Dear Birth Anarchy

I recently read a post about the Human Rights in Childbirth conference and many things stood out to me. 

The whole jist of the Human Rights in Childbirth was about the perceived persecution of midwives. The post says they were persecuted for things ranging from bad outcomes to the fact that they were even practicing midwifery. If you are practicing and you KNOW, YOU KNOW, you aren't suppose to be, why are you shocked when the law steps in? There are laws in place! The bad outcomes, they're not just bad outcomes, they are dead and/or injured babies. You are blowing off babies, mothers, and families that have truly been hurt. We aren't just "bad outcomes". My daughter was here and alive. She wasn't a "bad outcome". Her life mattered. All these babies, their lives matter. All of us mothers, we matter. Our families, they matter. This wasn't a "bad outcome". Let's take that term out and just say it - these midwives were "persecuted" for the deaths and/or injuries of babies. That's pretty serious! She talks about it being an injustice when a midwife is arrested for a "bad outcome" and to that I wonder where the injustice is for the babies lost and/or harmed? 

She discusses the effects that an arrest has on midwives. These midwives go into hiding and live in fear. What about the resultant effects that a preventable loss or injury has on the families? What has been the resultant effects on myself? I certainly went into hiding and became a literal hermit. Part of me looks at myself as a victim of the movement , while the rest of me blames myself. I still have flashbacks. I have panic attacks. I question the kind of mother I am. I look at my husband and secretly wonder if he blames me too. I cannot speak of that day, but, I can type it and even that sends me into a downward spiral. When my workout partner asked me what happened to my daughter, I just told him I would send him a link, sent it, and told him not to speak of it. He hasn't. I'm no longer welcome amongst my former community because I chose to speak up. NOBODY stood by me, nobody. I was alienated. I've been harassed and attacked and mocked and shamed and publicly blamed by many within the community. That truly made the grief much, much worse. 

Anger, smothered by grief, then left to rise from the ashes is a virulent thing.

Yet, what about the parents? You rally behind midwives, yet, what about us? Do you not see how your actions towards us are harmful? Where is the concern for our families? As you hold hands with your "sisters", can you see the families left grieving in their wake? If you are worried about women, what of their mental and physical wellbeing during grief? We are more than a uterus and vagina, we are real people suffering alone and silently.