Tuesday, February 14, 2012

More Brenda Information

Tonight, I had this go down on Facebook:

So, my baby and what happened to her doesn't matter. She has had two peaceful births and her friend has had one. Guess what? I had one too, then I lost my daughter the next time, but that doesn't matter. How christian! I thought the christian thing was that ALL life mattered and our friends funeral service reflected her views of that. 

Yeah, my baby death doesn't matter, course I'm not gonna be mad at you and will want to remain friends! Yeah, that was dripping with sarcasm!

Let's look at Brenda, shall we, since these women have had their great births and all!

A client says I am in labor. Brenda doesn't show up. Sound familiar?? It should!! Client then becomes an assistant and stops referring others to her. How could that happen?? 

Mom was NOT 42 weeks, but 44 weeks with third homebirth baby! I have personal messages from mom detailing more information, but out of respect for her memory, I really don't feel right sharing them. 

Interesting. I recall also getting those emails!  How many risk factors do we see at play here?? Oh wait and it's another dead baby! Well, holy shit!! 

Love Always Leaves A Mark

I have had the honor of knowing this awesome mom and would like to share her with you! I asked her to write an introduction::

My name is Nicki and I am a mommy to a sweet baby girl who dances on the other side of eternity. Her name is Ellersley Grace and she was born on August 13th, 2011. I was only 29 weeks and 1 day pregnant when she decided to make her entrance into this world due to a placental abruption. She lived for only 22 minutes due to a great loss of blood and oxygen. Our sweet girl is now the warm wind on our face and the beautiful butterfly that follows us around. Our arms are empty and our dreams are shattered but our hearts are full; full of the love and the joy she brought for 7 months, 1 week and 1 day.

Let's show her some blog love!!

She will be added to my blog roll, too!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Remembering Sheryl

     This story begins in October of 1998. I'm an 18 year old mother of a 5 month old baby boy. My husband and I had been attending a local church for a few months. The church had a bible study for mothers and I was invited. Being a SAHM and new to the church, I was totally up for this. Little did I know that I would be attending this group until it's demise in 2006. I made some truly lifelong friends. One of these mothers was Sheryl. She was always happy, very softspoken, wise, and her life truly revolved around her family. She had to of been one of the most steadfast christian women that I have ever known. No matter what, she remained happy and joyful. I truly don't think I ever saw her even get angry.

   The woman I knew with four little ones soon became a mother of eight and then took on the roll of an angel mom. This week, early tuesday morning, Sheryl became an angel herself. I had just been talking to her the night before, was cleaning, and thinking "As soon as I'm done, I'm gonna tell Sheryl this" and chuckling to myself. I was really looking forward to chatting with her. So, after my chores, I log on and one of our friends contacts me to tell me the news. Disbelief is an understatement. I've spent days connecting with others who loved Sheryl, some only knowing her as an angel mom, some knowing her as a friend on a message board, some knowing her as a homeschool mom, some knowing her as the attachment parenting mom. In these connections and conversations, I've gotten to reminisce and reflect on many things.

   Sheryl was the friend I looked to for guidance in my crunchier days. She was the non-judgmental friend I could turn to about spiritual issues. When I had marital issues years ago, she supported me. When I drifted from God and church, she didn't judge, but I am sure it hurt her. Last May, her church was doing a memorial day service. The name of her son, Samuel, was to be read. She invited me and I did decline. I wanted nothing to do with church and figured lightening would strike if I stepped foot in the building. Then, I decided, "What the heck, I'm doing this". And I did. I went to sunday school with her and then sat with her in the service and held her as she silently cried. That day, that small gesture, is something she told me recently meant so much to her. That day, that invitation, set me on another path. I'm getting there slowly, but that was THE turning point. I have no doubt that this sweet and quiet woman prayed her heart out for all of her friends and loved ones who either didn't know Christ or were having crises of faith and backslid. You know, that sunday school lesson that day was about reaching non-christians and I was a non-christian in there. I remember making a list in my head and telling Sheryl all the reasons that christians don't succeed in recruiting people. Somehow two similar women became almost opposites and still remained friends.

   When we attended MOM'S group, we agreed on several issues that came up, but I was more vocal (always been my thing). I remember when we had a SAHD join and it was like "OK". Then, he tried using the women to try to help him with a side business he was starting. We saw it for what it was and stood firm. When we tried doing a multi-family yard sale with him and another mom, he was very controlling, so we said "The heck with this" and bowed out. We would hook up at her house and just hang out all day, normally sitting there nursing babies. Multiple times, we were pregnant at the same time, and even Brenda joked with us asking if we kept planning it that way. Back in 2006, we were both on a message board together and she happened to be 4 weeks overdue so some women began calling her a troll and a fake. I let into them something fierce. She had such grace about the situation. Me, nope. You don't talk about MY friend. Can you see why we were opposites, lol?? For that baby, she had a baby shower. It was a lot of fun. She was so big and miserable, but took it in stride. The day she had that baby, I went to her house and Brenda was there and offered to just do my prenatal exam there, but I declined. During our bible study days, one of the moms suffered from mental illness, so Sheryl and I would drop everything to go help care for her and her home (because her husband was a total jackass).  Go figure, I was the one who had the guts to tell that husband I wanted to get his wife a boyfriend so she could be happy. Poor Sheryl probably didn't know what to say or do with me sometimes, lol.

   When Sheryl lost her son last march, she took her pain and used it to help others. I know she was hurting so much, but she used that and created something beautiful. That is something that takes strength and courage and I admired that in her. Her duties in the home meant everything to her too. She homeschooled the kids, sometimes having 5 or 6 different grade levels going. When I did it, I only had 3 and that was rough. I can't even imagine adding more! She loved those children and embraced each and every one she was blessed with. Even those lost early on, they all received names and were grieved by her. In her obituary, those babies were listed. During the service today, those babies were shared. As I sat there looking at my sweet friend, I could picture her in heaven with those babies. I could see her embracing every baby there as only a mother would. I know she will hold and love my daughter just as she would her own children. I am so honored and blessed to have known such a wonderful woman. She was the epitome of what a Godly woman is. Although I will weep for what we all have lost here, I will be happy for her and all she has gained.

                                          Sheryl, you will NEVER be forgotten. I love you.



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