Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Janet Fraser To the woman at the shops with the weeping babe


Janet has written here a nice little piece about how this woman letting her baby cry in her pram or stroller must of had a bad birth experience!

Dear Janet,
  You do not know the woman perusing at the shops with her baby. You do not know the child. Only a mother knows their child and it's cues. This infant that you feel so badly for could just be a fussy baby who hates to be worn. Perhaps this child was just tired and when it's tired, it doesn't want messed with and gets even more pissed! You have no clue! To think that a birth created a fussy baby and a mom who let it fuss is beyond ignorant. Maybe she's stuck at home day in and day out with a fussy baby and was ready to go absolutely insane. Again, you have no clue!

You, you have no baby to place in a sling on your body because YOU chose a birth experience over your baby and your daughter died because of it. You have publicly claimed that her death wasn't as bad as your c-section, aka birthrape (once you post something online, it never goes away). You have chosen to not connect with your living children because YOU placed such a high importance on the birth that when it turned differently than how you wanted, you turned from your child. You care so much about a crying baby and your empty sling, please imagine what your living children feel knowing you don't care about them because of their mode of delivery. Talk about a broken woman! You denied your connection, nobody or anything else did it for you!

I know you are clueless, but there is a reason testing is done. To help prevent deaths. Unlike you, most of us are not ok with dead babies. I'm glad to see you know about all the testing mom had done. How do you know she was induced?? Can a natural birthing mom not let her child fuss for a few minutes because she knows the child is content? Do epidural or induction or c-section moms not hold crying babies??

Birth is not the "keenest experience of our lives". Holding our baby for the first time is. Labor and birth aren't anything awesome to most women. Why? Because we know it's not important. Some of us, including you, have learned this lesson the hard way because we got dead babies out of it. Seriously, who the hell really thinks every woman wants to have a drug free birth anywhere?? 1 out of 10 women, that's it.

I wish that through this pain you may birth yourself and find the woman in you who seeks only that which nurtures, and casts aside in future, that which does you harm. 

 (Like not having an unassisted birth as they do harm and then you have nothing to nurture)

I wish that your next birth will be eye opening, life changing and that the first hands to touch your babe will be yours. a doctors!


Urbancowgrrl said...

I'll be curious to see if my comment will make it through moderation. I may forget to check because I'm sick and having lots of medical tests done so if you happen to check and see it wasn't posted let me know, please! Here is the comment:

"It bothers me to hear newborn babies crying too. Even more so when their mother’s don’t respond (especially while shopping for clothes – ick!)

But what bothers me too is the assumption about this woman’s birth. How do you know she too didn’t have a natural homebirth? Of people I know who’ve had homebirths I’ve seen both good and negligent/self-absorbed mothers. The same is true for people I know who have hospital births. I had my baby in a hospital by emergency c-section and didn’t even get to set eyes on her for five hours after she was born because she was on a respirator in NICU because she couldn’t breathe on her own. It was upsetting until she was brought to me, breathing on her own finally, alive and destined to be the healthy, energetic child she is now. I’ve never felt anything but gratitude for the interventions that saved my babies life. I have brought her up with attachment parenting and seven years later we have a very strong bond between us and I’m happy to say she is beautiful, healthy, loving and very compassionate towards others. So, I really don’t see how what happens at birth matters to how one bonds with or mothers their baby. It seems like what matters is what happens the minute that newborn is in your arms and where we all choose to go from there – as opposed to claiming to be victims of circumstances that are sometimes out of our control. A truly empowered woman could say “My birth experience wasn’t what I wanted, but I’m going to rise above it and bond with my baby and be the best mother I can be because I am not a victim here!”

Urbancowgrrl said...

Update - I did go back and look and see if my comment to Janet didn't make it through moderation and nope, it didn't make it. She deleted it without posting it. But she did post one where a woman said that Janet had jumped to conclusions and maybe the woman WAS a good mother, etc. But that comment didn't say anything about bonding well with an infant despite having life-saving interventions. Maybe it's because I indirectly called her on "playing the victim" and she thought that was mean.

Bambi C said...

I tried leaving one and she didn't approve it. I think she came here and saw the type of website I have and deleted it!

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