Silence, the attempted key to success in the midwifery community

It was recently brought to my attention that a mother who wrote a review for BirthCare, out of Alexandria VA, had her posts removed. This review was the ONLY negative one written. What had this client said so bad?? Her baby died after a breech delivery. Gosh, what was she thinking sharing anything negative, right? Sadly, this is not the only example of a woman silenced in the name of midwifery.

On MDC, don't you dare talk about a midwife not being good. If an arrest is made, question the government and support the midwife regardless. Remember that the baby would of died no matter what. However, if a dr or nurse screws up, shout it all over and help the activism movement. I have read all about women's experiences with Karen and she certainly prided herself on taking on those nobody else would touch! Breech, mulitiples, complications, etc?? She would handle them all!! They want HER to continue practicing???

Midwifery Today has an article written on What to do when a midwife has been charged. This article claims it has nothing to do with outcomes and everything to do with "part of a global struggle for control of maternity services, the key underlying issues being money, power, sex and choice.”. Thank you Marsden Wagner! You are suppose to help arrange community support for your midwife! Oddly enough, this also has a paragraph about the family (out of 24 of them). However, this article assumes the family supports the midwife and desperately needs her support. This article does not address that some people do not need their midwife around as they know the midwife screwed up and want to see her pay! Are women really that desperate that they just need their midwife even if she caused their child's death?? That truly reeks of psychological issues.

With this newest midwife arrest, of course, the Maryland Friends of Midwives has stepped up in her defense. They even have a brand new website set up to solicit donations and collect stories about how wonderful she is. Not surprising, I left a comment and am still waiting for approval 10 days later. I posted on their facebook page about how supporting incompetence is harming midwifery and showing it to be a dangerous option. I also shared that my midwife had so many infant deaths under her belt. Did they keep my comment up?? Course not! Just like NCFOM when Amy Medwin was arrested! I just posted this "I have to say, it is rather disheartening when the homebirth community refuses to acknowledge negative outcomes or address incompetance! ". I am sure it will be gone here very soon.

Why are those who say "this person hurt my child" or "this provider is killing too many babies" silenced? Do you really think that ignoring and silencing death will make it magically go away? If you don't acknowledge incompetance, does it suddenly make a provider competant? Do these midwifery organizations really think their behavior is helping midwifery look like a positive endeavor?? Are incompetant midwives making homebirth look like a safe or positive option?

So, if incompetant midwives are giving homebirth such a blemish, why not take care of the blemish instead of covering it up with a bandaid?? The blemish will not go away until it is taken care of properly, something most in the movement refuse to do. Our babies are a small sacrifice for those who worship at Ina's feet! "Oh, Ina, you want more dead babies?? OK, anything for homebirth and midwifery. And we'll make sure nobody hears about it".

I have one statement to make for those who don't care about all the dead babies on the alter of homebirth, and that is "Get the fuck over yourselves". I'm so fed up. I'm tired of silence. I'm tired of our babies not meaning a damn to anybody. This mother and her fellow homebirth loss moms are not going anywhere and we are here to fight for our children and the countless other children who will end up dead due to incompetance and ignorant activists!

Looking for Current/Former Homebirth Midwives

Sometime soon, a site called 10 Centimeters will be launched. I am a guest writer and would love to put together an article with interviews from either current or former homebirth midwives. If you are willing to answer some questions, please email me at momma 6 underscore 2 angels at hotmail dot com. I am putting together a questionaire that I will send out to all respondents on May 1st. No names will be used at all.

Looking for Current/Former Homebirth Midwives

Sometime soon, a site called 10 Centimeters will be launched. I am a guest writer and would love to put together an article with interviews from either current or former homebirth midwives. If you are willing to answer some questions, please email me at momma 6 underscore 2 angels at hotmail dot com. I am putting together a questionaire that I will send out to all respondents on May 1st. No names will be used at all.

The importance of a wedding

When a couple is planning a wedding, most of the time, the bride is in control of everything. Some couples just slip quietly to a justice of the peace, some elope, some have small intimate gatherings, and others have massive celebrations. It all varies amongst couples.

For us, it was something small as an actual wedding didn't mean much to us. For some women, they have to plan it for an extended time. All of their focus is spent on this one day. The wedding and reception have to go off without a hitch. Couples will go so far as to hire a planner who can make all their wishes come true.

What types of things are important and why?? I asked this question on my facebook to see what answers I would get. Two friends said the photographer was important because they take the pictures. Ok, got me there. Pictures are always important no matter the occassion! This is why my phone uploads to facebook. One friend said the vows because these are the promises you make for life. Ok, agreed there. One friend said the attitudes by bride and groom are important. Agreed!

Now, what about things that really don't matter? Does it matter if the groom can ride in on a stallion? What if the tiara isn't the right pattern? What if the train isn't long enough? What if the wedding cake isn't colorful enough? Yeah, these are all things that can devastate a bride. I'm sure we've all seen or dealt with brides that make you say, "WTF?".

If women spend all this time focused on the wedding, how much time is spent preparing for the actual marriage? Is the wedding the most important part of the marriage or is it just the beginning?


Let's switch out wedding for birth and see how they compare.
Minister/Birth attendant
Premarital counseling/childbirth education
Venue/birthplace
Bridal party/support people
Wedding photographer/birth photographer-videographer
Wedding attire/birth attire
Honeymoon/babymoon
Food and cake/food and drink
Gifts/gifts
Registry/registry
Message boards/message boards
magazines/magazines
Bridezilla/Preggozilla

So, how many weddings, that didn't go according to plan, completely destroy the bond between husband and wife? If you say none, why is it that women buy that birth experiences ruin the bond between mother and child? There really is nothing different between the day you give birth than the day you get married. Just something to think about!

Just a warning: when you know a bridezilla, steer clear when she gets pregnant! If the mom is a preggozilla who isn't married, stay away from her while she plans her wedding! Actually, I would steer clear of her all the time!

The importance of a wedding

When a couple is planning a wedding, most of the time, the bride is in control of everything. Some couples just slip quietly to a justice of the peace, some elope, some have small intimate gatherings, and others have massive celebrations. It all varies amongst couples.

For us, it was something small as an actual wedding didn't mean much to us. For some women, they have to plan it for an extended time. All of their focus is spent on this one day. The wedding and reception have to go off without a hitch. Couples will go so far as to hire a planner who can make all their wishes come true.

What types of things are important and why?? I asked this question on my facebook to see what answers I would get. Two friends said the photographer was important because they take the pictures. Ok, got me there. Pictures are always important no matter the occassion! This is why my phone uploads to facebook. One friend said the vows because these are the promises you make for life. Ok, agreed there. One friend said the attitudes by bride and groom are important. Agreed!

Now, what about things that really don't matter? Does it matter if the groom can ride in on a stallion? What if the tiara isn't the right pattern? What if the train isn't long enough? What if the wedding cake isn't colorful enough? Yeah, these are all things that can devastate a bride. I'm sure we've all seen or dealt with brides that make you say, "WTF?".

If women spend all this time focused on the wedding, how much time is spent preparing for the actual marriage? Is the wedding the most important part of the marriage or is it just the beginning?


Let's switch out wedding for birth and see how they compare.
Minister/Birth attendant
Premarital counseling/childbirth education
Venue/birthplace
Bridal party/support people
Wedding photographer/birth photographer-videographer
Wedding attire/birth attire
Honeymoon/babymoon
Food and cake/food and drink
Gifts/gifts
Registry/registry
Message boards/message boards
magazines/magazines
Bridezilla/Preggozilla

So, how many weddings, that didn't go according to plan, completely destroy the bond between husband and wife? If you say none, why is it that women buy that birth experiences ruin the bond between mother and child? There really is nothing different between the day you give birth than the day you get married. Just something to think about!

Just a warning: when you know a bridezilla, steer clear when she gets pregnant! If the mom is a preggozilla who isn't married, stay away from her while she plans her wedding! Actually, I would steer clear of her all the time!

Looking at Ina's Quilt

As we all know, Ina has created her Safe Motherhood Quilt as a way to memoralize mothers who die due to pregnancy issues. This is a very noble cause. I think it's great to remember those who have passed on.

Now, things get sticky when you start breaking down numbers and stories. Of all the women listed, there is no proof that 26 of them ever existed. There are news stories, SSDI registries, and/or websites for the rest of these women. I have to wonder if Ina even bothered to verify the existence of these women.

On top of these women whose identities cannot be confirmed, we have women that died from actual non-pregnancy related issues. There is one woman who died after being abused by her partner, one who was in a car accident the night before, one who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, one who had an asthma attack, etc. Several mothers died due to h1n1. That took the lives of many people, not just pregnant mothers. Women who dealt with illness or heart problems also died. Pregnancy doesn't give you heart problems. Pregnancy can give you something called cardiomyopathy. This can make a mother very ill and possibly take her life. Now, in some women with existing heart conditions, it can certainly exacerbate the problems. There are women who had pulmonary embolisms or aneurysms. Two Jehovah Witnesses chose to bleed to death after refusing transfusions.

Another one of the things that caught me eye is the fact that she claims death due to pregnancy/childbirth some time later. One death was blamed on two cesareans with the last being 25 years earlier! One mother was brain damaged for two years due to septicemia after carrying around a dead fetus. She was a midwife client planning her 5th homebirth. One mother was said to of developed congestive heart failure due to pregnancy and succumbed to it two years later. Yes, the mom with brain damage, we can attribute that to the issues related to pregnancy, but the others aren't.

So, if we count all the mothers who died due to other issues and unconfirmed identites, you remove 78 women. Causes of death related to pregnancy are due to things like infections (several abortion related are listed making me think Ina scours a certain pro-life site), hemorrhage (yep, a few here are also from a pro-life site), amniotic fluid embolism, and blood pressure issues (HELLP, toxemia, eclampsia, pre-e). These make up 61% of the mothers on the quilt,

Ina claims the maternal mortality rate is 1.5 to 3 times higher than is reported. Her quilt is proof of why she thinks this. If you add in women who die of any cause within 1 year, women who die that ever had a c-section, and women who are diagnosed with an illness either during pregnacy or within 1 year postpartum the numbers are going to be higher. However, this is an incredibly dishonest way to try to manipulate numbers and people's trust. Now that I'm thinking about it, isn't this how natural birth advocates try to say cesarean babies die three times as often as vaginally birthed babies?? It's quite interesting how Ina and her followers love to manipulate data to claim that doctors and hospitals are so evil!

ETA: I found that I missed a woman. Make that 27 women with unconfirmed identities!

Looking at Ina's Quilt

As we all know, Ina has created her Safe Motherhood Quilt as a way to memoralize mothers who die due to pregnancy issues. This is a very noble cause. I think it's great to remember those who have passed on.

Now, things get sticky when you start breaking down numbers and stories. Of all the women listed, there is no proof that 26 of them ever existed. There are news stories, SSDI registries, and/or websites for the rest of these women. I have to wonder if Ina even bothered to verify the existence of these women.

On top of these women whose identities cannot be confirmed, we have women that died from actual non-pregnancy related issues. There is one woman who died after being abused by her partner, one who was in a car accident the night before, one who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, one who had an asthma attack, etc. Several mothers died due to h1n1. That took the lives of many people, not just pregnant mothers. Women who dealt with illness or heart problems also died. Pregnancy doesn't give you heart problems. Pregnancy can give you something called cardiomyopathy. This can make a mother very ill and possibly take her life. Now, in some women with existing heart conditions, it can certainly exacerbate the problems. There are women who had pulmonary embolisms or aneurysms. Two Jehovah Witnesses chose to bleed to death after refusing transfusions.

Another one of the things that caught me eye is the fact that she claims death due to pregnancy/childbirth some time later. One death was blamed on two cesareans with the last being 25 years earlier! One mother was brain damaged for two years due to septicemia after carrying around a dead fetus. She was a midwife client planning her 5th homebirth. One mother was said to of developed congestive heart failure due to pregnancy and succumbed to it two years later. Yes, the mom with brain damage, we can attribute that to the issues related to pregnancy, but the others aren't.

So, if we count all the mothers who died due to other issues and unconfirmed identites, you remove 78 women. Causes of death related to pregnancy are due to things like infections (several abortion related are listed making me think Ina scours a certain pro-life site), hemorrhage (yep, a few here are also from a pro-life site), amniotic fluid embolism, and blood pressure issues (HELLP, toxemia, eclampsia, pre-e). These make up 61% of the mothers on the quilt,

Ina claims the maternal mortality rate is 1.5 to 3 times higher than is reported. Her quilt is proof of why she thinks this. If you add in women who die of any cause within 1 year, women who die that ever had a c-section, and women who are diagnosed with an illness either during pregnacy or within 1 year postpartum the numbers are going to be higher. However, this is an incredibly dishonest way to try to manipulate numbers and people's trust. Now that I'm thinking about it, isn't this how natural birth advocates try to say cesarean babies die three times as often as vaginally birthed babies?? It's quite interesting how Ina and her followers love to manipulate data to claim that doctors and hospitals are so evil!

ETA: I found that I missed a woman. Make that 27 women with unconfirmed identities!

Safe Motherhood Quilt Project

This afternoon I started my online session the same, hitting facebook first. Then I got side-tracked and went to Ina's Safe Motherhood Quilt Project.

The idea for the Safe Motherhood Quilt Project gestated within me over a period of several years. It was in the early 1990s that I began to be curious about maternal death in my country, after an unusual couple-they were both obstetricians-enrolled for care at the Farm Midwifery Center, Summertown TN, for their first pregnancy and birth. I learned from them and from a nurse-midwife who wrote a remembrance about a close friend that death was still an occasional possibility for U.S. women during pregnancy, birth and the year after the end of pregnancy. Curious about how many deaths occurred per year and what factors might be causing them, I began looking for information from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS). I learned from the officials with whom I talked at both agencies how little they actually know about the continuing problem of preventable maternal death in the U.S.

Sounds commendable, doesn't it?? You look at all these names and go through slides reading a small summary about what happened to these mothers. You see things about eclampsia/toxemia and wonder why on earth DR's allowed a woman to get so severe that she passed away. I've seen stories of perfectly healthy women just dropping and wondered why. All these deaths seem like medical error!

However, thanks to the power of google, you can find other information aside from what Ina has. I haven't seen a single death, so far, that is due to medical error. I am at file 13/211. I've seen a mother that suffered abuse from her partner then went into a seizure leading to stroke and heart attack. Mom was just a few days postpartum. Sadly, one of her children would die at this partners hands just six months later. Ina conveniently left out the fact that this mother had been beaten the morning she suffered from the seizure. You also see a story about a 15 year old girl with toxemia. What Ina fails to share is that this child was part of a secret polygamist group who had NOT gotten prenatal care nor would anyone allow her to see a DR. By the time her mother stepped in, it was too late. In one story, a mother drops from eclampsia while getting ready to go to the DR. Does the summary state that the mother had been in a car accident the night before?? Nope. The article about the mother from her local paper doesn't say a word about eclampsia. One story shared was about a mother who had a miscarriage/stillbirth in the 5th month and developed an infection (ie becoming septic) that damaged her organs leaving her comatose. What Ina fails to share is that this mother was a homebirther (planning her 5th) who possibly already had heart damage from a medication she had taken the year before. She had never had a single complication so they figured things would be fine! Two stories were about mothers who had splenic artery aneurysm. Unfortunately, this is due to pregnancy and the weight of the uterus during the 3rd trimester. The only mother who died from actual medical error was one who had placenta pieces left behind and became septic. One other case that stood out to me was a woman who was induced with twins (numbers 8 and 9) at over 41 weeks. Baby A was born perfectly fine but then baby 2 was breech and it's cord prolapsed. They rushed mom for an emergency c-section where she began to hemmorhage. Mom was given a hysterectomy, but due to her being a Jehovah's Witness, she refused a transfusion and died. We also had a mother that committed suicide due to PP Psychosis.

If you are like me, I find the site interesting considering Ina tries so hard to blame our obstetrical care system. With the case of the abuse victim, Ina has used her name but didn't address the circumstances. In the last case, she has blamed the DR for doing a c-section for the breech twin (whose cord prolapsed). I truly cannot believe she would take cases of dead mothers and blame the medical system when most of the cases she shares have nothing to do with it. Some cases are due to pregnancy and, as much as I hate to say it, would of happened no matter what. The only way to prevent a major event from occurring that is pregnancy induced is to prevent pregnancy. No woman knows if she will be the one that this happens to though.

I will be going through every single story Ina shares. Let's see exactly what information this site holds. So far, it isn't saying what she claims to be saying.

Safe Motherhood Quilt Project

This afternoon I started my online session the same, hitting facebook first. Then I got side-tracked and went to Ina's Safe Motherhood Quilt Project.

The idea for the Safe Motherhood Quilt Project gestated within me over a period of several years. It was in the early 1990s that I began to be curious about maternal death in my country, after an unusual couple-they were both obstetricians-enrolled for care at the Farm Midwifery Center, Summertown TN, for their first pregnancy and birth. I learned from them and from a nurse-midwife who wrote a remembrance about a close friend that death was still an occasional possibility for U.S. women during pregnancy, birth and the year after the end of pregnancy. Curious about how many deaths occurred per year and what factors might be causing them, I began looking for information from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS). I learned from the officials with whom I talked at both agencies how little they actually know about the continuing problem of preventable maternal death in the U.S.

Sounds commendable, doesn't it?? You look at all these names and go through slides reading a small summary about what happened to these mothers. You see things about eclampsia/toxemia and wonder why on earth DR's allowed a woman to get so severe that she passed away. I've seen stories of perfectly healthy women just dropping and wondered why. All these deaths seem like medical error!

However, thanks to the power of google, you can find other information aside from what Ina has. I haven't seen a single death, so far, that is due to medical error. I am at file 13/211. I've seen a mother that suffered abuse from her partner then went into a seizure leading to stroke and heart attack. Mom was just a few days postpartum. Sadly, one of her children would die at this partners hands just six months later. Ina conveniently left out the fact that this mother had been beaten the morning she suffered from the seizure. You also see a story about a 15 year old girl with toxemia. What Ina fails to share is that this child was part of a secret polygamist group who had NOT gotten prenatal care nor would anyone allow her to see a DR. By the time her mother stepped in, it was too late. In one story, a mother drops from eclampsia while getting ready to go to the DR. Does the summary state that the mother had been in a car accident the night before?? Nope. The article about the mother from her local paper doesn't say a word about eclampsia. One story shared was about a mother who had a miscarriage/stillbirth in the 5th month and developed an infection (ie becoming septic) that damaged her organs leaving her comatose. What Ina fails to share is that this mother was a homebirther (planning her 5th) who possibly already had heart damage from a medication she had taken the year before. She had never had a single complication so they figured things would be fine! Two stories were about mothers who had splenic artery aneurysm. Unfortunately, this is due to pregnancy and the weight of the uterus during the 3rd trimester. The only mother who died from actual medical error was one who had placenta pieces left behind and became septic. One other case that stood out to me was a woman who was induced with twins (numbers 8 and 9) at over 41 weeks. Baby A was born perfectly fine but then baby 2 was breech and it's cord prolapsed. They rushed mom for an emergency c-section where she began to hemmorhage. Mom was given a hysterectomy, but due to her being a Jehovah's Witness, she refused a transfusion and died. We also had a mother that committed suicide due to PP Psychosis.

If you are like me, I find the site interesting considering Ina tries so hard to blame our obstetrical care system. With the case of the abuse victim, Ina has used her name but didn't address the circumstances. In the last case, she has blamed the DR for doing a c-section for the breech twin (whose cord prolapsed). I truly cannot believe she would take cases of dead mothers and blame the medical system when most of the cases she shares have nothing to do with it. Some cases are due to pregnancy and, as much as I hate to say it, would of happened no matter what. The only way to prevent a major event from occurring that is pregnancy induced is to prevent pregnancy. No woman knows if she will be the one that this happens to though.

I will be going through every single story Ina shares. Let's see exactly what information this site holds. So far, it isn't saying what she claims to be saying.

Hurt by Hospital Birth

Over the past 34 months homebirth advocates have taught me a lot. They have taught me that babies lost don't matter at all. They get angry when a homebirth death is shared and make comments about how the baby would of died anyway, babies die in the hospital too, and the location had nothing to do with it. They are incredibly rude and hurtful towards moms with any homebirth loss or injury. Obviously, when Dr Amy started up the Hurt by Homebirth site, we received serious backlash. Advocates were incredibly angry that there wasn't a hurt by hospital birth site. So, one San Diego area licensed midwife, named Vickii Gervais, decided to start a hurt by hospital birth site.

Now, what kind of stories are on this site?? How many mothers or babies died due to negligence?? How many mothers or babies were injured?? The answer to these questions is none. What consitutues being hurt by hospital birth??

Story 1: was a mom who ended up with an emergency c-section at 35 weeks for a footling breech. An inverted T incision was given in order to get baby out. Mom later had a VBA3C in the hospital with a supportive OB. The 4th child just happened to of also been her only full term baby. This was her blessing from Jesus!

Story 2: was a mom who didn't get her birth plan followed. She had fetal monitors strapped to her belly that were snug, didn't labor in the shower, didn't get her waterbirth, and was left to labor with her husband/family. Oh, then the drain was clogged in her shower.

Then story 3: Mom who (in 1975) was strapped down, given an IV, given oxygen, given an episiotomy and had her baby taken for 6 hours. That one did make me cringe. However, I took the opportunity to call my own mother and ask about birthing practices when I was born (1980). Turns out it was routine to rush you to a birthing room alone, do an enema, do an episiotomy, put legs in stirrups to push, then take baby for a bit. If you've had a baby in the last 20 years, you'll know this is no longer routine care. My mother was with me for the birth of my youngest and was quite impressed with all the changes made.

What really got me about these stories was their attempt at one-upping women who had their babies die. I would happily have a c-section or a deviation from my birth plan if it meant a living child. Are you trying to tell us that a non perfect birth experience is worse than having a dead baby?? Is your experience that much more important than the baby's??

This site thoroughly disgusts me and I cannot believe someone who calls themselves a professional would publish stories of women who weren't harmed or hurt by a hospital birth. They are women who sound like my children when I don't buy the flavor ice cream they wanted!

Hurt by Hospital Birth

Over the past 34 months homebirth advocates have taught me a lot. They have taught me that babies lost don't matter at all. They get angry when a homebirth death is shared and make comments about how the baby would of died anyway, babies die in the hospital too, and the location had nothing to do with it. They are incredibly rude and hurtful towards moms with any homebirth loss or injury. Obviously, when Dr Amy started up the Hurt by Homebirth site, we received serious backlash. Advocates were incredibly angry that there wasn't a hurt by hospital birth site. So, one San Diego area licensed midwife, named Vickii Gervais, decided to start a hurt by hospital birth site.

Now, what kind of stories are on this site?? How many mothers or babies died due to negligence?? How many mothers or babies were injured?? The answer to these questions is none. What consitutues being hurt by hospital birth??

Story 1: was a mom who ended up with an emergency c-section at 35 weeks for a footling breech. An inverted T incision was given in order to get baby out. Mom later had a VBA3C in the hospital with a supportive OB. The 4th child just happened to of also been her only full term baby. This was her blessing from Jesus!

Story 2: was a mom who didn't get her birth plan followed. She had fetal monitors strapped to her belly that were snug, didn't labor in the shower, didn't get her waterbirth, and was left to labor with her husband/family. Oh, then the drain was clogged in her shower.

Then story 3: Mom who (in 1975) was strapped down, given an IV, given oxygen, given an episiotomy and had her baby taken for 6 hours. That one did make me cringe. However, I took the opportunity to call my own mother and ask about birthing practices when I was born (1980). Turns out it was routine to rush you to a birthing room alone, do an enema, do an episiotomy, put legs in stirrups to push, then take baby for a bit. If you've had a baby in the last 20 years, you'll know this is no longer routine care. My mother was with me for the birth of my youngest and was quite impressed with all the changes made.

What really got me about these stories was their attempt at one-upping women who had their babies die. I would happily have a c-section or a deviation from my birth plan if it meant a living child. Are you trying to tell us that a non perfect birth experience is worse than having a dead baby?? Is your experience that much more important than the baby's??

This site thoroughly disgusts me and I cannot believe someone who calls themselves a professional would publish stories of women who weren't harmed or hurt by a hospital birth. They are women who sound like my children when I don't buy the flavor ice cream they wanted!

Parenting and what really matters

As we raise our children, we have to ALWAYS look at what is best for them. Birth won't affect them unless they end up brain damaged or dead. That's right, a "peaceful gentle birth" won't give you a serene and happy child. Leaving a kid intact won't do anything but leave some skin on their penis. It won't affect their personality at all. When our kids are sitting in kindergarten, you won't be able to tell who was breastfed, intact, co-slept, waterbirthed, etc. There truly is no difference.

Now, looking at school aged children, you can tell what kind of parents they have. Are the parents even involved? Are they shown love? Are they yelled at and hit all the time? You can tell a lot of the child's home life by watching a child. Many children across this world are abused and neglected by their parents. Children who go home from school that are yelled at, cussed at, and beaten- meant to feel like they don't matter at all. Children who are abandoned by a parent because the parent didn't want the child. Children who are used to hurt another parents because that parent angered the other with no regard to how this is harming the child involved. Real abuse happens all the time.

Real parenting is what happens as our children grow. It is how we treat them. It's how we show them we love them. It's in the hugs, kisses, and "just because" cuddles. It's in the encouragement we give our children. It's in the lessons we teach them as they get older. Guess what?? Even moms who have breastfed, left their son intact, co-slept, natural birthed, etc have abused and do abuse their children daily. So, obviously these don't make you an exceptional parent. They make you a parent just like that mom who makes more mainstream choices. We are all on this hamster wheel together, not separately.

If we spend our time talking about stupid things such as feeding, birthing, circing, vaxing,or sleeping choices, what about the children who are really being harmed out there?? Are we willing to drop the trivial bullshit and help these small members of society? What is more important here?? Me, I'm tired of seeing what is going on around me. I'm done and fed up with these parents. Where does your focus lie? Can you lie your beliefs down and take up the real issues of abuse/neglect surrounding us??

Parenting and what really matters

As we raise our children, we have to ALWAYS look at what is best for them. Birth won't affect them unless they end up brain damaged or dead. That's right, a "peaceful gentle birth" won't give you a serene and happy child. Leaving a kid intact won't do anything but leave some skin on their penis. It won't affect their personality at all. When our kids are sitting in kindergarten, you won't be able to tell who was breastfed, intact, co-slept, waterbirthed, etc. There truly is no difference.

Now, looking at school aged children, you can tell what kind of parents they have. Are the parents even involved? Are they shown love? Are they yelled at and hit all the time? You can tell a lot of the child's home life by watching a child. Many children across this world are abused and neglected by their parents. Children who go home from school that are yelled at, cussed at, and beaten- meant to feel like they don't matter at all. Children who are abandoned by a parent because the parent didn't want the child. Children who are used to hurt another parents because that parent angered the other with no regard to how this is harming the child involved. Real abuse happens all the time.

Real parenting is what happens as our children grow. It is how we treat them. It's how we show them we love them. It's in the hugs, kisses, and "just because" cuddles. It's in the encouragement we give our children. It's in the lessons we teach them as they get older. Guess what?? Even moms who have breastfed, left their son intact, co-slept, natural birthed, etc have abused and do abuse their children daily. So, obviously these don't make you an exceptional parent. They make you a parent just like that mom who makes more mainstream choices. We are all on this hamster wheel together, not separately.

If we spend our time talking about stupid things such as feeding, birthing, circing, vaxing,or sleeping choices, what about the children who are really being harmed out there?? Are we willing to drop the trivial bullshit and help these small members of society? What is more important here?? Me, I'm tired of seeing what is going on around me. I'm done and fed up with these parents. Where does your focus lie? Can you lie your beliefs down and take up the real issues of abuse/neglect surrounding us??

Let's discuss something

I want to know exactly what my readers think of the homebirth system in the USA. Do you think changes need made? What would YOU like to see? Do you think safe birthing practices should be the priority or should access to midwifery come first (You can only choose one)? Please pass this page around so we can find out exactly what people think.

Perhaps we can all work together to increase access to SAFE midwives!

Let's discuss something

I want to know exactly what my readers think of the homebirth system in the USA. Do you think changes need made? What would YOU like to see? Do you think safe birthing practices should be the priority or should access to midwifery come first (You can only choose one)? Please pass this page around so we can find out exactly what people think.

Perhaps we can all work together to increase access to SAFE midwives!

It's all about me part 1

As I have shared many times on this blog, the risk of death for babies is higher at home than in the hospital. Most homebirth mothers never think it will happen to them. I never thought I would have my child die. Even as I sat outside that emergency area, I thought “This can’t be happening”. I had had 5 other children and all was fine. I was healthy, ate right, steered clear of anything harmful, etc. I did everything right so how could my baby die? After learning that the homebirth did play a part In her death, I started looking at information I refused to see before.

Lots of us lost our babies. Some of us learned from our mistakes and gave our next children the best possible start by using REAL medical professionals and getting REAL medical care. We learned that birth experiences were unimportant and that our children mattered more. We go through hell to have our rainbow babies.

Sadly, some mothers do not place their baby above their experience. I watched a conversation on Mothering in which a person posted this:

I think we hear a lot of "my birth", "my choices", "my body", etc. I get this. I also understand that having had a really positive hospital birth experience, I don't necessarily have the same insight or perspective as those who have felt taken advantage of by OBs, hospitals, or some aspect of the medical system. I don't have the personal experience to draw from, and can't imagine what it must feel like to lose control at such a crucial time. But I'm always left wondering, what about the baby? Isn't the outcome, not the experience, what's most important? The choices of the patient should be important, yes, but maybe not "above all". Ask any of the brave and wonderful moms on here who are sharing their stories of loss and/or damage - what a c-section can save, an episiotomy, EFM . . . .Safety of mom and of her child, the ability to survive birth without permanent damage, should be the "above all". This of course, puts us in some pretty murky territory, but I thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.

One of the mothers who delivered a stillborn baby boy after a HBA3C attempt replied

Even above the mom's physical autonomy? No. It shouldn't. And, I say that as someone who has lost a child, who might have been saved had I made different choices. He didn't deserve to die. But, I didn't deserve the damage that's been done to me, and that may have ultimately caused his death, either

So, her child died and she knows her choice killed her baby, but her desire for a homebirth was more important. However, the dr who gave her that first c-section is more at fault because the c-section damaged her.

Looking around online, you will find some mothers that don’t seem to care that their child has died. Yeah, it sucks looking in the mirror knowing your choice led to your child’s death. Why is that?? We loved our babies and really thought we were doing what was best for them. I wish I knew why these other mothers care more about themselves. As a mother, you don’t put your experience over your child’s health.

Check this out:

Kat had this to say, Feb 18, 2011 @ 9:45 am Kat(Quote)

I had a midwife for my 4th child’s birth, and we did just fine.

I had a midwife for my 5th birth and the baby died (surprise footling breech, partly complicated by the midwife freaking and being inexperienced, and partly just because footling breech IS more dangerous than frank breech).

Did I feel guilty about my baby’s death? Yep. EVERY parent feels that even if it was not humanly possible for them to have changed the outcome in any way.

A few weeks after my baby died, a friend called me, and related that she had just met someone whose first child died due to the EXACT same situation that took my son from me. But she was in the hospital for her entire labor. Did my friend know how great a comfort it was to hear that? Probably not, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to know at that time.

Babies sometimes die. Sometimes in retrospect it could have been prevented, sometimes not. Birth is as safe as life gets, and planned attended homebirth with a qualified experienced attendant is no more dangerous than hospital birth for low risk women. No amount of made up scare tactics is going to change that.

And this

Kathryn Reply:

February 18th, 2011 at 11:29 am Kathryn(Quote)

I’m sorry for your loss.

I also had a surprise footling breech at home (with cord prolapse). We lost him as well.

I also know someone in a situation similar to mine who lost their baby in the hospital. Sometimes you just cannot predict what the outcome will be.

The doctor who delivered me and 3 of my siblings also lost a baby during birth. No one is completely insulated from death, even doctors

And

His birth and death have taught me a lot. First of all, not to judge other people's decisions on where to birth. I always thought that women who birthed in the hospital didn't trust their bodies, etc., etc., etc. Now I know that some people just don't want to take any risks. While I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I am at peace with my son's passing, I think that every mom who considers having a UC should be aware of the possibility of things going drastically wrong and/or losing her baby. It is a risk that we all take, but for me it wasn't something I ever thought could really happen. My worst case scenario was that I would end up in the hospital with a c-section.


My intent is not to scare anyone out of having a UC, but to make everyone aware that the risks are REAL, and to say that if you couldn't face your decision to UC if your baby died, you should rethink it.


I am living with my decision and I still think it was the right one. I believe that no matter where I gave birth, if my baby was meant to die, it would have happened one way or the other. And I am proud that I was able to give him a gentle birth into his parents bed, surrounded only by relatives, those who love him most, even in death. I see this experience as a gift that my son gave me; to realize how precious life really is and to know that every baby that is born alive and healthy is a true miracle. I have learned to be so much less judgemental of others and to see that everyone is in their perfect process wherever they are in life and wherever they choose to birth. It is not our place to judge, only to learn and be grateful. I learn more and find more gifts and blessings through my son's birth and death every day. I am truly grateful.

What kind of mother doesn’t question herself? What kind doesn’t care that her choice killed her baby? Look at Janet Fraser, her baby died during a 5 day labor. Yet her c-section birth traumatized her and left scars. Laura Shanley, watched her baby die without bothering to get any help. She knew her baby needed help. She succeeded in getting her birth and let her baby die. Even now, she does not talk about this baby! Rixa Freeze recently recorded her labor. Baby Inga was born then stopped breathing, went blue, and went floppy. Mom just gave her a few breaths and then the baby perked up. After the midwife assistant arrived, Rixa was more concerned with the assistant blocking the camera and affecting the juju than the fact that her baby needed to be looked over. Other moms decide that their baby would of died regardless and they want the birth they deserve. As if their baby doesn’t deserve to live. Nice!

Perhaps these “mothers” should just stop having kids once they get a dead one. If this baby didn’t matter, obviously no others will either. They are horrid excuses for mothers. Ironically enough, these are the same “I have to breastfeed till high school and RF till college” mothers. After all, Rear facing saves so many lives and she wants her baby to survive a car accident in case they are in that minute percentage who gets in an accident!

Part 2 comig soon

It's all about me part 1

As I have shared many times on this blog, the risk of death for babies is higher at home than in the hospital. Most homebirth mothers never think it will happen to them. I never thought I would have my child die. Even as I sat outside that emergency area, I thought “This can’t be happening”. I had had 5 other children and all was fine. I was healthy, ate right, steered clear of anything harmful, etc. I did everything right so how could my baby die? After learning that the homebirth did play a part In her death, I started looking at information I refused to see before.

Lots of us lost our babies. Some of us learned from our mistakes and gave our next children the best possible start by using REAL medical professionals and getting REAL medical care. We learned that birth experiences were unimportant and that our children mattered more. We go through hell to have our rainbow babies.

Sadly, some mothers do not place their baby above their experience. I watched a conversation on Mothering in which a person posted this:

I think we hear a lot of "my birth", "my choices", "my body", etc. I get this. I also understand that having had a really positive hospital birth experience, I don't necessarily have the same insight or perspective as those who have felt taken advantage of by OBs, hospitals, or some aspect of the medical system. I don't have the personal experience to draw from, and can't imagine what it must feel like to lose control at such a crucial time. But I'm always left wondering, what about the baby? Isn't the outcome, not the experience, what's most important? The choices of the patient should be important, yes, but maybe not "above all". Ask any of the brave and wonderful moms on here who are sharing their stories of loss and/or damage - what a c-section can save, an episiotomy, EFM . . . .Safety of mom and of her child, the ability to survive birth without permanent damage, should be the "above all". This of course, puts us in some pretty murky territory, but I thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.

One of the mothers who delivered a stillborn baby boy after a HBA3C attempt replied

Even above the mom's physical autonomy? No. It shouldn't. And, I say that as someone who has lost a child, who might have been saved had I made different choices. He didn't deserve to die. But, I didn't deserve the damage that's been done to me, and that may have ultimately caused his death, either

So, her child died and she knows her choice killed her baby, but her desire for a homebirth was more important. However, the dr who gave her that first c-section is more at fault because the c-section damaged her.

Looking around online, you will find some mothers that don’t seem to care that their child has died. Yeah, it sucks looking in the mirror knowing your choice led to your child’s death. Why is that?? We loved our babies and really thought we were doing what was best for them. I wish I knew why these other mothers care more about themselves. As a mother, you don’t put your experience over your child’s health.

Check this out:

Kat had this to say, Feb 18, 2011 @ 9:45 am Kat(Quote)

I had a midwife for my 4th child’s birth, and we did just fine.

I had a midwife for my 5th birth and the baby died (surprise footling breech, partly complicated by the midwife freaking and being inexperienced, and partly just because footling breech IS more dangerous than frank breech).

Did I feel guilty about my baby’s death? Yep. EVERY parent feels that even if it was not humanly possible for them to have changed the outcome in any way.

A few weeks after my baby died, a friend called me, and related that she had just met someone whose first child died due to the EXACT same situation that took my son from me. But she was in the hospital for her entire labor. Did my friend know how great a comfort it was to hear that? Probably not, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to know at that time.

Babies sometimes die. Sometimes in retrospect it could have been prevented, sometimes not. Birth is as safe as life gets, and planned attended homebirth with a qualified experienced attendant is no more dangerous than hospital birth for low risk women. No amount of made up scare tactics is going to change that.

And this

Kathryn Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:29 am Kathryn(Quote)

I’m sorry for your loss.

I also had a surprise footling breech at home (with cord prolapse). We lost him as well.

I also know someone in a situation similar to mine who lost their baby in the hospital. Sometimes you just cannot predict what the outcome will be.

The doctor who delivered me and 3 of my siblings also lost a baby during birth. No one is completely insulated from death, even doctors

And

His birth and death have taught me a lot. First of all, not to judge other people's decisions on where to birth. I always thought that women who birthed in the hospital didn't trust their bodies, etc., etc., etc. Now I know that some people just don't want to take any risks. While I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I am at peace with my son's passing, I think that every mom who considers having a UC should be aware of the possibility of things going drastically wrong and/or losing her baby. It is a risk that we all take, but for me it wasn't something I ever thought could really happen. My worst case scenario was that I would end up in the hospital with a c-section.

My intent is not to scare anyone out of having a UC, but to make everyone aware that the risks are REAL, and to say that if you couldn't face your decision to UC if your baby died, you should rethink it.

I am living with my decision and I still think it was the right one. I believe that no matter where I gave birth, if my baby was meant to die, it would have happened one way or the other. And I am proud that I was able to give him a gentle birth into his parents bed, surrounded only by relatives, those who love him most, even in death. I see this experience as a gift that my son gave me; to realize how precious life really is and to know that every baby that is born alive and healthy is a true miracle. I have learned to be so much less judgemental of others and to see that everyone is in their perfect process wherever they are in life and wherever they choose to birth. It is not our place to judge, only to learn and be grateful. I learn more and find more gifts and blessings through my son's birth and death every day. I am truly grateful.

What kind of mother doesn’t question herself? What kind doesn’t care that her choice killed her baby? Look at Janet Fraser, her baby died during a 5 day labor. Yet her c-section birth traumatized her and left scars. Laura Shanley, watched her baby die without bothering to get any help. She knew her baby needed help. She succeeded in getting her birth and let her baby die. Even now, she does not talk about this baby! Rixa Freeze recently recorded her labor. Baby Inga was born then stopped breathing, went blue, and went floppy. Mom just gave her a few breaths and then the baby perked up. After the midwife assistant arrived, Rixa was more concerned with the assistant blocking the camera and affecting the juju than the fact that her baby needed to be looked over. Other moms decide that their baby would of died regardless and they want the birth they deserve. As if their baby doesn’t deserve to live. Nice!

Perhaps these “mothers” should just stop having kids once they get a dead one. If this baby didn’t matter, obviously no others will either. They are horrid excuses for mothers. Ironically enough, these are the same “I have to breastfeed till high school and RF till college” mothers. After all, Rear facing saves so many lives and she wants her baby to survive a car accident in case they are in that minute percentage who gets in an accident!

Part 2 comig soon

Helping midwifery in North Carolina

For those wanting to see a change in North Carolina, I encourage you to write to the NC nursing board in support of CNM's. Let's also tell them that NC women need more homebirth CNM's who work in collaborative agreement with OB's. State that OB's shouldn't be just a back-up, we want them working together for the safety of women and babies. Having CNM's deliver at home will give women a safe choice for out of hospital birth instead of relying on a lay midwife.

If a woman is genuinely passionate about helping women birth at home, she will do what it takes to get the CNM certification. Claiming passionate reasons to not get a real certification makes you nothing more than a birth junkie who doesn't care about the women or babies she serves. Is nursing school cheap or convenient?? No. However, attending and getting that degree means you are dedicated and that helping women/babies is not just a hobby. That is to be admired!!

Helping midwifery in North Carolina

For those wanting to see a change in North Carolina, I encourage you to write to the NC nursing board in support of CNM's. Let's also tell them that NC women need more homebirth CNM's who work in collaborative agreement with OB's. State that OB's shouldn't be just a back-up, we want them working together for the safety of women and babies. Having CNM's deliver at home will give women a safe choice for out of hospital birth instead of relying on a lay midwife.

If a woman is genuinely passionate about helping women birth at home, she will do what it takes to get the CNM certification. Claiming passionate reasons to not get a real certification makes you nothing more than a birth junkie who doesn't care about the women or babies she serves. Is nursing school cheap or convenient?? No. However, attending and getting that degree means you are dedicated and that helping women/babies is not just a hobby. That is to be admired!!

Incompetence in Midwifery

Recently, NC CPM Emily "Amy" Medwin was arrested for practicing medicine without a license. This is NOT her first run in with NC authorities. NC Friends of Midwives are rallying behind this midwife in droves. According to them, she is a wonderful midwife.

In the state of NC, it is illegal to practice midwifery unless you are a Certified Nurse Midwife or a CNM. The state of North Carolina is NOT limiting your choices. They are giving you safe options. CPM's have a perinatal mortality rate that is 3X higher than in the hospital. I will go so far as to say that CPM's are a threat to public safety, NOT an asset. When a product causes a few deaths, recalls are performed and products are taken off of shelves. So, why are non-CNM's still practicing??

Having shared my story, many people have said that they cannot believe my midwife is still practicing. Faith Beltz, who caused the death of Aquila, is still practicing. A North Carolina mother lost her baby due to Amy Medwin amnd another has a baby clinging to life. Why don't these friend of midwife organizations stand up and say "We want mothers and babies safe"? If you are supporting a midwife that has caused an infant loss, you are showing people that the health of women and their babies is unimportant, the importance lies in just having midwives. Incompetence should be discouraged. What if it is your baby next?? Don't think it can't happen to you, because it can. Not a single homebirth mother is invincible. This midwife you support could end up being the very person who destroys your world by taking your child's life. Why can't homebirth supporters tell incompetent midwives that they will not support them??

I know people are clamoring about choice. One incompetent midwife does not take away your choice. If anything, you have been given safER choices. If homebirth means more to you than your child's life, hey, find another subpar CPM- they're all over the place. If you want SAFE choices, go to a DR or a CNM. I have to say, CNM's do have better rates than even doctors. However, I think it also shows that CNM's do take on only real low risk mothers. If CPM's were so educated and knew all about "normal birth", their numbers would reflect those of CNM's. CPM numbers don't even reflect those of DR's! Forget choice. Let's think about SAFETY! There is nothing stopping CPM's from becoming CNM's. Oh wait, they don't want to go to school, don't want to learn about the entire body, don't want to spend the money, AND women don't find educated care providers desirable!

Would you support a person performing back alley abortions?? They know all about the reproductive system and how abortions are performed. You might lose a few mothers. Interestingly enough, childbirth is riskier than abortion!

Incompetence in Midwifery

Recently, NC CPM Emily "Amy" Medwin was arrested for practicing medicine without a license. This is NOT her first run in with NC authorities. NC Friends of Midwives are rallying behind this midwife in droves. According to them, she is a wonderful midwife.

In the state of NC, it is illegal to practice midwifery unless you are a Certified Nurse Midwife or a CNM. The state of North Carolina is NOT limiting your choices. They are giving you safe options. CPM's have a perinatal mortality rate that is 3X higher than in the hospital. I will go so far as to say that CPM's are a threat to public safety, NOT an asset. When a product causes a few deaths, recalls are performed and products are taken off of shelves. So, why are non-CNM's still practicing??

Having shared my story, many people have said that they cannot believe my midwife is still practicing. Faith Beltz, who caused the death of Aquila, is still practicing. A North Carolina mother lost her baby due to Amy Medwin amnd another has a baby clinging to life. Why don't these friend of midwife organizations stand up and say "We want mothers and babies safe"? If you are supporting a midwife that has caused an infant loss, you are showing people that the health of women and their babies is unimportant, the importance lies in just having midwives. Incompetence should be discouraged. What if it is your baby next?? Don't think it can't happen to you, because it can. Not a single homebirth mother is invincible. This midwife you support could end up being the very person who destroys your world by taking your child's life. Why can't homebirth supporters tell incompetent midwives that they will not support them??

I know people are clamoring about choice. One incompetent midwife does not take away your choice. If anything, you have been given safER choices. If homebirth means more to you than your child's life, hey, find another subpar CPM- they're all over the place. If you want SAFE choices, go to a DR or a CNM. I have to say, CNM's do have better rates than even doctors. However, I think it also shows that CNM's do take on only real low risk mothers. If CPM's were so educated and knew all about "normal birth", their numbers would reflect those of CNM's. CPM numbers don't even reflect those of DR's! Forget choice. Let's think about SAFETY! There is nothing stopping CPM's from becoming CNM's. Oh wait, they don't want to go to school, don't want to learn about the entire body, don't want to spend the money, AND women don't find educated care providers desirable!

Would you support a person performing back alley abortions?? They know all about the reproductive system and how abortions are performed. You might lose a few mothers. Interestingly enough, childbirth is riskier than abortion!

Homebirth reform- in the words of a loss mom

Death challenged many "facts" i thought i knew, and rocked me to my core. In the rubble left i have been carefully and painstakingly reconstructing something of worth from the pieces. i want, i need my daughter's name to matter. i need the world to change in some way because of her.

http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2011/02/reform-homebirth-needs.html

I encourage all childbearing women to read this. I hope all homebirthers take this to heart.


Liz P, you are such a strong woman and I am honored to be your friend. I love you!!

Homebirth reform- in the words of a loss mom

Death challenged many "facts" i thought i knew, and rocked me to my core. In the rubble left i have been carefully and painstakingly reconstructing something of worth from the pieces. i want, i need my daughter's name to matter. i need the world to change in some way because of her.

http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2011/02/reform-homebirth-needs.html

I encourage all childbearing women to read this. I hope all homebirthers take this to heart.


Liz P, you are such a strong woman and I am honored to be your friend. I love you!!

Experiencing the rainbow

When my daughter died, all I wanted was to hold another baby in my arms. Sometimes I didn't. We bounced around on this issue for awhile then ultimately decided Mary would be our last child and I would just have my tubes tied. We were happy with our choice. You know what happens when you decide you're done having children?? You get pregnant, lol.

The pregnancy was very rough to say the least. I was a very high risk patient who had to take shots and have testing all the time. This was a very expensive pregnancy as well!! Mentally, It was very taxing. I would go to appointments and just cry. My Dr's would hold my hand and listen, hand me a tissue, reassure me, and give me a big hug. When I talked about Mary, my Dr's would cry with me. I knew if I just needed an ear, they were a phone call away and if I decided to medicate, I could (but chose not to). Physically, I was a wreck. I had progesterone shots weekly that hurt horribly. The ultrasounds that began as nice and cool lost their luster as I got bigger. It is possible to pass out during an ultrasound! Luckily, one of my techs was really good at doing ultrasounds with mom laying on her side. My rainbow, Ireland, would often give the techs a hard time. She would hit the wand and then move so the area we were trying to see was again out of our sights, lol. One neat thing was being able to watch her grow and the manifestation of her personality. I knew before birth that she was going to be very tempermental and strong-willed.

Having the high risk status I did, we knew that we would need to be induced. This would occur at exactly 39 weeks. Of course, all the arrangements were made and the induction was set for Nov 5th. Ireland being the baby she was, did not like plans and decided to do as she pleased. So, I went into labor the week before the induction was scheduled. The labor went pretty good. We had one decel and at that moment, the build up of everything came rushing out and I became an emotional mess. Plans were made for an emergency c-section should we have another one. I was so close to holding her in my arms and I didn't care what needed to be done to get her here. If the decision had been left to me, I would of had a c-section after that decel. I knew they would have to knock me out and I would miss the first few hours of her life. That was fine with me if that meant she would live. They could of done anything they wanted to me as long as it gave me a healthy, living baby.

At 11:20AM, Ireland Elyse was born. She was IDENTICAL to her sister. The emotional breakdown I thought I would have didn't happen then. We just basked in the glory of this baby. When Mary died, my mother came to the hospital, held her granddaughter, and wept horribly. My mother got to be one of my labor coaches with Ireland (luckily since James had worked the night before and was sleeping) and was able to be there for her birth. It was kind of a healing thing for us all. Unfortunately, about six hours after Ireland's birth she had to go to the NICU. We knew that was probably going to happen so we weren't too shocked. The NICU at our hospital has private rooms, so I was able to stay with her after my discharge. I had to go home one night and that really shook me up. Leaving the hospital empty handed again was absolutely horrible. It really brought back the day Mary died when we had to hand her over and leave. I don't think anybody understood why I felt the way I did. My mom kept reassuring me that the situation was nothing like Mary. Luckily, this was the only night I spent away from her.In an odd turn of events, one of the neonatologists that worked on Mary ended up being Ireland's DR! She asked me the one day if Ireland looked like any of her siblings. I told her Yes but the sibling didn't make it and she was the one who worked on her. I later learned that several nurses quit their jobs that day because they couldn't handle it. Dr. Ford them did her best to reassure me that what happened to Mary would not happen to Ireland. After 5 1/2 days in the NICU, Ireland came home!

Bringing our rainbow home introduced a whole new set of challenges. I was always scared that she would just die as soon as I went to sleep. I spent many nights awake. Some nights I would have her in her car seat sleeping while I slept on the couch or have her in the cradle beside my bed with my hand in it so I could feel her chest move or have her in the co-sleeper in my bed so I could be touching her. I always had to be touching her. Those first months were horrible to be honest. Already having a loss and knowing it is possible was the first strike. Then add in all the SIDS moms I knew and continued to come into contact with was another strike to my sanity. I never felt safe. I still don't feel safe with any of my kids. I know I can lose them in an instant. Facing your child's mortality shatters your innocence.

Here we are 15+ months into the journey of having a rainbow baby. I am even more convinced than ever that Mary had a hand in sending this baby sister to us. She is the light of all of our lives. You can see that all the kids feel differently about her than they do eachother. She is Trouble and into everything humanly possible, hence why we recently childproofed for the first time ever! Her personality is off the wall. We have truly been given a run for our money. I would go through the entire pregnancy with her all over again if that meant we would still have her.