As I was reading a thread today about Vitamin K, I came across a comment from someone who said that, basically, if a baby has low Vitamin K levels, nature has a reason. The poster claims that things that killed babies 100 years ago were no longer a problem due to the availability of antibiotics. Her argument is incredibly ignorant. It led me to wonder, "What if we let natural selection occur?". We see some who are totally supportive of letting nature rule the roost and I can't help but wonder. Do they understand the implications of natural selection?? The old days, what were they like before our medical advances??
Way back around the turn of the century, 100 out of 1000 infants would die. 10% of infants were dying. That number is exorbitant. Now, we're at 6 out of 1000. That is .6%. With there being 4 million live births every year, if we went back 114 years in medical advances, we would have over 400,000 infants dying. FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND. We lose, roughly 2400 infants a year. TWENTY FOUR HUNDRED. Our infant mortality rate would increase over 99%. That is JUST under age 1. I haven't even touched on childhood rates (but fyi, they're pretty big too). Our rates then were on par with Somalia these days.
When we look at Stillbirths, in 1922, rates were 39.4 vs 2.95 now. That's a 92.5% improvement. We were where Nigeria is now.
In 1907, the mortality rates for children between 1 and 4 were 1418.8 out of 100,000. In 2011, that rate was 26.2. This means mortality rates for this age group have declined by 98%. Your child had a 1.4% chance of death. Those rates are on par with current day Thailand and Grenada.
In 1907, Ages 5-14 had a mortality rate of 307.5. In 2011, that rate is 13.1. This rate has declined by 95%. .3% of children within this demographic would pass away.
So, if we look at this, around 1900/1907, between birth and age 14, we would lose 11,726.3 children, 11.7% of children would die. Now, we are looking at 99.3 deaths out of 100,000 between birth and age 14. We lose .09 percent of our children yearly now. Most of the deaths we have now are within that first year with 2/3rds of them being within the first month of life. If we want to get more technical, we can remove the 2.45 motor vehicle related deaths since there were no cars around 1900. This would bring our rate down to 96.85/100,000. However, if we keep our 99.3 rates, we'll have noticed over a 99% improvement in mortality rates.
Around 1900, our maternal mortality rates were around 1 in 100. Today, it's 21 out of 100,000. There has been over a 97% decrease in maternal deaths. Congo now has the mortality rates we had back then.
In 1914, Average life expectancy for males was 52 while for us women, it was 56.8. Oddly enough, in Nigeria, the average life expectancy is where men were 100 years ago. For us women, that is a current day Congo. Woohoo.
Can anyone tell me why the good old days sound so good?? Our ancestors lived in, basically, third world conditions. Many lost their children, many women lost their lives. What in the world is so good about nature??? We now know if it's not combated, people die. I know, had I lived 100 years ago, I would not have 4 of my living children, if I had even lived to have all of them.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
More Than A Number
As everyone in the homebirth debate knows, MANA released their their incredibly cherry picked numbers last month leading to tons of discussion about numbers for intrapartum mortality, c-sections, hemorrhage, early neonatal mortality, late neonatal mortality, etc. Great, we know that only 20-30% of your midwives are honest about outcomes. Homebirth is STILL riskier than hospitals! Big shocker!
However, there is so much that is needed in this discussion. People look at a number and say "Oh, that's small, it's insignificant and means nothing". This mortality rate is 2.06 per thousand. This means that 2 babies out of 1,000 are dying that shouldn't be. I can guarantee this number is realistically higher than what has been shared. That's not exactly where I'm going here, but I digress, higher chance of death every way you look at it. If I recall, a recent study said that there are more brain damaged babies as well. We have all of that to look at. So, keep it in mind.
With all the discussion, we hear about absolute risk and statistical risk as though its small and insignificant. One huge thing is missing here. I think people are tending to forget that every number we see is someone's baby. I can look and see that although my child is "one of those statistics" (although not really because I know we weren't included in any MANAstats), she is more than a number. People see a number and that's it. There are no cares about WHO that number represents or what happened to that baby that caused it's demise. These are babies, not numbers. If you haven't been touched by loss, maybe you don't understand the impact that it has on all of those who loved that baby. As I see these higher mortality and morbidity numbers thrown around as not meaning anything, I see it as people telling us our babies really don't matter and their deaths are insignificant. That couldn't be any farther from the truth. Our extended families are fairly large (around 82 people) and our daughter's death impacted all of these people, moreso our more immediate families, but impacted nonetheless. If you add in friends, that's one loss that affects at least 150 people of varying ages and degrees. These babies, they're important to many people. I'm still close with many of the girls from my June 08 board and as birthday's start hitting, they all start feeling it. She's important and she matters. Seeing her as just a number dismisses the importance of her and what happened to her. There are many more just like her.
Our babies are not a number, they are babies with names and families, who had tiny toes and fingers and sweet features that we had to memorize, whose lives were lost when they shouldn't of been.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
In Defense of Mothers and Babies, A response to In Defense of Midwives
Shannon Mitchell recently created a blog post titled In Defense of Midwifery. I read this with my jaw dropped. This, it just, it needs it's own post.
I want to address a few things here:
Shannon, you bring up knowing stories of midwives who have been arrested, investigated, have a "bad outcome" that makes the state take notice or parents being upset over the outcome. You nonchalantly say "It happens, it's inevitable, all midwives face it at some point". What you call a bad outcome is an incredibly dehumanizing term. Let's call it what it is- a DEATH or DISABILITY. Most of the time, at home, these outcomes ARE avoidable. If you have all of these midwives being arrested or investigated, there's a reason. It's not persecution of poor little midwives. It's someone caring about the "bad outcomes" the community cares to not address. If the community had a choice, our babies deaths/injuries would be swept under the rug and never addressed.
Shannon, you say this goes beyond various denialist mindsets such as, "it could never happen to me", "there must be more to the story", and "what was really going on". Actually, no, this does NOT go beyond denialist mindsets. If a midwife is educated and trained and knows not to take risks, it very well may never happen to her. Most of the time, there IS more to the story. Looking at the role your midwife buddy may of played in a death or disability is necessary. It's important to question, esp in the midwifery community.
Shannon, you are worried that if Rowan Bailey is charged that a precedent may be set and other midwives could be found guilty of murder. The issue here is that Rowan screwed up. The law states that murder is the unlawful killing of a human by another human with malicious aforethought. One of the definitions of malice is "Reckless indifference to an unjustifiably high risk to human life". So, yes, she has committed murder. Let's be honest, most homebirth deaths are due to a reckless indifference to human life. A precedent needs set to protect mothers and babies. If the community won't handle this, then the law needs to.
Shannon, you say that one day it will be a fellow midwife looking into a grieving mother's eyes helping her comprehend her loss saying you hope there isn't a DA behind her calling that midwife a murderer. As that grieving mother whose midwife attempted to manipulate her multiple times, I'm of the opinion that midwives have absolutely no business trying to help us comprehend our losses. Midwives have shown us that they are all about themselves as this blog posts blatantly expresses. If there is a DA behind the parents, then yes, that midwife messed up. The DA doesn't get involved if a death is from congenital anomalies! If this death was preventable, oh yeah, they need to be involved!
Shannon, you tell fellow midwives to get off their asses, pull their heads out of the sand, and realize ramifications of this stuff on midwives. Here is where I will agree with you. Yes, the community needs to get off it's lazy ass and start really looking at their fellow midwives actions and see how their "sisters" are harming them. You are sticking up for a murderer and encouraging others to stick up for them as well. You are completely minimizing the actions of these midwives. You are telling every single grieving mother that her baby is unimportant, that only the midwife she had matters.
Lastly, Shannon, you tell fellow midwives to imagine having to tell someone they love and respect that they are being charged with murder in the death of a baby. How about you having to call your friends and family and tell them that your baby is dead? Or how about having to tell people that your decision is why your baby is dead. I have had to look people in the eye and admit that my choice to have a homebirth with a CPM is why my daughter isn't here. I have to look at that person in the mirror every day. I would of never of made the same decisions if I knew the outcome would be this.
Lucky for Shannon, a CPM by the name of Jessica Weed ran to her rescue in the comments about how midwives need to stand in solidarity. Why?? Jessica herself managed to get herself arrested for child abuse because she chose to take on a breech delivery where the baby ended up with bleeding on the brain and behind the retinas on top of mom ending up with an infection due to retained placenta. Wood also asked parents not to disclose her involvement in the delivery. I certainly don't question why someone like Weed would promote the solidarity ideals!
I want to address a few things here:
Shannon, you bring up knowing stories of midwives who have been arrested, investigated, have a "bad outcome" that makes the state take notice or parents being upset over the outcome. You nonchalantly say "It happens, it's inevitable, all midwives face it at some point". What you call a bad outcome is an incredibly dehumanizing term. Let's call it what it is- a DEATH or DISABILITY. Most of the time, at home, these outcomes ARE avoidable. If you have all of these midwives being arrested or investigated, there's a reason. It's not persecution of poor little midwives. It's someone caring about the "bad outcomes" the community cares to not address. If the community had a choice, our babies deaths/injuries would be swept under the rug and never addressed.
Shannon, you say this goes beyond various denialist mindsets such as, "it could never happen to me", "there must be more to the story", and "what was really going on". Actually, no, this does NOT go beyond denialist mindsets. If a midwife is educated and trained and knows not to take risks, it very well may never happen to her. Most of the time, there IS more to the story. Looking at the role your midwife buddy may of played in a death or disability is necessary. It's important to question, esp in the midwifery community.
Shannon, you are worried that if Rowan Bailey is charged that a precedent may be set and other midwives could be found guilty of murder. The issue here is that Rowan screwed up. The law states that murder is the unlawful killing of a human by another human with malicious aforethought. One of the definitions of malice is "Reckless indifference to an unjustifiably high risk to human life". So, yes, she has committed murder. Let's be honest, most homebirth deaths are due to a reckless indifference to human life. A precedent needs set to protect mothers and babies. If the community won't handle this, then the law needs to.
Shannon, you say that one day it will be a fellow midwife looking into a grieving mother's eyes helping her comprehend her loss saying you hope there isn't a DA behind her calling that midwife a murderer. As that grieving mother whose midwife attempted to manipulate her multiple times, I'm of the opinion that midwives have absolutely no business trying to help us comprehend our losses. Midwives have shown us that they are all about themselves as this blog posts blatantly expresses. If there is a DA behind the parents, then yes, that midwife messed up. The DA doesn't get involved if a death is from congenital anomalies! If this death was preventable, oh yeah, they need to be involved!
Shannon, you tell fellow midwives to get off their asses, pull their heads out of the sand, and realize ramifications of this stuff on midwives. Here is where I will agree with you. Yes, the community needs to get off it's lazy ass and start really looking at their fellow midwives actions and see how their "sisters" are harming them. You are sticking up for a murderer and encouraging others to stick up for them as well. You are completely minimizing the actions of these midwives. You are telling every single grieving mother that her baby is unimportant, that only the midwife she had matters.
Lastly, Shannon, you tell fellow midwives to imagine having to tell someone they love and respect that they are being charged with murder in the death of a baby. How about you having to call your friends and family and tell them that your baby is dead? Or how about having to tell people that your decision is why your baby is dead. I have had to look people in the eye and admit that my choice to have a homebirth with a CPM is why my daughter isn't here. I have to look at that person in the mirror every day. I would of never of made the same decisions if I knew the outcome would be this.
Lucky for Shannon, a CPM by the name of Jessica Weed ran to her rescue in the comments about how midwives need to stand in solidarity. Why?? Jessica herself managed to get herself arrested for child abuse because she chose to take on a breech delivery where the baby ended up with bleeding on the brain and behind the retinas on top of mom ending up with an infection due to retained placenta. Wood also asked parents not to disclose her involvement in the delivery. I certainly don't question why someone like Weed would promote the solidarity ideals!
Friday, August 30, 2013
Idolizing Africa- Part 3
In my last post, I very mildly touched on violence against African Women. Briefly. Well, this subject needs it's own post!
When circumcision debates occur, Female Genital Mutilation is always brought up, always. I wanted to take a look at this practice. FGM is usually done between infancy and age 15, with the typical being 7-10 years of age. This is done to deter women from having sex before marriage and to keep them faithful to their husbands. This actually puts a woman's health at risk. The practice is so incredibly disturbing. Most are not done under a medical professional. Usually someone like a Traditional Birth Attendant or an herbalist or an elderly person in the community. These poor girls are held down by multiple people while sharp objects are used to remove part or all of the external genitalia, and possibly injure the genitals. There is so anesthesia or antiseptic used and sometimes the same object is used upon multiple girls (increases risk of HIV transmission). Up to the 50's, clitoridectomy was even practiced in The US and Western Europe as a way to treat hysteria, masturbation, nymphomania, epilepsy, etc. Depending upon the procedure, risks vary. The most risky form of FGM is infibulation, where the clitoris and inner labia are partially or totally removed then the outer labia is sewn together. When a girl has this done, she often has to be cut open in order to have sex with her husband on her wedding night. Many have to be cut again during childbirth. In some communities, after childbirth, the edges are sewn back together. In the Sudan, 10 to 30% of girls die from FGM.
Child trafficking is an enormous problem in Africa, mostly due to poverty. Some children are used for child labor. Most female children are used for domestic duties and sex slaves. This makes me want to cry. I look at my children and cannot understand how another human being could treat a child that way. Some adult women are lured into the sex industry. Girls are sometimes stripped of all clothing and shoes so they cannot escape from where they are. Many still don't even have breasts, they are that young. Some people are trafficked for muti (killing in order to use body parts to incorporate into medicine or witchcraft) and organ donation. This is done to people of all ages (yes, including babies and children). More than 90% of those caught up in human trafficking endure physical or sexual violence. In various areas, law enforcement looks the other way. Some people are able to run away to other areas or to refugee camps. Often times, children are sold by their own parents. Some children are kidnapped. In some countries, boys are turned into soldiers. When rebels raid a village, they will gather up children. These children witness their fellow captives being maimed and killed in front of them. They themselves are harmed when showing fear. Some of these children have witnessed their families being killed while others are forced to kill their family. Many child soldiers are under 12. As a mother, I cannot fathom this.
In Sub-Saharan Africa, an average of 54% of women are abused by their husbands. 46% are abused in front of their children. Due to discriminatory laws and dismissive police, the problem is compounded. There is a stigma attached to domestic violence, so many women remain silent. Women are beaten, raped, and even murdered for minor things that an abuser sees as a transgression, much like domestic violence situation's in the rest of the world. The main difference is we have resources to help us, unlike many of these African women. Acid attacks are on the rise yet not taken seriously. This should make us all sick! Unfortunately, abuse is seen as a part of marriage. How sad that you can expect to be beaten or raped by your husband for any reason that he may deem necessary.
I'm not done with this series yet, but for these subjects, I think I am. This has been a hard one. I've had to walk away and catch my breath and stop the tears. To imagine this stuff going on over there hurts my heart. I look at my nice cushy life and think about all the ways in which I am blessed to be living where I am. I look at my children and cannot imagine them enduring anything that these African children do. I'm glad that there are so many domestic violence resources around us so women can actually get the help they need. In America, we're privileged. I look at many of the things American women whine about and think "You have no idea how lucky you are and how good you have it". I see Human Rights discussions taking place about things that really aren't true Human Rights issues, they're perceived issues. That statement will probably get me flamed, but, so be it. I think that many women need to gain some perspective and in the famous words of The Feminist Breeder "Check your privilege".
When circumcision debates occur, Female Genital Mutilation is always brought up, always. I wanted to take a look at this practice. FGM is usually done between infancy and age 15, with the typical being 7-10 years of age. This is done to deter women from having sex before marriage and to keep them faithful to their husbands. This actually puts a woman's health at risk. The practice is so incredibly disturbing. Most are not done under a medical professional. Usually someone like a Traditional Birth Attendant or an herbalist or an elderly person in the community. These poor girls are held down by multiple people while sharp objects are used to remove part or all of the external genitalia, and possibly injure the genitals. There is so anesthesia or antiseptic used and sometimes the same object is used upon multiple girls (increases risk of HIV transmission). Up to the 50's, clitoridectomy was even practiced in The US and Western Europe as a way to treat hysteria, masturbation, nymphomania, epilepsy, etc. Depending upon the procedure, risks vary. The most risky form of FGM is infibulation, where the clitoris and inner labia are partially or totally removed then the outer labia is sewn together. When a girl has this done, she often has to be cut open in order to have sex with her husband on her wedding night. Many have to be cut again during childbirth. In some communities, after childbirth, the edges are sewn back together. In the Sudan, 10 to 30% of girls die from FGM.
Child trafficking is an enormous problem in Africa, mostly due to poverty. Some children are used for child labor. Most female children are used for domestic duties and sex slaves. This makes me want to cry. I look at my children and cannot understand how another human being could treat a child that way. Some adult women are lured into the sex industry. Girls are sometimes stripped of all clothing and shoes so they cannot escape from where they are. Many still don't even have breasts, they are that young. Some people are trafficked for muti (killing in order to use body parts to incorporate into medicine or witchcraft) and organ donation. This is done to people of all ages (yes, including babies and children). More than 90% of those caught up in human trafficking endure physical or sexual violence. In various areas, law enforcement looks the other way. Some people are able to run away to other areas or to refugee camps. Often times, children are sold by their own parents. Some children are kidnapped. In some countries, boys are turned into soldiers. When rebels raid a village, they will gather up children. These children witness their fellow captives being maimed and killed in front of them. They themselves are harmed when showing fear. Some of these children have witnessed their families being killed while others are forced to kill their family. Many child soldiers are under 12. As a mother, I cannot fathom this.
In Sub-Saharan Africa, an average of 54% of women are abused by their husbands. 46% are abused in front of their children. Due to discriminatory laws and dismissive police, the problem is compounded. There is a stigma attached to domestic violence, so many women remain silent. Women are beaten, raped, and even murdered for minor things that an abuser sees as a transgression, much like domestic violence situation's in the rest of the world. The main difference is we have resources to help us, unlike many of these African women. Acid attacks are on the rise yet not taken seriously. This should make us all sick! Unfortunately, abuse is seen as a part of marriage. How sad that you can expect to be beaten or raped by your husband for any reason that he may deem necessary.
I'm not done with this series yet, but for these subjects, I think I am. This has been a hard one. I've had to walk away and catch my breath and stop the tears. To imagine this stuff going on over there hurts my heart. I look at my nice cushy life and think about all the ways in which I am blessed to be living where I am. I look at my children and cannot imagine them enduring anything that these African children do. I'm glad that there are so many domestic violence resources around us so women can actually get the help they need. In America, we're privileged. I look at many of the things American women whine about and think "You have no idea how lucky you are and how good you have it". I see Human Rights discussions taking place about things that really aren't true Human Rights issues, they're perceived issues. That statement will probably get me flamed, but, so be it. I think that many women need to gain some perspective and in the famous words of The Feminist Breeder "Check your privilege".
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Idolizing Africa- Part 2
In my last post, I addressed some basic issues regarding pregnancy, birth in Africa as a whole. There are developed countries and developing countries, which means demographics are different leading to many discrepancies between countries in regards to maternal health. There are many facets of maternal health that really need addressed. When I got the idea to write about this, I figured, no biggie, little blog post, but now I am completely immersed in this and learning all that I can. My heart is so very heavy for what I know is going on.
One of these issues in reproductive care. Lack of family planning resources has a direct impact on maternal/child health. This basically means that without contraception, women and their families are negatively impacted. Ways in which they are negatively impacted are the maternal mortality rates. The more pregnancies she has, the greater her risk of dying. If the mother is HIV positive, the more babies she has, the greater risk of her baby contracting the disease. The less babies the woman has, the more financially secure the family will be. In unplanned pregnancies are reduced, there will be less need for unsafe abortive procedures that, again, put her life in peril.
In different regions, the use of modern contraception varies. In Western Africa the use is 8%, Eastern 20%, Middle 7%, and Southern 58%. Even different countries within these regions vary. Economic status directly impacts contraceptive use. Wealthier women are more likely to use modern family planning methods. This leaves poorer women at a disadvantage. This means they are less likely to be able to access family planning information. This status difference also determines abortion rates. If you have less access to contraception, you are far more likely to resort to abortion.
Sadly, in some African areas, women have no control over their reproduction. Some women deal with sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, incest, abduction, and early marriage. Africa has some of the highest levels of physical and sexual violence against women. This also leads to higher HIV infection rates (which also impacts maternal mortality and infant/child mortality).
In regards to abortion, in 2008, 6.4 million abortions were performed in Africa, with a mere 3% done safely. 3%!!! 14% of the women included in the maternal mortality statistics were due to unsafe abortion procedures. 1.7 million women annually are hospitalized due to unsafe abortion. 90% of African women live in areas where there is either little on no abortion access leaving these women with little to no options for safe abortion. Abortion is illegal in most African nations. Women are desperate enough that they drink bleach, have catheters inserted into their uterus, have crochet hooks inserted, etc. What happens when Mom dies due to complications from an unsafe abortion?
In conclusion, these women are at a huge disadvantage. We, in developed countries, should be beyond thankful that not only do we have access to family planning services whether it be Planned Parenthood or our own personal OB/GYN. We have access to education regarding every choice there is when it comes down to it. If we truly care about women, we would find out what we can do to help them access family planning services as it directly impacts maternal mortality.
One of these issues in reproductive care. Lack of family planning resources has a direct impact on maternal/child health. This basically means that without contraception, women and their families are negatively impacted. Ways in which they are negatively impacted are the maternal mortality rates. The more pregnancies she has, the greater her risk of dying. If the mother is HIV positive, the more babies she has, the greater risk of her baby contracting the disease. The less babies the woman has, the more financially secure the family will be. In unplanned pregnancies are reduced, there will be less need for unsafe abortive procedures that, again, put her life in peril.
In different regions, the use of modern contraception varies. In Western Africa the use is 8%, Eastern 20%, Middle 7%, and Southern 58%. Even different countries within these regions vary. Economic status directly impacts contraceptive use. Wealthier women are more likely to use modern family planning methods. This leaves poorer women at a disadvantage. This means they are less likely to be able to access family planning information. This status difference also determines abortion rates. If you have less access to contraception, you are far more likely to resort to abortion.
Sadly, in some African areas, women have no control over their reproduction. Some women deal with sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, incest, abduction, and early marriage. Africa has some of the highest levels of physical and sexual violence against women. This also leads to higher HIV infection rates (which also impacts maternal mortality and infant/child mortality).
In regards to abortion, in 2008, 6.4 million abortions were performed in Africa, with a mere 3% done safely. 3%!!! 14% of the women included in the maternal mortality statistics were due to unsafe abortion procedures. 1.7 million women annually are hospitalized due to unsafe abortion. 90% of African women live in areas where there is either little on no abortion access leaving these women with little to no options for safe abortion. Abortion is illegal in most African nations. Women are desperate enough that they drink bleach, have catheters inserted into their uterus, have crochet hooks inserted, etc. What happens when Mom dies due to complications from an unsafe abortion?
In conclusion, these women are at a huge disadvantage. We, in developed countries, should be beyond thankful that not only do we have access to family planning services whether it be Planned Parenthood or our own personal OB/GYN. We have access to education regarding every choice there is when it comes down to it. If we truly care about women, we would find out what we can do to help them access family planning services as it directly impacts maternal mortality.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Idolizing Africa- Part 1
I've been silently reading and pondering many things lately. One of those things happens to be the glorification of African mothering. The more research I do, the more I feel this needs to be broken up into a series. There are too many issues to touch on in one post.
We see photos of these women breastfeeding and wearing their babies, people commend them and give praise, oftentimes saying things about natural mothering. They see women in Africa that give birth outside of hospitals, using that to say how safe and beautiful and natural that birth is. Guess what?? We are privileged as hell to live in countries that have access to things African mothers don't. To pick up on this and hold it up as how mothering should be, to me, is incredibly racist and classist. Did you know that many organizations are trying to help with healthcare initiatives?? How many in this camp know about various morbidity and mortality rates? Do they care, at all?? If you want to hold this culture up as to how things should be, perhaps you should know exactly how things are for these mothers.
According to Life For African Mothers, 287,000 women died in pregnancy and childbirth in 2010. Holy crap! Nearly all could of been prevented. The top 4 causes of death are Postpartum Hemorrhage, Pre-Eclampsia and Eclampsia, Infection, and Unsafe Abortion. This angers me, as a woman, to know that these women are dying from these things in numbers like these. I am completely flabbergasted. The WHO says that in developing countries, the maternal mortality rate is 240/100,000 while it is 16/100,000 in developed countries there. One of the largest issues in the developing African countries is lack of care during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. These women who die, their babies are 10X more likely to die within the first two years (UNICEF). Half of them don't even have access to a skilled birth attendant. Safe Motherhood should be a priority here!
Mortality is not the only thing we should know about. We should also know about childbirth complications and morbidity. The WHO estimates that over 2 million women in Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from Obstetric Fistula. These are caused by prolonged and obstructed labors. Although all women are at risk, the highest at risk are female genital mutilation victims, underage child brides, and teens.
For African babies, the numbers are staggering. More than 3 million babies die every year and 2.6 million are stillborn. According to World Birth Aid, in central Africa, the neonatal mortality rate is 74/1000. Can you imagine?? Sub-Saharan Africa itself accounts for 33% of global neonatal deaths. Most of these deaths occur during labor, delivery, or within 48 hours.
The discrepancies between countries is rather eye opening as well. I will be looking at different countries and addressing other various issues that influence maternal health. Right now, I just want the bare bones information out there. The more I read, the angrier I feel at the plight of these women. It truly disgusts me to know of their plight and then look at women around us that are angry because birth has "become medicalized". Well, as we can see, there is a reason for that. As privileged women complain and cry trauma because they had a c-section that saved either their or their babies lives, there are African women enduring days of labor only to give birth to a dead baby while suffering disability due to the birth or enduring a long labor, giving birth, then succumbing to blood loss hours later while all anyone can do is watch as she slowly slips away. I see Human Rights conferences held, but the main issue is protecting crappy midwives. When will this camp look at these African countries and say "These women matter". They have a right to health care and a right to SURVIVE. Nobody should have to die a preventable death due to lack of resources. So, the next time you see someone glorifying birth in Africa, lets shed some light on what it really means to be a pregnant African woman.
We see photos of these women breastfeeding and wearing their babies, people commend them and give praise, oftentimes saying things about natural mothering. They see women in Africa that give birth outside of hospitals, using that to say how safe and beautiful and natural that birth is. Guess what?? We are privileged as hell to live in countries that have access to things African mothers don't. To pick up on this and hold it up as how mothering should be, to me, is incredibly racist and classist. Did you know that many organizations are trying to help with healthcare initiatives?? How many in this camp know about various morbidity and mortality rates? Do they care, at all?? If you want to hold this culture up as to how things should be, perhaps you should know exactly how things are for these mothers.
According to Life For African Mothers, 287,000 women died in pregnancy and childbirth in 2010. Holy crap! Nearly all could of been prevented. The top 4 causes of death are Postpartum Hemorrhage, Pre-Eclampsia and Eclampsia, Infection, and Unsafe Abortion. This angers me, as a woman, to know that these women are dying from these things in numbers like these. I am completely flabbergasted. The WHO says that in developing countries, the maternal mortality rate is 240/100,000 while it is 16/100,000 in developed countries there. One of the largest issues in the developing African countries is lack of care during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. These women who die, their babies are 10X more likely to die within the first two years (UNICEF). Half of them don't even have access to a skilled birth attendant. Safe Motherhood should be a priority here!
Mortality is not the only thing we should know about. We should also know about childbirth complications and morbidity. The WHO estimates that over 2 million women in Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from Obstetric Fistula. These are caused by prolonged and obstructed labors. Although all women are at risk, the highest at risk are female genital mutilation victims, underage child brides, and teens.
For African babies, the numbers are staggering. More than 3 million babies die every year and 2.6 million are stillborn. According to World Birth Aid, in central Africa, the neonatal mortality rate is 74/1000. Can you imagine?? Sub-Saharan Africa itself accounts for 33% of global neonatal deaths. Most of these deaths occur during labor, delivery, or within 48 hours.
The discrepancies between countries is rather eye opening as well. I will be looking at different countries and addressing other various issues that influence maternal health. Right now, I just want the bare bones information out there. The more I read, the angrier I feel at the plight of these women. It truly disgusts me to know of their plight and then look at women around us that are angry because birth has "become medicalized". Well, as we can see, there is a reason for that. As privileged women complain and cry trauma because they had a c-section that saved either their or their babies lives, there are African women enduring days of labor only to give birth to a dead baby while suffering disability due to the birth or enduring a long labor, giving birth, then succumbing to blood loss hours later while all anyone can do is watch as she slowly slips away. I see Human Rights conferences held, but the main issue is protecting crappy midwives. When will this camp look at these African countries and say "These women matter". They have a right to health care and a right to SURVIVE. Nobody should have to die a preventable death due to lack of resources. So, the next time you see someone glorifying birth in Africa, lets shed some light on what it really means to be a pregnant African woman.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Kindergarten, The newest season of grief
It's the first day of school.
You met your new teacher at open house, who seemed to set your mind at ease, after all you've grown up in front of the various teachers at the school. I was pregnant with you when we moved into the district.
You help me choose your first outfit. A pair jeans with embroidered flowers, a purple top, and the light up princess shoes grandma bought you.
You ask your oldest sister to do your hair just the same as hers. It's adorable how you are with her and she loves it! She's been crazy about you since the day you were born.
You have a bowl of Lucky Charms, making sure to eat the marshmallows first, then give the dogs whatever is left in your bowl.
We double check your Bratz backpack making sure that you have all of your supplies in there. You are so excited!
We stand outside waiting on the bus. Your brother and sister assure you that they will be there watching over you. The three of you hang out at the end of the driveway with the neighbor kids while discussing how you aren't ready for summer to end and these are the fun things you did during summer.
You excitedly get onto the bus. It's the same driver we've had for years who's always talked to you about riding the big kid bus. You've arrived!
When you get home, you tell us all about the new kids you've met and what kinds of things you did today. You hand me the war and peace booklet of papers to sign, reminding me to not forget to put them in your backpack.
All evening, you tell us all about how excited you are to go to school again. A few siblings roll their eyes, but encourage your excitement. All of you kids continue to share all about your first day and what types of things you are excited about. You're really looking forward to getting to play on the computer in the classroom! The teacher has let you play on there since your siblings had her.
Sadly, this will not be how our day goes. Instead, our family will carry around a heavy heart knowing what we will not be experiencing and feeling the void our daughter left behind. My husband and I will hold eachother a little longer knowing what we are each feeling. Some tears will be shed. This year, I will continuously be confronted with the reality of our loss. There will be no having lunch with her, no playing with her on the playground, she won't sheepishly be waving at me as her class enters the gymnasium for award assemblies, she won't be standing with classmates collecting awards, NOTHING. This is a whole new season of grief, of which I am unprepared for.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Feeling Selfish
I don't quite know how to say this without coming off rude, but I'm going to try.
As a grieving mother, I can't help but see things from my selfish perspective. I see women lamenting over these less than perfect births (sometimes only drawing this conclusion after the Ncb camp has worked their magic). These mothers grieve hard over their birth. I rarely see anyone telling mom to get therapy to deal with her issues. No, instead the answer is ICAN or having another baby to get it right. I see coddling like you wouldn't believe. This grief is carried on and on to where even birthdays make mom sad.
Here is where I'm at. I want to cry when I read this stuff. Its not because I feel so bad for mom. No. Its because she has no idea that I want what she has. I wish I could sit here whining about what I think was an unnecessary c-section. I would trade an experience for a healthy living baby a thousand times over. You get to celebrate your child's life at each birthday and watch them blow out candles. I light candles on a headstone. You get a real celebration with your child. I get a celebration of my child. Picnic and balloon release in the cemetery. You get to watch your child grow every year. I get to watch plants grow.
Maybe, just maybe, these moms need to step back and see things from another perspective. Heck, how many women don't even get the chance to have a baby or continuously lose them due to infertility issues? I know some people say that there isn't hierarchy in grief, but, in my mind, there is. I do feel that we have it worse than someone who didn't get an experience. We didn't get the most important part of our experience. Trade ya.
As a grieving mother, I can't help but see things from my selfish perspective. I see women lamenting over these less than perfect births (sometimes only drawing this conclusion after the Ncb camp has worked their magic). These mothers grieve hard over their birth. I rarely see anyone telling mom to get therapy to deal with her issues. No, instead the answer is ICAN or having another baby to get it right. I see coddling like you wouldn't believe. This grief is carried on and on to where even birthdays make mom sad.
Here is where I'm at. I want to cry when I read this stuff. Its not because I feel so bad for mom. No. Its because she has no idea that I want what she has. I wish I could sit here whining about what I think was an unnecessary c-section. I would trade an experience for a healthy living baby a thousand times over. You get to celebrate your child's life at each birthday and watch them blow out candles. I light candles on a headstone. You get a real celebration with your child. I get a celebration of my child. Picnic and balloon release in the cemetery. You get to watch your child grow every year. I get to watch plants grow.
Maybe, just maybe, these moms need to step back and see things from another perspective. Heck, how many women don't even get the chance to have a baby or continuously lose them due to infertility issues? I know some people say that there isn't hierarchy in grief, but, in my mind, there is. I do feel that we have it worse than someone who didn't get an experience. We didn't get the most important part of our experience. Trade ya.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
I hate this
Tonight, I seem to of hit a wall and all I can think is that I hate being a bereaved parent. Nobody asked me if I wanted this, it was thrust upon me. Many think I use it to garner sympathy or use it to be a bitch or use it to hurt others. Yeah, not hardly. I don't enjoy this.
This destroyed my belief system. I believed in homebirth and midwifery. Actually, I believed in midwifery to the point that I wanted to be one. Yes, I talked to Brenda about enrolling in an online midwifery school. My life was all about promoting natural birth, homebirth, and midwives. I know I pushed many people away and drove others crazy. I saw hospital birth and knew everything wrong. I wanted women to have what I did. I still, occasionally, have to battle that birth demon. It hasn't been easy.
I have to deal with others who see my daughter's death and think it doesn't matter. It matters. I wish I could tell myself that it would of happened regardless, but, I know different. I have to look at myself every single day knowing it was my choice that led to this. I'm harder on myself than I am on Brenda.
I have to keep fighting. This makes me the bad guy. What gets me is this seems like the only time you can't fight. I'm the enemy although I don't want to be. Let me share an example- car seat techs. They see a few accidents (likely more than a few) and see the importance of various safe riding initiatives. They go on and on hoping people can hear the message. They know many aren't receptive, but continue on. They don't want to see preventable deaths. Yet, they are heralded as wonderful advocates. So, how can those who promote safer midwifery be an enemy? If a baby/toddler dies from unsafe car sea useage it's a horrible tragedy, but baby dies preventable death it's no big deal. If someone uses that child as a reason to practice this car seat recommendation, it's heroic and the child has a legacy. However, in a homebirth, it doesn't matter, the baby would of died regardless. I have yet to see anyone say an unsafe car seat child would of died regardless. No one child matters more than another and I think people tend to forget it.
I hate having Sunday's at the cemetery. I hate watching the peony buds she has knowing that as they larger, its that much closer to her birthday. I love my friends, but, I can't deny that it breaks my heart when our due date club babies start having birthdays. This shouldn't be my life. I wish I could have a do over. I want my daughter more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
I want her to matter. I want people to care about her needless and preventable death. I want people to care about how this has been on our family. Yes, it may of happened almost 5 years ago, but SHE still matters and will until the day I die. I want good to come of this. I don't want other parents to endure this, ever, ever, ever. I want the midwifery and homebirth communities to come together, support us, and say it's not ok and do everything in their power to prevent this. Show us our babies matter. Mine is not the only one, nor is she the last. I hate that. Does the homebirth community hate it? Does the midwifery community hate it?
This destroyed my belief system. I believed in homebirth and midwifery. Actually, I believed in midwifery to the point that I wanted to be one. Yes, I talked to Brenda about enrolling in an online midwifery school. My life was all about promoting natural birth, homebirth, and midwives. I know I pushed many people away and drove others crazy. I saw hospital birth and knew everything wrong. I wanted women to have what I did. I still, occasionally, have to battle that birth demon. It hasn't been easy.
I have to deal with others who see my daughter's death and think it doesn't matter. It matters. I wish I could tell myself that it would of happened regardless, but, I know different. I have to look at myself every single day knowing it was my choice that led to this. I'm harder on myself than I am on Brenda.
I have to keep fighting. This makes me the bad guy. What gets me is this seems like the only time you can't fight. I'm the enemy although I don't want to be. Let me share an example- car seat techs. They see a few accidents (likely more than a few) and see the importance of various safe riding initiatives. They go on and on hoping people can hear the message. They know many aren't receptive, but continue on. They don't want to see preventable deaths. Yet, they are heralded as wonderful advocates. So, how can those who promote safer midwifery be an enemy? If a baby/toddler dies from unsafe car sea useage it's a horrible tragedy, but baby dies preventable death it's no big deal. If someone uses that child as a reason to practice this car seat recommendation, it's heroic and the child has a legacy. However, in a homebirth, it doesn't matter, the baby would of died regardless. I have yet to see anyone say an unsafe car seat child would of died regardless. No one child matters more than another and I think people tend to forget it.
I hate having Sunday's at the cemetery. I hate watching the peony buds she has knowing that as they larger, its that much closer to her birthday. I love my friends, but, I can't deny that it breaks my heart when our due date club babies start having birthdays. This shouldn't be my life. I wish I could have a do over. I want my daughter more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
I want her to matter. I want people to care about her needless and preventable death. I want people to care about how this has been on our family. Yes, it may of happened almost 5 years ago, but SHE still matters and will until the day I die. I want good to come of this. I don't want other parents to endure this, ever, ever, ever. I want the midwifery and homebirth communities to come together, support us, and say it's not ok and do everything in their power to prevent this. Show us our babies matter. Mine is not the only one, nor is she the last. I hate that. Does the homebirth community hate it? Does the midwifery community hate it?
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Almost 5 years, my ramblings
over the last several months I have been acutely aware that Mary's birthday was approaching. So many things served as a reminder of this. It almost feels like my heart has taken repeated beatings. I rarely show any sign of "I'm hurting" when it comes to her. Why, I don't know. Maybe I don't want to drag people down or maybe it's because it has been awhile or I'm too stubborn. I don't know. I've already given a few buddies a heads up about her impending birthday just in case I'm not my normal self. Everybody is supportive, which is awesome.
I actually got a wild hair up my behind and chose to create a facebook event for her birthday. I want her remembered by more than just us. I want her life to matter. Maybe, If you find a thread about CPM's/homebirth, share her story (but cap it because they generally get deleted because dead babies don't matter to them). Maybe I'll ask for kindergarten school supplies so we can donate something for a little girl this school year. I need ideas. We have 20 days (yes, I am counting the days). I better hurry up and think!
Even though it has been this long, my heart is still broken. Losing your child, it shatters it. You go about life trying to put the pieces back together hoping your heart will be healed. Like a vase, it never goes back to how it once was, ever. I still deal with triggers. I still hate Brenda. I still feel guilty every day (which is one hell of a burden to carry). I still wish I had made different choices. I would change this in a heartbeat. I don't like being a loss mom, esp not this kind!
I have learned that I'm strong, stronger than I ever knew I could be. I've learned that I'm glad I had her. I've learned who my friends truly are. I learned about the bonds of family due to the support I've received from mine since her death. I've learned about hope. I've learned about survival. I've learned that one subject can unite people as a family such as my fellow loss mothers. I don't know what I would of done without them. I love them and would do anything in this world for them. We know eachother like nobody else does. However, we all wish this wasn't what we have in common! I've learned that self-reflection is painful, but changes us for the better if we are willing to acknowledge it.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Dear Birth Anarchy
I recently read a post about the Human Rights in Childbirth conference and many things stood out to me.
The whole jist of the Human Rights in Childbirth was about the perceived persecution of midwives. The post says they were persecuted for things ranging from bad outcomes to the fact that they were even practicing midwifery. If you are practicing and you KNOW, YOU KNOW, you aren't suppose to be, why are you shocked when the law steps in? There are laws in place! The bad outcomes, they're not just bad outcomes, they are dead and/or injured babies. You are blowing off babies, mothers, and families that have truly been hurt. We aren't just "bad outcomes". My daughter was here and alive. She wasn't a "bad outcome". Her life mattered. All these babies, their lives matter. All of us mothers, we matter. Our families, they matter. This wasn't a "bad outcome". Let's take that term out and just say it - these midwives were "persecuted" for the deaths and/or injuries of babies. That's pretty serious! She talks about it being an injustice when a midwife is arrested for a "bad outcome" and to that I wonder where the injustice is for the babies lost and/or harmed?
She discusses the effects that an arrest has on midwives. These midwives go into hiding and live in fear. What about the resultant effects that a preventable loss or injury has on the families? What has been the resultant effects on myself? I certainly went into hiding and became a literal hermit. Part of me looks at myself as a victim of the movement , while the rest of me blames myself. I still have flashbacks. I have panic attacks. I question the kind of mother I am. I look at my husband and secretly wonder if he blames me too. I cannot speak of that day, but, I can type it and even that sends me into a downward spiral. When my workout partner asked me what happened to my daughter, I just told him I would send him a link, sent it, and told him not to speak of it. He hasn't. I'm no longer welcome amongst my former community because I chose to speak up. NOBODY stood by me, nobody. I was alienated. I've been harassed and attacked and mocked and shamed and publicly blamed by many within the community. That truly made the grief much, much worse.
Anger, smothered by grief, then left to rise from the ashes is a virulent thing.
Yet, what about the parents? You rally behind midwives, yet, what about us? Do you not see how your actions towards us are harmful? Where is the concern for our families? As you hold hands with your "sisters", can you see the families left grieving in their wake? If you are worried about women, what of their mental and physical wellbeing during grief? We are more than a uterus and vagina, we are real people suffering alone and silently.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Midwives and Personal Responsibility- LOL
In my last post, I touched on how parents are thrown the "personal responsibility" line if their baby dies. Now, let's look at personal responsibility of midwives. I wish I could say I have proof of a midwife accepting "personal responsibility" for her actions in loss, but sadly, I don't have a single thing to offer, What I do have to offer is proof of midwives not accepting responsibility for a loss.
"They needed love and time to heal---not to be angry at my witch hunting state for going after me when their precious one would never have made it no matter what." - Kristi Smith Zittle *
IOW, baby would of died anyways and parents need to heal, not worry about that pesky state getting involved with their baby's death.
"Everyone needs to "blame" someone so we don't have to take a look at the final truth. With ALL of our lives will come death. ALL of us will die. It is a matter of when, how and if we are surrounded in love. I'm going to take a break from this because it has taken such a detour. How about instead of blame we work together to make sure we, as women and human beings, are not further stripped of our rights to make choices and live and raise our families the best we know how." Aspiring homebirth Midwife
*IOW, death happens, let's keep up the fight*
"When a person does all that any human being can do to save a baby's life, then what are they 'accountable' for? DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN DO is all that any one can do!"Not every doc or every hospital or every midwife can save every baby. Some babies are too damaged from something which happens in the womb or in labor; something which is no one's fault; something which is undetectable, unpreventable and treatable. It is usually not the doctors fault when a baby is lost. It is usually not the midwife's or mother's fault either. except for the very rare event of incorrect medication given, it is almost 'never' someones FAULT if a baby is lost. No mistakes were made. Everyone involved did their best.That is usually fact."- Gail Hart
*IOW* Doctors cause medication deaths, but it's almost never anyone's fault, let alone a midwife's because she did her best*
"And shame on every midwife that has contacted me (numerous) to overtly suggest that I should rethink my support of this midwife. My heart is breaking over this kind of peer level persecution."- Kathi Valeii, speaking about the arrest of Rowan Bailey
These are a few of many, many comments absolving midwives of all Personal Responsibility. Looking at the Sisters in Chains list, you see nothing but support for "persecuted" midwives, ie midwives who screwed up. It blows my mind that the same crowd who crows about parents who lose their babies taking "personal responsibility", but do we see a single midwife taking "personal responsibility"? In the last, roughly, 5 years, I have yet to see a single midwife with a death under her belt accepting responsibility for her negligent actions. No, they go on like nothing happened and when asked about that baby, they lie and concoct stories. This persecution thing is, frankly, bullshit. Instead of looking at us and screaming "personal responsibility", how about we look at our "sisters in chains" and look at the amount of destruction that is left in their wake. Personal responsibility means owning up to your mistakes. This means paying your own bail and your own attorney. This means admitting that you messed up. We already look at ourselves and admit, "I screwed up. I shouldn't of had that homebirth or should of chosen a different midwife". This does not mean "The baby died because of this or that". You look at your actions to see if you could of missed anything or done something that contributed to the death. Walking away like nothing ever happened isn't personal responsibility. Crying "persecution" isn't personal responsibility. Crying "witch hunt" isn't personal responsibility. I'm thinking that those who use that term towards the parents need to learn exactly what it means and hold their midwives to the same standard, after all, they ARE supposed to be the professional.
"They needed love and time to heal---not to be angry at my witch hunting state for going after me when their precious one would never have made it no matter what." - Kristi Smith Zittle *
IOW, baby would of died anyways and parents need to heal, not worry about that pesky state getting involved with their baby's death.
"Everyone needs to "blame" someone so we don't have to take a look at the final truth. With ALL of our lives will come death. ALL of us will die. It is a matter of when, how and if we are surrounded in love. I'm going to take a break from this because it has taken such a detour. How about instead of blame we work together to make sure we, as women and human beings, are not further stripped of our rights to make choices and live and raise our families the best we know how." Aspiring homebirth Midwife
*IOW, death happens, let's keep up the fight*
"When a person does all that any human being can do to save a baby's life, then what are they 'accountable' for? DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN DO is all that any one can do!"Not every doc or every hospital or every midwife can save every baby. Some babies are too damaged from something which happens in the womb or in labor; something which is no one's fault; something which is undetectable, unpreventable and treatable. It is usually not the doctors fault when a baby is lost. It is usually not the midwife's or mother's fault either. except for the very rare event of incorrect medication given, it is almost 'never' someones FAULT if a baby is lost. No mistakes were made. Everyone involved did their best.That is usually fact."- Gail Hart
*IOW* Doctors cause medication deaths, but it's almost never anyone's fault, let alone a midwife's because she did her best*
"And shame on every midwife that has contacted me (numerous) to overtly suggest that I should rethink my support of this midwife. My heart is breaking over this kind of peer level persecution."- Kathi Valeii, speaking about the arrest of Rowan Bailey
These are a few of many, many comments absolving midwives of all Personal Responsibility. Looking at the Sisters in Chains list, you see nothing but support for "persecuted" midwives, ie midwives who screwed up. It blows my mind that the same crowd who crows about parents who lose their babies taking "personal responsibility", but do we see a single midwife taking "personal responsibility"? In the last, roughly, 5 years, I have yet to see a single midwife with a death under her belt accepting responsibility for her negligent actions. No, they go on like nothing happened and when asked about that baby, they lie and concoct stories. This persecution thing is, frankly, bullshit. Instead of looking at us and screaming "personal responsibility", how about we look at our "sisters in chains" and look at the amount of destruction that is left in their wake. Personal responsibility means owning up to your mistakes. This means paying your own bail and your own attorney. This means admitting that you messed up. We already look at ourselves and admit, "I screwed up. I shouldn't of had that homebirth or should of chosen a different midwife". This does not mean "The baby died because of this or that". You look at your actions to see if you could of missed anything or done something that contributed to the death. Walking away like nothing ever happened isn't personal responsibility. Crying "persecution" isn't personal responsibility. Crying "witch hunt" isn't personal responsibility. I'm thinking that those who use that term towards the parents need to learn exactly what it means and hold their midwives to the same standard, after all, they ARE supposed to be the professional.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Personal Responsibility in the Homebirth Community
It never ceases to amaze me that any time an adverse outcome is discussed, the term "personal responsibility" is thrown towards parents. This is the only time I see it used within the community, when parents speak up. Essentially, this is their way of telling you that you are at fault for your baby dying. This is nothing more than a protection mechanism because nobody wants to see fault in something they love and support.
This bothers me for a few reasons-
We relied on someone that we were led to believe was a medical professional. We believed the information given to us. Women are reassured that various high risk circumstances are "variations of normal". We are told homebirth is safer than hospital birth and given studies to back up that statement. You never hear stories about things going wrong. You get wrapped up in the entire homebirth culture. Your midwife is your friend and all your friends are homebirthers. You're steadfast in this community.
Let's look at one of their popular subjects- The Unnecesarean. The name is exactly what it sounds like, an unnecessary c-section. It is deemed unnecessary when baby is born alive and well. This is always blamed on a doctor wanting to hurry a mother along whether it's to free up a room, ruin her experience, they have no faith in mom's abilities, get to a golf game, get to dinner, get to a family function, etc. All the women who use this term are loved, supported, and validated in their feelings within the community. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone in the community be nasty to a mother who feels she had an unnecesarean. Those within this subculture track cesarean rates for various practitioners so that women can avoid those with high cesarean rates. They discuss all the ways in which cesareans are horrible and awful. I won't lie, I've even read stories and witnessed things that have made ME question the validity of a c-section in cases. These mothers are never told they should accept "personal responsibility" for their c-section. They are not blamed for it. They are seen as a victim of the obstetrical movement. Everyone is worried about preventing these surgeries and lowering rates.
They are worried about PPD due to c-sections as well. What about the PPD you have when you suddenly have empty arms? They talk about PTSD from the c-section, but what about our PTSD after a loss?? It's been almost 5 years and I still will trigger when I see an ambulance or I see that Lincoln Towncar that took my daughter from the funeral home to the cemetery. When I have to physically talk about that morning, I won't lie, I panic inside. My heart races, I can't breathe, my palms sweat. What about what we go through? Why doesn't that matter?
Can anyone, anyone, tell me why these mothers are treated better than homebirth loss mothers and shown much more respect? "You had a c-section, you poor thing, we have to do something about this" vs "You need to accept personal responsibility for your midwife being negligent and causing your baby's death". How can an OB be so horrible for doing a surgery (no matter the reason), but a midwife is on par with Jesus himself after negligently causing a death (or even multiple ones)? Is it just me or is something majorly messed up here?
I am sick to death of being told to accept responsibility for my daughter's death. Yes, I chose the midwife and birth location and I realize I failed horribly. This is something I live with every single day of my life. ME. If I had known there was something wrong, I would of went to the hospital immediately. However, when Brenda explained everything to me, it really did sound plausible and I had no reason to think otherwise. I've had advocates tell me why those explanations were plausible as well!! She was the "professional" and was hired because of it. We relied on her. How did she not know something was wrong when midwives are suppose to know all about what is normal? She gets to go about her life like nothing happened. I don't have that luxury. I've been blaming myself and battling the guilt since she died and when advocates insist on heaping that blame on my shoulders, it does affect me, more than I should let it. We get punished for wanting to prevent other parents from enduring this. The midwives we relied on, they get fundraising rallies and support.
This bothers me for a few reasons-
We relied on someone that we were led to believe was a medical professional. We believed the information given to us. Women are reassured that various high risk circumstances are "variations of normal". We are told homebirth is safer than hospital birth and given studies to back up that statement. You never hear stories about things going wrong. You get wrapped up in the entire homebirth culture. Your midwife is your friend and all your friends are homebirthers. You're steadfast in this community.
Let's look at one of their popular subjects- The Unnecesarean. The name is exactly what it sounds like, an unnecessary c-section. It is deemed unnecessary when baby is born alive and well. This is always blamed on a doctor wanting to hurry a mother along whether it's to free up a room, ruin her experience, they have no faith in mom's abilities, get to a golf game, get to dinner, get to a family function, etc. All the women who use this term are loved, supported, and validated in their feelings within the community. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone in the community be nasty to a mother who feels she had an unnecesarean. Those within this subculture track cesarean rates for various practitioners so that women can avoid those with high cesarean rates. They discuss all the ways in which cesareans are horrible and awful. I won't lie, I've even read stories and witnessed things that have made ME question the validity of a c-section in cases. These mothers are never told they should accept "personal responsibility" for their c-section. They are not blamed for it. They are seen as a victim of the obstetrical movement. Everyone is worried about preventing these surgeries and lowering rates.
They are worried about PPD due to c-sections as well. What about the PPD you have when you suddenly have empty arms? They talk about PTSD from the c-section, but what about our PTSD after a loss?? It's been almost 5 years and I still will trigger when I see an ambulance or I see that Lincoln Towncar that took my daughter from the funeral home to the cemetery. When I have to physically talk about that morning, I won't lie, I panic inside. My heart races, I can't breathe, my palms sweat. What about what we go through? Why doesn't that matter?
Can anyone, anyone, tell me why these mothers are treated better than homebirth loss mothers and shown much more respect? "You had a c-section, you poor thing, we have to do something about this" vs "You need to accept personal responsibility for your midwife being negligent and causing your baby's death". How can an OB be so horrible for doing a surgery (no matter the reason), but a midwife is on par with Jesus himself after negligently causing a death (or even multiple ones)? Is it just me or is something majorly messed up here?
I am sick to death of being told to accept responsibility for my daughter's death. Yes, I chose the midwife and birth location and I realize I failed horribly. This is something I live with every single day of my life. ME. If I had known there was something wrong, I would of went to the hospital immediately. However, when Brenda explained everything to me, it really did sound plausible and I had no reason to think otherwise. I've had advocates tell me why those explanations were plausible as well!! She was the "professional" and was hired because of it. We relied on her. How did she not know something was wrong when midwives are suppose to know all about what is normal? She gets to go about her life like nothing happened. I don't have that luxury. I've been blaming myself and battling the guilt since she died and when advocates insist on heaping that blame on my shoulders, it does affect me, more than I should let it. We get punished for wanting to prevent other parents from enduring this. The midwives we relied on, they get fundraising rallies and support.
The Man Behind the Curtain
Midwifery is legal in North Carolina if you are a Certified Nurse Midwife. The thing with CPM's/lay midwives is that they are uneducated, have no accountability, do not carry malpractice insurance, have no standards, etc. In states where they are licensed to practice, there is still no accountability. In Colorado, for instance, the perinatal mortality rate for their licensed midwives, is 2.5 X higher than the state as a whole. How will licensing help?? How about supporting a bill that says CNM's can practice without having to have a physician babysitting them so that CNM's could be providing homebirth services? Give women access to safe and qualified providers.
I think the homebirth community, as a whole, would fare better if they held midwives up to higher standards and did not blindly support negligence. People are seeing the reactions from some within the community and saying "Whoa, hold up, babies are dying here and we cannot allow this anymore". When you defend negligence and ignore what is occurring, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
When it comes to bullies, I can honestly say I have seen that coming directly from the community to anyone who stands up, especially us mothers who speak out about the preventable deaths of our babies at the hands of our homebirth midwives.
I think the homebirth community, as a whole, would fare better if they held midwives up to higher standards and did not blindly support negligence. People are seeing the reactions from some within the community and saying "Whoa, hold up, babies are dying here and we cannot allow this anymore". When you defend negligence and ignore what is occurring, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
When it comes to bullies, I can honestly say I have seen that coming directly from the community to anyone who stands up, especially us mothers who speak out about the preventable deaths of our babies at the hands of our homebirth midwives.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
What Really Matters
At this moment, the homebirth world is reeling from the arrest of a North Carolina Midwife, Rowan Bailey, for murder. It seems as though this arrest has split the community in half. On one hand, you have one group saying "She did something wrong and I cannot support this" and then the other group is saying "we don't care what she did, she is a midwife and we support her".
This second group has literally had me ready to cry. I feel this way because they are telling those of us with preventable midwife losses that it doesn't matter if babies die. They seem to care more about the sisterhood and midwives than they do the women/babies midwives are serving. I have been reading various facebook pages over the last few days so that I can see what types of things are being said about this situation and it never ceases to amaze me at how callous some are towards preventable losses. Many see the sisterhood and will support it regardless.
I found this from Gloria Lemay " I donated selfishly because I know I'm going to want to be part of the fun when we hear that Rowan is free again. This is history in the making. If you've ever wished you could have funded the freeing of the slaves, the vote for women, availability of birth control, freedom to home school the kids, etc.,THIS is your chance today. I've been on the receiving end of $2, $5, $10 donations and you'd be surprised how it all adds up fast if everyone plays."
I bolded the part that stuck out to me. Nothing about this woman being in jail is related to civil rights. This woman broke the law. This woman's negligence cost a family their baby. She doesn't have a right to do as she pleases because she claims to be a midwife. The main theme I am seeing here is "We support midwives because they are there, end of story."- Another fantastic Lemay quote. Isn't that woman a gem?? Is that ALL it takes to get their support? You and your actions do not matter, what matters is that you are a midwife. If you are negligent, that's ok, we will support you.
I have seen the parents blamed and I will not share or copy any of those comments. Just know that if you choose to blame parents for their baby's death, you my friend, are a deplorable human being. When you place the death on our shoulders while absolving the midwife, you are only serving to compound the grief we feel. Most are already beating up and blaming themselves. Parents do not need the additional blame. Parents need love and support. Parents need people who are strong enough in their convictions that say "Whoa, this was wrong and shouldn't of happened".
I understand wanting to support those within the "Sisterhood", I do. Nobody wants to look at their friend and think their friend messed up! This "Sisterhood or Bust" mentality is only serving to harm the homebirth community as a whole.
Joy, from The Joy of This, wrote a wonderful blog post about this very subject and I just wanted to hug her for it! Let me share an excerpt:
"We cannot ignore our need to change. As any healthy relationship moves forward in growth, there are times when we have to acknowledge our failings to each other – with love and care, so that the fruit of the relationship stays sweet. It’s time, birth lovers, it is imperatively… time."
It makes my heart happy to see the advocates that are seeing that things need changed. Many are learning and researching the reasons for this midwife arrest instead of seeing the word Midwife and handing over their pocketbooks. They are standing up and showing us that they will no longer stand for this degree of incompetence. These advocates are the ones who have a true love for not only midwifery and homebirth, but mothers and babies.
Even if you don't know our stories, you are showing me that our babies truly matter. You are showing me that our babies did not die in vain. For that, I am grateful. Although we may not agree on everything, we are slowly reaching a middle ground in fighting for mothers and babies. That is the most important part of the midwifery/homebirth movement!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Loving Thyself
Since this is February, I figured what better than to talk about loving oneself. So many of us have body issues and I believe it needs discussed. These issues can affect any of us regardless of the type of body we have. This isn't discriminatory. And it sucks.
I've been working out for a year now. While on this journey, I've met many people traveling with me. One thing I have noticed about most of us- we are still critical of ourselves. Why is beyond me. You would think we would love what we see and not be critical. I think I understand what part of the issue is- society has a certain standard that most of us cannot attain. We look at celebrities and then ourselves and critique every little thing that we have that they don't. Since when did THAT become the standard we are suppose to adhere to?? Ok, I'm going to say- BITE ME. We don't all have those body types and we don't have the resources available to us, therefore the standard is unrealistic.
So, how can we love ourselves??
Look at what our bodies have done for us. Mine- I am alive. I have carried a total of nine babies. Seven of those babies made it to nine months within my body. My breasts have fed six children, including the three year old who is still going. My body is strong. I can walk into that gym everyday . Some men cannot do what I can. Occasionally, I can talk one of the guys into trying something I do, but most say "F that". Sometimes, one will challenge me to try something new or heavier and sometimes I succeed at it. I give it my all though. This is MY body. What about you, what has your body done for you?
Truly look at your body and tell yourself what you like about it. Me- I drive everyone crazy because I have a horrible mirror fascination now. I look at myself and say "Dang, I like this and that and this and that". This attitude has made a huge difference in how I see myself. IF you look at yourself, what do you see that you like??
Know there is not another you out there, you're one of a kind. That's pretty awesome.
Lastly, who are you inside that body?? What makes you happy? How do you make others happy? What attributes do you have that you love? Loving who you are inside is the last key to truly loving yourself, in my opinion.
I've been working out for a year now. While on this journey, I've met many people traveling with me. One thing I have noticed about most of us- we are still critical of ourselves. Why is beyond me. You would think we would love what we see and not be critical. I think I understand what part of the issue is- society has a certain standard that most of us cannot attain. We look at celebrities and then ourselves and critique every little thing that we have that they don't. Since when did THAT become the standard we are suppose to adhere to?? Ok, I'm going to say- BITE ME. We don't all have those body types and we don't have the resources available to us, therefore the standard is unrealistic.
So, how can we love ourselves??
Look at what our bodies have done for us. Mine- I am alive. I have carried a total of nine babies. Seven of those babies made it to nine months within my body. My breasts have fed six children, including the three year old who is still going. My body is strong. I can walk into that gym everyday . Some men cannot do what I can. Occasionally, I can talk one of the guys into trying something I do, but most say "F that". Sometimes, one will challenge me to try something new or heavier and sometimes I succeed at it. I give it my all though. This is MY body. What about you, what has your body done for you?
Truly look at your body and tell yourself what you like about it. Me- I drive everyone crazy because I have a horrible mirror fascination now. I look at myself and say "Dang, I like this and that and this and that". This attitude has made a huge difference in how I see myself. IF you look at yourself, what do you see that you like??
Know there is not another you out there, you're one of a kind. That's pretty awesome.
Lastly, who are you inside that body?? What makes you happy? How do you make others happy? What attributes do you have that you love? Loving who you are inside is the last key to truly loving yourself, in my opinion.
Loving Thyself
Since this is February, I figured what better than to talk about loving oneself. So many of us have body issues and I believe it needs discussed. These issues can affect any of us regardless of the type of body we have. This isn't discriminatory. And it sucks.
I've been working out for a year now. While on this journey, I've met many people traveling with me. One thing I have noticed about most of us- we are still critical of ourselves. Why is beyond me. You would think we would love what we see and not be critical. I think I understand what part of the issue is- society has a certain standard that most of us cannot attain. We look at celebrities and then ourselves and critique every little thing that we have that they don't. Since when did THAT become the standard we are suppose to adhere to?? Ok, I'm going to say- BITE ME. We don't all have those body types and we don't have the resources available to us, therefore the standard is unrealistic.
So, how can we love ourselves??
Look at what our bodies have done for us. Mine- I am alive. I have carried a total of nine babies. Seven of those babies made it to nine months within my body. My breasts have fed six children, including the three year old who is still going. My body is strong. I can walk into that gym everyday . Some men cannot do what I can. Occasionally, I can talk one of the guys into trying something I do, but most say "F that". Sometimes, one will challenge me to try something new or heavier and sometimes I succeed at it. I give it my all though. This is MY body. What about you, what has your body done for you?
Truly look at your body and tell yourself what you like about it. Me- I drive everyone crazy because I have a horrible mirror fascination now. I look at myself and say "Dang, I like this and that and this and that". This attitude has made a huge difference in how I see myself. IF you look at yourself, what do you see that you like??
Know there is not another you out there, you're one of a kind. That's pretty awesome.
Lastly, who are you inside that body?? What makes you happy? How do you make others happy? What attributes do you have that you love? Loving who you are inside is the last key to truly loving yourself, in my opinion.
I've been working out for a year now. While on this journey, I've met many people traveling with me. One thing I have noticed about most of us- we are still critical of ourselves. Why is beyond me. You would think we would love what we see and not be critical. I think I understand what part of the issue is- society has a certain standard that most of us cannot attain. We look at celebrities and then ourselves and critique every little thing that we have that they don't. Since when did THAT become the standard we are suppose to adhere to?? Ok, I'm going to say- BITE ME. We don't all have those body types and we don't have the resources available to us, therefore the standard is unrealistic.
So, how can we love ourselves??
Look at what our bodies have done for us. Mine- I am alive. I have carried a total of nine babies. Seven of those babies made it to nine months within my body. My breasts have fed six children, including the three year old who is still going. My body is strong. I can walk into that gym everyday . Some men cannot do what I can. Occasionally, I can talk one of the guys into trying something I do, but most say "F that". Sometimes, one will challenge me to try something new or heavier and sometimes I succeed at it. I give it my all though. This is MY body. What about you, what has your body done for you?
Truly look at your body and tell yourself what you like about it. Me- I drive everyone crazy because I have a horrible mirror fascination now. I look at myself and say "Dang, I like this and that and this and that". This attitude has made a huge difference in how I see myself. IF you look at yourself, what do you see that you like??
Know there is not another you out there, you're one of a kind. That's pretty awesome.
Lastly, who are you inside that body?? What makes you happy? How do you make others happy? What attributes do you have that you love? Loving who you are inside is the last key to truly loving yourself, in my opinion.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Fitness Friday Week 4
I missed last week due to not having my laptop up, so let me do a quick catch up!
My goal of more cardio is shot! Truthfully, I hate cardio more than you can imagine. Now lifting, OMG, I love it and would spend hours a day doing it! So, yeah, I've been lifting. I missed my Insanity class last night due to this cold I have. I will pop some Alka Seltzer in a few and see if I'm feeling up to working out this morning. I pushed myself a little harder than I probably should of yesterday.
Eating has been pretty good. I haven't been counting calories this week, just sticking to my good foods and high protein stuff. It's working out well!
I don't remember what weight I was 2 weeks ago, but I'm at 122.4 and 24.5% bodyfat. I'm happy, but I'm also feeling a little discouraged over the whole post baby body. If I pull the belly skin tight, I have a six pack. So, either I get the AB muscles a little bigger or I will have a little excess skin. I wonder what I can do to help this in a non-surgical way? It's got me down today.
Well, I think that's about it! I'm going to keep plugging away and hope you are doing the same!! You can follow the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of motivation, support, and discussion.
Fitness Friday Week 4
I missed last week due to not having my laptop up, so let me do a quick catch up!
My goal of more cardio is shot! Truthfully, I hate cardio more than you can imagine. Now lifting, OMG, I love it and would spend hours a day doing it! So, yeah, I've been lifting. I missed my Insanity class last night due to this cold I have. I will pop some Alka Seltzer in a few and see if I'm feeling up to working out this morning. I pushed myself a little harder than I probably should of yesterday.
Eating has been pretty good. I haven't been counting calories this week, just sticking to my good foods and high protein stuff. It's working out well!
I don't remember what weight I was 2 weeks ago, but I'm at 122.4 and 24.5% bodyfat. I'm happy, but I'm also feeling a little discouraged over the whole post baby body. If I pull the belly skin tight, I have a six pack. So, either I get the AB muscles a little bigger or I will have a little excess skin. I wonder what I can do to help this in a non-surgical way? It's got me down today.
Well, I think that's about it! I'm going to keep plugging away and hope you are doing the same!! You can follow the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of motivation, support, and discussion.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Diets- The GM Diet
Diet. That word is enough to make us all cringe as we think, "OMG, I have to give up this food and that food until I lose this weight!". That in itself is enough to cause many of us to throw in the towel. Honestly, how many of us really want to give up chocolate? Or cookies? Yeah, no! I would probably harm somebody!
Let's look at a few of these:
The GM Diet. According to Livestrong,
The GM Diet is a seven-day diet. Day 1 calls for all the fruit you want, but no bananas. It urges you to eat cantaloupe and watermelon in particular. The second day is for vegetables, but no starchy vegetables, such as corn, peas or beans. The exception is one baked potato with butter for dinner. Day 3 is designated for unlimited fruits and vegetables, but bananas and starchy vegetables are still excluded, and you can't have a potato. The fourth day will allegedly ease any cravings you're having for sweets: three to eight bananas and as much skim milk as you want. Day 5 allows up to 20 oz. of beef and as many as six tomatoes. On Day 6 you can have unlimited amounts of beef and nonstarchy vegetables. The last day is for brown rice, nonstarchy vegetables and unsweetened fruit juice.
Now, why is it a major fail?
You are not partaking in a balanced diet at all. Only certain foods on certain days, really???? If you aren't consuming adequate amounts of fat and protein, you're going to be STARVING. Fat and protein help fill you up and are necessary for our bodies to function properly. No bananas? Hello, they have fantastic nutrients in them! You can have a baked potato with butter, but no bananas? That makes NO sense whatsoever. One day you get up to 20 OZ of beef? Sorry, but beef is one of the worst meats you can eat. 20 oz of it would be at least 2,000 calories. One day of brown rice?
This diet is very poor nutritionally. While it may result in some weight loss, you are probably looking at water weight and poop. We all know that consuming large amounts of fruits and vegetables can send you to the bathroom constantly! You will have diarrhea for days. That sucks! Those bananas you get on day 4 may help curb the bathroom habit. You will also feel like crap because you aren't getting the nutrients your body needs to function.
This diet also does not take into consideration the proper ratio of fats/carbs/proteins that we need. Some of us consume various ratios of each to achieve our goals. Some, pay their macros no mind. that's fine. However, again, you do need fats and proteins and can't just skip them. There are different types of fats that can be good for your heart, brain, and even fat loss. Yes, some we should try to avoid consuming in mass quantities! To avoid them altogether, no. Protein, your muscles need it and it helps with your metabolism. Protein saves those muscles and if you aren't feeding the muscles, you lose them. Lack of protein can also cause hair loss. Isn't that a pretty side effect??
This diet also does not address caloric needs. Yes, fruits and veggies can be eaten out the wazoo with not a huge calorie hit if you are watching them. That's the thing, we all have a certain amount of calories that our bodies need to just function. I believe it is important to know this number. For me, it's around 1740. If you begin depriving your body of this huge amount of calories, it's going to mess up your metabolism. Then to overload it with calories you don't need, they'll stick around. Now, if you practice cycling your calories, it probably will not affect you.
This diet, it's not worth it.
Diets- The GM Diet
Diet. That word is enough to make us all cringe as we think, "OMG, I have to give up this food and that food until I lose this weight!". That in itself is enough to cause many of us to throw in the towel. Honestly, how many of us really want to give up chocolate? Or cookies? Yeah, no! I would probably harm somebody!
Let's look at a few of these:
The GM Diet. According to Livestrong,
The GM Diet is a seven-day diet. Day 1 calls for all the fruit you want, but no bananas. It urges you to eat cantaloupe and watermelon in particular. The second day is for vegetables, but no starchy vegetables, such as corn, peas or beans. The exception is one baked potato with butter for dinner. Day 3 is designated for unlimited fruits and vegetables, but bananas and starchy vegetables are still excluded, and you can't have a potato. The fourth day will allegedly ease any cravings you're having for sweets: three to eight bananas and as much skim milk as you want. Day 5 allows up to 20 oz. of beef and as many as six tomatoes. On Day 6 you can have unlimited amounts of beef and nonstarchy vegetables. The last day is for brown rice, nonstarchy vegetables and unsweetened fruit juice.
Now, why is it a major fail?
You are not partaking in a balanced diet at all. Only certain foods on certain days, really???? If you aren't consuming adequate amounts of fat and protein, you're going to be STARVING. Fat and protein help fill you up and are necessary for our bodies to function properly. No bananas? Hello, they have fantastic nutrients in them! You can have a baked potato with butter, but no bananas? That makes NO sense whatsoever. One day you get up to 20 OZ of beef? Sorry, but beef is one of the worst meats you can eat. 20 oz of it would be at least 2,000 calories. One day of brown rice?
This diet is very poor nutritionally. While it may result in some weight loss, you are probably looking at water weight and poop. We all know that consuming large amounts of fruits and vegetables can send you to the bathroom constantly! You will have diarrhea for days. That sucks! Those bananas you get on day 4 may help curb the bathroom habit. You will also feel like crap because you aren't getting the nutrients your body needs to function.
This diet also does not take into consideration the proper ratio of fats/carbs/proteins that we need. Some of us consume various ratios of each to achieve our goals. Some, pay their macros no mind. that's fine. However, again, you do need fats and proteins and can't just skip them. There are different types of fats that can be good for your heart, brain, and even fat loss. Yes, some we should try to avoid consuming in mass quantities! To avoid them altogether, no. Protein, your muscles need it and it helps with your metabolism. Protein saves those muscles and if you aren't feeding the muscles, you lose them. Lack of protein can also cause hair loss. Isn't that a pretty side effect??
This diet also does not address caloric needs. Yes, fruits and veggies can be eaten out the wazoo with not a huge calorie hit if you are watching them. That's the thing, we all have a certain amount of calories that our bodies need to just function. I believe it is important to know this number. For me, it's around 1740. If you begin depriving your body of this huge amount of calories, it's going to mess up your metabolism. Then to overload it with calories you don't need, they'll stick around. Now, if you practice cycling your calories, it probably will not affect you.
This diet, it's not worth it.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Fitness Friday Week 2
Ok, so, how have I done this week??
I have done a fantastic job, if I might say so myself.
Saturday was my one and only cheat day. Starting Sunday it was clean eating all the way. First few days, it was hard. We had chocolate in the house and I was stressed. My poor stomach was crazy. Now, it's Friday and I'm calm. I didn't go insane like I thought I would. I'm good.
Weight wise, I dropped 5.5lbs just clean eating and exercising. My BF% is at 25.0!
I have been getting in half an hour of cardio every day, minus yesterday's 20 (in the morning), and my one hour of weights. Sunday and Tuesday I did upper body work. Monday and Thursday were lower body days. Wednesday, I focused on only core work and probably will today as well. Last night I also got in a 40 minute Insanity workout. I always make sure I burn over 500 a day, it's kind of my magic number! So far, I'm up to 3,159 calories burned since Sunday!
Honestly, considering how well I have done this week, my goal is just to continue what I am doing! I'm having a blast!
If you haven't, check out the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of fitness motivation! I love living this life!! And, if you have questions, feel free to ask here or there!
Last, but not least, Go check out Monica's progress!!
I have done a fantastic job, if I might say so myself.
Saturday was my one and only cheat day. Starting Sunday it was clean eating all the way. First few days, it was hard. We had chocolate in the house and I was stressed. My poor stomach was crazy. Now, it's Friday and I'm calm. I didn't go insane like I thought I would. I'm good.
Weight wise, I dropped 5.5lbs just clean eating and exercising. My BF% is at 25.0!
I have been getting in half an hour of cardio every day, minus yesterday's 20 (in the morning), and my one hour of weights. Sunday and Tuesday I did upper body work. Monday and Thursday were lower body days. Wednesday, I focused on only core work and probably will today as well. Last night I also got in a 40 minute Insanity workout. I always make sure I burn over 500 a day, it's kind of my magic number! So far, I'm up to 3,159 calories burned since Sunday!
Honestly, considering how well I have done this week, my goal is just to continue what I am doing! I'm having a blast!
If you haven't, check out the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of fitness motivation! I love living this life!! And, if you have questions, feel free to ask here or there!
Last, but not least, Go check out Monica's progress!!
Fitness Friday Week 2
Ok, so, how have I done this week??
I have done a fantastic job, if I might say so myself.
Saturday was my one and only cheat day. Starting Sunday it was clean eating all the way. First few days, it was hard. We had chocolate in the house and I was stressed. My poor stomach was crazy. Now, it's Friday and I'm calm. I didn't go insane like I thought I would. I'm good.
Weight wise, I dropped 5.5lbs just clean eating and exercising. My BF% is at 25.0!
I have been getting in half an hour of cardio every day, minus yesterday's 20 (in the morning), and my one hour of weights. Sunday and Tuesday I did upper body work. Monday and Thursday were lower body days. Wednesday, I focused on only core work and probably will today as well. Last night I also got in a 40 minute Insanity workout. I always make sure I burn over 500 a day, it's kind of my magic number! So far, I'm up to 3,159 calories burned since Sunday!
Honestly, considering how well I have done this week, my goal is just to continue what I am doing! I'm having a blast!
If you haven't, check out the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of fitness motivation! I love living this life!! And, if you have questions, feel free to ask here or there!
Last, but not least, Go check out Monica's progress!!
I have done a fantastic job, if I might say so myself.
Saturday was my one and only cheat day. Starting Sunday it was clean eating all the way. First few days, it was hard. We had chocolate in the house and I was stressed. My poor stomach was crazy. Now, it's Friday and I'm calm. I didn't go insane like I thought I would. I'm good.
Weight wise, I dropped 5.5lbs just clean eating and exercising. My BF% is at 25.0!
I have been getting in half an hour of cardio every day, minus yesterday's 20 (in the morning), and my one hour of weights. Sunday and Tuesday I did upper body work. Monday and Thursday were lower body days. Wednesday, I focused on only core work and probably will today as well. Last night I also got in a 40 minute Insanity workout. I always make sure I burn over 500 a day, it's kind of my magic number! So far, I'm up to 3,159 calories burned since Sunday!
Honestly, considering how well I have done this week, my goal is just to continue what I am doing! I'm having a blast!
If you haven't, check out the Momofmanyfeet Facebook page for lots of fitness motivation! I love living this life!! And, if you have questions, feel free to ask here or there!
Last, but not least, Go check out Monica's progress!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
What is Strong?
What is this word- Strong??
I came across this:
His mama is strong because she spent almost 20 hours laboring naturally before reaching 9 centimeters. She is strong because even after her dream of a home birth was crushed because of a heart rate decels and meconium she agreed to transfer to the hospital for her son's health. She is strong, because even with doctors permission to continue naturally, she followed her mommy instincts and demanded the c-section that shortly after saved her life. She is strong because she survived a complete uterine rupture.
She is strong because the day after having major surgery she traveled an hour to the children's hospital to be with her son. She is amazing because she was thankful for the 4 short days she was given with her sweet baby boy. She is strong because she soaked in love for her baby as he passed in her arms. She is amazing because she still believes in natural birth. She is a survivor because she perseveres everyday to make her 2 year old and 4 year old feel safe and loved. She is strong because she will forever live without a piece of her heart.
It did strike a nerve with me. Now, please don't get me wrong, I feel that all loss moms are strong, all of us. It takes a ton of strength to keep going after enduring a heartwrenching tragedy like losing your child. What really bothered me here is the comment about natural birth. To me, this is saying that it's weak to no longer hold the same views of birth as you did before. Speaking from the opposite side, I don't see anyone as being weak for changing their views after a loss. Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength to look at your views and say "Maybe I was wrong" or "This no longer matters to me". It takes a lot of strength to stand against the community you were once a part of. It takes strength to speak up and endure the onslaught directed at you.If this mother had changed her views, would she still be strong in the eyes of the community? I think we all know the answer is NO.
I asked friends the question- What Makes a Woman Strong? The answers I got were- We just are, Jesus, Getting up when life knocks her down, Giving herself credit for her accomplishments, Her children, Adversity, Pain threshold, Ability to stay sane considering all we deal with, Independence, Intelligence, Trials, and Love.
So, Readers, I ask you- what makes a woman strong??
I came across this:
His mama is strong because she spent almost 20 hours laboring naturally before reaching 9 centimeters. She is strong because even after her dream of a home birth was crushed because of a heart rate decels and meconium she agreed to transfer to the hospital for her son's health. She is strong, because even with doctors permission to continue naturally, she followed her mommy instincts and demanded the c-section that shortly after saved her life. She is strong because she survived a complete uterine rupture.
She is strong because the day after having major surgery she traveled an hour to the children's hospital to be with her son. She is amazing because she was thankful for the 4 short days she was given with her sweet baby boy. She is strong because she soaked in love for her baby as he passed in her arms. She is amazing because she still believes in natural birth. She is a survivor because she perseveres everyday to make her 2 year old and 4 year old feel safe and loved. She is strong because she will forever live without a piece of her heart.
It did strike a nerve with me. Now, please don't get me wrong, I feel that all loss moms are strong, all of us. It takes a ton of strength to keep going after enduring a heartwrenching tragedy like losing your child. What really bothered me here is the comment about natural birth. To me, this is saying that it's weak to no longer hold the same views of birth as you did before. Speaking from the opposite side, I don't see anyone as being weak for changing their views after a loss. Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength to look at your views and say "Maybe I was wrong" or "This no longer matters to me". It takes a lot of strength to stand against the community you were once a part of. It takes strength to speak up and endure the onslaught directed at you.If this mother had changed her views, would she still be strong in the eyes of the community? I think we all know the answer is NO.
I asked friends the question- What Makes a Woman Strong? The answers I got were- We just are, Jesus, Getting up when life knocks her down, Giving herself credit for her accomplishments, Her children, Adversity, Pain threshold, Ability to stay sane considering all we deal with, Independence, Intelligence, Trials, and Love.
So, Readers, I ask you- what makes a woman strong??
What is Strong?
What is this word- Strong??
I came across this:
His mama is strong because she spent almost 20 hours laboring naturally before reaching 9 centimeters. She is strong because even after her dream of a home birth was crushed because of a heart rate decels and meconium she agreed to transfer to the hospital for her son's health. She is strong, because even with doctors permission to continue naturally, she followed her mommy instincts and demanded the c-section that shortly after saved her life. She is strong because she survived a complete uterine rupture.
She is strong because the day after having major surgery she traveled an hour to the children's hospital to be with her son. She is amazing because she was thankful for the 4 short days she was given with her sweet baby boy. She is strong because she soaked in love for her baby as he passed in her arms. She is amazing because she still believes in natural birth. She is a survivor because she perseveres everyday to make her 2 year old and 4 year old feel safe and loved. She is strong because she will forever live without a piece of her heart.
It did strike a nerve with me. Now, please don't get me wrong, I feel that all loss moms are strong, all of us. It takes a ton of strength to keep going after enduring a heartwrenching tragedy like losing your child. What really bothered me here is the comment about natural birth. To me, this is saying that it's weak to no longer hold the same views of birth as you did before. Speaking from the opposite side, I don't see anyone as being weak for changing their views after a loss. Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength to look at your views and say "Maybe I was wrong" or "This no longer matters to me". It takes a lot of strength to stand against the community you were once a part of. It takes strength to speak up and endure the onslaught directed at you.If this mother had changed her views, would she still be strong in the eyes of the community? I think we all know the answer is NO.
I asked friends the question- What Makes a Woman Strong? The answers I got were- We just are, Jesus, Getting up when life knocks her down, Giving herself credit for her accomplishments, Her children, Adversity, Pain threshold, Ability to stay sane considering all we deal with, Independence, Intelligence, Trials, and Love.
So, Readers, I ask you- what makes a woman strong??
I came across this:
His mama is strong because she spent almost 20 hours laboring naturally before reaching 9 centimeters. She is strong because even after her dream of a home birth was crushed because of a heart rate decels and meconium she agreed to transfer to the hospital for her son's health. She is strong, because even with doctors permission to continue naturally, she followed her mommy instincts and demanded the c-section that shortly after saved her life. She is strong because she survived a complete uterine rupture.
She is strong because the day after having major surgery she traveled an hour to the children's hospital to be with her son. She is amazing because she was thankful for the 4 short days she was given with her sweet baby boy. She is strong because she soaked in love for her baby as he passed in her arms. She is amazing because she still believes in natural birth. She is a survivor because she perseveres everyday to make her 2 year old and 4 year old feel safe and loved. She is strong because she will forever live without a piece of her heart.
It did strike a nerve with me. Now, please don't get me wrong, I feel that all loss moms are strong, all of us. It takes a ton of strength to keep going after enduring a heartwrenching tragedy like losing your child. What really bothered me here is the comment about natural birth. To me, this is saying that it's weak to no longer hold the same views of birth as you did before. Speaking from the opposite side, I don't see anyone as being weak for changing their views after a loss. Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength to look at your views and say "Maybe I was wrong" or "This no longer matters to me". It takes a lot of strength to stand against the community you were once a part of. It takes strength to speak up and endure the onslaught directed at you.If this mother had changed her views, would she still be strong in the eyes of the community? I think we all know the answer is NO.
I asked friends the question- What Makes a Woman Strong? The answers I got were- We just are, Jesus, Getting up when life knocks her down, Giving herself credit for her accomplishments, Her children, Adversity, Pain threshold, Ability to stay sane considering all we deal with, Independence, Intelligence, Trials, and Love.
So, Readers, I ask you- what makes a woman strong??
Friday, January 4, 2013
Fitness Friday Week 1
Here we go!! This will tie in to the Fitness Friday activities going on at Monica's Mom Musings.
To answer these questions-
I have eaten fairly well this week. Not a whole lot of junk, not a lot of alcohol, 3 pops over the weekend.
I have exercised my usual hour and a half this week, minus tuesday because the gym was closed and I don't do weekends. I confess that I have been slacking on my cardio and choosing to just lift weights.
My goal is to actually begin hitting the gym 7 days a week and getting in my cardio. I have two trouble spots that need to go asap!
Here’s what I want to know:
- What did you eat this week? Were you good and ate healthy? Did you stumble because of something happening in your life?
- How active were you? Did you get in 30 minutes of exercise 5 days the past week? Did you manage to get in some moderate exercise in the form of housework? Whatever it is, if you got up and were moving I want to hear about it and cheer you on.
- What do you want to improve for the week ahead? Have you made any fitness goals for yourself?
To answer these questions-
I have eaten fairly well this week. Not a whole lot of junk, not a lot of alcohol, 3 pops over the weekend.
I have exercised my usual hour and a half this week, minus tuesday because the gym was closed and I don't do weekends. I confess that I have been slacking on my cardio and choosing to just lift weights.
My goal is to actually begin hitting the gym 7 days a week and getting in my cardio. I have two trouble spots that need to go asap!
Fitness Friday Week 1
Here we go!! This will tie in to the Fitness Friday activities going on at Monica's Mom Musings.
To answer these questions-
I have eaten fairly well this week. Not a whole lot of junk, not a lot of alcohol, 3 pops over the weekend.
I have exercised my usual hour and a half this week, minus tuesday because the gym was closed and I don't do weekends. I confess that I have been slacking on my cardio and choosing to just lift weights.
My goal is to actually begin hitting the gym 7 days a week and getting in my cardio. I have two trouble spots that need to go asap!
Here’s what I want to know:
- What did you eat this week? Were you good and ate healthy? Did you stumble because of something happening in your life?
- How active were you? Did you get in 30 minutes of exercise 5 days the past week? Did you manage to get in some moderate exercise in the form of housework? Whatever it is, if you got up and were moving I want to hear about it and cheer you on.
- What do you want to improve for the week ahead? Have you made any fitness goals for yourself?
To answer these questions-
I have eaten fairly well this week. Not a whole lot of junk, not a lot of alcohol, 3 pops over the weekend.
I have exercised my usual hour and a half this week, minus tuesday because the gym was closed and I don't do weekends. I confess that I have been slacking on my cardio and choosing to just lift weights.
My goal is to actually begin hitting the gym 7 days a week and getting in my cardio. I have two trouble spots that need to go asap!
2013 News!!
Several new and exciting things are happening around me and I am totally thrilled to share them!
For starters, Stillbirthday will be doing a Fit To Heal column written by yours truly. It will address more than just weight loss. It's going to encompass physical and mental healing from loss. I've found that caring for myself physically has had a profound effect on my mental health. I want to pass this on and share it with others!
My awesome friend Monica, began a Fitness Friday challenge on her blog. I am going to go ahead and do this too! I encourage you to take part in it!
Yes, just answer these questions! You can comment on her blog or go to yours and link up. I think it would be fantastic to see a big blog roundup of those participating!
Lastly, it does look like I will be using this as more of a fitness oriented blog. I hope I can inspire you to want to get into fitness and fall in love with it!
For starters, Stillbirthday will be doing a Fit To Heal column written by yours truly. It will address more than just weight loss. It's going to encompass physical and mental healing from loss. I've found that caring for myself physically has had a profound effect on my mental health. I want to pass this on and share it with others!
My awesome friend Monica, began a Fitness Friday challenge on her blog. I am going to go ahead and do this too! I encourage you to take part in it!
Here’s what I want to know:
- What did you eat this week? Were you good and ate healthy? Did you stumble because of something happening in your life?
- How active were you? Did you get in 30 minutes of exercise 5 days the past week? Did you manage to get in some moderate exercise in the form of housework? Whatever it is, if you got up and were moving I want to hear about it and cheer you on.
- What do you want to improve for the week ahead? Have you made any fitness goals for yourself?
Yes, just answer these questions! You can comment on her blog or go to yours and link up. I think it would be fantastic to see a big blog roundup of those participating!
Lastly, it does look like I will be using this as more of a fitness oriented blog. I hope I can inspire you to want to get into fitness and fall in love with it!
2013 News!!
Several new and exciting things are happening around me and I am totally thrilled to share them!
For starters, Stillbirthday will be doing a Fit To Heal column written by yours truly. It will address more than just weight loss. It's going to encompass physical and mental healing from loss. I've found that caring for myself physically has had a profound effect on my mental health. I want to pass this on and share it with others!
My awesome friend Monica, began a Fitness Friday challenge on her blog. I am going to go ahead and do this too! I encourage you to take part in it!
Yes, just answer these questions! You can comment on her blog or go to yours and link up. I think it would be fantastic to see a big blog roundup of those participating!
Lastly, it does look like I will be using this as more of a fitness oriented blog. I hope I can inspire you to want to get into fitness and fall in love with it!
For starters, Stillbirthday will be doing a Fit To Heal column written by yours truly. It will address more than just weight loss. It's going to encompass physical and mental healing from loss. I've found that caring for myself physically has had a profound effect on my mental health. I want to pass this on and share it with others!
My awesome friend Monica, began a Fitness Friday challenge on her blog. I am going to go ahead and do this too! I encourage you to take part in it!
Here’s what I want to know:
- What did you eat this week? Were you good and ate healthy? Did you stumble because of something happening in your life?
- How active were you? Did you get in 30 minutes of exercise 5 days the past week? Did you manage to get in some moderate exercise in the form of housework? Whatever it is, if you got up and were moving I want to hear about it and cheer you on.
- What do you want to improve for the week ahead? Have you made any fitness goals for yourself?
Yes, just answer these questions! You can comment on her blog or go to yours and link up. I think it would be fantastic to see a big blog roundup of those participating!
Lastly, it does look like I will be using this as more of a fitness oriented blog. I hope I can inspire you to want to get into fitness and fall in love with it!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Let's level the playing field!
I thought it would be fun to just do a post sharing more about myself. Yeah, we know I have a ton of kids, I have lost a baby, I have pets, I'm a gym rat, married for forever, etc. I want to share more and really let you feel like you KNOW me.
1. I love cutting up! Love it! I even goof off at the gym. My friends never know what I'm going to say or do at any given time.
2. When my kids do some things, I have to walk away. Not because I'm going to hurt them, but because I can't keep a straight face and want to crack up. I'm totally guilty of laughing while trying to punish a kid and it just throws everything out the window. Some things are mind blowing!
3. My mother's thirteen month old Sheepdog has been in training since she was about 4 months old. She is one of the best behaved dogs that I've ever seen. However, when I am around, I can get her going nuts. My uncle and I are the only two people that she does this with! It's awesome!
4. A year ago, my mom lost one of her sheepdogs to cancer. My baby sister, stepdad, and I bought our mom a new sheepdog pup (the 13 month old one). That pup has made her so happy and really helped heal her broken heart. I still get tears in my eyes remembering everything. I still remember my mom's voice and her words. It was so hard! I will do anything for her.
5. I am so scared of teen pregnancy/STD's that I began talking to my children about sex years ago. I had a friend whose son fathered two kids at 12 and it scared the crap out of me! I am totally and completely open with them about everything. To be totally honest, I also don't want a daughter in law like my ex-sister in law or my nephews mom. Thinking with your genitals can lead to a lifetime of misery for more than the people who had sex!
6. I do let my kids crawl into my bed because I really like my sleep and if they'll go to sleep in my bed and not affect my quality of sleep, I don't care. I do hate waking up and having soreness because I've had to contort my body into positions that no human being should.
7. My older kids and I can recite the lines from Stepbrothers and Super Troopers. We've even been known to start in on them for the heck of it.
Any other tidbits you would like to know, feel free to ask!
1. I love cutting up! Love it! I even goof off at the gym. My friends never know what I'm going to say or do at any given time.
2. When my kids do some things, I have to walk away. Not because I'm going to hurt them, but because I can't keep a straight face and want to crack up. I'm totally guilty of laughing while trying to punish a kid and it just throws everything out the window. Some things are mind blowing!
3. My mother's thirteen month old Sheepdog has been in training since she was about 4 months old. She is one of the best behaved dogs that I've ever seen. However, when I am around, I can get her going nuts. My uncle and I are the only two people that she does this with! It's awesome!
4. A year ago, my mom lost one of her sheepdogs to cancer. My baby sister, stepdad, and I bought our mom a new sheepdog pup (the 13 month old one). That pup has made her so happy and really helped heal her broken heart. I still get tears in my eyes remembering everything. I still remember my mom's voice and her words. It was so hard! I will do anything for her.
5. I am so scared of teen pregnancy/STD's that I began talking to my children about sex years ago. I had a friend whose son fathered two kids at 12 and it scared the crap out of me! I am totally and completely open with them about everything. To be totally honest, I also don't want a daughter in law like my ex-sister in law or my nephews mom. Thinking with your genitals can lead to a lifetime of misery for more than the people who had sex!
6. I do let my kids crawl into my bed because I really like my sleep and if they'll go to sleep in my bed and not affect my quality of sleep, I don't care. I do hate waking up and having soreness because I've had to contort my body into positions that no human being should.
7. My older kids and I can recite the lines from Stepbrothers and Super Troopers. We've even been known to start in on them for the heck of it.
Any other tidbits you would like to know, feel free to ask!
Let's level the playing field!
I thought it would be fun to just do a post sharing more about myself. Yeah, we know I have a ton of kids, I have lost a baby, I have pets, I'm a gym rat, married for forever, etc. I want to share more and really let you feel like you KNOW me.
1. I love cutting up! Love it! I even goof off at the gym. My friends never know what I'm going to say or do at any given time.
2. When my kids do some things, I have to walk away. Not because I'm going to hurt them, but because I can't keep a straight face and want to crack up. I'm totally guilty of laughing while trying to punish a kid and it just throws everything out the window. Some things are mind blowing!
3. My mother's thirteen month old Sheepdog has been in training since she was about 4 months old. She is one of the best behaved dogs that I've ever seen. However, when I am around, I can get her going nuts. My uncle and I are the only two people that she does this with! It's awesome!
4. A year ago, my mom lost one of her sheepdogs to cancer. My baby sister, stepdad, and I bought our mom a new sheepdog pup (the 13 month old one). That pup has made her so happy and really helped heal her broken heart. I still get tears in my eyes remembering everything. I still remember my mom's voice and her words. It was so hard! I will do anything for her.
5. I am so scared of teen pregnancy/STD's that I began talking to my children about sex years ago. I had a friend whose son fathered two kids at 12 and it scared the crap out of me! I am totally and completely open with them about everything. To be totally honest, I also don't want a daughter in law like my ex-sister in law or my nephews mom. Thinking with your genitals can lead to a lifetime of misery for more than the people who had sex!
6. I do let my kids crawl into my bed because I really like my sleep and if they'll go to sleep in my bed and not affect my quality of sleep, I don't care. I do hate waking up and having soreness because I've had to contort my body into positions that no human being should.
7. My older kids and I can recite the lines from Stepbrothers and Super Troopers. We've even been known to start in on them for the heck of it.
Any other tidbits you would like to know, feel free to ask!
1. I love cutting up! Love it! I even goof off at the gym. My friends never know what I'm going to say or do at any given time.
2. When my kids do some things, I have to walk away. Not because I'm going to hurt them, but because I can't keep a straight face and want to crack up. I'm totally guilty of laughing while trying to punish a kid and it just throws everything out the window. Some things are mind blowing!
3. My mother's thirteen month old Sheepdog has been in training since she was about 4 months old. She is one of the best behaved dogs that I've ever seen. However, when I am around, I can get her going nuts. My uncle and I are the only two people that she does this with! It's awesome!
4. A year ago, my mom lost one of her sheepdogs to cancer. My baby sister, stepdad, and I bought our mom a new sheepdog pup (the 13 month old one). That pup has made her so happy and really helped heal her broken heart. I still get tears in my eyes remembering everything. I still remember my mom's voice and her words. It was so hard! I will do anything for her.
5. I am so scared of teen pregnancy/STD's that I began talking to my children about sex years ago. I had a friend whose son fathered two kids at 12 and it scared the crap out of me! I am totally and completely open with them about everything. To be totally honest, I also don't want a daughter in law like my ex-sister in law or my nephews mom. Thinking with your genitals can lead to a lifetime of misery for more than the people who had sex!
6. I do let my kids crawl into my bed because I really like my sleep and if they'll go to sleep in my bed and not affect my quality of sleep, I don't care. I do hate waking up and having soreness because I've had to contort my body into positions that no human being should.
7. My older kids and I can recite the lines from Stepbrothers and Super Troopers. We've even been known to start in on them for the heck of it.
Any other tidbits you would like to know, feel free to ask!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Extended Nursing- My take on it
As I am creeping upon my nursling's third birthday, I can't help but look at the subject of extended nursing in my eyes.
The nursing relationship itself hasn't been any different with this child than my others. However, the attitudes that we have come across have left me shaking my head. Recently, we found ourselves on the receiving end of breastfeeding discrimination and I was HOTTTTT. Luckily, the woman I dealt with with was handled by superiors, one of which had been a nursing mother herself. I had the support of the local breastfeeding center, too. It was a win/win for not only myself, but other nursing mothers there.
During this relationship, these are the thing's I've been told-
She should stop because I'm just a pacifier.
If I don't stop nursing her, she won't stop.
Nursing in public is illegal.
Other children shouldn't see me nurse.
It loses it's nutritional value.
OK. Let me state that I am free to nurse my nursing child anywhere that I am allowed, by law, to be. It is not illegal to nurse her outside of my home or vehicle. Breastmilk will not magically squirt out of my breasts all over every surface around me. If a child sees me, it will not be a source of trauma or sexual perversion. The child may ask questions or they may not, but if they do, you are free to answer them truthfully. If you cannot handle awkward questions from your child, honestly, you should of thought about getting a cat or puppy, because kids are full of questions. When I nurse, 99% of the time, you cannot see anything at all. My milk is nutritious no matter how old she is, whether she's a newborn or if she's 10. Still nutritional!! Yes, my daughter likes her "boob snuggles", mainly when she's tired or just needs mommy. Sometimes, I wish I could get her doing something else because I get boobed out. Sometimes, I can sense the negativity from those I am around and don't feel we are in a safe nursing environment, so I don't want to do it there. I prefer to be low key and do not want attention.
Getting props from others is strange to me. I'm not out to get back pats from others for doing anything I do. I don't feel that I am doing anything super awesome or anything that makes me superior. I'm just doing what we do because it works. I believe this is the case with most of us who practice extended nursing. I never set out to nurse this long. If you would of asked me how long I planned to nurse, I would not of said three years. I remember getting angry with my husband for letting me know he wanted me to nurse for at least two years.
I don't get why the issue of breastfeeding, in general, has become such a hot button topic. Back when I had my oldest, it wasn't such a huge thing. Perhaps this was due to the internet not being such a huge thing yet. I never had to deal with anything more than someone giving me formula because his wife didn't nurse her one child successfully, so they wanted me prepared when I couldn't do it either (my sperm donor was not the brightest bulb, still isn't). I don't remember being angry about it or anything. Yeah, that was it. It seemed, in those days, that we were left alone. I would nurse everywhere and not a word was said. I've always been told when my kids should be weaned because "they didn't need to nurse anymore", but I've always ignored it. Seriously, other than that, that was the only issue I had with others. I don't get the deal these days. I also was NEVER one to shove it in people's faces.
Nowadays, I say, leave nursing moms alone. We are not hurting anyone, not our kids, and certainly not perfect strangers. Nursing moms, leave formula feeding moms alone. We all do what works for us and our children. As long as the child is loved and cared for, that's what matters. Let's leave the judgement/personal opinions for those who do not care for their children and I am sure we all know a few of those types.
Extended Nursing- My take on it
As I am creeping upon my nursling's third birthday, I can't help but look at the subject of extended nursing in my eyes.
The nursing relationship itself hasn't been any different with this child than my others. However, the attitudes that we have come across have left me shaking my head. Recently, we found ourselves on the receiving end of breastfeeding discrimination and I was HOTTTTT. Luckily, the woman I dealt with with was handled by superiors, one of which had been a nursing mother herself. I had the support of the local breastfeeding center, too. It was a win/win for not only myself, but other nursing mothers there.
During this relationship, these are the thing's I've been told-
She should stop because I'm just a pacifier.
If I don't stop nursing her, she won't stop.
Nursing in public is illegal.
Other children shouldn't see me nurse.
It loses it's nutritional value.
OK. Let me state that I am free to nurse my nursing child anywhere that I am allowed, by law, to be. It is not illegal to nurse her outside of my home or vehicle. Breastmilk will not magically squirt out of my breasts all over every surface around me. If a child sees me, it will not be a source of trauma or sexual perversion. The child may ask questions or they may not, but if they do, you are free to answer them truthfully. If you cannot handle awkward questions from your child, honestly, you should of thought about getting a cat or puppy, because kids are full of questions. When I nurse, 99% of the time, you cannot see anything at all. My milk is nutritious no matter how old she is, whether she's a newborn or if she's 10. Still nutritional!! Yes, my daughter likes her "boob snuggles", mainly when she's tired or just needs mommy. Sometimes, I wish I could get her doing something else because I get boobed out. Sometimes, I can sense the negativity from those I am around and don't feel we are in a safe nursing environment, so I don't want to do it there. I prefer to be low key and do not want attention.
Getting props from others is strange to me. I'm not out to get back pats from others for doing anything I do. I don't feel that I am doing anything super awesome or anything that makes me superior. I'm just doing what we do because it works. I believe this is the case with most of us who practice extended nursing. I never set out to nurse this long. If you would of asked me how long I planned to nurse, I would not of said three years. I remember getting angry with my husband for letting me know he wanted me to nurse for at least two years.
I don't get why the issue of breastfeeding, in general, has become such a hot button topic. Back when I had my oldest, it wasn't such a huge thing. Perhaps this was due to the internet not being such a huge thing yet. I never had to deal with anything more than someone giving me formula because his wife didn't nurse her one child successfully, so they wanted me prepared when I couldn't do it either (my sperm donor was not the brightest bulb, still isn't). I don't remember being angry about it or anything. Yeah, that was it. It seemed, in those days, that we were left alone. I would nurse everywhere and not a word was said. I've always been told when my kids should be weaned because "they didn't need to nurse anymore", but I've always ignored it. Seriously, other than that, that was the only issue I had with others. I don't get the deal these days. I also was NEVER one to shove it in people's faces.
Nowadays, I say, leave nursing moms alone. We are not hurting anyone, not our kids, and certainly not perfect strangers. Nursing moms, leave formula feeding moms alone. We all do what works for us and our children. As long as the child is loved and cared for, that's what matters. Let's leave the judgement/personal opinions for those who do not care for their children and I am sure we all know a few of those types.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Helplessness in Parenting
When we get pregnant, we see those two lines and immediately start dreaming about the future. We think of how our child will look, their personalities, all the things you get to do with them, names, celebrations with extended family, etc. We dream about it all. We take our vitamins, even if they make us puke. We avoid certain foods and chemicals so that our babies don't get sick. We do everything within our control to ensure our child is safe and healthy.
What happens when something happens that we can't control? As I sat in the exam room with my 10 year old son yesterday, I couldn't help but think "I feel so helpless". We have done everything and yet here we are dealing with a second relapse with his eyes. We were free and clear, he had been looking perfect, and four days later, it was coming back again. His issues aren't life threatening, but it threatens his vision and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want my son to go blind and neither do his doctors, but this is beyond our control aside from medications and constant appointments. We can't magically fix what is going haywire in his little body.
This leads me to think about everything and how we really have no control, as much as we like to think we do. It's scary. How can we do everything we can to care for and protect our children and have it still not work? Yeah, this is pretty depressing, but it's true, we are helpless here. It's a really sucky feeling.
I think about parents whose children are dealing with deadly diseases or new parents watching their premature/sick infant fighting for it's life in a NICU or parents dealing with a severely handicapped child. How do they do it? What support do they have? What can we do to lend support? What can we do to raise awareness of some kind? Think about your strengths and how you can be a valuable asset to parents like these. Let's be there for one another so these parents aren't feeling so helpless. Let's lend them our strength just so they are a little stronger when facing another day. We need to do something! Parenting is divisive enough, so let's unite this way.
What happens when something happens that we can't control? As I sat in the exam room with my 10 year old son yesterday, I couldn't help but think "I feel so helpless". We have done everything and yet here we are dealing with a second relapse with his eyes. We were free and clear, he had been looking perfect, and four days later, it was coming back again. His issues aren't life threatening, but it threatens his vision and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want my son to go blind and neither do his doctors, but this is beyond our control aside from medications and constant appointments. We can't magically fix what is going haywire in his little body.
This leads me to think about everything and how we really have no control, as much as we like to think we do. It's scary. How can we do everything we can to care for and protect our children and have it still not work? Yeah, this is pretty depressing, but it's true, we are helpless here. It's a really sucky feeling.
I think about parents whose children are dealing with deadly diseases or new parents watching their premature/sick infant fighting for it's life in a NICU or parents dealing with a severely handicapped child. How do they do it? What support do they have? What can we do to lend support? What can we do to raise awareness of some kind? Think about your strengths and how you can be a valuable asset to parents like these. Let's be there for one another so these parents aren't feeling so helpless. Let's lend them our strength just so they are a little stronger when facing another day. We need to do something! Parenting is divisive enough, so let's unite this way.
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