Monday, July 21, 2008
Introducing me
I am a mother to 5 wonderful children here on earth. My youngest child passed away after her birth. This will be my place to just get out my thoughts, feelings, and talk about my life after loss. My children mean everything to me and losing one has been devastating. Some days I am ok and others, I can break down at the drop of a hat. I am conflicted about so many of my thoughts and beliefs. I was a totally crunchy mom but am now questioning all of that. I have had two homebirths. One turned out awesome and the other, turned out horrible. I feel that if I had just trusted the actual professionals, my baby would be here. Now, since I feel homebirth was wrong, I question my not vaxing philosophies. I am seriously thinking about catching my last three children up. I hate second guessing myself.
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5 comments:
Hey girl, it's TonelsMom.
I think that, after having experienced the worst loss a parent can face, if you didn't second guess yourself, at least a tiny bit, then maybe there wouldn't be anything learned in it. KWIM?
You know we all pray for you every day. Big hugs!
Hi, I'm Kelly from Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women...you posted a comment on my blog
(http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com). I just wanted to say that my heart is breaking with and for you and your family. I am praying God's comfort as He carries you and your family through your journey of grief and beyond. Please be patient with yourself...you have lost your precious baby girl and your heart is broken...your life forever changed. Grieving is hard work and there is no quick fix...the only way to true healing is to walk through the path, trusting in the sufficient grace of Jesus to carry you through the stormy seas, the fog, the pain, the questions, and the sorrow. He will carry you until you can walk again. He will never leave you...and He will restore your joy one day. Your precious daughter was a gift that will always be part of the journey of your life and the plan He has for you and your family. But for now, your pain is fresh...your grief is new...and your tears must freely flow...it's just part of the journey. Of course you are moody and crying...you have an empty ache and a broken heart for your child. For now, allow yourself to be carried. May you find comfort in the loving arms of the Father today and everyday.
In His Grace,
Kelly
sufficientgraceministries@gmail.com
www.sufficientgrace.net
http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com
Oh...I forgot to ask you...what does the word "crunchy" mean in the phrase "totally crunchy mom"?
Did anyone ever determine the cause of death?
I'm left wondering why your midwife didn't reccomend hospital transfer for preterm labor?
Thank you for finding my blog, I'm sorry for your loss. I understand your second guessing- we almost switched doctors in December because I thought both doctors in the practice were jerks. I didn't and now I wonder- what if... would Levi still be here if I had- I'll never know here on Earth. I'm here if you ever need to talk, cry or vent. Hugs
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