We have had a jam packed weekend!!!
Friday evening the kids stayed with Grandma and Grandpa while we went to dinner (ponderosa, yummy) and the fair. Neither of us had any desire to ride rides so we walked around and checked out all the animals. I got info from two different adoption places. I'm going to give it some more time before we pursue that avenue. If we want a sibling group, we would have to get a bigger vehicle. I really want another girl though. As we were leaving, we saw an ambulance with lights going and it just set off the water works. That hits me harder than seeing other babies or pregnant women. DH has the same reactions too. My heart just stops. After we got back to get the kids, my mom was surprised to see us. She figured we would be out until midnight or so. Yeah right, us out until midnight??? We were tired at 10pm!!
Yesterday was dh's work party at one of the local parks. It was vey fun. We were there from 10am until after 8pm!! The two youngest kids fell asleep on the way home and the older three stayed up until after I fell asleep. I was exhausted!! I also triggered on the way home. When we first learned of this day out, I was pregnant and thinking "How will we do this with all the kids and a newborn?" I was looking forward to one of our first family outings. It was another reminder that she is missing from our family.
Today is our day that we go see her. We do this every sunday. I have a few little things to take to her. We spoil her rotten!
I've been trying to get off my Zoloft, but, I don't think I can yet. Since I stopped taking it, I have been more moody and have alot more crying spells. I think I need to get back to taking it. I just don't want to spend my life medicated.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Crazy Weekend!!
We have had a jam packed weekend!!!
Friday evening the kids stayed with Grandma and Grandpa while we went to dinner (ponderosa, yummy) and the fair. Neither of us had any desire to ride rides so we walked around and checked out all the animals. I got info from two different adoption places. I'm going to give it some more time before we pursue that avenue. If we want a sibling group, we would have to get a bigger vehicle. I really want another girl though. As we were leaving, we saw an ambulance with lights going and it just set off the water works. That hits me harder than seeing other babies or pregnant women. DH has the same reactions too. My heart just stops. After we got back to get the kids, my mom was surprised to see us. She figured we would be out until midnight or so. Yeah right, us out until midnight??? We were tired at 10pm!!
Yesterday was dh's work party at one of the local parks. It was vey fun. We were there from 10am until after 8pm!! The two youngest kids fell asleep on the way home and the older three stayed up until after I fell asleep. I was exhausted!! I also triggered on the way home. When we first learned of this day out, I was pregnant and thinking "How will we do this with all the kids and a newborn?" I was looking forward to one of our first family outings. It was another reminder that she is missing from our family.
Today is our day that we go see her. We do this every sunday. I have a few little things to take to her. We spoil her rotten!
I've been trying to get off my Zoloft, but, I don't think I can yet. Since I stopped taking it, I have been more moody and have alot more crying spells. I think I need to get back to taking it. I just don't want to spend my life medicated.
Friday evening the kids stayed with Grandma and Grandpa while we went to dinner (ponderosa, yummy) and the fair. Neither of us had any desire to ride rides so we walked around and checked out all the animals. I got info from two different adoption places. I'm going to give it some more time before we pursue that avenue. If we want a sibling group, we would have to get a bigger vehicle. I really want another girl though. As we were leaving, we saw an ambulance with lights going and it just set off the water works. That hits me harder than seeing other babies or pregnant women. DH has the same reactions too. My heart just stops. After we got back to get the kids, my mom was surprised to see us. She figured we would be out until midnight or so. Yeah right, us out until midnight??? We were tired at 10pm!!
Yesterday was dh's work party at one of the local parks. It was vey fun. We were there from 10am until after 8pm!! The two youngest kids fell asleep on the way home and the older three stayed up until after I fell asleep. I was exhausted!! I also triggered on the way home. When we first learned of this day out, I was pregnant and thinking "How will we do this with all the kids and a newborn?" I was looking forward to one of our first family outings. It was another reminder that she is missing from our family.
Today is our day that we go see her. We do this every sunday. I have a few little things to take to her. We spoil her rotten!
I've been trying to get off my Zoloft, but, I don't think I can yet. Since I stopped taking it, I have been more moody and have alot more crying spells. I think I need to get back to taking it. I just don't want to spend my life medicated.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My life after loss
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you baby girl. Family functions are a reminder. Watching the kids play reminds me that you will never know what it is like to run, laugh, feel the sunlight on your skin, or feel the wind in your hair. The pictures I have of you are the only ones I will ever get. We got your headstone ordered and have the compuer generated image. You will have the only pink heart in the entire cemetary. You have lots of stuff there too. I think you have more stuff than anyone else!! You are spoiled, angelcake. I love you so much.
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