In my last post, I touched on how parents are thrown the "personal responsibility" line if their baby dies. Now, let's look at personal responsibility of midwives. I wish I could say I have proof of a midwife accepting "personal responsibility" for her actions in loss, but sadly, I don't have a single thing to offer, What I do have to offer is proof of midwives not accepting responsibility for a loss.
"They needed love and time to heal---not to be angry at my witch hunting state for going after me when their precious one would never have made it no matter what." - Kristi Smith Zittle *
IOW, baby would of died anyways and parents need to heal, not worry about that pesky state getting involved with their baby's death.
"Everyone needs to "blame" someone so we don't have to take a look at the final truth. With ALL of our lives will come death. ALL of us will die. It is a matter of when, how and if we are surrounded in love. I'm going to take a break from this because it has taken such a detour. How about instead of blame we work together to make sure we, as women and human beings, are not further stripped of our rights to make choices and live and raise our families the best we know how." Aspiring homebirth Midwife
*IOW, death happens, let's keep up the fight*
"When a person does all that any human being can do to save a baby's life, then what are they 'accountable' for? DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN DO is all that any one can do!"Not every doc or every hospital or every midwife can save every baby. Some babies are too damaged from something which happens in the womb or in labor; something which is no one's fault; something which is undetectable, unpreventable and treatable. It is usually not the doctors fault when a baby is lost. It is usually not the midwife's or mother's fault either. except for the very rare event of incorrect medication given, it is almost 'never' someones FAULT if a baby is lost. No mistakes were made. Everyone involved did their best.That is usually fact."- Gail Hart
*IOW* Doctors cause medication deaths, but it's almost never anyone's fault, let alone a midwife's because she did her best*
"And shame on every midwife that has contacted me (numerous) to overtly suggest that I should rethink my support of this midwife. My heart is breaking over this kind of peer level persecution."- Kathi Valeii, speaking about the arrest of Rowan Bailey
These are a few of many, many comments absolving midwives of all Personal Responsibility. Looking at the Sisters in Chains list, you see nothing but support for "persecuted" midwives, ie midwives who screwed up. It blows my mind that the same crowd who crows about parents who lose their babies taking "personal responsibility", but do we see a single midwife taking "personal responsibility"? In the last, roughly, 5 years, I have yet to see a single midwife with a death under her belt accepting responsibility for her negligent actions. No, they go on like nothing happened and when asked about that baby, they lie and concoct stories. This persecution thing is, frankly, bullshit. Instead of looking at us and screaming "personal responsibility", how about we look at our "sisters in chains" and look at the amount of destruction that is left in their wake. Personal responsibility means owning up to your mistakes. This means paying your own bail and your own attorney. This means admitting that you messed up. We already look at ourselves and admit, "I screwed up. I shouldn't of had that homebirth or should of chosen a different midwife". This does not mean "The baby died because of this or that". You look at your actions to see if you could of missed anything or done something that contributed to the death. Walking away like nothing ever happened isn't personal responsibility. Crying "persecution" isn't personal responsibility. Crying "witch hunt" isn't personal responsibility. I'm thinking that those who use that term towards the parents need to learn exactly what it means and hold their midwives to the same standard, after all, they ARE supposed to be the professional.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Personal Responsibility in the Homebirth Community
It never ceases to amaze me that any time an adverse outcome is discussed, the term "personal responsibility" is thrown towards parents. This is the only time I see it used within the community, when parents speak up. Essentially, this is their way of telling you that you are at fault for your baby dying. This is nothing more than a protection mechanism because nobody wants to see fault in something they love and support.
This bothers me for a few reasons-
We relied on someone that we were led to believe was a medical professional. We believed the information given to us. Women are reassured that various high risk circumstances are "variations of normal". We are told homebirth is safer than hospital birth and given studies to back up that statement. You never hear stories about things going wrong. You get wrapped up in the entire homebirth culture. Your midwife is your friend and all your friends are homebirthers. You're steadfast in this community.
Let's look at one of their popular subjects- The Unnecesarean. The name is exactly what it sounds like, an unnecessary c-section. It is deemed unnecessary when baby is born alive and well. This is always blamed on a doctor wanting to hurry a mother along whether it's to free up a room, ruin her experience, they have no faith in mom's abilities, get to a golf game, get to dinner, get to a family function, etc. All the women who use this term are loved, supported, and validated in their feelings within the community. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone in the community be nasty to a mother who feels she had an unnecesarean. Those within this subculture track cesarean rates for various practitioners so that women can avoid those with high cesarean rates. They discuss all the ways in which cesareans are horrible and awful. I won't lie, I've even read stories and witnessed things that have made ME question the validity of a c-section in cases. These mothers are never told they should accept "personal responsibility" for their c-section. They are not blamed for it. They are seen as a victim of the obstetrical movement. Everyone is worried about preventing these surgeries and lowering rates.
They are worried about PPD due to c-sections as well. What about the PPD you have when you suddenly have empty arms? They talk about PTSD from the c-section, but what about our PTSD after a loss?? It's been almost 5 years and I still will trigger when I see an ambulance or I see that Lincoln Towncar that took my daughter from the funeral home to the cemetery. When I have to physically talk about that morning, I won't lie, I panic inside. My heart races, I can't breathe, my palms sweat. What about what we go through? Why doesn't that matter?
Can anyone, anyone, tell me why these mothers are treated better than homebirth loss mothers and shown much more respect? "You had a c-section, you poor thing, we have to do something about this" vs "You need to accept personal responsibility for your midwife being negligent and causing your baby's death". How can an OB be so horrible for doing a surgery (no matter the reason), but a midwife is on par with Jesus himself after negligently causing a death (or even multiple ones)? Is it just me or is something majorly messed up here?
I am sick to death of being told to accept responsibility for my daughter's death. Yes, I chose the midwife and birth location and I realize I failed horribly. This is something I live with every single day of my life. ME. If I had known there was something wrong, I would of went to the hospital immediately. However, when Brenda explained everything to me, it really did sound plausible and I had no reason to think otherwise. I've had advocates tell me why those explanations were plausible as well!! She was the "professional" and was hired because of it. We relied on her. How did she not know something was wrong when midwives are suppose to know all about what is normal? She gets to go about her life like nothing happened. I don't have that luxury. I've been blaming myself and battling the guilt since she died and when advocates insist on heaping that blame on my shoulders, it does affect me, more than I should let it. We get punished for wanting to prevent other parents from enduring this. The midwives we relied on, they get fundraising rallies and support.
This bothers me for a few reasons-
We relied on someone that we were led to believe was a medical professional. We believed the information given to us. Women are reassured that various high risk circumstances are "variations of normal". We are told homebirth is safer than hospital birth and given studies to back up that statement. You never hear stories about things going wrong. You get wrapped up in the entire homebirth culture. Your midwife is your friend and all your friends are homebirthers. You're steadfast in this community.
Let's look at one of their popular subjects- The Unnecesarean. The name is exactly what it sounds like, an unnecessary c-section. It is deemed unnecessary when baby is born alive and well. This is always blamed on a doctor wanting to hurry a mother along whether it's to free up a room, ruin her experience, they have no faith in mom's abilities, get to a golf game, get to dinner, get to a family function, etc. All the women who use this term are loved, supported, and validated in their feelings within the community. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone in the community be nasty to a mother who feels she had an unnecesarean. Those within this subculture track cesarean rates for various practitioners so that women can avoid those with high cesarean rates. They discuss all the ways in which cesareans are horrible and awful. I won't lie, I've even read stories and witnessed things that have made ME question the validity of a c-section in cases. These mothers are never told they should accept "personal responsibility" for their c-section. They are not blamed for it. They are seen as a victim of the obstetrical movement. Everyone is worried about preventing these surgeries and lowering rates.
They are worried about PPD due to c-sections as well. What about the PPD you have when you suddenly have empty arms? They talk about PTSD from the c-section, but what about our PTSD after a loss?? It's been almost 5 years and I still will trigger when I see an ambulance or I see that Lincoln Towncar that took my daughter from the funeral home to the cemetery. When I have to physically talk about that morning, I won't lie, I panic inside. My heart races, I can't breathe, my palms sweat. What about what we go through? Why doesn't that matter?
Can anyone, anyone, tell me why these mothers are treated better than homebirth loss mothers and shown much more respect? "You had a c-section, you poor thing, we have to do something about this" vs "You need to accept personal responsibility for your midwife being negligent and causing your baby's death". How can an OB be so horrible for doing a surgery (no matter the reason), but a midwife is on par with Jesus himself after negligently causing a death (or even multiple ones)? Is it just me or is something majorly messed up here?
I am sick to death of being told to accept responsibility for my daughter's death. Yes, I chose the midwife and birth location and I realize I failed horribly. This is something I live with every single day of my life. ME. If I had known there was something wrong, I would of went to the hospital immediately. However, when Brenda explained everything to me, it really did sound plausible and I had no reason to think otherwise. I've had advocates tell me why those explanations were plausible as well!! She was the "professional" and was hired because of it. We relied on her. How did she not know something was wrong when midwives are suppose to know all about what is normal? She gets to go about her life like nothing happened. I don't have that luxury. I've been blaming myself and battling the guilt since she died and when advocates insist on heaping that blame on my shoulders, it does affect me, more than I should let it. We get punished for wanting to prevent other parents from enduring this. The midwives we relied on, they get fundraising rallies and support.
The Man Behind the Curtain
Midwifery is legal in North Carolina if you are a Certified Nurse Midwife. The thing with CPM's/lay midwives is that they are uneducated, have no accountability, do not carry malpractice insurance, have no standards, etc. In states where they are licensed to practice, there is still no accountability. In Colorado, for instance, the perinatal mortality rate for their licensed midwives, is 2.5 X higher than the state as a whole. How will licensing help?? How about supporting a bill that says CNM's can practice without having to have a physician babysitting them so that CNM's could be providing homebirth services? Give women access to safe and qualified providers.
I think the homebirth community, as a whole, would fare better if they held midwives up to higher standards and did not blindly support negligence. People are seeing the reactions from some within the community and saying "Whoa, hold up, babies are dying here and we cannot allow this anymore". When you defend negligence and ignore what is occurring, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
When it comes to bullies, I can honestly say I have seen that coming directly from the community to anyone who stands up, especially us mothers who speak out about the preventable deaths of our babies at the hands of our homebirth midwives.
I think the homebirth community, as a whole, would fare better if they held midwives up to higher standards and did not blindly support negligence. People are seeing the reactions from some within the community and saying "Whoa, hold up, babies are dying here and we cannot allow this anymore". When you defend negligence and ignore what is occurring, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
When it comes to bullies, I can honestly say I have seen that coming directly from the community to anyone who stands up, especially us mothers who speak out about the preventable deaths of our babies at the hands of our homebirth midwives.
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