or continuously lose them due to infertility issues? I know some people say that there isn't hierarchy in grief, but, in my mind, there is. I do feel that we have it worse than someone who didn't get an experience. We didn't get the most important part of our experience. Trade ya.
3 comments:
Couldn't agree more, so perfectly put.
I too am a grieving other. My son would have been 20 years old this year. I grieve for him and what might have been. He lived for just 40 minutes. But I am a whole person and have had a wonderful life despite this awful event. A not insignificant reason for this is because my son's birth was a good birth and a happy event despite the outcome. Birth is not about having a healthy baby, it is about an event that celebrates that event, whether that results in birth or death. It is important for women that they have the birth that they want and desire. A bad birth experience with a live baby is no different than a good birth with a live baby...believe me
I can't click "like" because I have a soul, but I will say I could not possibly agree more. I'm one of the moms who have been told I had a bad birth experience but I see the lies for what they are. I have two beautiful children. My birth experiences were PERFECT. Much love to you.
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