Monday, July 21, 2008

Introducing me

I am a mother to 5 wonderful children here on earth. My youngest child passed away after her birth. This will be my place to just get out my thoughts, feelings, and talk about my life after loss. My children mean everything to me and losing one has been devastating. Some days I am ok and others, I can break down at the drop of a hat. I am conflicted about so many of my thoughts and beliefs. I was a totally crunchy mom but am now questioning all of that. I have had two homebirths. One turned out awesome and the other, turned out horrible. I feel that if I had just trusted the actual professionals, my baby would be here. Now, since I feel homebirth was wrong, I question my not vaxing philosophies. I am seriously thinking about catching my last three children up. I hate second guessing myself.

4 comments:

Mrs. P said...

Hey girl, it's TonelsMom.
I think that, after having experienced the worst loss a parent can face, if you didn't second guess yourself, at least a tiny bit, then maybe there wouldn't be anything learned in it. KWIM?
You know we all pray for you every day. Big hugs!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Oh...I forgot to ask you...what does the word "crunchy" mean in the phrase "totally crunchy mom"?

Anonymous said...

Did anyone ever determine the cause of death?

I'm left wondering why your midwife didn't reccomend hospital transfer for preterm labor?

Rebekah said...

Thank you for finding my blog, I'm sorry for your loss. I understand your second guessing- we almost switched doctors in December because I thought both doctors in the practice were jerks. I didn't and now I wonder- what if... would Levi still be here if I had- I'll never know here on Earth. I'm here if you ever need to talk, cry or vent. Hugs

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