While our family was on vacation, my stepmother lost her father. So, my number one concern when we got home was reaching out to let her know I cared. She knows if she needs anything I am here. I call or text her to let her know I am thinking of her and I even attended tonight's memorial at the funeral home. Leaving there I was talking with my daughter and decided I wanted to just write about loss tonight.
I know death is an uncomfortable subject for many people. You know, every single person that is born will die. It's a given. Do I like that?? No. I hate knowing that one day I will have to say goodbye to those that I hold dear. Thinking of ever going a day without my husband is enough to make me cry. I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to lose my parents. I don't want to lose any siblings. I sure as hell don't want to ever bury another child and don't care how old they are! When an older person dies, there seems to be more peace surrounding it as it is an expected part of life. When it's an adult in the prime of their lives, it's not normally expected and hard. When it's a child or a baby, it's never expected and always leaving people trying to grasp the whys and hows.
When you are the grieving person, you need people to keep reaching out to you. You never want to forget the person you loved and you don't want everyone around you to forget either. You want to be reminded of them and you want to remember all the good things. Even in the loss of a baby, you get to remember them in your arms, how they felt, how they smelled, little fingers, little toes, hair, etc.
So, here is Bambi's list to those who are supporting a grieving person-
1. No matter how you feel about death, please go to services if you are able. We remember those who took the time to come. My brother in laws mother came and I didn't know her at all, but it stayed with me and has meant so very much to me. If you don't want to see a body, ignore it or stay at the other end of the room. My brother telling me he didn't want to see or look at my daughter is something that stayed with me (and it hit me hard tonight to be honest). That was my baby and she was beautiful.
2. Reach out. If you cannot attend services, please do something, anything, to let the person know you care. Call them, even if you have to leave a voicemail. They will get it and appreciate it, even if they aren't up for talking. My cousin and friends did this all the time and it meant a lot. Send them a message just to say "Hey, I'm thinking of you". They will remember. My cousin and I are close, but that really added another layer to our bond. Send a card. Send a plant (dying flowers can be a trigger). My stepdad couldn't be here because he was gone on business, so he called me all the time until he got home and that meant a ton to me. My Dad and Stepmom bought us a pink peony that would bloom every year around her birthday.
3. Don't make their grief about you. This was how I lost my "best friend". She was angry that I didn't call her immediately. This is how I also learned about my midwife's true colors. She was waiting on my porch after Mary's funeral all kinds of angry that other midwives' were talking about her and the possibility of her arrest. When someone is grieving, you are there for them, NOT the other way around. They can barely manage their own feelings, let alone yours. Several family members also did the "We couldn't handle it" thing that hurt initially and you aren't thinking clearly initially. So, what you do and how you react in the initial period sets the tone for the rest of the journey.
4. If you are going to bring food, please make it non -perishables that the family can just grab here and there or giftcards. Dinners are appreciated, but they usually go to waste because you have no appetite. Now, my mother and husbands family would bring food and make me eat. Probably not a good idea if there isn't a close relationship. Had they just been friends trying to boss me around, it would not of gone over at all!
5. Remember. It seems so simple, yet seems to be the hardest thing to do. Talk about that loved one. Mention their name. Remember their birthday. Remember when they died. Reach out on holidays or special days.
6. Do not just ask, "How are you doing?" if you really don't want to listen to the truth. Your demeanor and tone tells us if you really want to know or if you are asking because you think you are obligated to ask.
7. If we are having a hard time, please don't use some cliche to try to pacify us. My biggest pet peeve is the term, "I'll pray for you". Yeah, that didn't help at all! Take the time to sit down and actually listen to us. Don't tell us it will get easier. I tell other parents that I wish I could tell them it gets easier, but I don't know if it does. This also means not using the term "God needed an angel" or "it was for the best" or "you can have another". Nobody is replaceable! I will never get back those I have lost, no matter who I have in my life. Having a rainbow baby doesn't make losing my daughter any better.
8. See if we need anything. Even if we don't want to take you up on it, it still shows you actually care! If you are heading to the store, call the person and say "Can I grab a gallon of milk or trash bags or bring some fruit/veggies over". Me, Offer to bring me gummy worms on a bad day and I will love you forever!!
9. Don't expect for us to get over it. Yeah, you never get over losing a loved one. You will always miss them. This esp goes for a baby because people ASSume if you didn't have a long period of time with the baby, you couldn't actually love it or be bonded to it. These people are idiots and need slapped back to reality! And probably not to be a part of your life.
10. Do not expect grieving people to "get back to normal". Normal is gone and in it's place is a new normal that we are trying to figure out.
11. Grief causes many strange emotions. Please bear with us while we navigate them. The feelings will cycle and that's normal.
12. Even if you have a strained relationship with the person, make an effort. Brother mentioned above also made it known he had no desire to come to his nieces funeral but only came because people guilt tripped him. Course, he also later blamed me and felt he had a right because he didn't agree with my choices. That relationship is irreparable!
13. Send condolences in a personal way. This really means- DO NOT TEXT your condolences. Text is fine as a way to see how someone is doing or let them know you are thinking about them. Getting a "sorry for your loss" text is a surefire way to make sure the grieving has nothing else to do with your uncaring ass. Yes, this did happen and only solidified my resolve to never let him call my kids his grandchildren! Luckily her real Grandfathers showed they cared!
14. In the case of baby loss, please do not act like we have some contagious disease. We promise your baby will not die because ours did. Sharing air won't cause it. Hugging us won't cause it. Thinking of us won't cause it. Talking to us won't cause it. We attended a small church when our daughter died and I swear only two people there ever spoke to us after she died. I could be in the nursery with my kids and other people and not a word would be uttered. We lasted just a few months there after that before we were done!
I think this is about it from me, but if you want to add anything, please do so in the comments!
And for my grieving family members- I love you all and do genuinely care!! I wish I could make this all better, but I know I can't. My heart does break for every single one of you. ((Debi, Staci, Danny, Daniel, Chris, and David))
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
When someone close to you loses a loved one
While our family was on vacation, my stepmother lost her father. So, my number one concern when we got home was reaching out to let her know I cared. She knows if she needs anything I am here. I call or text her to let her know I am thinking of her and I even attended tonight's memorial at the funeral home. Leaving there I was talking with my daughter and decided I wanted to just write about loss tonight.
I know death is an uncomfortable subject for many people. You know, every single person that is born will die. It's a given. Do I like that?? No. I hate knowing that one day I will have to say goodbye to those that I hold dear. Thinking of ever going a day without my husband is enough to make me cry. I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to lose my parents. I don't want to lose any siblings. I sure as hell don't want to ever bury another child and don't care how old they are! When an older person dies, there seems to be more peace surrounding it as it is an expected part of life. When it's an adult in the prime of their lives, it's not normally expected and hard. When it's a child or a baby, it's never expected and always leaving people trying to grasp the whys and hows.
When you are the grieving person, you need people to keep reaching out to you. You never want to forget the person you loved and you don't want everyone around you to forget either. You want to be reminded of them and you want to remember all the good things. Even in the loss of a baby, you get to remember them in your arms, how they felt, how they smelled, little fingers, little toes, hair, etc.
So, here is Bambi's list to those who are supporting a grieving person-
1. No matter how you feel about death, please go to services if you are able. We remember those who took the time to come. My brother in laws mother came and I didn't know her at all, but it stayed with me and has meant so very much to me. If you don't want to see a body, ignore it or stay at the other end of the room. My brother telling me he didn't want to see or look at my daughter is something that stayed with me (and it hit me hard tonight to be honest). That was my baby and she was beautiful.
2. Reach out. If you cannot attend services, please do something, anything, to let the person know you care. Call them, even if you have to leave a voicemail. They will get it and appreciate it, even if they aren't up for talking. My cousin and friends did this all the time and it meant a lot. Send them a message just to say "Hey, I'm thinking of you". They will remember. My cousin and I are close, but that really added another layer to our bond. Send a card. Send a plant (dying flowers can be a trigger). My stepdad couldn't be here because he was gone on business, so he called me all the time until he got home and that meant a ton to me. My Dad and Stepmom bought us a pink peony that would bloom every year around her birthday.
3. Don't make their grief about you. This was how I lost my "best friend". She was angry that I didn't call her immediately. This is how I also learned about my midwife's true colors. She was waiting on my porch after Mary's funeral all kinds of angry that other midwives' were talking about her and the possibility of her arrest. When someone is grieving, you are there for them, NOT the other way around. They can barely manage their own feelings, let alone yours. Several family members also did the "We couldn't handle it" thing that hurt initially and you aren't thinking clearly initially. So, what you do and how you react in the initial period sets the tone for the rest of the journey.
4. If you are going to bring food, please make it non -perishables that the family can just grab here and there or giftcards. Dinners are appreciated, but they usually go to waste because you have no appetite. Now, my mother and husbands family would bring food and make me eat. Probably not a good idea if there isn't a close relationship. Had they just been friends trying to boss me around, it would not of gone over at all!
5. Remember. It seems so simple, yet seems to be the hardest thing to do. Talk about that loved one. Mention their name. Remember their birthday. Remember when they died. Reach out on holidays or special days.
6. Do not just ask, "How are you doing?" if you really don't want to listen to the truth. Your demeanor and tone tells us if you really want to know or if you are asking because you think you are obligated to ask.
7. If we are having a hard time, please don't use some cliche to try to pacify us. My biggest pet peeve is the term, "I'll pray for you". Yeah, that didn't help at all! Take the time to sit down and actually listen to us. Don't tell us it will get easier. I tell other parents that I wish I could tell them it gets easier, but I don't know if it does. This also means not using the term "God needed an angel" or "it was for the best" or "you can have another". Nobody is replaceable! I will never get back those I have lost, no matter who I have in my life. Having a rainbow baby doesn't make losing my daughter any better.
8. See if we need anything. Even if we don't want to take you up on it, it still shows you actually care! If you are heading to the store, call the person and say "Can I grab a gallon of milk or trash bags or bring some fruit/veggies over". Me, Offer to bring me gummy worms on a bad day and I will love you forever!!
9. Don't expect for us to get over it. Yeah, you never get over losing a loved one. You will always miss them. This esp goes for a baby because people ASSume if you didn't have a long period of time with the baby, you couldn't actually love it or be bonded to it. These people are idiots and need slapped back to reality! And probably not to be a part of your life.
10. Do not expect grieving people to "get back to normal". Normal is gone and in it's place is a new normal that we are trying to figure out.
11. Grief causes many strange emotions. Please bear with us while we navigate them. The feelings will cycle and that's normal.
12. Even if you have a strained relationship with the person, make an effort. Brother mentioned above also made it known he had no desire to come to his nieces funeral but only came because people guilt tripped him. Course, he also later blamed me and felt he had a right because he didn't agree with my choices. That relationship is irreparable!
13. Send condolences in a personal way. This really means- DO NOT TEXT your condolences. Text is fine as a way to see how someone is doing or let them know you are thinking about them. Getting a "sorry for your loss" text is a surefire way to make sure the grieving has nothing else to do with your uncaring ass. Yes, this did happen and only solidified my resolve to never let him call my kids his grandchildren! Luckily her real Grandfathers showed they cared!
14. In the case of baby loss, please do not act like we have some contagious disease. We promise your baby will not die because ours did. Sharing air won't cause it. Hugging us won't cause it. Thinking of us won't cause it. Talking to us won't cause it. We attended a small church when our daughter died and I swear only two people there ever spoke to us after she died. I could be in the nursery with my kids and other people and not a word would be uttered. We lasted just a few months there after that before we were done!
I think this is about it from me, but if you want to add anything, please do so in the comments!
And for my grieving family members- I love you all and do genuinely care!! I wish I could make this all better, but I know I can't. My heart does break for every single one of you. ((Debi, Staci, Danny, Daniel, Chris, and David))
I know death is an uncomfortable subject for many people. You know, every single person that is born will die. It's a given. Do I like that?? No. I hate knowing that one day I will have to say goodbye to those that I hold dear. Thinking of ever going a day without my husband is enough to make me cry. I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to lose my parents. I don't want to lose any siblings. I sure as hell don't want to ever bury another child and don't care how old they are! When an older person dies, there seems to be more peace surrounding it as it is an expected part of life. When it's an adult in the prime of their lives, it's not normally expected and hard. When it's a child or a baby, it's never expected and always leaving people trying to grasp the whys and hows.
When you are the grieving person, you need people to keep reaching out to you. You never want to forget the person you loved and you don't want everyone around you to forget either. You want to be reminded of them and you want to remember all the good things. Even in the loss of a baby, you get to remember them in your arms, how they felt, how they smelled, little fingers, little toes, hair, etc.
So, here is Bambi's list to those who are supporting a grieving person-
1. No matter how you feel about death, please go to services if you are able. We remember those who took the time to come. My brother in laws mother came and I didn't know her at all, but it stayed with me and has meant so very much to me. If you don't want to see a body, ignore it or stay at the other end of the room. My brother telling me he didn't want to see or look at my daughter is something that stayed with me (and it hit me hard tonight to be honest). That was my baby and she was beautiful.
2. Reach out. If you cannot attend services, please do something, anything, to let the person know you care. Call them, even if you have to leave a voicemail. They will get it and appreciate it, even if they aren't up for talking. My cousin and friends did this all the time and it meant a lot. Send them a message just to say "Hey, I'm thinking of you". They will remember. My cousin and I are close, but that really added another layer to our bond. Send a card. Send a plant (dying flowers can be a trigger). My stepdad couldn't be here because he was gone on business, so he called me all the time until he got home and that meant a ton to me. My Dad and Stepmom bought us a pink peony that would bloom every year around her birthday.
3. Don't make their grief about you. This was how I lost my "best friend". She was angry that I didn't call her immediately. This is how I also learned about my midwife's true colors. She was waiting on my porch after Mary's funeral all kinds of angry that other midwives' were talking about her and the possibility of her arrest. When someone is grieving, you are there for them, NOT the other way around. They can barely manage their own feelings, let alone yours. Several family members also did the "We couldn't handle it" thing that hurt initially and you aren't thinking clearly initially. So, what you do and how you react in the initial period sets the tone for the rest of the journey.
4. If you are going to bring food, please make it non -perishables that the family can just grab here and there or giftcards. Dinners are appreciated, but they usually go to waste because you have no appetite. Now, my mother and husbands family would bring food and make me eat. Probably not a good idea if there isn't a close relationship. Had they just been friends trying to boss me around, it would not of gone over at all!
5. Remember. It seems so simple, yet seems to be the hardest thing to do. Talk about that loved one. Mention their name. Remember their birthday. Remember when they died. Reach out on holidays or special days.
6. Do not just ask, "How are you doing?" if you really don't want to listen to the truth. Your demeanor and tone tells us if you really want to know or if you are asking because you think you are obligated to ask.
7. If we are having a hard time, please don't use some cliche to try to pacify us. My biggest pet peeve is the term, "I'll pray for you". Yeah, that didn't help at all! Take the time to sit down and actually listen to us. Don't tell us it will get easier. I tell other parents that I wish I could tell them it gets easier, but I don't know if it does. This also means not using the term "God needed an angel" or "it was for the best" or "you can have another". Nobody is replaceable! I will never get back those I have lost, no matter who I have in my life. Having a rainbow baby doesn't make losing my daughter any better.
8. See if we need anything. Even if we don't want to take you up on it, it still shows you actually care! If you are heading to the store, call the person and say "Can I grab a gallon of milk or trash bags or bring some fruit/veggies over". Me, Offer to bring me gummy worms on a bad day and I will love you forever!!
9. Don't expect for us to get over it. Yeah, you never get over losing a loved one. You will always miss them. This esp goes for a baby because people ASSume if you didn't have a long period of time with the baby, you couldn't actually love it or be bonded to it. These people are idiots and need slapped back to reality! And probably not to be a part of your life.
10. Do not expect grieving people to "get back to normal". Normal is gone and in it's place is a new normal that we are trying to figure out.
11. Grief causes many strange emotions. Please bear with us while we navigate them. The feelings will cycle and that's normal.
12. Even if you have a strained relationship with the person, make an effort. Brother mentioned above also made it known he had no desire to come to his nieces funeral but only came because people guilt tripped him. Course, he also later blamed me and felt he had a right because he didn't agree with my choices. That relationship is irreparable!
13. Send condolences in a personal way. This really means- DO NOT TEXT your condolences. Text is fine as a way to see how someone is doing or let them know you are thinking about them. Getting a "sorry for your loss" text is a surefire way to make sure the grieving has nothing else to do with your uncaring ass. Yes, this did happen and only solidified my resolve to never let him call my kids his grandchildren! Luckily her real Grandfathers showed they cared!
14. In the case of baby loss, please do not act like we have some contagious disease. We promise your baby will not die because ours did. Sharing air won't cause it. Hugging us won't cause it. Thinking of us won't cause it. Talking to us won't cause it. We attended a small church when our daughter died and I swear only two people there ever spoke to us after she died. I could be in the nursery with my kids and other people and not a word would be uttered. We lasted just a few months there after that before we were done!
I think this is about it from me, but if you want to add anything, please do so in the comments!
And for my grieving family members- I love you all and do genuinely care!! I wish I could make this all better, but I know I can't. My heart does break for every single one of you. ((Debi, Staci, Danny, Daniel, Chris, and David))
Are you seeing anything here??
I was recently perusing one of my facebook pages and came upon a discussion over the NCB=Cult comparison I had written. Of course, people are offended. One woman stated that she refused to read anything I had to say. Why? She had seen comments I had made (no sharing about what I said, the subject matter, etc). This leads me to today's post.
At 17 years old, I did my best to have a natural birth. Nurses helped me immensely. However, the labor was very long and I couldn't do it anymore. I was determined to breastfeed and did. My son co-slept. I tried cloth, but not having a washer or dryer cinched that one. He was supplemented around 6 months. Still breastfed to 16/17 months. Next baby- Natural birth (in the hospital), co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth, formula supplement at 9 months, still nursed to 18/19 . Next baby- natural hospital birth (had begun researching homebirth with this one), breastfed to 3 months, co-slept. Are you seeing anything here??
I lamented the epidural I had with my oldest and blamed the hospital/nurses for the epidural I felt that I was "forced into" with my fourth. I kicked myself for allowing pitocin with that first labor. I hated that I had had my boys circumsized. I was a non-vaxer. My children were even homeschooled for a bit. I had one awesome homebirth and eagerly awaited my second one. While she was alive, I was proud of myself because I did it!! Are you seeing anything here??
I'm sure you are wondering why I keep asking "are you seeing anything here?". I am asking this question because I want you to see that I was JUST like the rest of the Natural mommy/NCB/homebirthing crowd. I was probably practicing the AP/Natural mommy things when most of the zealous women were children themselves.
So, ladies, when you are putting me down or bashing me, keep in mind that I've been there. You don't have any special knowledge that I never had. Your behavior and attitudes are the same ones I had in my crunchy days. There are no differences between us, except that I've since buried my baby girl and changed my mind about the militant natural mothering behaviors. My blinders were ripped off. Had I not had the experience I did, I would probably be on the same blogs/pages that you are! I wouldn't be so horrible then, now would I??
Are you seeing anything here??
I was recently perusing one of my facebook pages and came upon a discussion over the NCB=Cult comparison I had written. Of course, people are offended. One woman stated that she refused to read anything I had to say. Why? She had seen comments I had made (no sharing about what I said, the subject matter, etc). This leads me to today's post.
At 17 years old, I did my best to have a natural birth. Nurses helped me immensely. However, the labor was very long and I couldn't do it anymore. I was determined to breastfeed and did. My son co-slept. I tried cloth, but not having a washer or dryer cinched that one. He was supplemented around 6 months. Still breastfed to 16/17 months. Next baby- Natural birth (in the hospital), co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth, formula supplement at 9 months, still nursed to 18/19 . Next baby- natural hospital birth (had begun researching homebirth with this one), breastfed to 3 months, co-slept. Are you seeing anything here??
I lamented the epidural I had with my oldest and blamed the hospital/nurses for the epidural I felt that I was "forced into" with my fourth. I kicked myself for allowing pitocin with that first labor. I hated that I had had my boys circumsized. I was a non-vaxer. My children were even homeschooled for a bit. I had one awesome homebirth and eagerly awaited my second one. While she was alive, I was proud of myself because I did it!! Are you seeing anything here??
I'm sure you are wondering why I keep asking "are you seeing anything here?". I am asking this question because I want you to see that I was JUST like the rest of the Natural mommy/NCB/homebirthing crowd. I was probably practicing the AP/Natural mommy things when most of the zealous women were children themselves.
So, ladies, when you are putting me down or bashing me, keep in mind that I've been there. You don't have any special knowledge that I never had. Your behavior and attitudes are the same ones I had in my crunchy days. There are no differences between us, except that I've since buried my baby girl and changed my mind about the militant natural mothering behaviors. My blinders were ripped off. Had I not had the experience I did, I would probably be on the same blogs/pages that you are! I wouldn't be so horrible then, now would I??
Monday, July 25, 2011
Women are designed to give birth
I hear this all over the place and decided that I am going to explore it.
If we are "designed to give birth", are we also designed to get pregnant? Are we designed to stay pregnant??
Looks look at a few things here:
A. According to the CDC, about 10% of women suffer from infertility. This means 6.1 million women either cannot conceive or cannot carry a pregnancy.
B. Miscarriage occurs in 20% of pregnancies (this means over 12%).
C. Incompetant cervix occurs in 1% of pregnancies
D. Ectopic Pregnancy occurs in 1 out of 60 pregnancies.
E. Gestational Diabetes occurs in 2-5% of pregnancies, but 7-9% of those with risk factors.
F. HELLP Syndrome occurs in .2 to .6% of all pregnancies.
G. Molar pregnancies occur in 1 out of 1,000 pregnancies.
Need I go on?? Yes, our bodies were designed to give birth, but sometimes the design is flawed. Look at our bodies. How many people suffer from auto-immune disorders? How many people develop cancer? What about diabetes? So many things can go wrong in our "perfectly designed bodies". My body is designed to live until my natural death here in 40 some years. However, should I be diagnosed with cancer, I'm going to use medical science to fight it. Our bodies are not perfect (even if you eat organically and won't take a tylenol) and things go wrong all the time. Back before the advent of modern medicine, people dropped like flies, to put it bluntly. Babies died all the time. If a family had 4 children, they had a 50/50 chance of losing two of them before the age of 5.
Looking at the number of women who truly need medical assistance to give birth, can you really say "Your body was designed for this"?? We know if these women had not had medical assistance, they and their babies wouldn't be here right now. The fact is some babies NEED to be born in order to save their lives and/or the lives of their mothers. If a woman is dealing with Incompetent Cervix and she hadn't gotten that cerclage and P17 shots, her baby would not of made it. If her body is designed to carry and birth that baby, why did this happen? Did she not trust her body enough? If our bodies are perfect, why is there Pre- E, eclampsia, and HeLLP? These conditions can kill a mother and/or her baby. If bodies were so perfect, these would not occur. Blood incompatibilities would not occur and certainly would not of killed so many babies before the invention of Rhogam injections. So much for those perfect bodies, huh??
If our bodies were so perfectly designed, there would be no illness or disabilities. We would all live disease free until we took our last breath (barring some sort of accident, suicide, or homicide). Babies and children wouldn't die. I'm watching a family prepare to let their baby go on facebook and that sure as hell would not be happening if bodies were as perfect as advocates claim.
If we are "designed to give birth", are we also designed to get pregnant? Are we designed to stay pregnant??
Looks look at a few things here:
A. According to the CDC, about 10% of women suffer from infertility. This means 6.1 million women either cannot conceive or cannot carry a pregnancy.
B. Miscarriage occurs in 20% of pregnancies (this means over 12%).
C. Incompetant cervix occurs in 1% of pregnancies
D. Ectopic Pregnancy occurs in 1 out of 60 pregnancies.
E. Gestational Diabetes occurs in 2-5% of pregnancies, but 7-9% of those with risk factors.
F. HELLP Syndrome occurs in .2 to .6% of all pregnancies.
G. Molar pregnancies occur in 1 out of 1,000 pregnancies.
Need I go on?? Yes, our bodies were designed to give birth, but sometimes the design is flawed. Look at our bodies. How many people suffer from auto-immune disorders? How many people develop cancer? What about diabetes? So many things can go wrong in our "perfectly designed bodies". My body is designed to live until my natural death here in 40 some years. However, should I be diagnosed with cancer, I'm going to use medical science to fight it. Our bodies are not perfect (even if you eat organically and won't take a tylenol) and things go wrong all the time. Back before the advent of modern medicine, people dropped like flies, to put it bluntly. Babies died all the time. If a family had 4 children, they had a 50/50 chance of losing two of them before the age of 5.
Looking at the number of women who truly need medical assistance to give birth, can you really say "Your body was designed for this"?? We know if these women had not had medical assistance, they and their babies wouldn't be here right now. The fact is some babies NEED to be born in order to save their lives and/or the lives of their mothers. If a woman is dealing with Incompetent Cervix and she hadn't gotten that cerclage and P17 shots, her baby would not of made it. If her body is designed to carry and birth that baby, why did this happen? Did she not trust her body enough? If our bodies are perfect, why is there Pre- E, eclampsia, and HeLLP? These conditions can kill a mother and/or her baby. If bodies were so perfect, these would not occur. Blood incompatibilities would not occur and certainly would not of killed so many babies before the invention of Rhogam injections. So much for those perfect bodies, huh??
If our bodies were so perfectly designed, there would be no illness or disabilities. We would all live disease free until we took our last breath (barring some sort of accident, suicide, or homicide). Babies and children wouldn't die. I'm watching a family prepare to let their baby go on facebook and that sure as hell would not be happening if bodies were as perfect as advocates claim.
Women are designed to give birth
I hear this all over the place and decided that I am going to explore it.
If we are "designed to give birth", are we also designed to get pregnant? Are we designed to stay pregnant??
Looks look at a few things here:
A. According to the CDC, about 10% of women suffer from infertility. This means 6.1 million women either cannot conceive or cannot carry a pregnancy.
B. Miscarriage occurs in 20% of pregnancies (this means over 12%).
C. Incompetant cervix occurs in 1% of pregnancies
D. Ectopic Pregnancy occurs in 1 out of 60 pregnancies.
E. Gestational Diabetes occurs in 2-5% of pregnancies, but 7-9% of those with risk factors.
F. HELLP Syndrome occurs in .2 to .6% of all pregnancies.
G. Molar pregnancies occur in 1 out of 1,000 pregnancies.
Need I go on?? Yes, our bodies were designed to give birth, but sometimes the design is flawed. Look at our bodies. How many people suffer from auto-immune disorders? How many people develop cancer? What about diabetes? So many things can go wrong in our "perfectly designed bodies". My body is designed to live until my natural death here in 40 some years. However, should I be diagnosed with cancer, I'm going to use medical science to fight it. Our bodies are not perfect (even if you eat organically and won't take a tylenol) and things go wrong all the time. Back before the advent of modern medicine, people dropped like flies, to put it bluntly. Babies died all the time. If a family had 4 children, they had a 50/50 chance of losing two of them before the age of 5.
Looking at the number of women who truly need medical assistance to give birth, can you really say "Your body was designed for this"?? We know if these women had not had medical assistance, they and their babies wouldn't be here right now. The fact is some babies NEED to be born in order to save their lives and/or the lives of their mothers. If a woman is dealing with Incompetent Cervix and she hadn't gotten that cerclage and P17 shots, her baby would not of made it. If her body is designed to carry and birth that baby, why did this happen? Did she not trust her body enough? If our bodies are perfect, why is there Pre- E, eclampsia, and HeLLP? These conditions can kill a mother and/or her baby. If bodies were so perfect, these would not occur. Blood incompatibilities would not occur and certainly would not of killed so many babies before the invention of Rhogam injections. So much for those perfect bodies, huh??
If our bodies were so perfectly designed, there would be no illness or disabilities. We would all live disease free until we took our last breath (barring some sort of accident, suicide, or homicide). Babies and children wouldn't die. I'm watching a family prepare to let their baby go on facebook and that sure as hell would not be happening if bodies were as perfect as advocates claim.
If we are "designed to give birth", are we also designed to get pregnant? Are we designed to stay pregnant??
Looks look at a few things here:
A. According to the CDC, about 10% of women suffer from infertility. This means 6.1 million women either cannot conceive or cannot carry a pregnancy.
B. Miscarriage occurs in 20% of pregnancies (this means over 12%).
C. Incompetant cervix occurs in 1% of pregnancies
D. Ectopic Pregnancy occurs in 1 out of 60 pregnancies.
E. Gestational Diabetes occurs in 2-5% of pregnancies, but 7-9% of those with risk factors.
F. HELLP Syndrome occurs in .2 to .6% of all pregnancies.
G. Molar pregnancies occur in 1 out of 1,000 pregnancies.
Need I go on?? Yes, our bodies were designed to give birth, but sometimes the design is flawed. Look at our bodies. How many people suffer from auto-immune disorders? How many people develop cancer? What about diabetes? So many things can go wrong in our "perfectly designed bodies". My body is designed to live until my natural death here in 40 some years. However, should I be diagnosed with cancer, I'm going to use medical science to fight it. Our bodies are not perfect (even if you eat organically and won't take a tylenol) and things go wrong all the time. Back before the advent of modern medicine, people dropped like flies, to put it bluntly. Babies died all the time. If a family had 4 children, they had a 50/50 chance of losing two of them before the age of 5.
Looking at the number of women who truly need medical assistance to give birth, can you really say "Your body was designed for this"?? We know if these women had not had medical assistance, they and their babies wouldn't be here right now. The fact is some babies NEED to be born in order to save their lives and/or the lives of their mothers. If a woman is dealing with Incompetent Cervix and she hadn't gotten that cerclage and P17 shots, her baby would not of made it. If her body is designed to carry and birth that baby, why did this happen? Did she not trust her body enough? If our bodies are perfect, why is there Pre- E, eclampsia, and HeLLP? These conditions can kill a mother and/or her baby. If bodies were so perfect, these would not occur. Blood incompatibilities would not occur and certainly would not of killed so many babies before the invention of Rhogam injections. So much for those perfect bodies, huh??
If our bodies were so perfectly designed, there would be no illness or disabilities. We would all live disease free until we took our last breath (barring some sort of accident, suicide, or homicide). Babies and children wouldn't die. I'm watching a family prepare to let their baby go on facebook and that sure as hell would not be happening if bodies were as perfect as advocates claim.
Motherhood- Totally Unromantic
I always chuckle when I read things that mothers say. It's like being a parent puts you in the middle of some victorian romance novel. You go about pregnancy reveling in every move baby makes and glowing with pride at your curvateous body. When you go into labor, you are not in pain and enjoying yourself as you are getting ready to meet baby. Then you are holding your baby for the first time and in absolute awe. Then comes the feedings where you are just sitting there locking gazes with your baby as it suckles at your breast. At night you and your baby snuggle in bed then wake in the morning still exchanging those loving glances.
RIGHT!!! Let's get real here!
While pregnant, you like feeling baby kick and move all the time. Baby kicks your bladder making you feel like you are going to wet your pants. When baby kicks your cervix, you wonder if their foot is going to break through. In those last days of pregnancy, it feels like baby will just fall right out. You may have this awesome condition where you can feel bones in your pelvis rubbing together. You have to sleep propped up because of heartburn. You have to track where the bathrooms are everywhere you go. Your back is killing you. You throw up daily for the first few months or the entire pregnancy. How romantic, huh??
Childbirth. Perhaps the most unromantic thing ever. If your water breaks, you have fluid trickling from your vagina. Contractions, they do hurt, sometimes horribly! You are glad you will soon be meeting your baby, but OMG, are you going to survive this pain? You are sweating. Some women sound like horror film victims and are screaming their heads off (ie "vocalizing"). Some women want to be rubbed and touched while the rest of us will break your damn hands if you try to touch us. You are deperately trying to get this thing out of you because it fucking hurts! "No, I don't wanna touch it, just get it out"! And you are handed something wet, bloody, and alien like. Yes, your baby is beautiful and totally worth everything you've gone through. That doesn't mean it was a romantic process. As you are holding your baby, the placenta is being delivered and then you start bleeding for a wonderous 6 weeks (give or take a few weeks). In those early days, you have to try to hold yourself when you go from lying to sitting because of the bleeding and your worry that you'll leak all over the place. Yeah, that's romantic!
Yes, it's nice to sit and nurse your baby. However, in those early days, nursing causes wicked cramping that you swear compares to labor. Your boobs swell to odd proportions leading you to believe you could star in your own porn flick or make serious money off of them. They leak like mad. You look at regular nursing pads and wonder if you should just stuff one of baby's diapers in your bra instead. When you latch baby on, the other side starts flowing. If baby cries, hello letdown. If anybody's baby cries, your body automatically thinks "milk needed" and then your shirt is wet because those tiny nursing pads aren't that absorbent. As baby gets use to nursing and is still working on latch, you swear you are nursing a piranha. If baby gets too much air or too much milk, hello regurgitated milk. Sometimes you can feel baby dripping milk as it eats and you can feel the milk running down your body. If you are nursing an older baby, they get distracted and want to play with everything in their sight whether it's your hair or earrings or shirt or mouth or nose. They unlatch so they can look all around giving strangers a nice little peep show. If you are nursing a toddler, it's pretty much the same, except they can walk up to you and say "I want boob mommy" no matter where you are! Or that same toddler can get tired while out and cry repeatedly "boob mommy, boob mommy, boob mommy" so you have to try to quickly nurse them hoping they either get full quick and stop asking or they hurry up and fall asleep!
This leads me to co-sleeping or bedsharing, whatever you want to call it. When youhear these terms you think of a family that all lays down and goes to sleep together then wake in the morning happy and refreshed. Yeah, that also does not happen. This is more like it. You have a baby/toddler that loves to sprawl out forcing you to move to that little sliver of space right on the edge while your hubby sleeps peacefully on the other side of the bed. Then you have a child or two decide they want to sleep with you too and you are sandwiched between children unable to move. You have a child that insists on sleeping ON you or your spouse. You are freezing and go to reach for blankets only to find your child totally bundled up and you have to go to the linen closet to get a blanket. As you are laying there, you have a million thoughts going through your head. You have your pet trying to get your attention because they are hungry or need to go outside. You crawl back into bed and still can't sleep. You end up dozing off only to wake up with a sore shoulder from remaining in that tiny spot you had. If you want to sleep near your spouse, you best bet is to get the baby/toddler to sleep so you can sleep in the middle, but baby/toddler decides they don't like it and crawl over you to get back in the middle. If you want to have sex, you have to either go elsewhere or hope you can keep the baby/toddler sleeping while you move them. If your child is sick, you end up being woken up by puke either on you or in your bed or both! You have to wake your spouse to change sheets while you get yourself and the baby/toddler all cleaned up. Another treat is having a not completely potty trained kid in your bed! There is nothing like waking up in a puddle! Showers and sheet changes, oh joy.
So, ladies, let's stop romanticizing these aspects of motherhood. You are doing a disservice to other women. Let's be real and honest and have a laugh over what we endure! Everything considered, I love being being a mom and I love having my kids! But there has never been anything romantic about it! Maybe another day, I'll address the joys of having older kids!
RIGHT!!! Let's get real here!
While pregnant, you like feeling baby kick and move all the time. Baby kicks your bladder making you feel like you are going to wet your pants. When baby kicks your cervix, you wonder if their foot is going to break through. In those last days of pregnancy, it feels like baby will just fall right out. You may have this awesome condition where you can feel bones in your pelvis rubbing together. You have to sleep propped up because of heartburn. You have to track where the bathrooms are everywhere you go. Your back is killing you. You throw up daily for the first few months or the entire pregnancy. How romantic, huh??
Childbirth. Perhaps the most unromantic thing ever. If your water breaks, you have fluid trickling from your vagina. Contractions, they do hurt, sometimes horribly! You are glad you will soon be meeting your baby, but OMG, are you going to survive this pain? You are sweating. Some women sound like horror film victims and are screaming their heads off (ie "vocalizing"). Some women want to be rubbed and touched while the rest of us will break your damn hands if you try to touch us. You are deperately trying to get this thing out of you because it fucking hurts! "No, I don't wanna touch it, just get it out"! And you are handed something wet, bloody, and alien like. Yes, your baby is beautiful and totally worth everything you've gone through. That doesn't mean it was a romantic process. As you are holding your baby, the placenta is being delivered and then you start bleeding for a wonderous 6 weeks (give or take a few weeks). In those early days, you have to try to hold yourself when you go from lying to sitting because of the bleeding and your worry that you'll leak all over the place. Yeah, that's romantic!
Yes, it's nice to sit and nurse your baby. However, in those early days, nursing causes wicked cramping that you swear compares to labor. Your boobs swell to odd proportions leading you to believe you could star in your own porn flick or make serious money off of them. They leak like mad. You look at regular nursing pads and wonder if you should just stuff one of baby's diapers in your bra instead. When you latch baby on, the other side starts flowing. If baby cries, hello letdown. If anybody's baby cries, your body automatically thinks "milk needed" and then your shirt is wet because those tiny nursing pads aren't that absorbent. As baby gets use to nursing and is still working on latch, you swear you are nursing a piranha. If baby gets too much air or too much milk, hello regurgitated milk. Sometimes you can feel baby dripping milk as it eats and you can feel the milk running down your body. If you are nursing an older baby, they get distracted and want to play with everything in their sight whether it's your hair or earrings or shirt or mouth or nose. They unlatch so they can look all around giving strangers a nice little peep show. If you are nursing a toddler, it's pretty much the same, except they can walk up to you and say "I want boob mommy" no matter where you are! Or that same toddler can get tired while out and cry repeatedly "boob mommy, boob mommy, boob mommy" so you have to try to quickly nurse them hoping they either get full quick and stop asking or they hurry up and fall asleep!
This leads me to co-sleeping or bedsharing, whatever you want to call it. When youhear these terms you think of a family that all lays down and goes to sleep together then wake in the morning happy and refreshed. Yeah, that also does not happen. This is more like it. You have a baby/toddler that loves to sprawl out forcing you to move to that little sliver of space right on the edge while your hubby sleeps peacefully on the other side of the bed. Then you have a child or two decide they want to sleep with you too and you are sandwiched between children unable to move. You have a child that insists on sleeping ON you or your spouse. You are freezing and go to reach for blankets only to find your child totally bundled up and you have to go to the linen closet to get a blanket. As you are laying there, you have a million thoughts going through your head. You have your pet trying to get your attention because they are hungry or need to go outside. You crawl back into bed and still can't sleep. You end up dozing off only to wake up with a sore shoulder from remaining in that tiny spot you had. If you want to sleep near your spouse, you best bet is to get the baby/toddler to sleep so you can sleep in the middle, but baby/toddler decides they don't like it and crawl over you to get back in the middle. If you want to have sex, you have to either go elsewhere or hope you can keep the baby/toddler sleeping while you move them. If your child is sick, you end up being woken up by puke either on you or in your bed or both! You have to wake your spouse to change sheets while you get yourself and the baby/toddler all cleaned up. Another treat is having a not completely potty trained kid in your bed! There is nothing like waking up in a puddle! Showers and sheet changes, oh joy.
So, ladies, let's stop romanticizing these aspects of motherhood. You are doing a disservice to other women. Let's be real and honest and have a laugh over what we endure! Everything considered, I love being being a mom and I love having my kids! But there has never been anything romantic about it! Maybe another day, I'll address the joys of having older kids!
Motherhood- Totally Unromantic
I always chuckle when I read things that mothers say. It's like being a parent puts you in the middle of some victorian romance novel. You go about pregnancy reveling in every move baby makes and glowing with pride at your curvateous body. When you go into labor, you are not in pain and enjoying yourself as you are getting ready to meet baby. Then you are holding your baby for the first time and in absolute awe. Then comes the feedings where you are just sitting there locking gazes with your baby as it suckles at your breast. At night you and your baby snuggle in bed then wake in the morning still exchanging those loving glances.
RIGHT!!! Let's get real here!
While pregnant, you like feeling baby kick and move all the time. Baby kicks your bladder making you feel like you are going to wet your pants. When baby kicks your cervix, you wonder if their foot is going to break through. In those last days of pregnancy, it feels like baby will just fall right out. You may have this awesome condition where you can feel bones in your pelvis rubbing together. You have to sleep propped up because of heartburn. You have to track where the bathrooms are everywhere you go. Your back is killing you. You throw up daily for the first few months or the entire pregnancy. How romantic, huh??
Childbirth. Perhaps the most unromantic thing ever. If your water breaks, you have fluid trickling from your vagina. Contractions, they do hurt, sometimes horribly! You are glad you will soon be meeting your baby, but OMG, are you going to survive this pain? You are sweating. Some women sound like horror film victims and are screaming their heads off (ie "vocalizing"). Some women want to be rubbed and touched while the rest of us will break your damn hands if you try to touch us. You are deperately trying to get this thing out of you because it fucking hurts! "No, I don't wanna touch it, just get it out"! And you are handed something wet, bloody, and alien like. Yes, your baby is beautiful and totally worth everything you've gone through. That doesn't mean it was a romantic process. As you are holding your baby, the placenta is being delivered and then you start bleeding for a wonderous 6 weeks (give or take a few weeks). In those early days, you have to try to hold yourself when you go from lying to sitting because of the bleeding and your worry that you'll leak all over the place. Yeah, that's romantic!
Yes, it's nice to sit and nurse your baby. However, in those early days, nursing causes wicked cramping that you swear compares to labor. Your boobs swell to odd proportions leading you to believe you could star in your own porn flick or make serious money off of them. They leak like mad. You look at regular nursing pads and wonder if you should just stuff one of baby's diapers in your bra instead. When you latch baby on, the other side starts flowing. If baby cries, hello letdown. If anybody's baby cries, your body automatically thinks "milk needed" and then your shirt is wet because those tiny nursing pads aren't that absorbent. As baby gets use to nursing and is still working on latch, you swear you are nursing a piranha. If baby gets too much air or too much milk, hello regurgitated milk. Sometimes you can feel baby dripping milk as it eats and you can feel the milk running down your body. If you are nursing an older baby, they get distracted and want to play with everything in their sight whether it's your hair or earrings or shirt or mouth or nose. They unlatch so they can look all around giving strangers a nice little peep show. If you are nursing a toddler, it's pretty much the same, except they can walk up to you and say "I want boob mommy" no matter where you are! Or that same toddler can get tired while out and cry repeatedly "boob mommy, boob mommy, boob mommy" so you have to try to quickly nurse them hoping they either get full quick and stop asking or they hurry up and fall asleep!
This leads me to co-sleeping or bedsharing, whatever you want to call it. When youhear these terms you think of a family that all lays down and goes to sleep together then wake in the morning happy and refreshed. Yeah, that also does not happen. This is more like it. You have a baby/toddler that loves to sprawl out forcing you to move to that little sliver of space right on the edge while your hubby sleeps peacefully on the other side of the bed. Then you have a child or two decide they want to sleep with you too and you are sandwiched between children unable to move. You have a child that insists on sleeping ON you or your spouse. You are freezing and go to reach for blankets only to find your child totally bundled up and you have to go to the linen closet to get a blanket. As you are laying there, you have a million thoughts going through your head. You have your pet trying to get your attention because they are hungry or need to go outside. You crawl back into bed and still can't sleep. You end up dozing off only to wake up with a sore shoulder from remaining in that tiny spot you had. If you want to sleep near your spouse, you best bet is to get the baby/toddler to sleep so you can sleep in the middle, but baby/toddler decides they don't like it and crawl over you to get back in the middle. If you want to have sex, you have to either go elsewhere or hope you can keep the baby/toddler sleeping while you move them. If your child is sick, you end up being woken up by puke either on you or in your bed or both! You have to wake your spouse to change sheets while you get yourself and the baby/toddler all cleaned up. Another treat is having a not completely potty trained kid in your bed! There is nothing like waking up in a puddle! Showers and sheet changes, oh joy.
So, ladies, let's stop romanticizing these aspects of motherhood. You are doing a disservice to other women. Let's be real and honest and have a laugh over what we endure! Everything considered, I love being being a mom and I love having my kids! But there has never been anything romantic about it! Maybe another day, I'll address the joys of having older kids!
RIGHT!!! Let's get real here!
While pregnant, you like feeling baby kick and move all the time. Baby kicks your bladder making you feel like you are going to wet your pants. When baby kicks your cervix, you wonder if their foot is going to break through. In those last days of pregnancy, it feels like baby will just fall right out. You may have this awesome condition where you can feel bones in your pelvis rubbing together. You have to sleep propped up because of heartburn. You have to track where the bathrooms are everywhere you go. Your back is killing you. You throw up daily for the first few months or the entire pregnancy. How romantic, huh??
Childbirth. Perhaps the most unromantic thing ever. If your water breaks, you have fluid trickling from your vagina. Contractions, they do hurt, sometimes horribly! You are glad you will soon be meeting your baby, but OMG, are you going to survive this pain? You are sweating. Some women sound like horror film victims and are screaming their heads off (ie "vocalizing"). Some women want to be rubbed and touched while the rest of us will break your damn hands if you try to touch us. You are deperately trying to get this thing out of you because it fucking hurts! "No, I don't wanna touch it, just get it out"! And you are handed something wet, bloody, and alien like. Yes, your baby is beautiful and totally worth everything you've gone through. That doesn't mean it was a romantic process. As you are holding your baby, the placenta is being delivered and then you start bleeding for a wonderous 6 weeks (give or take a few weeks). In those early days, you have to try to hold yourself when you go from lying to sitting because of the bleeding and your worry that you'll leak all over the place. Yeah, that's romantic!
Yes, it's nice to sit and nurse your baby. However, in those early days, nursing causes wicked cramping that you swear compares to labor. Your boobs swell to odd proportions leading you to believe you could star in your own porn flick or make serious money off of them. They leak like mad. You look at regular nursing pads and wonder if you should just stuff one of baby's diapers in your bra instead. When you latch baby on, the other side starts flowing. If baby cries, hello letdown. If anybody's baby cries, your body automatically thinks "milk needed" and then your shirt is wet because those tiny nursing pads aren't that absorbent. As baby gets use to nursing and is still working on latch, you swear you are nursing a piranha. If baby gets too much air or too much milk, hello regurgitated milk. Sometimes you can feel baby dripping milk as it eats and you can feel the milk running down your body. If you are nursing an older baby, they get distracted and want to play with everything in their sight whether it's your hair or earrings or shirt or mouth or nose. They unlatch so they can look all around giving strangers a nice little peep show. If you are nursing a toddler, it's pretty much the same, except they can walk up to you and say "I want boob mommy" no matter where you are! Or that same toddler can get tired while out and cry repeatedly "boob mommy, boob mommy, boob mommy" so you have to try to quickly nurse them hoping they either get full quick and stop asking or they hurry up and fall asleep!
This leads me to co-sleeping or bedsharing, whatever you want to call it. When youhear these terms you think of a family that all lays down and goes to sleep together then wake in the morning happy and refreshed. Yeah, that also does not happen. This is more like it. You have a baby/toddler that loves to sprawl out forcing you to move to that little sliver of space right on the edge while your hubby sleeps peacefully on the other side of the bed. Then you have a child or two decide they want to sleep with you too and you are sandwiched between children unable to move. You have a child that insists on sleeping ON you or your spouse. You are freezing and go to reach for blankets only to find your child totally bundled up and you have to go to the linen closet to get a blanket. As you are laying there, you have a million thoughts going through your head. You have your pet trying to get your attention because they are hungry or need to go outside. You crawl back into bed and still can't sleep. You end up dozing off only to wake up with a sore shoulder from remaining in that tiny spot you had. If you want to sleep near your spouse, you best bet is to get the baby/toddler to sleep so you can sleep in the middle, but baby/toddler decides they don't like it and crawl over you to get back in the middle. If you want to have sex, you have to either go elsewhere or hope you can keep the baby/toddler sleeping while you move them. If your child is sick, you end up being woken up by puke either on you or in your bed or both! You have to wake your spouse to change sheets while you get yourself and the baby/toddler all cleaned up. Another treat is having a not completely potty trained kid in your bed! There is nothing like waking up in a puddle! Showers and sheet changes, oh joy.
So, ladies, let's stop romanticizing these aspects of motherhood. You are doing a disservice to other women. Let's be real and honest and have a laugh over what we endure! Everything considered, I love being being a mom and I love having my kids! But there has never been anything romantic about it! Maybe another day, I'll address the joys of having older kids!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Yep, you're right!
If you hang around all the little mommy blogs, you will see one thing, make that two things they have in common. Most are natural mothering blogs. And then you NEVER see any disagreeing! Why doesn't any woman disagree?? Simple answer- they do, but NCB bloggers love to practice in the art of delete and ban.
Let's look at Birth Without Fear. Why does she delete and ban? When she was promoting 44 week gestation's, a woman dared to remind her that there was a reason doctors induce for post-dates. On another post asking about VBAC, one woman said to talk to an OB.
In Service To Women deleted and banned many of us for asking about the families who lost their babies due to Karen Carr and not supporting her.
Anti-vaccination sites delete and ban regularly if you question them or say something that doesn't make sense (see this post).
Mamas and Babies banned yours truly for saying a child with severe allergies, whose meds weren't working, should go to their pediatrician. Guess I should of agreed with acupuncturist or chiropractor, huh??
I have a ban threat looming over my head from none other than Henci Goer for daring to question her!! I do find this comical!
I have a ban threat looming over my head from none other than Henci Goer for daring to question her!! I do find this comical!
If they are right and have no problem screaming from the rooftops about how awesome they are, they should be able to handle opposing voices. If you are right, defend your position, don't just delete someone because you can't handle it. Here, I have people that swing in and give their opposing statements. Cool. I have never deleted a single comment and I won't, no matter what. I think having your ideals challenged is good for you. I also think that we need to accept that not everyone feels the same as we do, that's life. Not everyone will be kissing your behind all your life. If you are a parent that cannot handle opposing opinions, then may I suggest selling your computers and phones and moving to the middle of nowhere?? You may also want to reconsider having children as they are notorious for questioning us and having different opinions, esp preteens and teenagers. It kind of goes along with the whole being a parent thing.
Yep, you're right!
If you hang around all the little mommy blogs, you will see one thing, make that two things they have in common. Most are natural mothering blogs. And then you NEVER see any disagreeing! Why doesn't any woman disagree?? Simple answer- they do, but NCB bloggers love to practice in the art of delete and ban.
Let's look at Birth Without Fear. Why does she delete and ban? When she was promoting 44 week gestation's, a woman dared to remind her that there was a reason doctors induce for post-dates. On another post asking about VBAC, one woman said to talk to an OB.
In Service To Women deleted and banned many of us for asking about the families who lost their babies due to Karen Carr and not supporting her.
Anti-vaccination sites delete and ban regularly if you question them or say something that doesn't make sense (see this post).
Mamas and Babies banned yours truly for saying a child with severe allergies, whose meds weren't working, should go to their pediatrician. Guess I should of agreed with acupuncturist or chiropractor, huh??
I have a ban threat looming over my head from none other than Henci Goer for daring to question her!! I do find this comical!
I have a ban threat looming over my head from none other than Henci Goer for daring to question her!! I do find this comical!
If they are right and have no problem screaming from the rooftops about how awesome they are, they should be able to handle opposing voices. If you are right, defend your position, don't just delete someone because you can't handle it. Here, I have people that swing in and give their opposing statements. Cool. I have never deleted a single comment and I won't, no matter what. I think having your ideals challenged is good for you. I also think that we need to accept that not everyone feels the same as we do, that's life. Not everyone will be kissing your behind all your life. If you are a parent that cannot handle opposing opinions, then may I suggest selling your computers and phones and moving to the middle of nowhere?? You may also want to reconsider having children as they are notorious for questioning us and having different opinions, esp preteens and teenagers. It kind of goes along with the whole being a parent thing.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
We don't need insurance!
If you read my last post, I discussed why malpractice insurance is important and what it covers. Today, let's look at non-CNM Midwives and why they don't carry insurance.
I give you EXHIBIT A
In other Words, She will try to be your best friend so that you will not turn on her. You will be emotionally and mentally manipulated by her so if there is a bad outcome, she can control your reaction.
EXHIBIT B
Essentially, malpractice insurance is just a way that lawyers and insurance companies get to make money while trying to decrease the number of homebirth midwives. It's a conspiracy!!
EXHIBIT C
1. Insurance dictates protocols and it's not evidence based.
2. Lawyers just want to sue you.
3. It's expensive.
1. Deep pockets attract lawsuits.
2. Midwife relationships exceed those of OB/Client relationships.
3. If a midwife offers support and choices they have a smaller chance of being sued.
4. Protocols screw women and families.
EXHIBIT D
1. Clients can go to the regulating board.
2. Greedy Lawyers treat you like a target.
3. They don't want to risk their family/job/livlihood in order to compensate for an injured baby.
4. Birth is risky.
EXHIBIT E
1. They will not do anything to get themselves sued.
2. Clients are responsible for their birth including anything done by the midwife
3. If a client asks about malpractice insurance, they get fired or told to shop around.
4. The insurance company owns you.
5. You are more likely to be sued.
6. Midwives have to increase fees
7. People will mistakingly think an insured midwife is better.
I only had enough stomach to get these few links. Many things about these pages bother me.
Midwifery is supposed to mean "with woman". When you don't care about the woman or child you are caring for, you are not "with woman". You are "with oneself". Interestingly, I googled the term "with oneself" and a Narcissism page came up. What is narcissism??
According to wikipedia- Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
Egotism is "characterized by an exaggerated estimate of one's intellect, ability, importance, appearance, wit, or other valued personal characteristics"[1] – the drive to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself. CHECK
In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others CHECK
conceit (countable and uncountable; plural conceits)
- (uncountable) Overly high self-esteem; vain pride; hubris.
- (obsolete) Something conceived in the mind; a conception; a notion; an idea; a thought.
- (countable) A novel or fanciful idea; a whim.
- (countable, rhetoric, literature) A device of analogy consisting of an extended metaphor.
- CHECK
So, Non-CNM's are Narcissistic!! That explains quite a bit.
CPM's/DEM's/LM's do NOT want malpractice insurance because they don't want someone telling them that a high risk client should not be having a homebirth. They don't want it because they don't want to pay for it. They are counting on clients who will just accept that "babies just die" because they have "taken responsibility for their own birth. They don't want clients who want a provider who carries insurance. They don't care whether or not a baby dies or is injured. They are only concerned with themselves.
Can you show me anywhere that justifies lack of malpractice insurance where they are actually looking out for clients?? Do you see where they are willing to place themselves aside?? The "I'll just be the best midwife I can" line is ridiculous. If you think that your midwife spends all this time with you and really cares so deeply for you/your family, you are dead wrong. If they do not want to be responsible in their practice, they really do not care about you/your family. Oh, they do care that you get a choice if you are high risk. Your babies health, not even a blip on their radar. If they are conniving enough to want to hide assets to prevent anyone from being able to sue them, then they are placing themselves above clients. Midwifery is "with woman", not above or more important than. WITH.
Reading all of this tonight has me even more convinced that midwives do what they do because they care about themselves. If they cared about women and babies, they would have top notch educations, practice SAFELY (this means no high risk home deliveries), and carry insurance. It saddens me to see such horrid attitudes from midwives. I reallky understand why Brenda flipped the way she did. I wasn't the client who said "Ok, it's not your fault, babies just die. Let's be BFF's". I was the client who was pissed and I still am! My daughter mattered to me. She still does. So, I will keep fighting for her and all the babies out there whose lives are at risk because their parents stick to Non-CNM's.
We don't need insurance!
If you read my last post, I discussed why malpractice insurance is important and what it covers. Today, let's look at non-CNM Midwives and why they don't carry insurance.
I give you EXHIBIT A
In other Words, She will try to be your best friend so that you will not turn on her. You will be emotionally and mentally manipulated by her so if there is a bad outcome, she can control your reaction.
EXHIBIT B
Essentially, malpractice insurance is just a way that lawyers and insurance companies get to make money while trying to decrease the number of homebirth midwives. It's a conspiracy!!
EXHIBIT C
1. Insurance dictates protocols and it's not evidence based.
2. Lawyers just want to sue you.
3. It's expensive.
1. Deep pockets attract lawsuits.
2. Midwife relationships exceed those of OB/Client relationships.
3. If a midwife offers support and choices they have a smaller chance of being sued.
4. Protocols screw women and families.
EXHIBIT D
1. Clients can go to the regulating board.
2. Greedy Lawyers treat you like a target.
3. They don't want to risk their family/job/livlihood in order to compensate for an injured baby.
4. Birth is risky.
EXHIBIT E
1. They will not do anything to get themselves sued.
2. Clients are responsible for their birth including anything done by the midwife
3. If a client asks about malpractice insurance, they get fired or told to shop around.
4. The insurance company owns you.
5. You are more likely to be sued.
6. Midwives have to increase fees
7. People will mistakingly think an insured midwife is better.
I only had enough stomach to get these few links. Many things about these pages bother me.
Midwifery is supposed to mean "with woman". When you don't care about the woman or child you are caring for, you are not "with woman". You are "with oneself". Interestingly, I googled the term "with oneself" and a Narcissism page came up. What is narcissism??
According to wikipedia- Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
Egotism is "characterized by an exaggerated estimate of one's intellect, ability, importance, appearance, wit, or other valued personal characteristics"[1] – the drive to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself. CHECK
In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others CHECK
conceit (countable and uncountable; plural conceits)
- (uncountable) Overly high self-esteem; vain pride; hubris.
- (obsolete) Something conceived in the mind; a conception; a notion; an idea; a thought.
- (countable) A novel or fanciful idea; a whim.
- (countable, rhetoric, literature) A device of analogy consisting of an extended metaphor.
- CHECK
So, Non-CNM's are Narcissistic!! That explains quite a bit.
CPM's/DEM's/LM's do NOT want malpractice insurance because they don't want someone telling them that a high risk client should not be having a homebirth. They don't want it because they don't want to pay for it. They are counting on clients who will just accept that "babies just die" because they have "taken responsibility for their own birth. They don't want clients who want a provider who carries insurance. They don't care whether or not a baby dies or is injured. They are only concerned with themselves.
Can you show me anywhere that justifies lack of malpractice insurance where they are actually looking out for clients?? Do you see where they are willing to place themselves aside?? The "I'll just be the best midwife I can" line is ridiculous. If you think that your midwife spends all this time with you and really cares so deeply for you/your family, you are dead wrong. If they do not want to be responsible in their practice, they really do not care about you/your family. Oh, they do care that you get a choice if you are high risk. Your babies health, not even a blip on their radar. If they are conniving enough to want to hide assets to prevent anyone from being able to sue them, then they are placing themselves above clients. Midwifery is "with woman", not above or more important than. WITH.
Reading all of this tonight has me even more convinced that midwives do what they do because they care about themselves. If they cared about women and babies, they would have top notch educations, practice SAFELY (this means no high risk home deliveries), and carry insurance. It saddens me to see such horrid attitudes from midwives. I reallky understand why Brenda flipped the way she did. I wasn't the client who said "Ok, it's not your fault, babies just die. Let's be BFF's". I was the client who was pissed and I still am! My daughter mattered to me. She still does. So, I will keep fighting for her and all the babies out there whose lives are at risk because their parents stick to Non-CNM's.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Malpractice- When your loved one is a money machine!
Yes, when you look into suing after the death of a baby, all you want is money to make yourself feel better. It'll make you soooo happy, too. Amiright??
WRONG!!! Why should bereaved parents or bereaved people in general be reimbursed when a loved one has died a preventable death at the hand of a negligent individual??
A. To help cover medical costs of the loved one. We all know medical costs are insane. It sucks, but it's life. These can either be costs already incurred or costs that will be incurred due to an error that resulted in injury. This can mean constant doctor appointments, hospitalizations, surgeries, medications, and therapies. What if a 24 hour nurse is needed??
B. Lost wages. Parents have to take off work, that's if they even have the option. Not all employers offer 3 days of bereavement pay. My husband was given it, but he was still asked to come into work the next day. Loved ones normally don't get paid if they have to spend days out of work. Now, if this is a spouse whose wages went into the family budget, that's totally gone leaving the surviving spouse struggling alone. Add in dependent children and their life will be drastically altered. Can that single mom making $10 an hour survive with three kids under 5?? What about it being a single mom that has died and now her parents are having to care for her two children while retired and on Social security?? What if there is an injured child and a parent has to stop working so they can care for this child? Or if a spouse or parent becomes disabled and people have to quit working to become caregivers??
C. Funeral costs. For an infant, costs can be quite low if parents find a funeral home offering free services and a cemetary offing a free burial, but that still costs something. Over 18 months, they get even more expensive. It took my mom years to pay off my sisters services and she was cremated. Burial plots can be up there. Ours was the cheapest around and was still $600. I've seen places here charging up to $2500 for one plot. This reminds me, we still have to hurry up and pay for our plot so nobody else can be beside our daughter.
D. Injuries/Disability- I touched on future medical costs and lost wages. What about having to move to a house that the disabled person can get around in easier?? What if you have to have medical equipment in the home?? What if a home has to be modified for the individual?? What about the costs of a wheelchair/scooter?? What about vehicle modifications or if modifications cannot be done and a special vehicle has to be purchased. Once a child gets big enough, you have to also have a special car seat in your vehicle. Some families can get assistance or help securing these, but what about those who can't??
So, suing for malpractice does not mean you are out for money. It means you are trying to keep your head above water and help reimburse you for expenses that should not of/should not be occurring. How anyone can accuse people of using their loved one as a money maker when suing for malpractice is beyond me. I guess until you are in those shoes, you cannot fathom suing and for that, be glad you don't understand. I use to think suing wouldn't bring someone back so why do it. Then I learned how expensive it can be when someone is suddenly dead because of malpractice. Money doesn't magically make pain go away. For those who think like the image above, I have to wonder if they think it's ok to sue for doctor injuries/negligence or if it's midwifery injuries/negligence that nobody should be able to sue for as that comment was directed to people who were saying CPM's should be carrying malpractice insurance and I was the only one with a dead baby.
Malpractice- When your loved one is a money machine!
Yes, when you look into suing after the death of a baby, all you want is money to make yourself feel better. It'll make you soooo happy, too. Amiright??
WRONG!!! Why should bereaved parents or bereaved people in general be reimbursed when a loved one has died a preventable death at the hand of a negligent individual??
A. To help cover medical costs of the loved one. We all know medical costs are insane. It sucks, but it's life. These can either be costs already incurred or costs that will be incurred due to an error that resulted in injury. This can mean constant doctor appointments, hospitalizations, surgeries, medications, and therapies. What if a 24 hour nurse is needed??
B. Lost wages. Parents have to take off work, that's if they even have the option. Not all employers offer 3 days of bereavement pay. My husband was given it, but he was still asked to come into work the next day. Loved ones normally don't get paid if they have to spend days out of work. Now, if this is a spouse whose wages went into the family budget, that's totally gone leaving the surviving spouse struggling alone. Add in dependent children and their life will be drastically altered. Can that single mom making $10 an hour survive with three kids under 5?? What about it being a single mom that has died and now her parents are having to care for her two children while retired and on Social security?? What if there is an injured child and a parent has to stop working so they can care for this child? Or if a spouse or parent becomes disabled and people have to quit working to become caregivers??
C. Funeral costs. For an infant, costs can be quite low if parents find a funeral home offering free services and a cemetary offing a free burial, but that still costs something. Over 18 months, they get even more expensive. It took my mom years to pay off my sisters services and she was cremated. Burial plots can be up there. Ours was the cheapest around and was still $600. I've seen places here charging up to $2500 for one plot. This reminds me, we still have to hurry up and pay for our plot so nobody else can be beside our daughter.
D. Injuries/Disability- I touched on future medical costs and lost wages. What about having to move to a house that the disabled person can get around in easier?? What if you have to have medical equipment in the home?? What if a home has to be modified for the individual?? What about the costs of a wheelchair/scooter?? What about vehicle modifications or if modifications cannot be done and a special vehicle has to be purchased. Once a child gets big enough, you have to also have a special car seat in your vehicle. Some families can get assistance or help securing these, but what about those who can't??
So, suing for malpractice does not mean you are out for money. It means you are trying to keep your head above water and help reimburse you for expenses that should not of/should not be occurring. How anyone can accuse people of using their loved one as a money maker when suing for malpractice is beyond me. I guess until you are in those shoes, you cannot fathom suing and for that, be glad you don't understand. I use to think suing wouldn't bring someone back so why do it. Then I learned how expensive it can be when someone is suddenly dead because of malpractice. Money doesn't magically make pain go away. For those who think like the image above, I have to wonder if they think it's ok to sue for doctor injuries/negligence or if it's midwifery injuries/negligence that nobody should be able to sue for as that comment was directed to people who were saying CPM's should be carrying malpractice insurance and I was the only one with a dead baby.
Want a laugh??
I check up on the stats for this site all the time. Imagine my surprise this morning when I look at the list of referring sites and one of them is a porn site. How the heck does that happen?? I refuse to click on that link. I find this creepy, but funny!! Plan change, I did look. Yeah, now I'm wondering what the hell is going on??? Any other bloggers have this happen??
Want a laugh??
I check up on the stats for this site all the time. Imagine my surprise this morning when I look at the list of referring sites and one of them is a porn site. How the heck does that happen?? I refuse to click on that link. I find this creepy, but funny!! Plan change, I did look. Yeah, now I'm wondering what the hell is going on??? Any other bloggers have this happen??
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
You were hurt!!!
So you had a hospital birth. It went great. You either did it totally unmedicated like you wanted with your husband/partner and doula right there or you had your epidural and relaxed until it was time to push or you had an emergency cesarean or had a planned cesarean. You are totally happy, things couldn't of gone better, you are healthy- maybe a tad sore, baby is healthy. No reason to gripe. Right??
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