At this moment, the homebirth world is reeling from the arrest of a North Carolina Midwife, Rowan Bailey, for murder. It seems as though this arrest has split the community in half. On one hand, you have one group saying "She did something wrong and I cannot support this" and then the other group is saying "we don't care what she did, she is a midwife and we support her".
This second group has literally had me ready to cry. I feel this way because they are telling those of us with preventable midwife losses that it doesn't matter if babies die. They seem to care more about the sisterhood and midwives than they do the women/babies midwives are serving. I have been reading various facebook pages over the last few days so that I can see what types of things are being said about this situation and it never ceases to amaze me at how callous some are towards preventable losses. Many see the sisterhood and will support it regardless.
I found this from Gloria Lemay " I donated selfishly because I know I'm going to want to be part of the fun when we hear that Rowan is free again. This is history in the making. If you've ever wished you could have funded the freeing of the slaves, the vote for women, availability of birth control, freedom to home school the kids, etc.,THIS is your chance today. I've been on the receiving end of $2, $5, $10 donations and you'd be surprised how it all adds up fast if everyone plays."
I bolded the part that stuck out to me. Nothing about this woman being in jail is related to civil rights. This woman broke the law. This woman's negligence cost a family their baby. She doesn't have a right to do as she pleases because she claims to be a midwife. The main theme I am seeing here is "We support midwives because they are there, end of story."- Another fantastic Lemay quote. Isn't that woman a gem?? Is that ALL it takes to get their support? You and your actions do not matter, what matters is that you are a midwife. If you are negligent, that's ok, we will support you.
I have seen the parents blamed and I will not share or copy any of those comments. Just know that if you choose to blame parents for their baby's death, you my friend, are a deplorable human being. When you place the death on our shoulders while absolving the midwife, you are only serving to compound the grief we feel. Most are already beating up and blaming themselves. Parents do not need the additional blame. Parents need love and support. Parents need people who are strong enough in their convictions that say "Whoa, this was wrong and shouldn't of happened".
I understand wanting to support those within the "Sisterhood", I do. Nobody wants to look at their friend and think their friend messed up! This "Sisterhood or Bust" mentality is only serving to harm the homebirth community as a whole.
Joy, from The Joy of This, wrote a wonderful blog post about this very subject and I just wanted to hug her for it! Let me share an excerpt:
"We cannot ignore our need to change. As any healthy relationship moves forward in growth, there are times when we have to acknowledge our failings to each other – with love and care, so that the fruit of the relationship stays sweet. It’s time, birth lovers, it is imperatively… time."
It makes my heart happy to see the advocates that are seeing that things need changed. Many are learning and researching the reasons for this midwife arrest instead of seeing the word Midwife and handing over their pocketbooks. They are standing up and showing us that they will no longer stand for this degree of incompetence. These advocates are the ones who have a true love for not only midwifery and homebirth, but mothers and babies.
Even if you don't know our stories, you are showing me that our babies truly matter. You are showing me that our babies did not die in vain. For that, I am grateful. Although we may not agree on everything, we are slowly reaching a middle ground in fighting for mothers and babies. That is the most important part of the midwifery/homebirth movement!
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