Yes, they really do say this stuff

I've spoken a few times on the crap said to homebirth loss moms who dare to speak up. I happened to of joined the facebook page for Business of Being Born. I shared my story and gave my spiel on CPM's, why they are dangerous, why they aren't comparable to European midwives, etc. Of course, we are called trolls because we don't clamor about how changed our lives were due to that docrapumentary and actually share real facts. Very few pwople have stood up to say "Hey, this other side needs to be shown instead of begging for the banning of these women". Yes, someone actually called for us to be banned from the page. For sharing facts! This really proves that advocates cannot handle dissenting opinion. The anger is comical. Now, I did get angry. Why?? Perhaps these statements will shed some light onto why some of us are so angry and this is really what we are up against when we choose to speak up

Your daughter probably would have lived if born in a hospital, or maybe the nurse/doctor there would have been in a rush and missed the signs....maybe you should have thought about all those risks BEFORE deciding to have a homebirth. Maybe you should have brushed up on the signs of not breathing and distress etc. Any mother that has a home birth should know the warning signs and seek help ASAP.

You need to accept some blame for this, or else you will never heal.

Just like we shouldn't put all our trust into our doctor, we shouldn't put all our trust into our midwives, no matter what initials come after their name. You are responsible for YOU and YOUR family at the end of the day. You chose where you wanted to birth, not anyone else.

I do agree that there should be some liability for midwives, such as malpractice so families can sue in the event something happens like yours Bambi, but you don't get off with nothing. Woman up and own your choice. If everything went wonderful, you'd be proud of your decision to homebirth.

I know many women who regret going to a hospital, to only be forced with a c-section, episiotomies, etc..but they know it was their choice to go there!

Isn't that so sweet??

Bambi, no one is trying to make you feel guilty. Fact is fact, YOU hired her. It sucks. It sucks so very much.

I never said it was ALL your fault but you it wasn't all your midwife's fault either. I think you should go troll somewhere else, it's obvious how you feel and what you are trying to do on this page...

I am for informed birth whether that's at home, hospital, birth center, in the woods or wherever you so choose!

One comment here was made by a doula, the other two a woman who wants to be a CPM! This is how mothers with homebirth losses are talked to for daring to share their stories. If we wonder why there aren't more women speaking up, we can certainly look to the homebirth advocates themselves. Silence anyone who doesn't speak how you approve of. Sadly, I did share the link to my last post pouring my heart out over how I feel. Homebirth advocates WANT loss moms broken and weak, like them.

Yes, they really do say this stuff

I've spoken a few times on the crap said to homebirth loss moms who dare to speak up. I happened to of joined the facebook page for Business of Being Born. I shared my story and gave my spiel on CPM's, why they are dangerous, why they aren't comparable to European midwives, etc. Of course, we are called trolls because we don't clamor about how changed our lives were due to that docrapumentary and actually share real facts. Very few pwople have stood up to say "Hey, this other side needs to be shown instead of begging for the banning of these women". Yes, someone actually called for us to be banned from the page. For sharing facts! This really proves that advocates cannot handle dissenting opinion. The anger is comical. Now, I did get angry. Why?? Perhaps these statements will shed some light onto why some of us are so angry and this is really what we are up against when we choose to speak up

Your daughter probably would have lived if born in a hospital, or maybe the nurse/doctor there would have been in a rush and missed the signs....maybe you should have thought about all those risks BEFORE deciding to have a homebirth. Maybe you should have brushed up on the signs of not breathing and distress etc. Any mother that has a home birth should know the warning signs and seek help ASAP.

You need to accept some blame for this, or else you will never heal.

Just like we shouldn't put all our trust into our doctor, we shouldn't put all our trust into our midwives, no matter what initials come after their name. You are responsible for YOU and YOUR family at the end of the day. You chose where you wanted to birth, not anyone else.

I do agree that there should be some liability for midwives, such as malpractice so families can sue in the event something happens like yours Bambi, but you don't get off with nothing. Woman up and own your choice. If everything went wonderful, you'd be proud of your decision to homebirth.

I know many women who regret going to a hospital, to only be forced with a c-section, episiotomies, etc..but they know it was their choice to go there!

Isn't that so sweet??

Bambi, no one is trying to make you feel guilty. Fact is fact, YOU hired her. It sucks. It sucks so very much.

I never said it was ALL your fault but you it wasn't all your midwife's fault either. I think you should go troll somewhere else, it's obvious how you feel and what you are trying to do on this page...

I am for informed birth whether that's at home, hospital, birth center, in the woods or wherever you so choose!

One comment here was made by a doula, the other two a woman who wants to be a CPM! This is how mothers with homebirth losses are talked to for daring to share their stories. If we wonder why there aren't more women speaking up, we can certainly look to the homebirth advocates themselves. Silence anyone who doesn't speak how you approve of. Sadly, I did share the link to my last post pouring my heart out over how I feel. Homebirth advocates WANT loss moms broken and weak, like them.

We remember

Mary's birthday is tomorrow, June 5th. For the past few weeks, the weight has gotten heavier and heavier. I know today and early tomorrow will be the worst part of it. When we arrive at the cemetary, there will be some tears shed as we remember her and her brief life. Then we will release the balloons and have a picnic, with cupcakes freshly baked by us. This will repeat every year as it has since her death. At some point, that day is supposed to get easier- I'm just not sure when.

Three years later, I am still angry. How could this midwife reassure us that our daughter was in perfect health when she was in trouble? This midwife just walked away. Oddly enough, she had asked an old friend if she had heard from me just days before the old friend lost her baby. I bet she wonders about me. I'm here warning other parents about you and you know it. My guess is she wanted to know what I've been up to and what to watch out for or maybe hoping my public endeavors would be over. I want her to remember my daughter and want her to remember me until her dying day. I probably wouldn't hate her so much if there had been some sort of accountability. Saying "please don't sue me, please don't believe the coroner- believe me, and don't go after homebirth" doesn't quite say "I'm sorry for fucking up so majorly". Do I care if my baby's death impacted her emotionally? Nope, not at all. I don't feel that midwives should be able to say "Omg, I'm so so sad, this has impacted me horribly" and then just walk like nothing happened. If they aren't dealing with the emotions that come from losing their baby day in and day out, their emotions mean nothing. Yeah, this is just a small glance into my anger.

I am still so very sad. I still feel at fault (yep, score 1 for the advocate camp who gloats when a mom carries this burden or encourages her to feel this badly). I know people remind me all the time that it was all the midwife's fault. BUT I chose her and chose to homebirth. Nobody held a gun to my head and made me do it. Did I have all the information available? No, I didn't. Still, I should have. I live every day knowing I made a stupid decision and my baby paid the ultimate price for it. This has caused a lot of mental stress/anguish. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts on and off since she died. Sometimes the weight of it all is more than I can handle. I battle depression. I know the guilt is what causes all of this, but, nothing I can ever do will ever get rid of that- unless time travel becomes an option or I die. Nobody should ever feel this. Not a single day goes by that I don't miss her and wish I had done things much differently. What I wouldn't give to of been able to experience all those things that most parents take for granted. Late nights with spit up, crying, and poo would of been welcomed.

I will continue on in my advocacy, for not only my precious daughter, but for all the babies who have died at the hands of negligent homebirth midwives.

Happy Birthday, Mary Beth. I wish you were here celebrating this with us. You will always be loved and remembered, Princess!!!