Don't Beat Yourselves Up!

          Yesterday we had another birthday in our home. My third child turned 13! I have three teenagers in my house. Holy cow! This led me to thinking about the early days of parenting versus the teen years. Does it really matter how they came into the world? Did sleeping arrangements or feeding methods affect anything?? Was it worth the stress now that they're older? Let's play a fun game called Match The Kid!

       A.   This child was the 21.5 hour labor where I received an epidural 4 hours before birth. We also had pitocin. Said child slept with us, was breastfed for 16 months, but also had formula.

       B.   Next child was a 12 hour completely natural labor and birth. Child was breastfed for three months and then put on formula. Baby slept with us most of the time.

        C.  Last child was a 6 hour completely natural labor and birth. This one was breastfed for 18 months, but given formula on occasion. Baby also slept with us.

          Now that you know those little tidbits, I'll tell you about each child.

        1.  This child is very sweet, loves their siblings, gets straight A's, listens 99% of the time. Has only ever had one health problem. Child is very respectful and helpful.

        2.  Next child can be moody, but is generally an angel. Get's B's. Is helpful towards older adults and seniors. No health issues, healthy as can be. Respectful when not moody.

         3. Next child can also be moody, but an angel as well 99% of the time. Gets straight A's. No health problems. Very helpful and respectful, also when not moody.


So, going with what mothers are told and fed about birth and trivial parenting decisions, I'm here to say it doesn't matter. Our kids will become who they become due to not only their personalities, but in how we actually raise them. What are you TEACHING them? How do you TREAT them?? That is where it all lies. If your child feels loved, accepted, and supported you're going to have an awesome kid! If you put your child down, don't show love, or treat them horribly you are going to be in for a huge rude awakening.

All of our kids are going to go through stages where they test the waters and, I believe, this also plays a part in who they turn into. Your reaction and behavior will determine the severity of these tests. We don't have to be doormats, but we also can't be doorstops. Sometimes we have to seriously lay down the law regardless, but many of the things kids do aren't really worth getting into it with them over. Have you ever heard the term "Pick your battles"? In child-rearing, this is vital.

Next time you berate yourself for not doing what the sanctimommies tell you that you should do, walk into a high school and try to pick out the children who were birthed or fed certain ways. I promise, you won't be able to tell!

The stresses of Attachment Parenting

Reading Babycenter's Debate Team last night, a woman posted about how her AP sister has been so stressed out that she hit her 2.5 year old son as hard as she could. She called her mother to get the child and Grandma refused to give the child back. This thread was rather eye opening. Many AP mothers confessed that they had all hit breaking points and hit their child out of anger. No wonder they always assume people who spank do so in anger, because that's the reason they do it!

In addition to all these confessions of hitting children out of anger, it was also shared that this child had not ever been away from his mom and others stated their child hadn't been a part from mom either. No wonder AP moms are so stressed. You don't have to have your kid attached to you 24/7 in order to be a good mother and obviously, it is stressful never having a break from this role.

I would really love to see the number of divorces for AP Moms and Mainstream Moms. Mainstream mothers seem to have an identity outside their children while AP moms generally don't. I have read of women sleeping with their child instead of sharing a bed with their spouse. No way would I give up having my husband next to me! How many AP husbands feel neglected because his wife is stuck in mommy mode and can't just be that woman he fell in love with??

For this child in this situation, the husband told her to just let her child stay with Grandma and mom refused while acting incredibly irrational. That child is now in CPS custody. Way to go mom! You're so attached, your child is being cared for by strangers because you couldn't just let him stay with grandma for a few days!

The stresses of Attachment Parenting

Reading Babycenter's Debate Team last night, a woman posted about how her AP sister has been so stressed out that she hit her 2.5 year old son as hard as she could. She called her mother to get the child and Grandma refused to give the child back. This thread was rather eye opening. Many AP mothers confessed that they had all hit breaking points and hit their child out of anger. No wonder they always assume people who spank do so in anger, because that's the reason they do it!

In addition to all these confessions of hitting children out of anger, it was also shared that this child had not ever been away from his mom and others stated their child hadn't been a part from mom either. No wonder AP moms are so stressed. You don't have to have your kid attached to you 24/7 in order to be a good mother and obviously, it is stressful never having a break from this role.

I would really love to see the number of divorces for AP Moms and Mainstream Moms. Mainstream mothers seem to have an identity outside their children while AP moms generally don't. I have read of women sleeping with their child instead of sharing a bed with their spouse. No way would I give up having my husband next to me! How many AP husbands feel neglected because his wife is stuck in mommy mode and can't just be that woman he fell in love with??

For this child in this situation, the husband told her to just let her child stay with Grandma and mom refused while acting incredibly irrational. That child is now in CPS custody. Way to go mom! You're so attached, your child is being cared for by strangers because you couldn't just let him stay with grandma for a few days!