Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Yes, they really do say this stuff

I've spoken a few times on the crap said to homebirth loss moms who dare to speak up. I happened to of joined the facebook page for Business of Being Born. I shared my story and gave my spiel on CPM's, why they are dangerous, why they aren't comparable to European midwives, etc. Of course, we are called trolls because we don't clamor about how changed our lives were due to that docrapumentary and actually share real facts. Very few pwople have stood up to say "Hey, this other side needs to be shown instead of begging for the banning of these women". Yes, someone actually called for us to be banned from the page. For sharing facts! This really proves that advocates cannot handle dissenting opinion. The anger is comical. Now, I did get angry. Why?? Perhaps these statements will shed some light onto why some of us are so angry and this is really what we are up against when we choose to speak up

Your daughter probably would have lived if born in a hospital, or maybe the nurse/doctor there would have been in a rush and missed the signs....maybe you should have thought about all those risks BEFORE deciding to have a homebirth. Maybe you should have brushed up on the signs of not breathing and distress etc. Any mother that has a home birth should know the warning signs and seek help ASAP.

You need to accept some blame for this, or else you will never heal.

Just like we shouldn't put all our trust into our doctor, we shouldn't put all our trust into our midwives, no matter what initials come after their name. You are responsible for YOU and YOUR family at the end of the day. You chose where you wanted to birth, not anyone else.

I do agree that there should be some liability for midwives, such as malpractice so families can sue in the event something happens like yours Bambi, but you don't get off with nothing. Woman up and own your choice. If everything went wonderful, you'd be proud of your decision to homebirth.

I know many women who regret going to a hospital, to only be forced with a c-section, episiotomies, etc..but they know it was their choice to go there!

Isn't that so sweet??

Bambi, no one is trying to make you feel guilty. Fact is fact, YOU hired her. It sucks. It sucks so very much.

I never said it was ALL your fault but you it wasn't all your midwife's fault either. I think you should go troll somewhere else, it's obvious how you feel and what you are trying to do on this page...

I am for informed birth whether that's at home, hospital, birth center, in the woods or wherever you so choose!

One comment here was made by a doula, the other two a woman who wants to be a CPM! This is how mothers with homebirth losses are talked to for daring to share their stories. If we wonder why there aren't more women speaking up, we can certainly look to the homebirth advocates themselves. Silence anyone who doesn't speak how you approve of. Sadly, I did share the link to my last post pouring my heart out over how I feel. Homebirth advocates WANT loss moms broken and weak, like them.

10 comments:

Heather said...

Don't forget where someone told you if she were you, *she* would have recognized Mary's distress much sooner and taken her to the hospital more quickly than you did.

It would be comical if it weren't so rage inducing.

Liz said...

i am SO MAD for you right now! grrrrrrrr

it is truly appalling what they will say to themselves and you to convince themselves it will never happen to them

Liz said...

ugh. blogger ate my comment----
GRRR i am SO MAD for you!! they say this crap to me too. it isn't your fault. you hired someone- you paid her 1000s of dollars to care for you and your baby. she failed. that is not your fault. we love you!

ccc said...

Thinking of you--so sorry about all of this.

asplendidtime said...

I followed from skepticalOB yesterday. :( I don't have a FB acc't but I was so upset to read those comments.

True colours eh? Natural Birth Advocates will protect their paradigm at any and every cost! True womanhood indeed!

~Rebecca

Cal said...

I am sorry to hear people wanted you banned for presenting your view... Very ostrich's head in sand.

And how ridiculous the suggestion that you should have learned how to spot trouble! Isn't that what one would pay someone to do?

Anonymous said...

Yep. If these women are so informed and educated, they shouldn't be so threatened by you and your experience. You've upset the echo chamber. How dare you.

"Dr." G said...

I am so sorry for your loss. As a future Ob-Gyn, it breaks my heart to see that home birth advocates are so wiling to bash at anyone that comes their way - including someone that lost their child to homebirth. I always feel that these people end up becoming a "cult" - they focus so much on the birth experience and forget about the most important thing - the outcome, your healthy baby.

Anonymous said...

I try to stay clear of all the extremes..I detest The Skeptical OB as much as I detest the "Trust Birth Initiative".
Its not about the option to birth at home. It's about RESPECTING birth...and knowing that birth does not come without it's risks-both to mom and baby- regardless of the setting.

Amanda said...

The previous commenter was right, it would be comical if it weren't so rage-inducing. You know EXACTLY how I feel, and how much my heart breaks for you. What makes me the most heartsick though is knowing that there is nothing on Earth that will cure these people of their ignorance.

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