Don't Beat Yourselves Up!

          Yesterday we had another birthday in our home. My third child turned 13! I have three teenagers in my house. Holy cow! This led me to thinking about the early days of parenting versus the teen years. Does it really matter how they came into the world? Did sleeping arrangements or feeding methods affect anything?? Was it worth the stress now that they're older? Let's play a fun game called Match The Kid!

       A.   This child was the 21.5 hour labor where I received an epidural 4 hours before birth. We also had pitocin. Said child slept with us, was breastfed for 16 months, but also had formula.

       B.   Next child was a 12 hour completely natural labor and birth. Child was breastfed for three months and then put on formula. Baby slept with us most of the time.

        C.  Last child was a 6 hour completely natural labor and birth. This one was breastfed for 18 months, but given formula on occasion. Baby also slept with us.

          Now that you know those little tidbits, I'll tell you about each child.

        1.  This child is very sweet, loves their siblings, gets straight A's, listens 99% of the time. Has only ever had one health problem. Child is very respectful and helpful.

        2.  Next child can be moody, but is generally an angel. Get's B's. Is helpful towards older adults and seniors. No health issues, healthy as can be. Respectful when not moody.

         3. Next child can also be moody, but an angel as well 99% of the time. Gets straight A's. No health problems. Very helpful and respectful, also when not moody.


So, going with what mothers are told and fed about birth and trivial parenting decisions, I'm here to say it doesn't matter. Our kids will become who they become due to not only their personalities, but in how we actually raise them. What are you TEACHING them? How do you TREAT them?? That is where it all lies. If your child feels loved, accepted, and supported you're going to have an awesome kid! If you put your child down, don't show love, or treat them horribly you are going to be in for a huge rude awakening.

All of our kids are going to go through stages where they test the waters and, I believe, this also plays a part in who they turn into. Your reaction and behavior will determine the severity of these tests. We don't have to be doormats, but we also can't be doorstops. Sometimes we have to seriously lay down the law regardless, but many of the things kids do aren't really worth getting into it with them over. Have you ever heard the term "Pick your battles"? In child-rearing, this is vital.

Next time you berate yourself for not doing what the sanctimommies tell you that you should do, walk into a high school and try to pick out the children who were birthed or fed certain ways. I promise, you won't be able to tell!

Extended Nursing- My take on it

     As I am creeping upon my nursling's third birthday, I can't help but look at the subject of extended nursing in my eyes.

     The nursing relationship itself hasn't been any different with this child than my others. However, the attitudes  that we have come across have left me shaking my head. Recently, we found ourselves on the receiving end of breastfeeding discrimination and I was HOTTTTT. Luckily, the woman I dealt with with was handled by superiors, one of which had been a nursing mother herself. I had the support of the local breastfeeding center, too. It was a win/win for not only myself, but other nursing mothers there.

     During this relationship, these are the thing's I've been told-

She should stop because I'm just a pacifier.

If I don't stop nursing her, she won't stop.

Nursing in public is illegal.

Other children shouldn't see me nurse.

It loses it's nutritional value.


     OK. Let me state that I am free to nurse my nursing child anywhere that I am allowed, by law, to be. It is not illegal to nurse her outside of my home or vehicle. Breastmilk will not magically squirt out of my breasts all over every surface around me. If a child sees me, it will not be a source of trauma or sexual perversion. The child may ask questions or they may not, but if they do, you are free to answer them truthfully. If you cannot handle awkward questions from your child, honestly, you should of thought about getting a cat or puppy, because kids are full of questions. When I nurse, 99% of the time, you cannot see anything at all. My milk is nutritious no matter how old she is, whether she's a newborn or if she's 10. Still nutritional!! Yes, my daughter likes her "boob snuggles", mainly when she's tired or just needs mommy. Sometimes, I wish I could get her doing something else because I get boobed out. Sometimes, I can sense the negativity from those I am around and don't feel we are in a safe nursing environment, so I don't want to do it there. I prefer to be low key and do not want attention.

     Getting props from others is strange to me. I'm not out to get back pats from others for doing anything I do. I don't feel that I am doing anything super awesome or anything that makes me superior. I'm just doing what we do because it works. I believe this is the case with most of us who practice extended nursing. I never set out to nurse this long. If you would of asked me how long I planned to nurse, I would not of said three years. I remember getting angry with my husband for letting me know he wanted me to nurse for at least two years.

     I don't get why the issue of breastfeeding, in general, has become such a hot button topic. Back when I had my oldest, it wasn't such a huge thing. Perhaps this was due to the internet not being such a huge thing yet. I never had to deal with anything more than someone giving me formula because his wife didn't nurse her one child successfully, so they wanted me prepared when I couldn't do it either (my sperm donor was not the brightest bulb, still isn't). I don't remember being angry about it or anything. Yeah, that was it. It seemed, in those days, that we were left alone. I would nurse everywhere and not a word was said. I've always been told when my kids should be weaned because "they didn't need to nurse anymore", but I've always ignored it. Seriously, other than that, that was the only issue I had with others. I don't get the deal these days. I also was NEVER one to shove it in people's faces.

Nowadays, I say, leave nursing moms alone. We are not hurting anyone, not our kids, and certainly not perfect strangers. Nursing moms, leave formula feeding moms alone. We all do what works for us and our children. As long as the child is loved and cared for, that's what matters. Let's leave the judgement/personal opinions for those who do not care for their children and I am sure we all know a few of those types.

Extended Nursing- My take on it

     As I am creeping upon my nursling's third birthday, I can't help but look at the subject of extended nursing in my eyes.

     The nursing relationship itself hasn't been any different with this child than my others. However, the attitudes  that we have come across have left me shaking my head. Recently, we found ourselves on the receiving end of breastfeeding discrimination and I was HOTTTTT. Luckily, the woman I dealt with with was handled by superiors, one of which had been a nursing mother herself. I had the support of the local breastfeeding center, too. It was a win/win for not only myself, but other nursing mothers there.

     During this relationship, these are the thing's I've been told-

She should stop because I'm just a pacifier.

If I don't stop nursing her, she won't stop.

Nursing in public is illegal.

Other children shouldn't see me nurse.

It loses it's nutritional value.


     OK. Let me state that I am free to nurse my nursing child anywhere that I am allowed, by law, to be. It is not illegal to nurse her outside of my home or vehicle. Breastmilk will not magically squirt out of my breasts all over every surface around me. If a child sees me, it will not be a source of trauma or sexual perversion. The child may ask questions or they may not, but if they do, you are free to answer them truthfully. If you cannot handle awkward questions from your child, honestly, you should of thought about getting a cat or puppy, because kids are full of questions. When I nurse, 99% of the time, you cannot see anything at all. My milk is nutritious no matter how old she is, whether she's a newborn or if she's 10. Still nutritional!! Yes, my daughter likes her "boob snuggles", mainly when she's tired or just needs mommy. Sometimes, I wish I could get her doing something else because I get boobed out. Sometimes, I can sense the negativity from those I am around and don't feel we are in a safe nursing environment, so I don't want to do it there. I prefer to be low key and do not want attention.

     Getting props from others is strange to me. I'm not out to get back pats from others for doing anything I do. I don't feel that I am doing anything super awesome or anything that makes me superior. I'm just doing what we do because it works. I believe this is the case with most of us who practice extended nursing. I never set out to nurse this long. If you would of asked me how long I planned to nurse, I would not of said three years. I remember getting angry with my husband for letting me know he wanted me to nurse for at least two years.

     I don't get why the issue of breastfeeding, in general, has become such a hot button topic. Back when I had my oldest, it wasn't such a huge thing. Perhaps this was due to the internet not being such a huge thing yet. I never had to deal with anything more than someone giving me formula because his wife didn't nurse her one child successfully, so they wanted me prepared when I couldn't do it either (my sperm donor was not the brightest bulb, still isn't). I don't remember being angry about it or anything. Yeah, that was it. It seemed, in those days, that we were left alone. I would nurse everywhere and not a word was said. I've always been told when my kids should be weaned because "they didn't need to nurse anymore", but I've always ignored it. Seriously, other than that, that was the only issue I had with others. I don't get the deal these days. I also was NEVER one to shove it in people's faces.

Nowadays, I say, leave nursing moms alone. We are not hurting anyone, not our kids, and certainly not perfect strangers. Nursing moms, leave formula feeding moms alone. We all do what works for us and our children. As long as the child is loved and cared for, that's what matters. Let's leave the judgement/personal opinions for those who do not care for their children and I am sure we all know a few of those types.

Breastfeeding- It really isn't all that.

This is going to probably be a pretty controversial subject, just a warning.

Recently Babble had a photo contest of babies with their lovies. Of course, one mother had to do a nursing photo, which, won. Not surprising. I'm going to ask: Is it really necessary to show off nursing photos?? I have them myself and find them beautiful. However, I keep them to myself and refuse to put them on social networking sites. I feel that it's almost a "look at me" thing. We all know facebook has banned breastfeeding phots and will delete them. Do women who post them really think we all want to see them? Is it a way of saying "I'm breastfeeding so I'm above following rules"?? What is it exactly that makes you think everyone wants to see your boobs? If I even see a teen girl I know posting pictures in a bikini top, I say something. Some things are just not appropriate. I even judge women who have their asses hanging out of their shorts!

This leads me to another subject. There is a link floating around for a Natural News article about a couple out of Pasadena, CA. There is a history of abuse, parents who do home circumcisions, and are beligerant with any government officials. What does this family have to do with breastfeeding?? Well, the mother was nursing the youngest two children. Attachment parenting parents have taken on this cause because the government must have it out for these parents over their parenting practices. Lactivists are angry because OMG, these kids aren't getting breastmilk. When one blogger, Guggie Daly, stood up and asked people to look at the whole picture, she was attacked to the point that she took down her stuff. At first, I thought it was a publicity stunt, but I get that she felt she had no other choice and support that. I mean, how dare she say anything against what the majority of lactivists/APers say/think. Breastmilk or not, AP or not, some children are NOT better off with their parents. What is better? Loving parents who give formula or abusive parents that give breastmilk?? And, contrary to people's opinions, a child isn't entitled to breastmilk and they really don't need it.

Breastfeeding- It really isn't all that.

This is going to probably be a pretty controversial subject, just a warning.

Recently Babble had a photo contest of babies with their lovies. Of course, one mother had to do a nursing photo, which, won. Not surprising. I'm going to ask: Is it really necessary to show off nursing photos?? I have them myself and find them beautiful. However, I keep them to myself and refuse to put them on social networking sites. I feel that it's almost a "look at me" thing. We all know facebook has banned breastfeeding phots and will delete them. Do women who post them really think we all want to see them? Is it a way of saying "I'm breastfeeding so I'm above following rules"?? What is it exactly that makes you think everyone wants to see your boobs? If I even see a teen girl I know posting pictures in a bikini top, I say something. Some things are just not appropriate. I even judge women who have their asses hanging out of their shorts!

This leads me to another subject. There is a link floating around for a Natural News article about a couple out of Pasadena, CA. There is a history of abuse, parents who do home circumcisions, and are beligerant with any government officials. What does this family have to do with breastfeeding?? Well, the mother was nursing the youngest two children. Attachment parenting parents have taken on this cause because the government must have it out for these parents over their parenting practices. Lactivists are angry because OMG, these kids aren't getting breastmilk. When one blogger, Guggie Daly, stood up and asked people to look at the whole picture, she was attacked to the point that she took down her stuff. At first, I thought it was a publicity stunt, but I get that she felt she had no other choice and support that. I mean, how dare she say anything against what the majority of lactivists/APers say/think. Breastmilk or not, AP or not, some children are NOT better off with their parents. What is better? Loving parents who give formula or abusive parents that give breastmilk?? And, contrary to people's opinions, a child isn't entitled to breastmilk and they really don't need it.