Showing posts with label infant loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infant loss. Show all posts

Sunday, March 13, 2011

It's all about me part 1



As I have shared many times on this blog, the risk of death for babies is higher at home than in the hospital. Most homebirth mothers never think it will happen to them. I never thought I would have my child die. Even as I sat outside that emergency area, I thought “This can’t be happening”. I had had 5 other children and all was fine. I was healthy, ate right, steered clear of anything harmful, etc. I did everything right so how could my baby die? After learning that the homebirth did play a part In her death, I started looking at information I refused to see before.

Lots of us lost our babies. Some of us learned from our mistakes and gave our next children the best possible start by using REAL medical professionals and getting REAL medical care. We learned that birth experiences were unimportant and that our children mattered more. We go through hell to have our rainbow babies.

Sadly, some mothers do not place their baby above their experience. I watched a conversation on Mothering in which a person posted this:

I think we hear a lot of "my birth", "my choices", "my body", etc. I get this. I also understand that having had a really positive hospital birth experience, I don't necessarily have the same insight or perspective as those who have felt taken advantage of by OBs, hospitals, or some aspect of the medical system. I don't have the personal experience to draw from, and can't imagine what it must feel like to lose control at such a crucial time. But I'm always left wondering, what about the baby? Isn't the outcome, not the experience, what's most important? The choices of the patient should be important, yes, but maybe not "above all". Ask any of the brave and wonderful moms on here who are sharing their stories of loss and/or damage - what a c-section can save, an episiotomy, EFM . . . .Safety of mom and of her child, the ability to survive birth without permanent damage, should be the "above all". This of course, puts us in some pretty murky territory, but I thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.

One of the mothers who delivered a stillborn baby boy after a HBA3C attempt replied

Even above the mom's physical autonomy? No. It shouldn't. And, I say that as someone who has lost a child, who might have been saved had I made different choices. He didn't deserve to die. But, I didn't deserve the damage that's been done to me, and that may have ultimately caused his death, either

So, her child died and she knows her choice killed her baby, but her desire for a homebirth was more important. However, the dr who gave her that first c-section is more at fault because the c-section damaged her.

Looking around online, you will find some mothers that don’t seem to care that their child has died. Yeah, it sucks looking in the mirror knowing your choice led to your child’s death. Why is that?? We loved our babies and really thought we were doing what was best for them. I wish I knew why these other mothers care more about themselves. As a mother, you don’t put your experience over your child’s health.

Check this out:

Kat had this to say, Feb 18, 2011 @ 9:45 am Kat(Quote)

I had a midwife for my 4th child’s birth, and we did just fine.

I had a midwife for my 5th birth and the baby died (surprise footling breech, partly complicated by the midwife freaking and being inexperienced, and partly just because footling breech IS more dangerous than frank breech).

Did I feel guilty about my baby’s death? Yep. EVERY parent feels that even if it was not humanly possible for them to have changed the outcome in any way.

A few weeks after my baby died, a friend called me, and related that she had just met someone whose first child died due to the EXACT same situation that took my son from me. But she was in the hospital for her entire labor. Did my friend know how great a comfort it was to hear that? Probably not, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to know at that time.

Babies sometimes die. Sometimes in retrospect it could have been prevented, sometimes not. Birth is as safe as life gets, and planned attended homebirth with a qualified experienced attendant is no more dangerous than hospital birth for low risk women. No amount of made up scare tactics is going to change that.

And this

Kathryn Reply:

February 18th, 2011 at 11:29 am Kathryn(Quote)

I’m sorry for your loss.

I also had a surprise footling breech at home (with cord prolapse). We lost him as well.

I also know someone in a situation similar to mine who lost their baby in the hospital. Sometimes you just cannot predict what the outcome will be.

The doctor who delivered me and 3 of my siblings also lost a baby during birth. No one is completely insulated from death, even doctors

And

His birth and death have taught me a lot. First of all, not to judge other people's decisions on where to birth. I always thought that women who birthed in the hospital didn't trust their bodies, etc., etc., etc. Now I know that some people just don't want to take any risks. While I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I am at peace with my son's passing, I think that every mom who considers having a UC should be aware of the possibility of things going drastically wrong and/or losing her baby. It is a risk that we all take, but for me it wasn't something I ever thought could really happen. My worst case scenario was that I would end up in the hospital with a c-section.


My intent is not to scare anyone out of having a UC, but to make everyone aware that the risks are REAL, and to say that if you couldn't face your decision to UC if your baby died, you should rethink it.


I am living with my decision and I still think it was the right one. I believe that no matter where I gave birth, if my baby was meant to die, it would have happened one way or the other. And I am proud that I was able to give him a gentle birth into his parents bed, surrounded only by relatives, those who love him most, even in death. I see this experience as a gift that my son gave me; to realize how precious life really is and to know that every baby that is born alive and healthy is a true miracle. I have learned to be so much less judgemental of others and to see that everyone is in their perfect process wherever they are in life and wherever they choose to birth. It is not our place to judge, only to learn and be grateful. I learn more and find more gifts and blessings through my son's birth and death every day. I am truly grateful.

What kind of mother doesn’t question herself? What kind doesn’t care that her choice killed her baby? Look at Janet Fraser, her baby died during a 5 day labor. Yet her c-section birth traumatized her and left scars. Laura Shanley, watched her baby die without bothering to get any help. She knew her baby needed help. She succeeded in getting her birth and let her baby die. Even now, she does not talk about this baby! Rixa Freeze recently recorded her labor. Baby Inga was born then stopped breathing, went blue, and went floppy. Mom just gave her a few breaths and then the baby perked up. After the midwife assistant arrived, Rixa was more concerned with the assistant blocking the camera and affecting the juju than the fact that her baby needed to be looked over. Other moms decide that their baby would of died regardless and they want the birth they deserve. As if their baby doesn’t deserve to live. Nice!

Perhaps these “mothers” should just stop having kids once they get a dead one. If this baby didn’t matter, obviously no others will either. They are horrid excuses for mothers. Ironically enough, these are the same “I have to breastfeed till high school and RF till college” mothers. After all, Rear facing saves so many lives and she wants her baby to survive a car accident in case they are in that minute percentage who gets in an accident!



Part 2 comig soon

It's all about me part 1


As I have shared many times on this blog, the risk of death for babies is higher at home than in the hospital. Most homebirth mothers never think it will happen to them. I never thought I would have my child die. Even as I sat outside that emergency area, I thought “This can’t be happening”. I had had 5 other children and all was fine. I was healthy, ate right, steered clear of anything harmful, etc. I did everything right so how could my baby die? After learning that the homebirth did play a part In her death, I started looking at information I refused to see before.

Lots of us lost our babies. Some of us learned from our mistakes and gave our next children the best possible start by using REAL medical professionals and getting REAL medical care. We learned that birth experiences were unimportant and that our children mattered more. We go through hell to have our rainbow babies.

Sadly, some mothers do not place their baby above their experience. I watched a conversation on Mothering in which a person posted this:

I think we hear a lot of "my birth", "my choices", "my body", etc. I get this. I also understand that having had a really positive hospital birth experience, I don't necessarily have the same insight or perspective as those who have felt taken advantage of by OBs, hospitals, or some aspect of the medical system. I don't have the personal experience to draw from, and can't imagine what it must feel like to lose control at such a crucial time. But I'm always left wondering, what about the baby? Isn't the outcome, not the experience, what's most important? The choices of the patient should be important, yes, but maybe not "above all". Ask any of the brave and wonderful moms on here who are sharing their stories of loss and/or damage - what a c-section can save, an episiotomy, EFM . . . .Safety of mom and of her child, the ability to survive birth without permanent damage, should be the "above all". This of course, puts us in some pretty murky territory, but I thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.

One of the mothers who delivered a stillborn baby boy after a HBA3C attempt replied

Even above the mom's physical autonomy? No. It shouldn't. And, I say that as someone who has lost a child, who might have been saved had I made different choices. He didn't deserve to die. But, I didn't deserve the damage that's been done to me, and that may have ultimately caused his death, either

So, her child died and she knows her choice killed her baby, but her desire for a homebirth was more important. However, the dr who gave her that first c-section is more at fault because the c-section damaged her.

Looking around online, you will find some mothers that don’t seem to care that their child has died. Yeah, it sucks looking in the mirror knowing your choice led to your child’s death. Why is that?? We loved our babies and really thought we were doing what was best for them. I wish I knew why these other mothers care more about themselves. As a mother, you don’t put your experience over your child’s health.

Check this out:

Kat had this to say, Feb 18, 2011 @ 9:45 am Kat(Quote)

I had a midwife for my 4th child’s birth, and we did just fine.

I had a midwife for my 5th birth and the baby died (surprise footling breech, partly complicated by the midwife freaking and being inexperienced, and partly just because footling breech IS more dangerous than frank breech).

Did I feel guilty about my baby’s death? Yep. EVERY parent feels that even if it was not humanly possible for them to have changed the outcome in any way.

A few weeks after my baby died, a friend called me, and related that she had just met someone whose first child died due to the EXACT same situation that took my son from me. But she was in the hospital for her entire labor. Did my friend know how great a comfort it was to hear that? Probably not, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to know at that time.

Babies sometimes die. Sometimes in retrospect it could have been prevented, sometimes not. Birth is as safe as life gets, and planned attended homebirth with a qualified experienced attendant is no more dangerous than hospital birth for low risk women. No amount of made up scare tactics is going to change that.

And this

Kathryn Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:29 am Kathryn(Quote)

I’m sorry for your loss.

I also had a surprise footling breech at home (with cord prolapse). We lost him as well.

I also know someone in a situation similar to mine who lost their baby in the hospital. Sometimes you just cannot predict what the outcome will be.

The doctor who delivered me and 3 of my siblings also lost a baby during birth. No one is completely insulated from death, even doctors

And

His birth and death have taught me a lot. First of all, not to judge other people's decisions on where to birth. I always thought that women who birthed in the hospital didn't trust their bodies, etc., etc., etc. Now I know that some people just don't want to take any risks. While I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I am at peace with my son's passing, I think that every mom who considers having a UC should be aware of the possibility of things going drastically wrong and/or losing her baby. It is a risk that we all take, but for me it wasn't something I ever thought could really happen. My worst case scenario was that I would end up in the hospital with a c-section.

My intent is not to scare anyone out of having a UC, but to make everyone aware that the risks are REAL, and to say that if you couldn't face your decision to UC if your baby died, you should rethink it.

I am living with my decision and I still think it was the right one. I believe that no matter where I gave birth, if my baby was meant to die, it would have happened one way or the other. And I am proud that I was able to give him a gentle birth into his parents bed, surrounded only by relatives, those who love him most, even in death. I see this experience as a gift that my son gave me; to realize how precious life really is and to know that every baby that is born alive and healthy is a true miracle. I have learned to be so much less judgemental of others and to see that everyone is in their perfect process wherever they are in life and wherever they choose to birth. It is not our place to judge, only to learn and be grateful. I learn more and find more gifts and blessings through my son's birth and death every day. I am truly grateful.

What kind of mother doesn’t question herself? What kind doesn’t care that her choice killed her baby? Look at Janet Fraser, her baby died during a 5 day labor. Yet her c-section birth traumatized her and left scars. Laura Shanley, watched her baby die without bothering to get any help. She knew her baby needed help. She succeeded in getting her birth and let her baby die. Even now, she does not talk about this baby! Rixa Freeze recently recorded her labor. Baby Inga was born then stopped breathing, went blue, and went floppy. Mom just gave her a few breaths and then the baby perked up. After the midwife assistant arrived, Rixa was more concerned with the assistant blocking the camera and affecting the juju than the fact that her baby needed to be looked over. Other moms decide that their baby would of died regardless and they want the birth they deserve. As if their baby doesn’t deserve to live. Nice!

Perhaps these “mothers” should just stop having kids once they get a dead one. If this baby didn’t matter, obviously no others will either. They are horrid excuses for mothers. Ironically enough, these are the same “I have to breastfeed till high school and RF till college” mothers. After all, Rear facing saves so many lives and she wants her baby to survive a car accident in case they are in that minute percentage who gets in an accident!


Part 2 comig soon

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Incompetence in Midwifery

Recently, NC CPM Emily "Amy" Medwin was arrested for practicing medicine without a license. This is NOT her first run in with NC authorities. NC Friends of Midwives are rallying behind this midwife in droves. According to them, she is a wonderful midwife.

In the state of NC, it is illegal to practice midwifery unless you are a Certified Nurse Midwife or a CNM. The state of North Carolina is NOT limiting your choices. They are giving you safe options. CPM's have a perinatal mortality rate that is 3X higher than in the hospital. I will go so far as to say that CPM's are a threat to public safety, NOT an asset. When a product causes a few deaths, recalls are performed and products are taken off of shelves. So, why are non-CNM's still practicing??

Having shared my story, many people have said that they cannot believe my midwife is still practicing. Faith Beltz, who caused the death of Aquila, is still practicing. A North Carolina mother lost her baby due to Amy Medwin amnd another has a baby clinging to life. Why don't these friend of midwife organizations stand up and say "We want mothers and babies safe"? If you are supporting a midwife that has caused an infant loss, you are showing people that the health of women and their babies is unimportant, the importance lies in just having midwives. Incompetence should be discouraged. What if it is your baby next?? Don't think it can't happen to you, because it can. Not a single homebirth mother is invincible. This midwife you support could end up being the very person who destroys your world by taking your child's life. Why can't homebirth supporters tell incompetent midwives that they will not support them??

I know people are clamoring about choice. One incompetent midwife does not take away your choice. If anything, you have been given safER choices. If homebirth means more to you than your child's life, hey, find another subpar CPM- they're all over the place. If you want SAFE choices, go to a DR or a CNM. I have to say, CNM's do have better rates than even doctors. However, I think it also shows that CNM's do take on only real low risk mothers. If CPM's were so educated and knew all about "normal birth", their numbers would reflect those of CNM's. CPM numbers don't even reflect those of DR's! Forget choice. Let's think about SAFETY! There is nothing stopping CPM's from becoming CNM's. Oh wait, they don't want to go to school, don't want to learn about the entire body, don't want to spend the money, AND women don't find educated care providers desirable!

Would you support a person performing back alley abortions?? They know all about the reproductive system and how abortions are performed. You might lose a few mothers. Interestingly enough, childbirth is riskier than abortion!

Incompetence in Midwifery

Recently, NC CPM Emily "Amy" Medwin was arrested for practicing medicine without a license. This is NOT her first run in with NC authorities. NC Friends of Midwives are rallying behind this midwife in droves. According to them, she is a wonderful midwife.

In the state of NC, it is illegal to practice midwifery unless you are a Certified Nurse Midwife or a CNM. The state of North Carolina is NOT limiting your choices. They are giving you safe options. CPM's have a perinatal mortality rate that is 3X higher than in the hospital. I will go so far as to say that CPM's are a threat to public safety, NOT an asset. When a product causes a few deaths, recalls are performed and products are taken off of shelves. So, why are non-CNM's still practicing??

Having shared my story, many people have said that they cannot believe my midwife is still practicing. Faith Beltz, who caused the death of Aquila, is still practicing. A North Carolina mother lost her baby due to Amy Medwin amnd another has a baby clinging to life. Why don't these friend of midwife organizations stand up and say "We want mothers and babies safe"? If you are supporting a midwife that has caused an infant loss, you are showing people that the health of women and their babies is unimportant, the importance lies in just having midwives. Incompetence should be discouraged. What if it is your baby next?? Don't think it can't happen to you, because it can. Not a single homebirth mother is invincible. This midwife you support could end up being the very person who destroys your world by taking your child's life. Why can't homebirth supporters tell incompetent midwives that they will not support them??

I know people are clamoring about choice. One incompetent midwife does not take away your choice. If anything, you have been given safER choices. If homebirth means more to you than your child's life, hey, find another subpar CPM- they're all over the place. If you want SAFE choices, go to a DR or a CNM. I have to say, CNM's do have better rates than even doctors. However, I think it also shows that CNM's do take on only real low risk mothers. If CPM's were so educated and knew all about "normal birth", their numbers would reflect those of CNM's. CPM numbers don't even reflect those of DR's! Forget choice. Let's think about SAFETY! There is nothing stopping CPM's from becoming CNM's. Oh wait, they don't want to go to school, don't want to learn about the entire body, don't want to spend the money, AND women don't find educated care providers desirable!

Would you support a person performing back alley abortions?? They know all about the reproductive system and how abortions are performed. You might lose a few mothers. Interestingly enough, childbirth is riskier than abortion!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Homebirth reform- in the words of a loss mom



Death challenged many "facts" i thought i knew, and rocked me to my core. In the rubble left i have been carefully and painstakingly reconstructing something of worth from the pieces. i want, i need my daughter's name to matter. i need the world to change in some way because of her.

http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2011/02/reform-homebirth-needs.html

I encourage all childbearing women to read this. I hope all homebirthers take this to heart.


Liz P, you are such a strong woman and I am honored to be your friend. I love you!!



Homebirth reform- in the words of a loss mom



Death challenged many "facts" i thought i knew, and rocked me to my core. In the rubble left i have been carefully and painstakingly reconstructing something of worth from the pieces. i want, i need my daughter's name to matter. i need the world to change in some way because of her.

http://ecmama.blogspot.com/2011/02/reform-homebirth-needs.html

I encourage all childbearing women to read this. I hope all homebirthers take this to heart.


Liz P, you are such a strong woman and I am honored to be your friend. I love you!!



Thursday, December 4, 2008

BabyCenter Group

I have created a group on babycenter just for moms who either were planning a homebirth or had a homebirth and lost their baby. I know I am not the only one!

BabyCenter Group

I have created a group on babycenter just for moms who either were planning a homebirth or had a homebirth and lost their baby. I know I am not the only one!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Survey Statstics

I will update these as I can. If you haven't filled out the loss survey, please do so. Thank you to all of you who have filled this out and allowed us to know the real statistics!

I'm not going to look at biased sites at all. I will NOT go fishing on various sites either. Mothers are free to come here and share if they choose to. I'm tired of the homebirth vs hospital crap. Yes, some midwives are horrific, and my daughter's loss of life is proof. Yes, some dr's suck as well. I want there to be a place to get real statistics that will not be silenced because it doesn't jive with agendas. I have no agenda but truth. This will be updated as the survey is filled out!

Out of 28 respondents
Prenatal Care:::
10 Had a DR for prenatal care
5 Had dual care with a DR and CNM
4 Had a CNM for prenatal care
2 Had Care from a CPM
1 Had care from a DR and Peri
2 Had care from a LM
1 Had no Prenatal Care
1 Had care from a DR, CPM, and Peri
1 Had care from DR, DEM, CPM, and Peri
1 Had care from a DEM

Home, Hospital, Birth Center:::
22 Moms had Hospital Deliveries
5 Mom had a homebirth
1 Birth Center

Hosital Deliveries:::
13 Vaginal
9 Cesareans

Cesarean reasons:::
1 C-section reulting from long labor after being induced, having EFM, scalp electrode on baby, iv meds, epidural, used forceps (said baby passed from MA, infection, and neg dr)
2 Planned c-section
1 Emergency due to car accident, started having problems, and heartrate dropped
1 Breech, Excess Fluid, and Pre-Eclampsia
1 Heartrate dropped
1 Baby stopped moving
2 Homebirth Transfer

Pregnancy Problems:::
7 No problems at all
4 Genetic Abnormalities
1 Incompetant cervix
6 Unlisted Issue
1 Lots of previous pregnancies, unexplained bleeding in the second trimester, and excess amniotic fluid
1 Lots of previous pregnancies, unexplained bleeding in both first AND second trimesters, excess amniotic fluid, unlisted issue
1 Placenta Accreta
1 Gestational Diabetes, Excess Fuild, Pre-eclampsia
1 Incompetant Cervix, Advanced Maternal Age, Unlisted Issue
1 Unexplained Bleeding in first trimester, unlisted issue
1 Hypertension, Intrauterine Growth Retardation
1 Hypertension, Unexplained bleeding in the first trimester, Preeclampsia, Unlisted Issue
1 Hypertension, Preeclampsia
1 Unexplained bleeding in both the first and second trimester
1 Incompetant Cervix and Unlisted Issue
1 Advanced Maternal Age

Stillbirth vs Neonatal:::
15 Neonatal
12 Stillbirth

Stillbirth:::
2 Cord Accident
3 Unexplained
1 Heart stopped for no reason (that could be seen) less than 24 hours before the birth. No Autopsy
1
Unexplained, slight velementous cord insertion, low-ish amniotic fluid, slightly enlarged placenta, slightly enlarged cord
1 Placental abruption
1 Incompetant Cervix, GBS+, Placental Infection
1 Genetic Issues
1 PIH, Placental Insufficiency
1 Meternal Clotting Disorder
1, Uterine Rupture, Negligent Midwife, Thought mother's HR was baby's

Neonatal:::
1 Premature
1 Meconium Aspiration, Infection, Negligent DR
2 Negligent Midwife
2 Genetic Abnormailities
3 Extreme Prematurity
1 Brain Damage resulting from impact of car accident
1 Bilateral Renal Agenesis
1 Negligent DR, Infection, Hep B Vaccine Reaction
1 Unknown
1 Extreme Prematurity, Infection, Brain Damage from Birth, NICU Acquired Illness, Severe Critical Illness
1 Extreme Prematurity, Negligent DR, NICU Acquired Illness

How mother's researched:::
23 Read Books
20 Read Articles
20 Talked to a DR
20 Online Message Boards
18 Spoke to Friends
14 Spoke to family members
14 Read Medical Studies
12 Read Blogs
9 Spoke to a CNM
6 Medical Training
4 Spoke to a CPM
4 Spoke to a LM
3 Took Birth Classes
2 Had been through it before
2 Spoke to DEM

In the women who had no issues during the prgnancy:
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a CPM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a LM
1 Stillbirth at 39+ weeks using a DR
1 Neonatal Death at 40+ weeks using a DR
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a DR and CNM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a CNM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a DEM

So far I am seeing that 7 out of 29 pregnancies had no risk factors and the babies were perfect. Since 5 out of 6 stillbirths in these low risk cases were 40+ weeks, I think it is safe to assume that stillbirth definately increases once a woman hits 40 weeks.

Survey Statstics

I will update these as I can. If you haven't filled out the loss survey, please do so. Thank you to all of you who have filled this out and allowed us to know the real statistics!

I'm not going to look at biased sites at all. I will NOT go fishing on various sites either. Mothers are free to come here and share if they choose to. I'm tired of the homebirth vs hospital crap. Yes, some midwives are horrific, and my daughter's loss of life is proof. Yes, some dr's suck as well. I want there to be a place to get real statistics that will not be silenced because it doesn't jive with agendas. I have no agenda but truth. This will be updated as the survey is filled out!

Out of 28 respondents
Prenatal Care:::
10 Had a DR for prenatal care
5 Had dual care with a DR and CNM
4 Had a CNM for prenatal care
2 Had Care from a CPM
1 Had care from a DR and Peri
2 Had care from a LM
1 Had no Prenatal Care
1 Had care from a DR, CPM, and Peri
1 Had care from DR, DEM, CPM, and Peri
1 Had care from a DEM

Home, Hospital, Birth Center:::
22 Moms had Hospital Deliveries
5 Mom had a homebirth
1 Birth Center

Hosital Deliveries:::
13 Vaginal
9 Cesareans

Cesarean reasons:::
1 C-section reulting from long labor after being induced, having EFM, scalp electrode on baby, iv meds, epidural, used forceps (said baby passed from MA, infection, and neg dr)
2 Planned c-section
1 Emergency due to car accident, started having problems, and heartrate dropped
1 Breech, Excess Fluid, and Pre-Eclampsia
1 Heartrate dropped
1 Baby stopped moving
2 Homebirth Transfer

Pregnancy Problems:::
7 No problems at all
4 Genetic Abnormalities
1 Incompetant cervix
6 Unlisted Issue
1 Lots of previous pregnancies, unexplained bleeding in the second trimester, and excess amniotic fluid
1 Lots of previous pregnancies, unexplained bleeding in both first AND second trimesters, excess amniotic fluid, unlisted issue
1 Placenta Accreta
1 Gestational Diabetes, Excess Fuild, Pre-eclampsia
1 Incompetant Cervix, Advanced Maternal Age, Unlisted Issue
1 Unexplained Bleeding in first trimester, unlisted issue
1 Hypertension, Intrauterine Growth Retardation
1 Hypertension, Unexplained bleeding in the first trimester, Preeclampsia, Unlisted Issue
1 Hypertension, Preeclampsia
1 Unexplained bleeding in both the first and second trimester
1 Incompetant Cervix and Unlisted Issue
1 Advanced Maternal Age

Stillbirth vs Neonatal:::
15 Neonatal
12 Stillbirth

Stillbirth:::
2 Cord Accident
3 Unexplained
1 Heart stopped for no reason (that could be seen) less than 24 hours before the birth. No Autopsy
1
Unexplained, slight velementous cord insertion, low-ish amniotic fluid, slightly enlarged placenta, slightly enlarged cord
1 Placental abruption
1 Incompetant Cervix, GBS+, Placental Infection
1 Genetic Issues
1 PIH, Placental Insufficiency
1 Meternal Clotting Disorder
1, Uterine Rupture, Negligent Midwife, Thought mother's HR was baby's

Neonatal:::
1 Premature
1 Meconium Aspiration, Infection, Negligent DR
2 Negligent Midwife
2 Genetic Abnormailities
3 Extreme Prematurity
1 Brain Damage resulting from impact of car accident
1 Bilateral Renal Agenesis
1 Negligent DR, Infection, Hep B Vaccine Reaction
1 Unknown
1 Extreme Prematurity, Infection, Brain Damage from Birth, NICU Acquired Illness, Severe Critical Illness
1 Extreme Prematurity, Negligent DR, NICU Acquired Illness

How mother's researched:::
23 Read Books
20 Read Articles
20 Talked to a DR
20 Online Message Boards
18 Spoke to Friends
14 Spoke to family members
14 Read Medical Studies
12 Read Blogs
9 Spoke to a CNM
6 Medical Training
4 Spoke to a CPM
4 Spoke to a LM
3 Took Birth Classes
2 Had been through it before
2 Spoke to DEM

In the women who had no issues during the prgnancy:
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a CPM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a LM
1 Stillbirth at 39+ weeks using a DR
1 Neonatal Death at 40+ weeks using a DR
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a DR and CNM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a CNM
1 Stillbirth at 40+ weeks using a DEM

So far I am seeing that 7 out of 29 pregnancies had no risk factors and the babies were perfect. Since 5 out of 6 stillbirths in these low risk cases were 40+ weeks, I think it is safe to assume that stillbirth definately increases once a woman hits 40 weeks.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Just an idea

Since I want so badly to be able to donate these impression kits to the hospital, I have to find a way to purchase them. My idea is to create a website offering announcement cards. Since they are hard to find, I would like to do loss ones. I know that one of the hard things for me was that there weren't any little things to do that you normally would. Would it be too morbid to maybe do up It's a Boy or It's a Girl congratulation cards?? I would have to add something to make them sweet. I've thought of buying myself something that says It's a Girl.

Yesterday Mary sent me a sign! It was a tiny white feather that literally just fell from the sky. What makes it even neater is that yesterday was the three month mark. It was on my mind all day.

Just an idea

Since I want so badly to be able to donate these impression kits to the hospital, I have to find a way to purchase them. My idea is to create a website offering announcement cards. Since they are hard to find, I would like to do loss ones. I know that one of the hard things for me was that there weren't any little things to do that you normally would. Would it be too morbid to maybe do up It's a Boy or It's a Girl congratulation cards?? I would have to add something to make them sweet. I've thought of buying myself something that says It's a Girl.

Yesterday Mary sent me a sign! It was a tiny white feather that literally just fell from the sky. What makes it even neater is that yesterday was the three month mark. It was on my mind all day.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

It's hitting me

That we will never get to experience Mary's firsts. There was never a first bath, first coo, first smile, no nothing. She got the first visitors when the neighbor girls came over. That's it. We tried to have a first feed. She will never crawl, walk, get teeth, say mama or dada, walk, roll, play, swim, go to school, go to a grandparents house, talk, jump in freshly raked leaves, build a snowman, see her first christmas tree, have a first holiday, or have a birthday. All the firsts will NEVER happen, ever. We are missing out on so much. i don't think it hits me until i see friends or family members babies doing something. It's like a knife in your heart.

It's hitting me

That we will never get to experience Mary's firsts. There was never a first bath, first coo, first smile, no nothing. She got the first visitors when the neighbor girls came over. That's it. We tried to have a first feed. She will never crawl, walk, get teeth, say mama or dada, walk, roll, play, swim, go to school, go to a grandparents house, talk, jump in freshly raked leaves, build a snowman, see her first christmas tree, have a first holiday, or have a birthday. All the firsts will NEVER happen, ever. We are missing out on so much. i don't think it hits me until i see friends or family members babies doing something. It's like a knife in your heart.

Friday, August 8, 2008

A note about homebirth

I know alot of people go on and on about how horrible hospital births are because of this or that. Be darned if I wasn't one of them!! We talk about how safe homebirth is and poo poo those who don't agree with us or support us. We warn other moms about the horrors of hospital birth. You know when people would tell me that babies used to die because they were born at home, I had my "research and statistics" to back me up and prove they were wrong. Wanna know one thing I have learned now??? We don't hear about deaths after homebirths because of the stigma. Your baby dies in the hospital and people feel sorry for you. Your baby dies after a homebirth and people automatically blame you, even if it wasn't your fault. Because you made the choice to birth at home, you don't really have a right to grieve. I have read so many stories of loss and there are actually groups just for homebirth loss. If homebirth was so much safer than the hospital, we wouldn't need those groups would we??? We talk about how if your low risk home is much safer. I have NEVER been high risk before yet home was the worst place my daughter could of been after her birth. Please, please think about how you promote homebirth as being so safe and wonderful. My daughter is dead because of homebirth. You don't want to be a number or a statistic.

If you want to promote homebirth, fine but please encourage the people to do their homework. There is more to homebirth than just labor and birth itself. There can be problems in the newborn. Make sure your midwife has no birth injuries, deaths, or stillbirths under her belt. Stillbirth can strike anyone, but please be concerned if someone has mulitiple ones. We do our research n the c-section rate of a hospital or doctor, but do you do the research on mortality rates in the midwife you are using??? Do they know anything about newborns?? Have you found out why a baby was injured or died from the parents and not just taken the midife's word??

My 4 hospital babies are here and healthy. Out of my two homebirth babies one is here and healthy while the other is in a cemetary. She is proof that homebirth isn't as safe as we all think.

A note about homebirth

I know alot of people go on and on about how horrible hospital births are because of this or that. Be darned if I wasn't one of them!! We talk about how safe homebirth is and poo poo those who don't agree with us or support us. We warn other moms about the horrors of hospital birth. You know when people would tell me that babies used to die because they were born at home, I had my "research and statistics" to back me up and prove they were wrong. Wanna know one thing I have learned now??? We don't hear about deaths after homebirths because of the stigma. Your baby dies in the hospital and people feel sorry for you. Your baby dies after a homebirth and people automatically blame you, even if it wasn't your fault. Because you made the choice to birth at home, you don't really have a right to grieve. I have read so many stories of loss and there are actually groups just for homebirth loss. If homebirth was so much safer than the hospital, we wouldn't need those groups would we??? We talk about how if your low risk home is much safer. I have NEVER been high risk before yet home was the worst place my daughter could of been after her birth. Please, please think about how you promote homebirth as being so safe and wonderful. My daughter is dead because of homebirth. You don't want to be a number or a statistic.

If you want to promote homebirth, fine but please encourage the people to do their homework. There is more to homebirth than just labor and birth itself. There can be problems in the newborn. Make sure your midwife has no birth injuries, deaths, or stillbirths under her belt. Stillbirth can strike anyone, but please be concerned if someone has mulitiple ones. We do our research n the c-section rate of a hospital or doctor, but do you do the research on mortality rates in the midwife you are using??? Do they know anything about newborns?? Have you found out why a baby was injured or died from the parents and not just taken the midife's word??

My 4 hospital babies are here and healthy. Out of my two homebirth babies one is here and healthy while the other is in a cemetary. She is proof that homebirth isn't as safe as we all think.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Eureka!

Since Mary passed, I have gotten into scrapbooking, both digital and traditional. When you go tryng to fnd stuff, it's very hard! So, I have made the decision to start making some elements on my own. I will try to have one thing a week or more to offer. I'm trying to learn how to make everything. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I'm going to try and figure out now how to get everything ready to be downloaded by people. Not real sure how that works!

Eureka!

Since Mary passed, I have gotten into scrapbooking, both digital and traditional. When you go tryng to fnd stuff, it's very hard! So, I have made the decision to start making some elements on my own. I will try to have one thing a week or more to offer. I'm trying to learn how to make everything. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I'm going to try and figure out now how to get everything ready to be downloaded by people. Not real sure how that works!

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