Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Raptors, what we are and what we aren't

I've recently been drug into drama created by a blogger who calls herself The Mom:Informed. I was a fan of hers on facebook because I enjoyed her posts and the discussions that went on on her wall. I also enjoyed her blog.

Since people choose to watch the open group Fed Up, they make snap judgements about us. They assume we stand for c-sections and formula for all. They also assume that because we do talk about things and do make jokes on the group that we are just horrible and spiteful and out for blood. They call us liars when we discuss the fact that we have/do the same things they do. This blogger, in particular, has written about us being Amy's minions. Yeah, I know I've addressed that multiple times!

So, I'm going to take this opportunity to discuss The Raptors. The name was a joke that stuck. I can't even tell you what was going on that we were up in arms over, so a joke was made about velociraptors and many of us changed our profile pictures to that dinosaur. Of course, this is when we were accused of hacking Birth Without Fear and threatening her/her family. What better chance to try and make us all look like crap than by copying names of all the women complete with links to their profiles due to them having a dinosaur as their profile picture. That was great! Thus, The Raptors were born!

We normally do NOT go trolling pages, at all. We have things we do enjoy talking about. Just like Natural Childbirth and Homebirth Advocates, we like talking about pregnancy and childbirth. We like talking about all aspects of parenting. However, we are not keen on the whole Natural Birth/Homebirth idolization. My Dear Friend writes the blog Birthing Pains. She just recently wrote a post about how people don't see death of a baby as a bad outcome. It rocked!! It relates to the discussion because many advocates don't see death of a baby as a bad thing. It's preferable to a c-section that could possibly prevent you from birthing in the future. IOW, sacrifice the baby you are carrying for ones you could possibly carry in the future. I have yet to see a mother be told "you are too high risk for homebirth". Risk factors are blown off all the time! The Brewer diet is a treatment for pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes doesn't exist, you don't make a baby too big to birth, babies come when they are ready, etc. This is all stuff that we say "Hey, this isn't accurate" and it gets us blacklisted!

We also try to address the sanctimommy stuff. Nothing drives us battier, I think. The breastfeeding browbeating of women gets old, very old. Women who formula feed for ANY reason deserve support. Over the years, I cannot tell you how much crap I have been given because I support and defend formula. I've been told that I have no idea about breastfeeding because I haven't done it and if I had ever experienced a breastfeeding relationship, I would shout it from the rooftops. What really trips me out about that kind of stuff is all of my living children have been breastfed. That's right, I have nursed 6 children, with most of them stopping around a year and half when I'm usually pregnant again (and, lol, since I can't get pregnant again, my youngest is still going at it). And yes, I've given formula too. A lot of the time, I don't want to tell people I breastfeed because I don't want someone to think "Oh, she's one of those". Women shouldn't be treated like crap because they aren't doing what another mom thinks they should. While I was on TM:I's facebook page, I saw a woman post complaining because she kept trying to "educate" her friend about different parenting practices and her friend just wasn't listening. That is the kind of woman that we deal with regularly!

Yes, some bloggers have been talked about. Generally, this is because dangerous ideals have been promoted and dissension silenced. Course, people like Dr Momma, she's easy to chuckle over because of her sanctimommy behavior and fake DR credential. How many other bloggers create business cards that they have followers buy and place in products in stores to promote their agenda?? It's also the only place I've ever seen that totally trashes fathers!

I know that people target ALL members of our group, even those who are amongst them that aren't as hardcore. My friend above has been treated horribly just for daring to be friends with any of us. It's guilt by association, no matter what you do or stand for. Like friends, yes, we do like some of the same pages. It's where one person joins and you're like "Hey, sounds interesting" and check it out. Just because there are a few of us in one place doesn't mean we are out to get anybody. The paranoia displayed is amazing, but with TM:I, pretty good publicity stunt! We see those a lot and they do get talked and laughed about. Several times bloggers have said they are taking breaks and accusations against us start flying (although there has never been proof of anything!). This is how our screencap thing began. We were tired of saying something, having it erased, and being accused of saying something different. So, we would screencap what we said to pretty much cover our asses. Now, caps can be done to show what people say. Heck, I use them in my own family, to be honest. Now, if we think a thread or comment will poof, we get a cap of it, just in case. Caps are also used as discussion topics or "OMG, this person is insane" or "OMG, people actually say/think this".

The Raptors are actually a fun loving group. Those who have taken the time and effort to get to know us know that. We gush about our kids and our spouses and jobs. We share sorrows. The babies lost aren't just soandso's kid. These are babies we all care about. We have cried with our friends who have been hurt. When I had Amber write Paying for Perfection, I cried like a damn baby when I read it. I see how women are treated and it hurts me. It hurts us all. Really, as long as you try to make us into something we aren't, you will not be able to see us for who we really are because your judgement is clouding your thoughts. We try and tell people that we really do parent like they do and due to their preconceived notions about us, it doesn't sink in (newest is accusing us of letting our babies CIO and our guilt over it though I can't think of a single one of us who has done that).

We can show you that you don't have to be a sanctimonious bitch about parenting choices. We can also show that there is a place for science in parenting choices. We can also teach women that it is ok to have epidurals and ultrasounds and inductions and c-sections. We don't want women feeling bad for not holding themselves to a certain standard set forth by the natural community. How many women say "I had a c-section" and are automatically told how it could of been avoided or told how other women grieving her loss. C'mon. When someone has a baby, what is so hard about saying "Congratulations"??? Why does it have to be "I'm sorry for your c-section", "Congrats on your vbac", "Congrats on your homebirth", etc, etc, etc. I have pushed 7 children out of my body, SEVEN. 3 hospital birth with epidurals, 2 unmedicated hospital birth, 2 homebirths and I can confidently say "It doesn't freaking matter how a baby is born" It is the getting a baby here alive and healthy that matters!!! You can look at my children and you couldn't tell me which ones were born or fed in any particular way.

Yes, we can be snarky as hell. I won't deny that and neither will the rest of the women, though some of our friends are more softspoken and sweet. We WILL keep battling with people until they stop promoting dangerous ideas and behaving like sanctimonious bitches. I see some women talking about unification and support of mothers, but I really see NO effort made. I think it's more a "birth, feed, and parent how I tell you so you can be worthy of my attention" kind of thing. Seriously, when your insults are "you must formula feed and make your baby cio", you are showing women that you think these are bad things and creating a nice little divide there. You know any level headed mom who FF's is going to see that "insult" thrown out there and think "Well, F you". The only unification that you will promote will be women just like you. Funny enough, us ladies all birth and parent in different ways and are the closest friends ever. It's because we don't put one another's choices down. We support eachother in everything we do. That is being united. If that means people dog me while thinking I am a FF mother like my friends, I'm fine with it! I see a bunch of happy and healthy kids who are loved, which is what we all should be striving for to begin with. Course, thanks to dangerous ideals, supporting of negligence, support of crappy midwives, and nobody wanting rules or regulations or standards, there are some unhealthy kids thrown in there and some missing ones too. You would think mothers wouldn't want to see their peers burying their brand new babies, but lots of mothers are selfish that way, after all look at all the anti-vaxers out there, dead babies and kids are no big deal as long as it's not your own!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hi, Katie and Prownions!!

This e-mail was recently sent out by Katie Prown:

From: Katherine Prown 
To: """" ; birthpolicy 
Sent: Friday, September 2, 2011 7:12 AM
Subject: [BirthPolicy] Comments needed!

Hi everyone--

As many of you know, Amy Tuteur’s followers have become much more organized and are now swarming every online article about CPMs and out-of-hospital birth with highly negative, but to the average person, highly plausible, comments. I’ve linked to the latest example below and I’d like to ask all of us out there with our Google alerts set to make a point of posting these stories and asking the community to comment.

Registering on these sites can be a pain, but it’s worth creating a gmail account and username just for that purpose because we can’t afford to have an entire army of commenters out there reinforcing every negative stereotype about midwives and home birth that the general public and worse, legislators, already hold.

Now, this totally trips me out!! Let's look at a few things here, shall we??

1. To the average person, our comments seem highly plausible. So, to them, do they make no sense because they aren't average people?? 

2. She has google alerts set up?? So, she can beat us to the punch?? Can she not show up and have adult discussions with us?? 

3. She wants people to create sock puppets to counter us. Ok, this makes me chuckle. Why can't they actually use their real names and real email addresses and register at these sites as THEMSELVES, like the rest of us do. I'm not hiding behind some fake name just to say what I have to say. My name is Bambi C and I also go by Momofmanyfeet (not the uber crunchy one that doesn't believe in dentists that I found!)

4. We are not Amy followers. Every now and then, we make jokes about minions, but that's all it is- a joke. We all do our own thing. We are intelligent and capable of doing our own thing. Myself, I began speaking out within two months of my daughter's death BY MYSELF. I didn't have anybody holding my hand or supporting me aside from my husband and family. Due to Amy finding me and showing support and compassion, I did find an entire group of women that I could relate to. Since Skeptimommy and Fed up, we've been able to connect and really develop some wonderful friendships. It's not an echo chamber at all and we do have our disputes with one another, but respect one another's differences. 

To be honest, if Prown and her crowd would really LISTEN to those who have been hurt and take our suggestions to heart, we wouldn't be such a threat. I love knowing that we are a threat to the movement!! I won't lie, this is the best thing that has happened to show us that we are making a difference and it has renewed our strength. Just knowing that my daughter's death wasn't in vain is one of the best feelings. 

AND it turns out the Oregon homebirth community is freaked out about Liz P moving to their state (you can read about her developments on the right- Papparella Brood). 

If people want us to go away, Please, just shut up and listen. Take what we are saying to heart and enact it. We have been in a place you could never imagine and we don't want other women enduring what we have. It's easy to think dead babies are no big deal when it's not your dead baby. Trust me, this alters your life in unfathomable ways and it's not ok to expect women to be ok with their babies dying. When you place yourself above a healthy, living baby, perhaps you are in the wrong hobby. When you put yourself out there to deliver babies, you need to actually give a shit instead of whining like a damn baby! Seriously. When you are "In Service to Women", those women should actually, you know, matter. Burying a baby due to preventable circumstances isn't good for a woman!! Trust me! 

Friday, September 2, 2011

A Cesarean.......... The horrors

I have been wanting to address feminism and childbirth, but the words aren't coming to me right now. So, while I'm laid up here, I wanted to discuss something that has somewhat impacted me recently. 

Just the day before yesterday, a beloved blogger shared with us that her daughter was in labor and soon her grandchild would be born. Many of us have watched the joy of this impending birth for months! So here they are, moms in labor, goal is to stay home as long as possible and have a natural birth in the hospital. The outpouring of love and support just rolled in. We were given updates and had pictures shared so we were kind of a part of this joyous occasion. 

However, after 30 hours of labor, there was a need for a c-section. This development brought out the bitchiness in "supportive" women. One woman made a remark about how the mother gave up and decided to have a c-section. Holy hell. Had she not been watching the page as this labor unfolded?? Had she not seen the photos of mom on a birth ball?? Seriously? Mary's labor was 18 hours and it sucked. I can't even imagine 30 hours!! Some women have decided they want to play armchair obstetrician and question why mom had a c-section. I'm wondering why in the heck anyone thinks it is their business why this mother had a c-section! Another woman even asked if the babies size or head had something to do with it and asked if the babies head had molding (I'm assuming to prove position issues or CPD). 

Yes, some women remarked about how sad this was. Others have tried pulling the "ZOMG, she's going to have emotional issues and not bond with her baby because I didn't bond with my c-section baby" crap. That angers me. This mother has just given birth. She does not need a bunch of birth junkies trying to tell her she should feel badly for her baby's birth and she won't bond with her baby! We wonder why moms have PPD like they do these days! Look at how new mothers are treated in the NCB movement. I have heard from many women that they were fine with their child's birth until they got involved with the movement and that does include myself. Why is it so important to make mothers feel so badly?? 

Who really cares about how a baby is born as long as it is alive and well?? If a c-section is needed, then it's needed. Let's leave these women alone and let them enjoy their new babies and new families without your issues! It is nobody's business why a c-section is performed except for that mother and doctors and whoever they include in that medical decision!! 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

In Search of the perfect birth

I really have no words about this, other than I'm tired of people making excuses for midwives to continue on, knowing they are killing babies under the guise of "Choice".

Yes, this is crazy Elizabeth E from mothering, lovingly referred to as Evil E! Thanks to her awesome advice, a mother from the May 2011 Due Date Club ignored her Pre-E and ended up with a dead baby!


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