Reading Babycenter's Debate Team last night, a woman posted about how her AP sister has been so stressed out that she hit her 2.5 year old son as hard as she could. She called her mother to get the child and Grandma refused to give the child back. This thread was rather eye opening. Many AP mothers confessed that they had all hit breaking points and hit their child out of anger. No wonder they always assume people who spank do so in anger, because that's the reason they do it!
In addition to all these confessions of hitting children out of anger, it was also shared that this child had not ever been away from his mom and others stated their child hadn't been a part from mom either. No wonder AP moms are so stressed. You don't have to have your kid attached to you 24/7 in order to be a good mother and obviously, it is stressful never having a break from this role.
I would really love to see the number of divorces for AP Moms and Mainstream Moms. Mainstream mothers seem to have an identity outside their children while AP moms generally don't. I have read of women sleeping with their child instead of sharing a bed with their spouse. No way would I give up having my husband next to me! How many AP husbands feel neglected because his wife is stuck in mommy mode and can't just be that woman he fell in love with??
For this child in this situation, the husband told her to just let her child stay with Grandma and mom refused while acting incredibly irrational. That child is now in CPS custody. Way to go mom! You're so attached, your child is being cared for by strangers because you couldn't just let him stay with grandma for a few days!
4 comments:
As an AP mom, I will admit it can be stressful--but any form of parenting is stressful. I say this not to defend the mothers who have "broken" or to be defensive in any way, really. I just wanted to offer this perspective: Every parent--whether AP, mainstream, Babywise, crunchy, traditional, whatever--needs balance. I consider myself AP not because I am wearing my baby to the point of having a herniated disc, and not because my child sleeps with me through kindergarten or beyond (I don't do either of these, for the record, but I know moms who do/have), but because my natural parenting instincts tend to lean in the crunchy/AP direction. My instincts tell me not to let my child cry to the point of exhaustion, and nature tells me it's normal and natural to breastfeed; my children are happier when they are near me, so I wear them; it works well for us for me to stay home with them, and I am happy doing so. I haven't read any AP parenting books, nor have I sworn to myself that I would "never" do any particular mainstream thing. I own a stroller (two, actually), and I do like using them when the occasion calls for it. I don't try to preach to my mainstream friends, and I don't look down on people who use other parenting methods.
Point being, every parent needs balance. Too much of anything can be harmful to both parent and child. Too much spanking, too much CIO, too much self-loving by the mother, too much indulgence in the child--all of these in excess can be bad. And yes, too much AP can be bad. Each child should be looked at as an individual, and if the child doesn't fit the parents' expectations of parenting and doesn't fit into that style of parenting, then the parents should change their methods. I have a sister who is very AP in many ways, but her son would CIO for naps, and she has told me, "I can tell we'll have to spank our daughter--I can see that will be the only method of discipline that will work well for her."
A good parent doesn't subscribe solely to one style of parenting, but rather adopts various methods from a multitude of styles, and finds what works best for their personality, their marriage, and each individual child.
Wow, you haven't a clue what you're on about.
All the AP parents I know are incredibly involved in their community and often work from the home doing something they really love and enjoy. I know I do. I can't count the number of 'mainstream' moms who always ask me how I manage to run a business and mind my two young girls all the time.
AP does not mean always, 100% being with your child. If that's the definition you or the women you know are using, no wonder you have a skewed view.
this article you wrote does not apply to all AP parents. for one, some parents hit their kids because of stress outside of their relationship with their kids. i'm what most people would consider extremely AP and i enjoy every moment of it. my hubby shares my bed with me, he enjoys the fact that i am self-weaning our son and my hubby and i are closer than ever BECAUSE of attachment parenting. whenever we have any type of small issues with our son my hubby and i sit down together to talk about. we talk about our son's development and how that can be affecting how he is behaving and also about how OUR behavior may be affecting his behavior. most of the time my or my hubby are stressed out and it is affecting how our son acts. once we destress our son starts acting happy and smiley again. I believe TRUE attachment parenting parents are like my family. more connected and bonded because of AP.
also, i agree with the previous post that AP does not mean being with your children 100% of the time. in fact, that's the opposite of attachment parenting. attachment parenting is about making a peaceful experience between parent and child, and as parents, we all need our breaks and our fun and social lives too. children learn this and accept this, just as we learn to except that they want to have fun and be social too.
Surprise surprise. "Not all AP parents are like that!" "You don't know what you're talking about because I'm not that way!"
It seems fairly obvious that she's talking about AP extremists that are forcing the 'system' of parenting **when it clearly isn't working for them or their families.**
Those individuals seem to always be the most insecure about it, because since their lives are so miserable with getting no sleep, no personal time, no anything except being strapped to a baby 24/7 they hate it and feel deep guilt about their resentments. So they have to make themselves mommy martyrs and hop online to harass and belittle mainstream mothers for not 'really' loving their kids etc. to make themselves feel better. Does this apply to all AP parents? Of course not, and arguing as much is asinine. To pretend it doesn't happen is to be blind to reality, as I've witnessed it literally dozens of times. Women whining endlessly about their failing marriage, their exhaustion to the point of tears, their resentment on their kids on one forum, and across the internet the same mother is badgering and belittling another mom for not putting themselves through the same hell.
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