Don't Beat Yourselves Up!

          Yesterday we had another birthday in our home. My third child turned 13! I have three teenagers in my house. Holy cow! This led me to thinking about the early days of parenting versus the teen years. Does it really matter how they came into the world? Did sleeping arrangements or feeding methods affect anything?? Was it worth the stress now that they're older? Let's play a fun game called Match The Kid!

       A.   This child was the 21.5 hour labor where I received an epidural 4 hours before birth. We also had pitocin. Said child slept with us, was breastfed for 16 months, but also had formula.

       B.   Next child was a 12 hour completely natural labor and birth. Child was breastfed for three months and then put on formula. Baby slept with us most of the time.

        C.  Last child was a 6 hour completely natural labor and birth. This one was breastfed for 18 months, but given formula on occasion. Baby also slept with us.

          Now that you know those little tidbits, I'll tell you about each child.

        1.  This child is very sweet, loves their siblings, gets straight A's, listens 99% of the time. Has only ever had one health problem. Child is very respectful and helpful.

        2.  Next child can be moody, but is generally an angel. Get's B's. Is helpful towards older adults and seniors. No health issues, healthy as can be. Respectful when not moody.

         3. Next child can also be moody, but an angel as well 99% of the time. Gets straight A's. No health problems. Very helpful and respectful, also when not moody.


So, going with what mothers are told and fed about birth and trivial parenting decisions, I'm here to say it doesn't matter. Our kids will become who they become due to not only their personalities, but in how we actually raise them. What are you TEACHING them? How do you TREAT them?? That is where it all lies. If your child feels loved, accepted, and supported you're going to have an awesome kid! If you put your child down, don't show love, or treat them horribly you are going to be in for a huge rude awakening.

All of our kids are going to go through stages where they test the waters and, I believe, this also plays a part in who they turn into. Your reaction and behavior will determine the severity of these tests. We don't have to be doormats, but we also can't be doorstops. Sometimes we have to seriously lay down the law regardless, but many of the things kids do aren't really worth getting into it with them over. Have you ever heard the term "Pick your battles"? In child-rearing, this is vital.

Next time you berate yourself for not doing what the sanctimommies tell you that you should do, walk into a high school and try to pick out the children who were birthed or fed certain ways. I promise, you won't be able to tell!

Mind your own birth

Since I began blogging and immersing myself in the birthing world, I get to come across lots of interesting blogs and people. On one facebook group, members can talk about how uneducated and uninformed their friends are when it comes to giving birth. It also hurts these women so very much when their friends don't have the births they feel their friends should. The only places I see this is on natural birth groups.

Another friend told me of a family member's horrible, mismanaged, traumatic (for mom, dad and baby), intervention-happy birth. I almost told her to stop...it broke my heart. Keep preaching the education and information mamas. Our friends and families need to be educated to be make informed choices for themselves! Start with a competent, knowledgeable, respectful care provider!!!

This is strictly opinion. However it proves that anyone who does not fall for the natural agenda MUST be uneducated and uninformed! How heartbreaking that someone had a birth with interventions!

Sad thing is most women think its normal. Its part of satans plan to destroy the family. To make women fear birth.

Yeah, this has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read! So, if you have a birth with interventions it's because you fear birth and satan will destroy your family for it? Um, so, since over half of my births were natural, am I spared??

I am worried about my friend! She had wanted a natural birth, I sent her all my books (Ina May, Birthing From Within, etc.) She's been texting me for support all along, including last night when she was having contractions. She lives in a different state, near my sister, who just texted me that our friend is at the hospital. Her water broke around 1 this afternoon and she is at 2 cm, has been put on pitocin and already got her epidural. What?! Of course I'm not there so I don't know what kind of support she has or what is truly going on but I can' t help but feel disappointed! Why did she spend so much time preparing for natural to get an epidural at 2 cm? Did she not read the books I sent, does she not understand an epi at 2 can stall her labor? I am trying not to judge, I swear, but I know I am anyway. Maybe I'm taking this too personal because I have spent so much time with her about this I almost feel like her long distance labor coach. I hope the best for her but I don't feel good about this. This is the only place I could think of to come and "rant" a little. I would hate to take any of my frustration out on her. Pray for a good outcome for mama and baby.

Perhaps her friend decided she did not want to go natural after all?? Perhaps she realized labor HURT and didn't want to feel it anymore. At least this poster cannot claim her friend was uninformed right?? But, poor poster, how frustrating that her friends aren't birthing exactly how she wants them to!! I also love the pray for a good outcome statement as if having interventions or an epidural means impending death.

So, in the mind of natural birthers, if you don't give birth how they do, they are mad and heartbroken and all that other jazz. Really, with friends like these, who needs enemies? I am truly amazed that women are so quick to bash friends who aren't having all natural births. I have given birth seven times, with 4 of them being unmedicated. It hurts like hell. It really does. No amount of frau frau language is going to change it. If you want to give birth drug free, do it. Seriously, leave your friends to give birth how they want. Friends don't have to take a test to prove to you that they are informed about interventions. Why is it always assumed that women who do not have all natural non-intervention births aren't informed?? I come across this quite a bit. When I was a homebirther, I was so informed and knew my stuff, but as soon as I stepped into the mainstream, suddenly I knew nothing. Seriously?? Natural birthers don't know everything. It amazes me that they assume anyone who shuns the natural agenda is some uneducated moron when that is certainly not the case.

NCB advocates, when you are pregnant, have the birth you want (but please make sure you are REALLY informed and educated- no, reading a few Ina May books does not make you that way). When your friends are pregnant, it is their turn to decide what works for them and truly is not your business. So, mind YOUR own birth!

Mind your own birth

Since I began blogging and immersing myself in the birthing world, I get to come across lots of interesting blogs and people. On one facebook group, members can talk about how uneducated and uninformed their friends are when it comes to giving birth. It also hurts these women so very much when their friends don't have the births they feel their friends should. The only places I see this is on natural birth groups.

Another friend told me of a family member's horrible, mismanaged, traumatic (for mom, dad and baby), intervention-happy birth. I almost told her to stop...it broke my heart. Keep preaching the education and information mamas. Our friends and families need to be educated to be make informed choices for themselves! Start with a competent, knowledgeable, respectful care provider!!!

This is strictly opinion. However it proves that anyone who does not fall for the natural agenda MUST be uneducated and uninformed! How heartbreaking that someone had a birth with interventions!

Sad thing is most women think its normal. Its part of satans plan to destroy the family. To make women fear birth.

Yeah, this has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read! So, if you have a birth with interventions it's because you fear birth and satan will destroy your family for it? Um, so, since over half of my births were natural, am I spared??

I am worried about my friend! She had wanted a natural birth, I sent her all my books (Ina May, Birthing From Within, etc.) She's been texting me for support all along, including last night when she was having contractions. She lives in a different state, near my sister, who just texted me that our friend is at the hospital. Her water broke around 1 this afternoon and she is at 2 cm, has been put on pitocin and already got her epidural. What?! Of course I'm not there so I don't know what kind of support she has or what is truly going on but I can' t help but feel disappointed! Why did she spend so much time preparing for natural to get an epidural at 2 cm? Did she not read the books I sent, does she not understand an epi at 2 can stall her labor? I am trying not to judge, I swear, but I know I am anyway. Maybe I'm taking this too personal because I have spent so much time with her about this I almost feel like her long distance labor coach. I hope the best for her but I don't feel good about this. This is the only place I could think of to come and "rant" a little. I would hate to take any of my frustration out on her. Pray for a good outcome for mama and baby.

Perhaps her friend decided she did not want to go natural after all?? Perhaps she realized labor HURT and didn't want to feel it anymore. At least this poster cannot claim her friend was uninformed right?? But, poor poster, how frustrating that her friends aren't birthing exactly how she wants them to!! I also love the pray for a good outcome statement as if having interventions or an epidural means impending death.

So, in the mind of natural birthers, if you don't give birth how they do, they are mad and heartbroken and all that other jazz. Really, with friends like these, who needs enemies? I am truly amazed that women are so quick to bash friends who aren't having all natural births. I have given birth seven times, with 4 of them being unmedicated. It hurts like hell. It really does. No amount of frau frau language is going to change it. If you want to give birth drug free, do it. Seriously, leave your friends to give birth how they want. Friends don't have to take a test to prove to you that they are informed about interventions. Why is it always assumed that women who do not have all natural non-intervention births aren't informed?? I come across this quite a bit. When I was a homebirther, I was so informed and knew my stuff, but as soon as I stepped into the mainstream, suddenly I knew nothing. Seriously?? Natural birthers don't know everything. It amazes me that they assume anyone who shuns the natural agenda is some uneducated moron when that is certainly not the case.

NCB advocates, when you are pregnant, have the birth you want (but please make sure you are REALLY informed and educated- no, reading a few Ina May books does not make you that way). When your friends are pregnant, it is their turn to decide what works for them and truly is not your business. So, mind YOUR own birth!