I normally don't write a lot because I usually need quite a bit of motivation. With today being friday, it's been a lazy day. I've watched the younger two girls play, played with them, made food, and took Ireland on a million trips to the potty (with no accidents). Course, I got to sit down and just read. As I was reading Dr. Amy's latest entry, there was a link provided to a message board where a mother shared her story of trying to labor then suddenly being rushed to the OR only to be administered general and sectioned without her consent. Her and the baby both ended up fine.
There are so many things that do not sit well with me here. Bear with me.
1. People are encouraging her to call the police to report this. Yet, when a homebirth goes south and a midwife screws up and a baby ends up dead, they want the police to leave the midwife alone!
2. People are yelling for this woman to sue. Yet, they support midwives being untouchable and don't believe they should be sued. They also scream that people need to stop filing lawsuits because they drive up medical costs.
3. This mother is seriously supported. Yet, they are the first ones to cast stones at mothers who lose babies due to negligent midwives.
4. This mom is encouraged to go to the media and share her story. Yet, those of us harmed by midwives need to just go hide under a rock.
5. They use this ONE story to tell women that this happens daily in hospitals across the USA. Yet, if we (yes, WE) warn, we are accussed of fear-mongering and they deny that midwives are negligent.
6. All those involved in this woman's care should lose their licenses. Yet, midwives shouldn't. Again, this woman's child is ALIVE, while our babies are all DEAD.
7. All medical personnel change your women's records so the real reasons for c-section seem legitimate. Yet, if we state our records were changed, nobody believes us.
8. It is a huge deal that she lost her birth. Yet, no biggie that we lost our children.
It really bothers me that women will latch onto something like this but not care about what women like me or Liz or Erin have been through. They take this and run, but our stories need to be silenced. Is it just me or is there something seriously lacking in these ladies priorities. I do know how many of these women behave because they are the same ones who would give me crap over what happened to me. Interesting, isn't it??
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5 comments:
I am on the computer a lot today, so I will post another comment! It bothers me that your voice and others are silenced. I believe that the prevailing notion among most people is that, "If you decided to go away from the mainstream, then you have no one to blame but yourself" Which is total nonsense. Unfortunately, this happens all the time even in non birth situations. I have been told that my pregnancy losses are my fault because ,"I should know better". I have gone against mainstream and tried to have too many kids and my luck will run out sooner or later or because I am over 40 I should know better.
The fact is no one is comfortable about baby loss-especially one that falls out of the parameters of what they consider to be a "normal/mainstream" baby experience. It's human (fallen) nature to want to blame something for these tragedies and of course the mother is a perfect scapegoat!(remember even autism was once blamed on bad parenting)
I am rambling now and I am sorry. But, I guess what I am trying to say is that unfortunately your message will fall on deaf ears in the bigger community of people, but hopefully it will get out to those mothers who need to hear all sides to make the correct choices. I feel for you and your loss not once, but over and over again when you have to recount it in order to get the truth out.
The really sad thing is that these are people who fall into the more crunchy aspects. They encourage midwives and homebirth. It has nothing to do wiyh it falling outside of the "normal" range.
this was a great and unfortunately true post bambi
The hypocrisy is striking, isn't it?
As for the mother who posted about her section, didn't she admit that the baby had been having persistent decels? Would she have preferred to deliver a stillborn? How would she be feeling then?
First and foremost, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I pray that God will help to heal your wounds, and that you and your family may find peace.
Second of all, I am curious as to who has tried to silence your voice? I am a doula, and homebirth advocate (though I did give birth in a hospital with a midwife), and I have never once heard another birth advocate/professional try and silence a woman's loss. (I am not saying that it doesn't happen, just that I, personally, have never seen it)
It is very heartbreaking when a child is lost during a HB, it is equally heartbreaking when a child is lost during a hospital birth (yes, it does happen).
The fact of the matter remains that birth rape (assault/trama/etc) DOES exist. If something is done to your body, your vagina, your reproductive system, without your consent, it is assault. I have a close friend who was given an epidural without her consent while she was screaming "NO, Don't cut me!" to the doctor. How is this not assault? How is abdominal surgery preformed without consent not illegal, not assault? You have the right to say no to any procedure, pregnant, or not.
Conversely, if you know of a woman whose homebirth was grossly mismanaged, if the midwife did not have her client transfer when necessary, did not take the steps needed to ensure that home delivery is safe, PLEASE have her reported. Midwives, as OBs, are not infallible, and mistakes can be made. It deeply upsets me that a trained birth professional would not take the necessary precautions to keep a baby, and a mother, safe during homebirth. -I will have you know that this is not the majority of what I have seen. What I have seen is midwives telling mothers to transfer in case of an emergency situation, and midwives having mothers deliver in a hospital setting if the pregnancy is deemed high risk- A midwife not having a mother transfer is no different than an OB mismanaging a hospital delivery and harming mother/baby.
I am so very sorry for your loss, and for the loss of any child, no matter the setting.
Let's all keep working to keep hospital, birth center, and homebirths safe for mothers and babies!
In Christ,
Anne Marie
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