Don't Beat Yourselves Up!

          Yesterday we had another birthday in our home. My third child turned 13! I have three teenagers in my house. Holy cow! This led me to thinking about the early days of parenting versus the teen years. Does it really matter how they came into the world? Did sleeping arrangements or feeding methods affect anything?? Was it worth the stress now that they're older? Let's play a fun game called Match The Kid!

       A.   This child was the 21.5 hour labor where I received an epidural 4 hours before birth. We also had pitocin. Said child slept with us, was breastfed for 16 months, but also had formula.

       B.   Next child was a 12 hour completely natural labor and birth. Child was breastfed for three months and then put on formula. Baby slept with us most of the time.

        C.  Last child was a 6 hour completely natural labor and birth. This one was breastfed for 18 months, but given formula on occasion. Baby also slept with us.

          Now that you know those little tidbits, I'll tell you about each child.

        1.  This child is very sweet, loves their siblings, gets straight A's, listens 99% of the time. Has only ever had one health problem. Child is very respectful and helpful.

        2.  Next child can be moody, but is generally an angel. Get's B's. Is helpful towards older adults and seniors. No health issues, healthy as can be. Respectful when not moody.

         3. Next child can also be moody, but an angel as well 99% of the time. Gets straight A's. No health problems. Very helpful and respectful, also when not moody.


So, going with what mothers are told and fed about birth and trivial parenting decisions, I'm here to say it doesn't matter. Our kids will become who they become due to not only their personalities, but in how we actually raise them. What are you TEACHING them? How do you TREAT them?? That is where it all lies. If your child feels loved, accepted, and supported you're going to have an awesome kid! If you put your child down, don't show love, or treat them horribly you are going to be in for a huge rude awakening.

All of our kids are going to go through stages where they test the waters and, I believe, this also plays a part in who they turn into. Your reaction and behavior will determine the severity of these tests. We don't have to be doormats, but we also can't be doorstops. Sometimes we have to seriously lay down the law regardless, but many of the things kids do aren't really worth getting into it with them over. Have you ever heard the term "Pick your battles"? In child-rearing, this is vital.

Next time you berate yourself for not doing what the sanctimommies tell you that you should do, walk into a high school and try to pick out the children who were birthed or fed certain ways. I promise, you won't be able to tell!

Are natural mommy bloggers attention whores??

I confess, I love to going to some mommy blogs and do follow Facebook pages. One thing I am seeing regularly is these controversial bloggers having a huge drama-fest where they have to suddenly close their stuff down and leave only to come back up just a day to a few days later. They leave long enough that their followers get all in a tissy and are falling over themselves. Those of us who watch these "reruns" recognize them for what they are and that is a publicity stunt. The followers are posting all over their walls and on other blogs and freaking out thinking the blog or wall has been removed by the man (because you know facebook and blogger are in bed with the ACOG/big pharma). We also know that some facebook pages DO push the envelope posting things that are against facebook terms then whining when it's removed. It amazes me how attention whorish some bloggers are. It also amazes me to see how weak and whiny these followers are. They completely depend on these bloggers for all their information from breastfeeding to circumcision to childbirth to car seats. Every word is hung on. If the blogger says it, it is right. Course, we rarely see anyone questioning the bloggers high powers, but, we also know they do not tolerate their beliefs being questioned so they rely upon delete and ban.

I do have to wonder how any of these women think they are educated if all they do is hang on the words of mommy bloggers? We all kno mommy bloggers don't usually rely upon real research. They rely upon what the  "NCB Gods" say and what they have done. If they have a vaginal breech homebirth, it is totally safe for everyone. If they have a UBA2C and it turns out well, it's perfectly safe for everyone. If they had GBS, used garlic, and their baby didn't get sick then it's proof that garlic works and GBS is totally safe. It is scary to see the following behind these uneducated morons. How many dead babies occur because of this misinformation?? As a blogger, esp one with a large following, I believe you have a duty to pass on ACCURATE information to those reading your blog, not saying "I did it, so it's safe. Please emulate me"! You know what, if a woman following you has a baby die because they listened to you, you do have that baby's death on your shoulders. Let's say I told a mom and gave her a few links saying it was safe to forward face your 6 month old and it was only illegal because of "The man" trying to oppress us- then she gets in an accident and her baby dies- it would be MY fault for knowingly giving her inaccurate information. Does that make sense??

 Now, if you follow a mommy blogger just because you enjoy her, that's totally different! The bloggers I have linked here are blogs I enjoy! I need to add a few more for your entertainment!

Are natural mommy bloggers attention whores??

I confess, I love to going to some mommy blogs and do follow Facebook pages. One thing I am seeing regularly is these controversial bloggers having a huge drama-fest where they have to suddenly close their stuff down and leave only to come back up just a day to a few days later. They leave long enough that their followers get all in a tissy and are falling over themselves. Those of us who watch these "reruns" recognize them for what they are and that is a publicity stunt. The followers are posting all over their walls and on other blogs and freaking out thinking the blog or wall has been removed by the man (because you know facebook and blogger are in bed with the ACOG/big pharma). We also know that some facebook pages DO push the envelope posting things that are against facebook terms then whining when it's removed. It amazes me how attention whorish some bloggers are. It also amazes me to see how weak and whiny these followers are. They completely depend on these bloggers for all their information from breastfeeding to circumcision to childbirth to car seats. Every word is hung on. If the blogger says it, it is right. Course, we rarely see anyone questioning the bloggers high powers, but, we also know they do not tolerate their beliefs being questioned so they rely upon delete and ban.

I do have to wonder how any of these women think they are educated if all they do is hang on the words of mommy bloggers? We all kno mommy bloggers don't usually rely upon real research. They rely upon what the  "NCB Gods" say and what they have done. If they have a vaginal breech homebirth, it is totally safe for everyone. If they have a UBA2C and it turns out well, it's perfectly safe for everyone. If they had GBS, used garlic, and their baby didn't get sick then it's proof that garlic works and GBS is totally safe. It is scary to see the following behind these uneducated morons. How many dead babies occur because of this misinformation?? As a blogger, esp one with a large following, I believe you have a duty to pass on ACCURATE information to those reading your blog, not saying "I did it, so it's safe. Please emulate me"! You know what, if a woman following you has a baby die because they listened to you, you do have that baby's death on your shoulders. Let's say I told a mom and gave her a few links saying it was safe to forward face your 6 month old and it was only illegal because of "The man" trying to oppress us- then she gets in an accident and her baby dies- it would be MY fault for knowingly giving her inaccurate information. Does that make sense??

 Now, if you follow a mommy blogger just because you enjoy her, that's totally different! The bloggers I have linked here are blogs I enjoy! I need to add a few more for your entertainment!

Yes, they really do say this stuff

I've spoken a few times on the crap said to homebirth loss moms who dare to speak up. I happened to of joined the facebook page for Business of Being Born. I shared my story and gave my spiel on CPM's, why they are dangerous, why they aren't comparable to European midwives, etc. Of course, we are called trolls because we don't clamor about how changed our lives were due to that docrapumentary and actually share real facts. Very few pwople have stood up to say "Hey, this other side needs to be shown instead of begging for the banning of these women". Yes, someone actually called for us to be banned from the page. For sharing facts! This really proves that advocates cannot handle dissenting opinion. The anger is comical. Now, I did get angry. Why?? Perhaps these statements will shed some light onto why some of us are so angry and this is really what we are up against when we choose to speak up

Your daughter probably would have lived if born in a hospital, or maybe the nurse/doctor there would have been in a rush and missed the signs....maybe you should have thought about all those risks BEFORE deciding to have a homebirth. Maybe you should have brushed up on the signs of not breathing and distress etc. Any mother that has a home birth should know the warning signs and seek help ASAP.

You need to accept some blame for this, or else you will never heal.

Just like we shouldn't put all our trust into our doctor, we shouldn't put all our trust into our midwives, no matter what initials come after their name. You are responsible for YOU and YOUR family at the end of the day. You chose where you wanted to birth, not anyone else.

I do agree that there should be some liability for midwives, such as malpractice so families can sue in the event something happens like yours Bambi, but you don't get off with nothing. Woman up and own your choice. If everything went wonderful, you'd be proud of your decision to homebirth.

I know many women who regret going to a hospital, to only be forced with a c-section, episiotomies, etc..but they know it was their choice to go there!

Isn't that so sweet??

Bambi, no one is trying to make you feel guilty. Fact is fact, YOU hired her. It sucks. It sucks so very much.

I never said it was ALL your fault but you it wasn't all your midwife's fault either. I think you should go troll somewhere else, it's obvious how you feel and what you are trying to do on this page...

I am for informed birth whether that's at home, hospital, birth center, in the woods or wherever you so choose!

One comment here was made by a doula, the other two a woman who wants to be a CPM! This is how mothers with homebirth losses are talked to for daring to share their stories. If we wonder why there aren't more women speaking up, we can certainly look to the homebirth advocates themselves. Silence anyone who doesn't speak how you approve of. Sadly, I did share the link to my last post pouring my heart out over how I feel. Homebirth advocates WANT loss moms broken and weak, like them.

Yes, they really do say this stuff

I've spoken a few times on the crap said to homebirth loss moms who dare to speak up. I happened to of joined the facebook page for Business of Being Born. I shared my story and gave my spiel on CPM's, why they are dangerous, why they aren't comparable to European midwives, etc. Of course, we are called trolls because we don't clamor about how changed our lives were due to that docrapumentary and actually share real facts. Very few pwople have stood up to say "Hey, this other side needs to be shown instead of begging for the banning of these women". Yes, someone actually called for us to be banned from the page. For sharing facts! This really proves that advocates cannot handle dissenting opinion. The anger is comical. Now, I did get angry. Why?? Perhaps these statements will shed some light onto why some of us are so angry and this is really what we are up against when we choose to speak up

Your daughter probably would have lived if born in a hospital, or maybe the nurse/doctor there would have been in a rush and missed the signs....maybe you should have thought about all those risks BEFORE deciding to have a homebirth. Maybe you should have brushed up on the signs of not breathing and distress etc. Any mother that has a home birth should know the warning signs and seek help ASAP.

You need to accept some blame for this, or else you will never heal.

Just like we shouldn't put all our trust into our doctor, we shouldn't put all our trust into our midwives, no matter what initials come after their name. You are responsible for YOU and YOUR family at the end of the day. You chose where you wanted to birth, not anyone else.

I do agree that there should be some liability for midwives, such as malpractice so families can sue in the event something happens like yours Bambi, but you don't get off with nothing. Woman up and own your choice. If everything went wonderful, you'd be proud of your decision to homebirth.

I know many women who regret going to a hospital, to only be forced with a c-section, episiotomies, etc..but they know it was their choice to go there!

Isn't that so sweet??

Bambi, no one is trying to make you feel guilty. Fact is fact, YOU hired her. It sucks. It sucks so very much.

I never said it was ALL your fault but you it wasn't all your midwife's fault either. I think you should go troll somewhere else, it's obvious how you feel and what you are trying to do on this page...

I am for informed birth whether that's at home, hospital, birth center, in the woods or wherever you so choose!

One comment here was made by a doula, the other two a woman who wants to be a CPM! This is how mothers with homebirth losses are talked to for daring to share their stories. If we wonder why there aren't more women speaking up, we can certainly look to the homebirth advocates themselves. Silence anyone who doesn't speak how you approve of. Sadly, I did share the link to my last post pouring my heart out over how I feel. Homebirth advocates WANT loss moms broken and weak, like them.