Showing posts with label homebirth death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homebirth death. Show all posts

Friday, June 5, 2015

To The Mother Contemplating Homebirth

Dear Mother,

          I am coming to you today to beg you to please don't make the same decisions I did. You see, I chose to homebirth with a CPM. I had previously had a successful homebirth with the same midwife. I ran in many of the circles that you do now. I did the research, got midwife references, grilled my midwife, etc. Basically, I did everything you've done. I was confident in my decisions and considered myself well educated. When well-meaning people would give me grief about my decisions, I would throw out the studies proving that what I was doing was completely safe.

          Today marks 7 years since my second homebirth. Like any other mother, I get to mark today with cupcakes, crafts, balloons, and gifts. We had funfetti cupcakes with pink icing and pink sugar crystals, pink and purple balloons, 3D stickers, a cute butterfly, and two new pinwheels. We had a friend and her grandchildren join us in the festivities. It was a really nice time.

          Today also marks seven years ago that my daughter died. Scattered in with our yearly celebration are tears and pain. Picking out balloons consisted of me crying in the store and some poor unknowing cashier setting out Kleenex for me. A trip to the craft store consisted of me crying while looking at bows. When I woke up today, I instinctively cried, so my amazing doberman hopped up in my bed to help comfort me. My friend, well, she's the lovely woman that donates her time to other bereaved families by photographing our babies. She was been a gem throughout this process. Today, I received things in my daughter's memory.

          Seven years ago, my daughter died a completely preventable death because my midwife (somehow) missed the signs that she wasn't getting enough oxygen and was in respiratory distress. Instead of actually saying "I think this baby needs evaluated, transport", she told us our daughter was perfectly healthy. Perfectly HEALTHY. I have to live with the fact that I believed what I was told. My midwife, well, she's still off delivering babies even though her negligence has claimed more innocent lives than Lisa Barrett! Choosing to speak out, it made me a pariah among my friends within the homebirth community, therefore I was completely abandoned and ostracized. My grief was judged, my child's death completely disregarded.

          I do not wish this life upon any other person. It hurts so very much. I want you to have a beautiful healthy baby. I want that baby to be in your arms! I want you to be able to do all the things that were robbed of me like those sweet smiles, giggles, coos, hearing MA-MA, hugs, kisses, first teeth, holidays, etc. The list of beautiful milestones grows every day. My heart and my body, they feel this absence every single day. I don't want this for you. I urge you to please reconsider the decisions that you are making. When told that this birth will affect everything, please remember that it isn't always good change. Grief is a terrible burden to carry.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The More You Learn

          Being in school, I've chosen to use my experiences when it comes to writing projects. This was probably not the best idea that I've ever had. Right now, I'm tackling a research project in regards to midwifery, their education, and birth outcomes in relation to that. I'm finding out more than I ever knew in regards to the entire CPM title/certification and sometimes it causes me to have to close my laptop and walk away. This is infuriating and I don't get how I fell for this crap nor how others are ok with it.

          MANA, did you know, they are the ones that created all these other little organizations. We see stuff about how CPM's can CHOOSE to go to an MEAC accredited school. Did you know members of MANA are the MEAC??? I sure as heck didn't know that! Everything in regards to CPM's always sounds so legit and they throw out organization names without telling anybody that they are one big conglomerate. Even NARM was created by them.It's great that they set their mind on trying to be legit, although there is already legit midwifery credentials and organizations out there. However, to have one group decide on everything is just corrupt.

          I happened to come across something called a job analysis, which is what NARM bases their exam on. How is this analysis done?? By surveying direct entry midwives about what skills and knowledge bases they deem important in midwifery. In the latest analysis the survey says they are more concerned with counseling women on alcohol consumption in pregnancy than in knowing how to treat group B strep. Lets take a good look at that. Group B Strep, untreated, will affect 1 in 200 babies and kill 1 in 20.  FAS affects .2-2 in 1,000 babies, with the mortality rates at 2.4%. Can anyone with a mathematical background please tell me which one of these is more prevalent? Why in the world are these uneducated women picking and choosing which skill sets they believe are unimportant?? Why is NARM changing the exam to cater to women that have decided they don't see the importance of various skills or knowledge bases? Am I the only one that thinks this is completely nuts??

          Something really has to change. This whole CPM credential needs abolished. We are already seeing the mortality rates rising, in not only babies, but in mothers as well. There is absolutely no excuse as to why these people should be practicing. Frankly, I think the majority are just too lazy and stupid to get a proper education. That's all it is. You want to do something with your life, well, make it happen, properly! Hell, I will need a Bachelors to work in my field. I can't just decide I want to do something and follow another clueless person around. I also won't be facing a life or death situation. For those CPM supporters, you guys need to pull your heads out of your asses and look at this situation without the rose colored glasses.

           You may be thinking to yourself, "Wow, she sounds angry". You're right, I am. I am beyond angry that this piss poor standard is promoted. I am pissed that not only did I lose my child, but I have friends that have lost their beautiful babies too. I am pissed that children are losing their mothers. I am pissed that these numbers are on the upswing. I know that it's only a matter of time before some celebrity either losses their baby, dies themselves, or worse- lose both mother and baby (happened recently). Something has to give, people have to stand up. This is getting worse.

Monday, March 24, 2014

"They're so negative, OMG!"

I have two and a half months, or 73 days, before my daughter's birthday. 4 weeks after her birth/death is when everything came crashing down around me. Everyone and everything I trusted, GONE. Why??? This photo here. Image


This led me on the path that I am on. This was the first indicator that my daughter died a very preventable death. This is why Brenda freaked out and tried every manipulation tactic in her arsenal. This is why I have spent all this time being attacked, harassed, stalked, and threatened by people within the community. All because I have chosen to not let my baby die in vain. Many women like me, they're bullied into silence. They're not allowed to speak up or else. Do people really not get what this is like for any of us??

I got to see an email sent out about Dr Amy and those of us who align ourselves with her. Ananda Lowe chose to make this comment- My feeling, and I have heard others speculate, is that she and her followers are acting out their pain over their own difficult births or difficult breastfeeding experiences and lack of support for mothers in our society, or other difficult experiences in their lives that somehow come out in their anger toward the natural childbirth community- which I find completely patronizing and dismissive. This speaks of us as whiny children. Throughout my experience, how many have taken a step back and said "Why do these women feel the way they do?". How many truly listen? How many are willing to step out of their echo chamber long enough to truly comprehend anything being said? How many are intelligent enough to grasp what is being said?? Can they pull their heads out of their collective asses long enough to see that they are inflicting harm upon many women?

Allow me to make a comparison here- Let's use RAPE.

1. Rape is about inflicting harm upon another.  *How is this different than inflicting harm on those of us who try to do what is right and speak up??*

2. Rapists use not only physical force, but coercion and manipulation and abuse of authority  **Manipulation, the #1 thing done by midwives to mothers. Throw in the mental abuse by homebirth supporters**

3. When a victim steps forward, she is victimized all over again ** I'm just angry, didn't do my research, I'm bitter, wasn't educated enough, had a difficult experience (as if), etc**

4. Rape goes un-reported 75-95% of the time due to fears, mainly reprisal or emotional trauma  **Speak up and you pay dearly. Now sit down, be a good little mommy, and forget about your baby**

5. 97/100 rapists walk free like nothing ever happened   *** Most midwives with deaths under their belt don't have to pay for their crimes, it's like nothing happened**

6. Victims battle things like depression, substance abuse, suicide, PTSD, sleep disturbances, flashbacks, etc  **Shocking. I've dealt with them all. Yes, due to this ordeal, I have had to get help to keep from taking my own life, however, the worst of it was the stalking and harassment and threats.

Congrats, Ananda Lowe, you are no better than a rape supporter! Women have been victimized and you are only encouraging the revictimization of us. So many homebirth proponents tout themselves as being so incredibly feminist, but you would never see them blaming a rape victim. Now a victim of the homebirth movement, apparently, we're a free for all.

"Blaming the victim releases the man who commits violence from the responsibility for what he has done. Friends or family may blame the victim in order to feel safe themselves: "She got raped because she walked alone after midnight. I'd never do that, so rape won't happen to me."

So, yeah, Please don't listen to me, I'm just a victim and apparently deserve to be shamed for daring to speak up. I guess I should of moved on like nothing happened like a good little girl. Had I kept quiet, I wouldn't of endured the abuse I have. But, apparently I deserve to be mistreated and ignored.

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