Experiencing the rainbow

When my daughter died, all I wanted was to hold another baby in my arms. Sometimes I didn't. We bounced around on this issue for awhile then ultimately decided Mary would be our last child and I would just have my tubes tied. We were happy with our choice. You know what happens when you decide you're done having children?? You get pregnant, lol.

The pregnancy was very rough to say the least. I was a very high risk patient who had to take shots and have testing all the time. This was a very expensive pregnancy as well!! Mentally, It was very taxing. I would go to appointments and just cry. My Dr's would hold my hand and listen, hand me a tissue, reassure me, and give me a big hug. When I talked about Mary, my Dr's would cry with me. I knew if I just needed an ear, they were a phone call away and if I decided to medicate, I could (but chose not to). Physically, I was a wreck. I had progesterone shots weekly that hurt horribly. The ultrasounds that began as nice and cool lost their luster as I got bigger. It is possible to pass out during an ultrasound! Luckily, one of my techs was really good at doing ultrasounds with mom laying on her side. My rainbow, Ireland, would often give the techs a hard time. She would hit the wand and then move so the area we were trying to see was again out of our sights, lol. One neat thing was being able to watch her grow and the manifestation of her personality. I knew before birth that she was going to be very tempermental and strong-willed.

Having the high risk status I did, we knew that we would need to be induced. This would occur at exactly 39 weeks. Of course, all the arrangements were made and the induction was set for Nov 5th. Ireland being the baby she was, did not like plans and decided to do as she pleased. So, I went into labor the week before the induction was scheduled. The labor went pretty good. We had one decel and at that moment, the build up of everything came rushing out and I became an emotional mess. Plans were made for an emergency c-section should we have another one. I was so close to holding her in my arms and I didn't care what needed to be done to get her here. If the decision had been left to me, I would of had a c-section after that decel. I knew they would have to knock me out and I would miss the first few hours of her life. That was fine with me if that meant she would live. They could of done anything they wanted to me as long as it gave me a healthy, living baby.

At 11:20AM, Ireland Elyse was born. She was IDENTICAL to her sister. The emotional breakdown I thought I would have didn't happen then. We just basked in the glory of this baby. When Mary died, my mother came to the hospital, held her granddaughter, and wept horribly. My mother got to be one of my labor coaches with Ireland (luckily since James had worked the night before and was sleeping) and was able to be there for her birth. It was kind of a healing thing for us all. Unfortunately, about six hours after Ireland's birth she had to go to the NICU. We knew that was probably going to happen so we weren't too shocked. The NICU at our hospital has private rooms, so I was able to stay with her after my discharge. I had to go home one night and that really shook me up. Leaving the hospital empty handed again was absolutely horrible. It really brought back the day Mary died when we had to hand her over and leave. I don't think anybody understood why I felt the way I did. My mom kept reassuring me that the situation was nothing like Mary. Luckily, this was the only night I spent away from her.In an odd turn of events, one of the neonatologists that worked on Mary ended up being Ireland's DR! She asked me the one day if Ireland looked like any of her siblings. I told her Yes but the sibling didn't make it and she was the one who worked on her. I later learned that several nurses quit their jobs that day because they couldn't handle it. Dr. Ford them did her best to reassure me that what happened to Mary would not happen to Ireland. After 5 1/2 days in the NICU, Ireland came home!

Bringing our rainbow home introduced a whole new set of challenges. I was always scared that she would just die as soon as I went to sleep. I spent many nights awake. Some nights I would have her in her car seat sleeping while I slept on the couch or have her in the cradle beside my bed with my hand in it so I could feel her chest move or have her in the co-sleeper in my bed so I could be touching her. I always had to be touching her. Those first months were horrible to be honest. Already having a loss and knowing it is possible was the first strike. Then add in all the SIDS moms I knew and continued to come into contact with was another strike to my sanity. I never felt safe. I still don't feel safe with any of my kids. I know I can lose them in an instant. Facing your child's mortality shatters your innocence.

Here we are 15+ months into the journey of having a rainbow baby. I am even more convinced than ever that Mary had a hand in sending this baby sister to us. She is the light of all of our lives. You can see that all the kids feel differently about her than they do eachother. She is Trouble and into everything humanly possible, hence why we recently childproofed for the first time ever! Her personality is off the wall. We have truly been given a run for our money. I would go through the entire pregnancy with her all over again if that meant we would still have her.

Experiencing the rainbow

When my daughter died, all I wanted was to hold another baby in my arms. Sometimes I didn't. We bounced around on this issue for awhile then ultimately decided Mary would be our last child and I would just have my tubes tied. We were happy with our choice. You know what happens when you decide you're done having children?? You get pregnant, lol.

The pregnancy was very rough to say the least. I was a very high risk patient who had to take shots and have testing all the time. This was a very expensive pregnancy as well!! Mentally, It was very taxing. I would go to appointments and just cry. My Dr's would hold my hand and listen, hand me a tissue, reassure me, and give me a big hug. When I talked about Mary, my Dr's would cry with me. I knew if I just needed an ear, they were a phone call away and if I decided to medicate, I could (but chose not to). Physically, I was a wreck. I had progesterone shots weekly that hurt horribly. The ultrasounds that began as nice and cool lost their luster as I got bigger. It is possible to pass out during an ultrasound! Luckily, one of my techs was really good at doing ultrasounds with mom laying on her side. My rainbow, Ireland, would often give the techs a hard time. She would hit the wand and then move so the area we were trying to see was again out of our sights, lol. One neat thing was being able to watch her grow and the manifestation of her personality. I knew before birth that she was going to be very tempermental and strong-willed.

Having the high risk status I did, we knew that we would need to be induced. This would occur at exactly 39 weeks. Of course, all the arrangements were made and the induction was set for Nov 5th. Ireland being the baby she was, did not like plans and decided to do as she pleased. So, I went into labor the week before the induction was scheduled. The labor went pretty good. We had one decel and at that moment, the build up of everything came rushing out and I became an emotional mess. Plans were made for an emergency c-section should we have another one. I was so close to holding her in my arms and I didn't care what needed to be done to get her here. If the decision had been left to me, I would of had a c-section after that decel. I knew they would have to knock me out and I would miss the first few hours of her life. That was fine with me if that meant she would live. They could of done anything they wanted to me as long as it gave me a healthy, living baby.

At 11:20AM, Ireland Elyse was born. She was IDENTICAL to her sister. The emotional breakdown I thought I would have didn't happen then. We just basked in the glory of this baby. When Mary died, my mother came to the hospital, held her granddaughter, and wept horribly. My mother got to be one of my labor coaches with Ireland (luckily since James had worked the night before and was sleeping) and was able to be there for her birth. It was kind of a healing thing for us all. Unfortunately, about six hours after Ireland's birth she had to go to the NICU. We knew that was probably going to happen so we weren't too shocked. The NICU at our hospital has private rooms, so I was able to stay with her after my discharge. I had to go home one night and that really shook me up. Leaving the hospital empty handed again was absolutely horrible. It really brought back the day Mary died when we had to hand her over and leave. I don't think anybody understood why I felt the way I did. My mom kept reassuring me that the situation was nothing like Mary. Luckily, this was the only night I spent away from her.In an odd turn of events, one of the neonatologists that worked on Mary ended up being Ireland's DR! She asked me the one day if Ireland looked like any of her siblings. I told her Yes but the sibling didn't make it and she was the one who worked on her. I later learned that several nurses quit their jobs that day because they couldn't handle it. Dr. Ford them did her best to reassure me that what happened to Mary would not happen to Ireland. After 5 1/2 days in the NICU, Ireland came home!

Bringing our rainbow home introduced a whole new set of challenges. I was always scared that she would just die as soon as I went to sleep. I spent many nights awake. Some nights I would have her in her car seat sleeping while I slept on the couch or have her in the cradle beside my bed with my hand in it so I could feel her chest move or have her in the co-sleeper in my bed so I could be touching her. I always had to be touching her. Those first months were horrible to be honest. Already having a loss and knowing it is possible was the first strike. Then add in all the SIDS moms I knew and continued to come into contact with was another strike to my sanity. I never felt safe. I still don't feel safe with any of my kids. I know I can lose them in an instant. Facing your child's mortality shatters your innocence.

Here we are 15+ months into the journey of having a rainbow baby. I am even more convinced than ever that Mary had a hand in sending this baby sister to us. She is the light of all of our lives. You can see that all the kids feel differently about her than they do eachother. She is Trouble and into everything humanly possible, hence why we recently childproofed for the first time ever! Her personality is off the wall. We have truly been given a run for our money. I would go through the entire pregnancy with her all over again if that meant we would still have her.

Changing things up

I know this blog is pretty much used as a homebirth is bad, laugh at crunchies type of place. I've decided that I need to show a new side of who I am. I know this blog must make me look like a raging sociopath that isn't fit to raise a fish. People need to see who I am, the real me. The real me is somewhat of a loner. The few friends I do have are very close friends whom I would move heaven and earth for. I am crazy about my husband, who was my high school sweetheart many moons ago. My children are everything to me and I spend my life showing them that. I am pretty loyal to both of our extended families (though I do have sperm donor issues, but generally I don't consider him family). What would readers like to know about me?? I'm an open book. Here soon, I will be placing a facebook widget on here so you can look me up there. Now I am off to find a new layout because this one sucks.

Changing things up

I know this blog is pretty much used as a homebirth is bad, laugh at crunchies type of place. I've decided that I need to show a new side of who I am. I know this blog must make me look like a raging sociopath that isn't fit to raise a fish. People need to see who I am, the real me. The real me is somewhat of a loner. The few friends I do have are very close friends whom I would move heaven and earth for. I am crazy about my husband, who was my high school sweetheart many moons ago. My children are everything to me and I spend my life showing them that. I am pretty loyal to both of our extended families (though I do have sperm donor issues, but generally I don't consider him family). What would readers like to know about me?? I'm an open book. Here soon, I will be placing a facebook widget on here so you can look me up there. Now I am off to find a new layout because this one sucks.

Common homebirth advocate reactions

When a mother shares her story of loss or injury, she is met with animosity. In order for these people to make us look like complete idiots, to put it bluntly, they have to make comments. Below are the most common ones and my rebuttals::

1. Your baby would of died in the hospital too.
Unless my child had a fatal anomaly, no they wouldn't of. Hospitals have ways of monitoring so they would of known something was wrong. Knowing something was wrong, they could of given a c-section if the signs showed up during labor. If baby was born and in trouble, doctors and nurses could of addressed it immediately. They have life-saving equipment and NICU's.

2. You should of researched your midwife better.
When a midwife comes highly recommended by trustworthy friends, you believe them. They generally are not going to be honest and say "Yeah, I've caused a few deaths, but yours should be ok". Does anybody know exactly who tracks a midwife's record?? Oh, that's right, NOBODY! So, exactly how are we suppose to know?? We don't have women calling us for references, so you know new clients aren't being told about us! The only way we can connect with prospective clients is if we see a woman asking for midwife recommendations in our area or asking if anyone has worked with this midwife.

3. You should of known something was wrong.
When you have a midwife, you choose to work with her because you trust her. So, when she is telling you that everything is fine, you trust and believe in her. If you didn't, you wouldn't of hired her to begin with. She is suppose to be a medical professional who can pick up any potential complications. Didn't she tell you how she handles various emergencies?? Yeah, enough said.

4. Why aren't you advocating for better hospitals/doctors?
A DR or hospital played no part in my loss. An under-qualified, under-educated, uninsured midwife did in my home. Why aren't those who bitch about horrible doctors and hospitals advocating for better doctors and hospitals?? We are asking for midwives to actually get actual nursing degrees. This means going to college and getting a better education. This means making yourself eligible to carry insurance. If a plumber or contractor has to be insured, why doesn't a midwife? These other professions are dealing with a house. Midwives are dealing with LIVES. Lives are irreplaceable! If you know more than doctors, you should have a very easy time getting a degree!! Let's face it, anybody can decide they want to be a midwife or take a course to get a midwife certification! So, exactly what are homebirth advocates advocating for??

5. I fail to see how homebirth led to this.
Death at home, death due to not receiving specialized medical care is exactly how homebirth led to this. Is there an OR in our house?? No, I don't think any of us have one of those!

6. This was because of a negligent midwife, not homebirth.
Again, had we not chosen to birth at home, we wouldn't of hired the midwife we did. Yes, she was negligent. However, again, this was a choice we made to have our child at home.


Now, I question why the mothers who speak out are vilified like we are. Would it make people happy if we sulked away and shut our mouths so we don't tarnish the romanticized image of "safer than hospital" birth?? If a mom has a hospital birth and her baby dies (these are mainly due to health related issues), she has unending support from everyone. So, why is it different with homebirth loss moms? Somehow it has to be our fault. It's not though. We chose providers who ultimately failed us and our children. If anything, homebirth advocates should be pissed that midwives are causing this kind of damage, walking away, and continuing to practice. These sub-par individuals are the ones making homebirth look bad, not us. Actually, homebirth advocates and their hatred towards us mothers are doing almost as good as midwives are in making it look bad! Why?? The attitudes towards loss moms, the hiding of real stories, and the hiding of statistics. You are doing a fantastic job preventing mothers from feeling safe enough to share their stories of loss. There are real women, real babies, and real families being affected here, so why don't you care?? Because we might take away "your options"?? What about our options? Wait, it's too late for us and our babies to have options, thank you homebirth advocates. Ignoring homebirth deaths isn't going to make them go away. Sub-par midwives won't make homebirth safe. It's time to place blame where it really belongs, on the shoulders of midwives across this country.

Common homebirth advocate reactions

When a mother shares her story of loss or injury, she is met with animosity. In order for these people to make us look like complete idiots, to put it bluntly, they have to make comments. Below are the most common ones and my rebuttals::

1. Your baby would of died in the hospital too.
Unless my child had a fatal anomaly, no they wouldn't of. Hospitals have ways of monitoring so they would of known something was wrong. Knowing something was wrong, they could of given a c-section if the signs showed up during labor. If baby was born and in trouble, doctors and nurses could of addressed it immediately. They have life-saving equipment and NICU's.

2. You should of researched your midwife better.
When a midwife comes highly recommended by trustworthy friends, you believe them. They generally are not going to be honest and say "Yeah, I've caused a few deaths, but yours should be ok". Does anybody know exactly who tracks a midwife's record?? Oh, that's right, NOBODY! So, exactly how are we suppose to know?? We don't have women calling us for references, so you know new clients aren't being told about us! The only way we can connect with prospective clients is if we see a woman asking for midwife recommendations in our area or asking if anyone has worked with this midwife.

3. You should of known something was wrong.
When you have a midwife, you choose to work with her because you trust her. So, when she is telling you that everything is fine, you trust and believe in her. If you didn't, you wouldn't of hired her to begin with. She is suppose to be a medical professional who can pick up any potential complications. Didn't she tell you how she handles various emergencies?? Yeah, enough said.

4. Why aren't you advocating for better hospitals/doctors?
A DR or hospital played no part in my loss. An under-qualified, under-educated, uninsured midwife did in my home. Why aren't those who bitch about horrible doctors and hospitals advocating for better doctors and hospitals?? We are asking for midwives to actually get actual nursing degrees. This means going to college and getting a better education. This means making yourself eligible to carry insurance. If a plumber or contractor has to be insured, why doesn't a midwife? These other professions are dealing with a house. Midwives are dealing with LIVES. Lives are irreplaceable! If you know more than doctors, you should have a very easy time getting a degree!! Let's face it, anybody can decide they want to be a midwife or take a course to get a midwife certification! So, exactly what are homebirth advocates advocating for??

5. I fail to see how homebirth led to this.
Death at home, death due to not receiving specialized medical care is exactly how homebirth led to this. Is there an OR in our house?? No, I don't think any of us have one of those!

6. This was because of a negligent midwife, not homebirth.
Again, had we not chosen to birth at home, we wouldn't of hired the midwife we did. Yes, she was negligent. However, again, this was a choice we made to have our child at home.


Now, I question why the mothers who speak out are vilified like we are. Would it make people happy if we sulked away and shut our mouths so we don't tarnish the romanticized image of "safer than hospital" birth?? If a mom has a hospital birth and her baby dies (these are mainly due to health related issues), she has unending support from everyone. So, why is it different with homebirth loss moms? Somehow it has to be our fault. It's not though. We chose providers who ultimately failed us and our children. If anything, homebirth advocates should be pissed that midwives are causing this kind of damage, walking away, and continuing to practice. These sub-par individuals are the ones making homebirth look bad, not us. Actually, homebirth advocates and their hatred towards us mothers are doing almost as good as midwives are in making it look bad! Why?? The attitudes towards loss moms, the hiding of real stories, and the hiding of statistics. You are doing a fantastic job preventing mothers from feeling safe enough to share their stories of loss. There are real women, real babies, and real families being affected here, so why don't you care?? Because we might take away "your options"?? What about our options? Wait, it's too late for us and our babies to have options, thank you homebirth advocates. Ignoring homebirth deaths isn't going to make them go away. Sub-par midwives won't make homebirth safe. It's time to place blame where it really belongs, on the shoulders of midwives across this country.

So outraged over maternal mortality

Recently, Ina May Gaskin has reported that maternal mortality is on the rise. The supposed rate is 14.5 out of 100,000. Now, according to the CDC's stats from 2003, the rate is 12.3 out of 100,000. Let's break this down to the 1,000 mark. That would equal .145. NCB advocates are angry about a rate of .145? Then, they are blaming modern obstetrics and "unhealthy women".

The out of hospital death rate is 7.84 (out of 1,000). The amount of babies dying outside of the hospital is 54 times higher than the amount of maternal deaths.

So, based on the numbers, where should the outrage lie? Why are NCB advocates making a huge fuss about a rate of .145? We know that pregnancy carries risks and can cause maternal health problems. We also know that people do have more health related issues these days. Luckily modern medicine can help a majority of people suffering from health related issues both in and out of pregnancy. Look at modern day numbers compared to those of days gone by when it was commonplace for a mother to die. Imagine all of these pregnancy induced issues that are now manageable. 100 years ago, the maternal mortality rates were 15.4 out of 100,000. I do admit that for having so much technology, the improvement is not incredibly high, at least not as high as I would imagine!

However, looking at infant mortality rates, we know that in 1911, the infant mortality rate was 135 out of 1,000. So, out of 100,000 births 13,500 babies died. In 2005, the perinatal/neonatal death rates were 5.79. If we look at this out of 100,000 births, that would be 579 babies. So, only 4.3% of babies now die compared to the good ole days. If you look at out of hospital rates, 5.8% of babies now die compared to 100 years ago.

Which numbers should we be outraged over again?? Perhaps it is time for Ina May to care about the babies dying in the name of homebirth!

So outraged over maternal mortality

Recently, Ina May Gaskin has reported that maternal mortality is on the rise. The supposed rate is 14.5 out of 100,000. Now, according to the CDC's stats from 2003, the rate is 12.3 out of 100,000. Let's break this down to the 1,000 mark. That would equal .145. NCB advocates are angry about a rate of .145? Then, they are blaming modern obstetrics and "unhealthy women".

The out of hospital death rate is 7.84 (out of 1,000). The amount of babies dying outside of the hospital is 54 times higher than the amount of maternal deaths.

So, based on the numbers, where should the outrage lie? Why are NCB advocates making a huge fuss about a rate of .145? We know that pregnancy carries risks and can cause maternal health problems. We also know that people do have more health related issues these days. Luckily modern medicine can help a majority of people suffering from health related issues both in and out of pregnancy. Look at modern day numbers compared to those of days gone by when it was commonplace for a mother to die. Imagine all of these pregnancy induced issues that are now manageable. 100 years ago, the maternal mortality rates were 15.4 out of 100,000. I do admit that for having so much technology, the improvement is not incredibly high, at least not as high as I would imagine!

However, looking at infant mortality rates, we know that in 1911, the infant mortality rate was 135 out of 1,000. So, out of 100,000 births 13,500 babies died. In 2005, the perinatal/neonatal death rates were 5.79. If we look at this out of 100,000 births, that would be 579 babies. So, only 4.3% of babies now die compared to the good ole days. If you look at out of hospital rates, 5.8% of babies now die compared to 100 years ago.

Which numbers should we be outraged over again?? Perhaps it is time for Ina May to care about the babies dying in the name of homebirth!

Looking to start up other blogs

I am looking for other mothers who have had negative homebirth experiences that would be willing to be authors on a collaborative blog. It is time to make our voices heard!

In addition to that idea, I would also like to start a memorial blog strictly for homebirth loss moms to share their stories and maybe even a picture of their child.

If you are interested in either of these, you can contact me at momma6_2angels at yahoo.com

Looking to start up other blogs

I am looking for other mothers who have had negative homebirth experiences that would be willing to be authors on a collaborative blog. It is time to make our voices heard!

In addition to that idea, I would also like to start a memorial blog strictly for homebirth loss moms to share their stories and maybe even a picture of their child.

If you are interested in either of these, you can contact me at momma6_2angels at yahoo.com

August 19th- Day of hope

Today has been labeled as the day of hope. This is not to be confused with October 15th, pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. Today we are breaking the silence and talking about our babies! So, here is my precious baby girl Mary! We love and miss her more than words can say! She will always be my precious baby girl!

August 19th- Day of hope

Today has been labeled as the day of hope. This is not to be confused with October 15th, pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. Today we are breaking the silence and talking about our babies! So, here is my precious baby girl Mary! We love and miss her more than words can say! She will always be my precious baby girl!

The stresses of Attachment Parenting

Reading Babycenter's Debate Team last night, a woman posted about how her AP sister has been so stressed out that she hit her 2.5 year old son as hard as she could. She called her mother to get the child and Grandma refused to give the child back. This thread was rather eye opening. Many AP mothers confessed that they had all hit breaking points and hit their child out of anger. No wonder they always assume people who spank do so in anger, because that's the reason they do it!

In addition to all these confessions of hitting children out of anger, it was also shared that this child had not ever been away from his mom and others stated their child hadn't been a part from mom either. No wonder AP moms are so stressed. You don't have to have your kid attached to you 24/7 in order to be a good mother and obviously, it is stressful never having a break from this role.

I would really love to see the number of divorces for AP Moms and Mainstream Moms. Mainstream mothers seem to have an identity outside their children while AP moms generally don't. I have read of women sleeping with their child instead of sharing a bed with their spouse. No way would I give up having my husband next to me! How many AP husbands feel neglected because his wife is stuck in mommy mode and can't just be that woman he fell in love with??

For this child in this situation, the husband told her to just let her child stay with Grandma and mom refused while acting incredibly irrational. That child is now in CPS custody. Way to go mom! You're so attached, your child is being cared for by strangers because you couldn't just let him stay with grandma for a few days!

The stresses of Attachment Parenting

Reading Babycenter's Debate Team last night, a woman posted about how her AP sister has been so stressed out that she hit her 2.5 year old son as hard as she could. She called her mother to get the child and Grandma refused to give the child back. This thread was rather eye opening. Many AP mothers confessed that they had all hit breaking points and hit their child out of anger. No wonder they always assume people who spank do so in anger, because that's the reason they do it!

In addition to all these confessions of hitting children out of anger, it was also shared that this child had not ever been away from his mom and others stated their child hadn't been a part from mom either. No wonder AP moms are so stressed. You don't have to have your kid attached to you 24/7 in order to be a good mother and obviously, it is stressful never having a break from this role.

I would really love to see the number of divorces for AP Moms and Mainstream Moms. Mainstream mothers seem to have an identity outside their children while AP moms generally don't. I have read of women sleeping with their child instead of sharing a bed with their spouse. No way would I give up having my husband next to me! How many AP husbands feel neglected because his wife is stuck in mommy mode and can't just be that woman he fell in love with??

For this child in this situation, the husband told her to just let her child stay with Grandma and mom refused while acting incredibly irrational. That child is now in CPS custody. Way to go mom! You're so attached, your child is being cared for by strangers because you couldn't just let him stay with grandma for a few days!

Facebook group for homebirth loss moms

If you are a mother who planned a homebirth and lost your child, you are welcome to join us at Homebirth Loss Moms. Place of birth does not matter.

We need somewhere to be able to talk about our losses without feeling ostracized. Homebirth supporters love to turn the tables on us and find some reason as to why our child would of died anyway or as to how it is your fault. We live with enough guilt and they don't understand that! If you are vocal about opinion changes on mothering, you are watched and your posts will be deleted if they are not supportive of homebirth or midwives. You become hated and frankly, it's bull shit! We don't deserve that. We deserve as much support as anyone who has a death due to a dr/hospital. They take off and run with stories of dr negligence and death, but get pissed when it has to do with a midwife or homebirth. Their anecdotal evidence matters, but ours doesn't?? Now, how does that make sense? They can use all the scare tactics and horror stories as they can pull out of their ass while we have to sit down and shut up. PUHLEASE! The hypocrisy is pathetic. I'm tired of seeing women like us treated badly. I'm tired of them trying to silence us. I'm tired of them trying to tell us that our babies would of died anyways. I'm tired of seeing infant losses as just something that happens that is unpreventable. MY child's death WAS preventable if it wasn't for the fact that I had a homebirth with a grossly negligent midwife. I was and still am incredibly angry. I probably always will be. On top of that, I get to carry around the guilt of knowing that my choice killed my child. After 2+ years, I still cannot get past the guilt I carry. I can't even talk about it because I break down! This isn't your typical sadness break down, this is full out, "my chest is closing in, I cannot breathe" break down. It's very difficult to live with and I think if the hardcore HB advocates had a loss like this, they would feel the same.

Facebook group for homebirth loss moms

If you are a mother who planned a homebirth and lost your child, you are welcome to join us at Homebirth Loss Moms. Place of birth does not matter.

We need somewhere to be able to talk about our losses without feeling ostracized. Homebirth supporters love to turn the tables on us and find some reason as to why our child would of died anyway or as to how it is your fault. We live with enough guilt and they don't understand that! If you are vocal about opinion changes on mothering, you are watched and your posts will be deleted if they are not supportive of homebirth or midwives. You become hated and frankly, it's bull shit! We don't deserve that. We deserve as much support as anyone who has a death due to a dr/hospital. They take off and run with stories of dr negligence and death, but get pissed when it has to do with a midwife or homebirth. Their anecdotal evidence matters, but ours doesn't?? Now, how does that make sense? They can use all the scare tactics and horror stories as they can pull out of their ass while we have to sit down and shut up. PUHLEASE! The hypocrisy is pathetic. I'm tired of seeing women like us treated badly. I'm tired of them trying to silence us. I'm tired of them trying to tell us that our babies would of died anyways. I'm tired of seeing infant losses as just something that happens that is unpreventable. MY child's death WAS preventable if it wasn't for the fact that I had a homebirth with a grossly negligent midwife. I was and still am incredibly angry. I probably always will be. On top of that, I get to carry around the guilt of knowing that my choice killed my child. After 2+ years, I still cannot get past the guilt I carry. I can't even talk about it because I break down! This isn't your typical sadness break down, this is full out, "my chest is closing in, I cannot breathe" break down. It's very difficult to live with and I think if the hardcore HB advocates had a loss like this, they would feel the same.

Calling out a negligent Midwife

What can you do when your child dies due to a midwife's negligence?

Let's see, we attempted to consult a lawyer only to have nobody want to help because midwives don't carry insurance.
The police wanted to charge her with Negligent Homicide, but the detective refused to go on a "witch hunt".
The midwife review board did nothing but give us shit. Funny enough, they also have sat idly by while multiple babies die under her care.
A reporter was going to help us but after an interview, we never heard from him again.

After much thought I am going to publicly share the emails and as much info as I can dig up.

Email 1

There is alot of mis-truths on this. A Baby born at 37 weeks is not pre-mature by anyones standards, not even the medical community. Respitory distress is a common label for any reason the baby stops breathing. That doesn't mean its the reason she died. The baby didn't start getting jaundice under after I left. You didn't even notice it yourself until after the pictures came back and it was still a slight case. You are very aware there was no respiratory distress while the medics were there or while I was there. Sweetie, if you thought Mary Beth was breathing funny or having any trouble at all, because you are such loving and attentive parents I know in my heart you would have never gone to lay down and take a nap, you would have called me or someone for help. James said "we addressed all of our concerns with the midwife." Why did he say that? There were no concerns when I left. If fact, no one ever called me at all afterwards, for anything. You never brought up a concern with me. I even asked you yesterday if you got the M.E.'s report and you said "not yet."

You both realize midwives don't carry insurance. You also realize what the legally is in the state of Ohio, and it's not illegal, it's unregulated. We talked about this multiple times way back when you came to talk with me during your first pregnancy. This is not your first homebirth. Bambi you are a very knowledgeable lady concerning birth. You spent many hours researching before making a decision about anything.

J, I suppose you could be angry at lots of folks because of Mary Beth's death. You could try and sue the radiologist, they usually carry insurance. You could sue me. But do you really think throwing me and my kids out on the street will make you feel better? Because there isn't any money at my house. You've known me too long and that I struggle just as you do. I'd bet I make way less income than you do. You could try and sue the medics. They thought everything was ok the first time they were there, and couldn't save her at all the second time. But, medics have immunity in Ohio. You could even get angry at each other and end up in divorce court. Lots of families do break up because of a traumatic situation. The anger you feel comes out onto each other and the family. I pray you don't allow your broken heart to control your emotions. You have a wonderful family. You are some of the best parents I've ever known.

Bambi, when you both first came to me we discussed all your questions and concerns. We talked about legal status. We talked about what happens when a mom or baby needs transported to the hospital. We talked about what possible outcomes can happen at home and at the hospital. We even talked about the possibility that a baby could have problems that no human being can fix. That would be a decision that only God makes. You could get angry at Him too. He's big enough to take it. But it still won't bring us any answers or bring Mary Beth back.

J, it seems you are trying to hurt me by writing that letter to other midwives. As far as accountability goes, I already volunteered for a peer review. (If you feel you need to be there to hear the review, you are welcome to be there.) I realize you probably want me to hurt like you are hurting. I can only assure you my heart is bleeding right along with you both. My tears don't stop just because weeks go by. I love your family. Your children are some of my kids favorite people. Bambi is someone I love and cherish and have for years.

Before you continue, please, I beg you, think about the long term harm that would come. Lawsuits never bring closure, and usually not even the money you feel would make you happy. Legal action will only allow anger and bitterness to fester and overflow onto your children and your relationship as a couple. There are times in life we simply don't get the answers we desperately want. Trying to find a place to unload blame doesn't give the answer and it doesn't heal the hurt. But it can destroy everyone in the process, including yourself and your own family.

Please talk to me.

Email 2

Sheryl told me this evening the coroner wrote "respiratory distress caused by a home birth." She said you had posted that on one of the chat sites you both share. In the years I've known you, your wisdom and willingness to research everything has always been amazing to me. You take no ones word for anything. You investigate it yourself. Thats why when hospital births were not giving you the opportunity to birth your babies in the way you knew was right....you did the research and found another way. You never once simply took my word for it. You studied and examined everything to make sure you were making the best decision for your family. I admire that. I'm counting on that wisdom now. Please think about what the coroner is saying. A home birth cannot possibly cause respiratory distress. That can happen at home, in a taxi or in the hospital waiting room itself. That is a general label and term used for a person who stopped breathing. It is why Mary Beth stopped breathing that is the cause of death. Where she was born had nothing to do with that. I know you know that.

What the coroner is doing is exactly what any doc does when they want people to follow the hospital path, the place the blame on a homebirth or midwife. Repository distress can be a lung defect, a choking, or even a SIDS death. You can have that diagnosis at the moment of birth, several hours later, or even as an old man. It is a very loose term to say in medical lingo we don't have an answer. So the way to get good people angry is to blame midwives.

Your hurting and pain is so hard to face right now. But please do not allow yourself to be sucked into one medial doc's statement. Please participate in the review process with us. Come with me to one of my own back up doctors and we'll hash out together what could have been going on, what we might have missed or done differently. At least an OB will have the most experience in birth, life and death and babies in trouble. A medical examiner will only have experience in death.

I want so much to come over tomorrow and hold you. Can we go over his report together? Can we find a way to work thru all this pain by supporting each other? Can we please lay out all the issues and walk thru them one by one until we find true understanding of how Mary Beth died?

We are both Christian familys. And in that spirit of friendship can we work together to find the truth. If we allow anger and bitterness to reign we loose sight of our friendship and love as friends, we'll lose sight of the goal to find the real reason the breathing distress came on and bring closure. We lose sight of our familes and husbands as we start throwing mud and insults and stinging words. Then everyone loses. Please don't do this to all the familes involved. Protect your family and your marriage above all buy not allowing the anger at the unknown destroy. God have a wonderful plan for sweet Mary Beth. Lets find that goal for her life together.

Please Bambi, Please call me, write me back or I'd love to come over. I wold be thrilled to come tomorrow to talk if you would be gracious to invite me. We'll talk, we'll investigate ideas and share what we fond and return on the path of continuing to be friends.

Please, please talk to me. Can I come over for awhile to visit?

Email 3

I keep trying to talk to you and I'm getting a wall of silence. We are friends. Please don't shut me out of your life. Especially based on one lone doctors opinion.

I will be able to send your birth records tomorrow. Even though it seems you want them to try and use against me, they are your records and I will not keep them from you. I do, however, need to hear from you that you still want them and acknowledge them coming still you are not talking with me.

Please, please, think about what you are doing. Mary Beth is a beautiful little daughter and would not want fighting or destruction to midwifery being done in her memory. There is always a risk with life. We don't always understand why life takes the turns it does. It doesn't mean it was anyones fault. You have been a mom and baby advocate for many years. You know the advantages in midwife care and home births for families. What James is contemplating doing will destroy midwifery for moms all over the state. You've seen the ACOG statement, they want midwifery destroyed in all 50 states by next year.

Please talk to me.

I've had a few minor "run-ins" where I was questioned by the hospital doctors and/or the coroner. But once I was in enough "trouble" that I was required to be at a few police interviews and it was eventually taken to the Stark County Grand Jury. I delivered a set of twins. This mom had been my friend for 12 years and I delivered 5 of her other 6 children. She always goes 3 weeks over her due dates, and always gives birth to huge babies…10.5 to 11.5 pounds (never diabetic though).

In this case her twins were born 10 days early, but in my mind she could actually have babies that were almost 5 weeks early…regardless that they weighed 8-8.5 each. When one baby started having breathing problems two days after birth we got him to th e hospital. He was fine after transporting, but died the next day in the hospital under the doctors' care. The doctor and coroner both adamantly insisted I was a nutcase, this baby was only 10 days early and couldn't have had immature lungs. Yet the de ath report states just that.

They tried to charge the parents with child abuse and neglect (for – believe it or not! – obeying the midwife!). They tried to charge me with manslaughter. Although I was never formally charged, the prosecutor tried every angle to blame the death on me. The grand jury refused to charge me with anything and it was all finally dropped.

At the beginning I started bringing my own tape recorder with me to each interview. Partly because I thought if I would just cooperate they would see I had done nothing wrong and would not need an attorney, so I wanted my own record. That thoroughly pissed off the police. Since I hadn't been charged, they were told they had to allow it. That was the best thing I could have done and saved my butt several times when they tried to make up statements and comments later.

Second, I made copies of everything from the first afternoon the baby died. I copied all my records, copied all pictures taken at the birth, and made copies of the videotape the grandma made of the birth. I labeled the tape "Christmas Vacation 2000" and then handed three copies out to friends, instructing them to hide or give away the tapes and not tell me where they are. That videotape would be confiscated by the police and I wanted nothing edited or deleted.

I also started storing my birth bags at another house. It was a real pain to have to travel there to collect things before getting off to a birth, but I wasn't willing to lose a life's work worth of equipment just because the police would come in and do a sudden sweep of my house. The parents and I are still friends (they too were found innocent).

Anyway, that is my two cents. Copy everything, store your stuff elsewhere until all danger is passed, and take your own tape recorder to all interviews (especially if you don't have an attorney the first time you talk to someone!).

Brenda Scarpino

http://74.6.239.67/search/cache?ei=UTF-8&p=brenda+scarpino&fr=chrf-ytbm&u=www.fromcallingtocourtroom.net/defaultchap1.htm&w=brenda+scarpino&d=fDS0RrZfVLSN&icp=1&.intl=us&sig=MdwGfOqaKVhWf5orLlngXw

http://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/midwife-crisis/Content?oid=1495304

Brenda Scarpino-Newport, you are a negligent midwife and did cause my daughter's death.

Calling out a negligent Midwife

What can you do when your child dies due to a midwife's negligence?

Let's see, we attempted to consult a lawyer only to have nobody want to help because midwives don't carry insurance.
The police wanted to charge her with Negligent Homicide, but the detective refused to go on a "witch hunt".
The midwife review board did nothing but give us shit. Funny enough, they also have sat idly by while multiple babies die under her care.
A reporter was going to help us but after an interview, we never heard from him again.

After much thought I am going to publicly share the emails and as much info as I can dig up.

Email 1

There is alot of mis-truths on this. A Baby born at 37 weeks is not pre-mature by anyones standards, not even the medical community. Respitory distress is a common label for any reason the baby stops breathing. That doesn't mean its the reason she died. The baby didn't start getting jaundice under after I left. You didn't even notice it yourself until after the pictures came back and it was still a slight case. You are very aware there was no respiratory distress while the medics were there or while I was there. Sweetie, if you thought Mary Beth was breathing funny or having any trouble at all, because you are such loving and attentive parents I know in my heart you would have never gone to lay down and take a nap, you would have called me or someone for help. James said "we addressed all of our concerns with the midwife." Why did he say that? There were no concerns when I left. If fact, no one ever called me at all afterwards, for anything. You never brought up a concern with me. I even asked you yesterday if you got the M.E.'s report and you said "not yet."

You both realize midwives don't carry insurance. You also realize what the legally is in the state of Ohio, and it's not illegal, it's unregulated. We talked about this multiple times way back when you came to talk with me during your first pregnancy. This is not your first homebirth. Bambi you are a very knowledgeable lady concerning birth. You spent many hours researching before making a decision about anything.

J, I suppose you could be angry at lots of folks because of Mary Beth's death. You could try and sue the radiologist, they usually carry insurance. You could sue me. But do you really think throwing me and my kids out on the street will make you feel better? Because there isn't any money at my house. You've known me too long and that I struggle just as you do. I'd bet I make way less income than you do. You could try and sue the medics. They thought everything was ok the first time they were there, and couldn't save her at all the second time. But, medics have immunity in Ohio. You could even get angry at each other and end up in divorce court. Lots of families do break up because of a traumatic situation. The anger you feel comes out onto each other and the family. I pray you don't allow your broken heart to control your emotions. You have a wonderful family. You are some of the best parents I've ever known.

Bambi, when you both first came to me we discussed all your questions and concerns. We talked about legal status. We talked about what happens when a mom or baby needs transported to the hospital. We talked about what possible outcomes can happen at home and at the hospital. We even talked about the possibility that a baby could have problems that no human being can fix. That would be a decision that only God makes. You could get angry at Him too. He's big enough to take it. But it still won't bring us any answers or bring Mary Beth back.

J, it seems you are trying to hurt me by writing that letter to other midwives. As far as accountability goes, I already volunteered for a peer review. (If you feel you need to be there to hear the review, you are welcome to be there.) I realize you probably want me to hurt like you are hurting. I can only assure you my heart is bleeding right along with you both. My tears don't stop just because weeks go by. I love your family. Your children are some of my kids favorite people. Bambi is someone I love and cherish and have for years.

Before you continue, please, I beg you, think about the long term harm that would come. Lawsuits never bring closure, and usually not even the money you feel would make you happy. Legal action will only allow anger and bitterness to fester and overflow onto your children and your relationship as a couple. There are times in life we simply don't get the answers we desperately want. Trying to find a place to unload blame doesn't give the answer and it doesn't heal the hurt. But it can destroy everyone in the process, including yourself and your own family.

Please talk to me.

Email 2

Sheryl told me this evening the coroner wrote "respiratory distress caused by a home birth." She said you had posted that on one of the chat sites you both share. In the years I've known you, your wisdom and willingness to research everything has always been amazing to me. You take no ones word for anything. You investigate it yourself. Thats why when hospital births were not giving you the opportunity to birth your babies in the way you knew was right....you did the research and found another way. You never once simply took my word for it. You studied and examined everything to make sure you were making the best decision for your family. I admire that. I'm counting on that wisdom now. Please think about what the coroner is saying. A home birth cannot possibly cause respiratory distress. That can happen at home, in a taxi or in the hospital waiting room itself. That is a general label and term used for a person who stopped breathing. It is why Mary Beth stopped breathing that is the cause of death. Where she was born had nothing to do with that. I know you know that.

What the coroner is doing is exactly what any doc does when they want people to follow the hospital path, the place the blame on a homebirth or midwife. Repository distress can be a lung defect, a choking, or even a SIDS death. You can have that diagnosis at the moment of birth, several hours later, or even as an old man. It is a very loose term to say in medical lingo we don't have an answer. So the way to get good people angry is to blame midwives.

Your hurting and pain is so hard to face right now. But please do not allow yourself to be sucked into one medial doc's statement. Please participate in the review process with us. Come with me to one of my own back up doctors and we'll hash out together what could have been going on, what we might have missed or done differently. At least an OB will have the most experience in birth, life and death and babies in trouble. A medical examiner will only have experience in death.

I want so much to come over tomorrow and hold you. Can we go over his report together? Can we find a way to work thru all this pain by supporting each other? Can we please lay out all the issues and walk thru them one by one until we find true understanding of how Mary Beth died?

We are both Christian familys. And in that spirit of friendship can we work together to find the truth. If we allow anger and bitterness to reign we loose sight of our friendship and love as friends, we'll lose sight of the goal to find the real reason the breathing distress came on and bring closure. We lose sight of our familes and husbands as we start throwing mud and insults and stinging words. Then everyone loses. Please don't do this to all the familes involved. Protect your family and your marriage above all buy not allowing the anger at the unknown destroy. God have a wonderful plan for sweet Mary Beth. Lets find that goal for her life together.

Please Bambi, Please call me, write me back or I'd love to come over. I wold be thrilled to come tomorrow to talk if you would be gracious to invite me. We'll talk, we'll investigate ideas and share what we fond and return on the path of continuing to be friends.

Please, please talk to me. Can I come over for awhile to visit?

Email 3

I keep trying to talk to you and I'm getting a wall of silence. We are friends. Please don't shut me out of your life. Especially based on one lone doctors opinion.

I will be able to send your birth records tomorrow. Even though it seems you want them to try and use against me, they are your records and I will not keep them from you. I do, however, need to hear from you that you still want them and acknowledge them coming still you are not talking with me.

Please, please, think about what you are doing. Mary Beth is a beautiful little daughter and would not want fighting or destruction to midwifery being done in her memory. There is always a risk with life. We don't always understand why life takes the turns it does. It doesn't mean it was anyones fault. You have been a mom and baby advocate for many years. You know the advantages in midwife care and home births for families. What James is contemplating doing will destroy midwifery for moms all over the state. You've seen the ACOG statement, they want midwifery destroyed in all 50 states by next year.

Please talk to me.

I've had a few minor "run-ins" where I was questioned by the hospital doctors and/or the coroner. But once I was in enough "trouble" that I was required to be at a few police interviews and it was eventually taken to the Stark County Grand Jury. I delivered a set of twins. This mom had been my friend for 12 years and I delivered 5 of her other 6 children. She always goes 3 weeks over her due dates, and always gives birth to huge babies…10.5 to 11.5 pounds (never diabetic though).

In this case her twins were born 10 days early, but in my mind she could actually have babies that were almost 5 weeks early…regardless that they weighed 8-8.5 each. When one baby started having breathing problems two days after birth we got him to th e hospital. He was fine after transporting, but died the next day in the hospital under the doctors' care. The doctor and coroner both adamantly insisted I was a nutcase, this baby was only 10 days early and couldn't have had immature lungs. Yet the de ath report states just that.

They tried to charge the parents with child abuse and neglect (for – believe it or not! – obeying the midwife!). They tried to charge me with manslaughter. Although I was never formally charged, the prosecutor tried every angle to blame the death on me. The grand jury refused to charge me with anything and it was all finally dropped.

At the beginning I started bringing my own tape recorder with me to each interview. Partly because I thought if I would just cooperate they would see I had done nothing wrong and would not need an attorney, so I wanted my own record. That thoroughly pissed off the police. Since I hadn't been charged, they were told they had to allow it. That was the best thing I could have done and saved my butt several times when they tried to make up statements and comments later.

Second, I made copies of everything from the first afternoon the baby died. I copied all my records, copied all pictures taken at the birth, and made copies of the videotape the grandma made of the birth. I labeled the tape "Christmas Vacation 2000" and then handed three copies out to friends, instructing them to hide or give away the tapes and not tell me where they are. That videotape would be confiscated by the police and I wanted nothing edited or deleted.

I also started storing my birth bags at another house. It was a real pain to have to travel there to collect things before getting off to a birth, but I wasn't willing to lose a life's work worth of equipment just because the police would come in and do a sudden sweep of my house. The parents and I are still friends (they too were found innocent).

Anyway, that is my two cents. Copy everything, store your stuff elsewhere until all danger is passed, and take your own tape recorder to all interviews (especially if you don't have an attorney the first time you talk to someone!).

Brenda Scarpino

http://74.6.239.67/search/cache?ei=UTF-8&p=brenda+scarpino&fr=chrf-ytbm&u=www.fromcallingtocourtroom.net/defaultchap1.htm&w=brenda+scarpino&d=fDS0RrZfVLSN&icp=1&.intl=us&sig=MdwGfOqaKVhWf5orLlngXw

http://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/midwife-crisis/Content?oid=1495304

Brenda Scarpino-Newport, you are a negligent midwife and did cause my daughter's death.

The Natural Birth Movement harmful?

Around the developed nations millions of women get pregnant. A good part of those women envision watching their belly swell with child, the anticipation of that first contraction or their water breaking, their partner holding their hand or rubbing their back as they labor, then finally being able to push their child into the world, have their child placed upon their belly, and bringing that squirming bundle up to their breast to nurse. Sadly, this fantasy of childbirth seems to be harming women more than helping them. Nobody ever pictures themselves ending up with a c-section.

The thoughts and emotions that these women convey are troublesome. They feel like failures because, after all, all women can give birth because that is how our bodies are designed. We are meant to give birth, aren't we? They are bombarded by "well-meaning" women telling them that Doctors perform these surgeries so they can either get home to dinner, make their tee time, or just want the extra money. They are told that various reasons for cesareans are bogus and made up, never mind that the women saying this aren't doctors and haven't been to medical school. Women feel robbed of the first hours. I wonder why it is that the only bonding period that seems important are the first hours? Your child is your child forever. You have the rest of your life to bond. My oldest was rushed to the NICU as soon as he was born and stayed there for the first week. I bonded with him as well as I did with my other children. I'm not sad that I missed those first hours because I have had many hours with him over the last 11 1/2 years. You CAN initiate breastfeeding after those first hours, contrary to what women are told. Apparently if your child isn't breastfed within a certain time span your breastfeeding "relationship" is shot to hell.

What can we do to help?? Stop romanticising natural childbirth. Stop telling women that cesareans are "unneccesarians" and they can vaginally birth no matter what. Stop telling women not to listen to medical professionals. Yes, it is important to research!! It is also important to find a care provider that you are a team with. You really aren't as educated as a DR and I imagine it has to be frustrating to meet a women who insists she knows better than you do! Stop arming women with completely biased information. Do not find women who have had a cesarean and tell them about why it was not needed and that it could of been avoided. Truth of the matter is you aren't her doctor nor do you have access to her medical records, it is only your OPINION (much different than FACT). So, how do you know?? The google research will only tell you what you want it to tell you. If a woman has a medical complication, it is important to get that baby out instead of leaving it in there! Blood pressure problems can kill both mom and baby. Is a "natural birth" that important when both lives hang in the balance?? If a heart rate drops in labor, the baby needs to get out. Cord Accidents make up a good portion of stillbirths. They say that cord accident is rare, but I can tell you at least half of the stillbirth moms I have met, it was due to cord accidents. Labor is prime time to have something happen. Mothers arrive in active labor only to learn their baby's heart has stopped due to some type of cord accident. Yes, the baby NEEDS to be born if the baby's heart has decels. Luckily, sometimes something like position change can help take the pressure off the cord.

I really think if we keep our sight set on that baby and stop holding birth upon a pedestool, the PPD rates will drop. If you are pregnant, learn about cesareans. Don't tell yourself that you won't need it. Plan for the chance of having the surgery. Be open to anything that may happen. Remember that your dr IS doing their very best for you and your baby. If you had a c-section, talk to others who have been through it. Look at it as another option. Try to find something positive to say. Even when something is sad or doesn't go away, there is something positive to be learned. Losing my daughter was horrible. Going through that has allowed me to reach out to others, so I have been able to find the positive in something negative. Lets be open to doing anything for our child!

Birth is about getting them here, not how we get them out!

The Natural Birth Movement harmful?

Around the developed nations millions of women get pregnant. A good part of those women envision watching their belly swell with child, the anticipation of that first contraction or their water breaking, their partner holding their hand or rubbing their back as they labor, then finally being able to push their child into the world, have their child placed upon their belly, and bringing that squirming bundle up to their breast to nurse. Sadly, this fantasy of childbirth seems to be harming women more than helping them. Nobody ever pictures themselves ending up with a c-section.

The thoughts and emotions that these women convey are troublesome. They feel like failures because, after all, all women can give birth because that is how our bodies are designed. We are meant to give birth, aren't we? They are bombarded by "well-meaning" women telling them that Doctors perform these surgeries so they can either get home to dinner, make their tee time, or just want the extra money. They are told that various reasons for cesareans are bogus and made up, never mind that the women saying this aren't doctors and haven't been to medical school. Women feel robbed of the first hours. I wonder why it is that the only bonding period that seems important are the first hours? Your child is your child forever. You have the rest of your life to bond. My oldest was rushed to the NICU as soon as he was born and stayed there for the first week. I bonded with him as well as I did with my other children. I'm not sad that I missed those first hours because I have had many hours with him over the last 11 1/2 years. You CAN initiate breastfeeding after those first hours, contrary to what women are told. Apparently if your child isn't breastfed within a certain time span your breastfeeding "relationship" is shot to hell.

What can we do to help?? Stop romanticising natural childbirth. Stop telling women that cesareans are "unneccesarians" and they can vaginally birth no matter what. Stop telling women not to listen to medical professionals. Yes, it is important to research!! It is also important to find a care provider that you are a team with. You really aren't as educated as a DR and I imagine it has to be frustrating to meet a women who insists she knows better than you do! Stop arming women with completely biased information. Do not find women who have had a cesarean and tell them about why it was not needed and that it could of been avoided. Truth of the matter is you aren't her doctor nor do you have access to her medical records, it is only your OPINION (much different than FACT). So, how do you know?? The google research will only tell you what you want it to tell you. If a woman has a medical complication, it is important to get that baby out instead of leaving it in there! Blood pressure problems can kill both mom and baby. Is a "natural birth" that important when both lives hang in the balance?? If a heart rate drops in labor, the baby needs to get out. Cord Accidents make up a good portion of stillbirths. They say that cord accident is rare, but I can tell you at least half of the stillbirth moms I have met, it was due to cord accidents. Labor is prime time to have something happen. Mothers arrive in active labor only to learn their baby's heart has stopped due to some type of cord accident. Yes, the baby NEEDS to be born if the baby's heart has decels. Luckily, sometimes something like position change can help take the pressure off the cord.

I really think if we keep our sight set on that baby and stop holding birth upon a pedestool, the PPD rates will drop. If you are pregnant, learn about cesareans. Don't tell yourself that you won't need it. Plan for the chance of having the surgery. Be open to anything that may happen. Remember that your dr IS doing their very best for you and your baby. If you had a c-section, talk to others who have been through it. Look at it as another option. Try to find something positive to say. Even when something is sad or doesn't go away, there is something positive to be learned. Losing my daughter was horrible. Going through that has allowed me to reach out to others, so I have been able to find the positive in something negative. Lets be open to doing anything for our child!

Birth is about getting them here, not how we get them out!

Circumcision

If you frequent any mommy boards, this subject always breaks out the claws of what we call intactivists. It's a penis, not the holy grail. Some people choose not to do it and others do. Those who do it have abused and mutilated their child. Recently we had the pleasure of seeing mothers who circumsize referred to as Pedophiles. Yes, a pedophile.A person who targets children sexually or has a fetish regarding children!

FGM is usually the removal of labia and the woman is sewn up so all that can get through is menstrual blood. The clitoris is often removed too. If you are acquainted with basic fetal genital development, you would know that the foreskin is equivalent to the clitoral hood. So, if we performed circ's that equal the damage done during FGM, we would have to remove the actual head of the penis and a good part of the shaft. Obviously, this is not what is happening. These two things are unequal.

What is interesting is these women speak of the child's sex life. The penis will be damaged, his penis won't work correctly, he will have erectile dysfunction, etc. It is said that the foreskin makes sex better for him. How do we know this?? The intactivist sites say it is so. Men are told that they are missing something that makes sex better instead of telling the man that if sex sucks, he needs to work on it! Way to pass the buck!

There are studies that say circumcision reduces the risk for STD's (including HIV), UTI's, and penile cancer. Yet, those studies done by the government are flawed horribly and not to be trusted (where is my eye rolling smilie?).

Circumcision

If you frequent any mommy boards, this subject always breaks out the claws of what we call intactivists. It's a penis, not the holy grail. Some people choose not to do it and others do. Those who do it have abused and mutilated their child. Recently we had the pleasure of seeing mothers who circumsize referred to as Pedophiles. Yes, a pedophile.A person who targets children sexually or has a fetish regarding children!

FGM is usually the removal of labia and the woman is sewn up so all that can get through is menstrual blood. The clitoris is often removed too. If you are acquainted with basic fetal genital development, you would know that the foreskin is equivalent to the clitoral hood. So, if we performed circ's that equal the damage done during FGM, we would have to remove the actual head of the penis and a good part of the shaft. Obviously, this is not what is happening. These two things are unequal.

What is interesting is these women speak of the child's sex life. The penis will be damaged, his penis won't work correctly, he will have erectile dysfunction, etc. It is said that the foreskin makes sex better for him. How do we know this?? The intactivist sites say it is so. Men are told that they are missing something that makes sex better instead of telling the man that if sex sucks, he needs to work on it! Way to pass the buck!

There are studies that say circumcision reduces the risk for STD's (including HIV), UTI's, and penile cancer. Yet, those studies done by the government are flawed horribly and not to be trusted (where is my eye rolling smilie?).

The stigma of homebirth loss

Just two short years ago, I remember being one of those uber crunchies. Homebirth was tthe safest way to bring a child into this world. My midwife was well educated and had been delivering babies in this area for 20+ years. I was in wonderful hands. Until the life of my beloved daughter slipped through those hands. Now, I am wholeheartedly against homebirth. I make no qualms about it.

When Mary died, I convinced myself that something must of been wrong. I must of done something wrong. She had to of been sick. I had the support of everyone. Upon learning that the homebirth was why she had died, I spoke up and haven't shut up yet. I will never be silent. Homebirthers try to pick apart my story (which is why I no longer share) to say she died because of this or that. I have heard that she shouldn't of been born at home to begin with as she was 36 1/2 weeks. If you really want to get technical here, according to LMP, I would of been 37 1/2 weeks to 38 weeks. I have heard that it was due to midwife negligence, not because she was born at home. Um, if I had of been in a hospital, the midwife wouldn't of factored in. They cannot grasp that low risk women can deliver at risk infants. These supportive women become venomous creatures who strike out when you speak up. They insist that anything you say is misinformation. God forbid a woman be angry. I should be silenced because I may scare someone out of making this choice. If you lose your child and speak up, be prepared.

The stigma of homebirth loss

Just two short years ago, I remember being one of those uber crunchies. Homebirth was tthe safest way to bring a child into this world. My midwife was well educated and had been delivering babies in this area for 20+ years. I was in wonderful hands. Until the life of my beloved daughter slipped through those hands. Now, I am wholeheartedly against homebirth. I make no qualms about it.

When Mary died, I convinced myself that something must of been wrong. I must of done something wrong. She had to of been sick. I had the support of everyone. Upon learning that the homebirth was why she had died, I spoke up and haven't shut up yet. I will never be silent. Homebirthers try to pick apart my story (which is why I no longer share) to say she died because of this or that. I have heard that she shouldn't of been born at home to begin with as she was 36 1/2 weeks. If you really want to get technical here, according to LMP, I would of been 37 1/2 weeks to 38 weeks. I have heard that it was due to midwife negligence, not because she was born at home. Um, if I had of been in a hospital, the midwife wouldn't of factored in. They cannot grasp that low risk women can deliver at risk infants. These supportive women become venomous creatures who strike out when you speak up. They insist that anything you say is misinformation. God forbid a woman be angry. I should be silenced because I may scare someone out of making this choice. If you lose your child and speak up, be prepared.

The Mighty Vagina

As I sit back and read various mommy message boards, I witness hordes of women clamoring over the virtues of vaginal birth. Only those who have pushed a baby out of their vagina have given birth. Dangerous vaginal birth is preferred over ceasarean birth. Breech baby??? You can do it. Big baby??? Your body won't grow a child you cannot birth! If the baby is in distress, you must get up and move around. Cord tightly around neck is not a problem either. Failure to progress is always about a mom not given the appropriate time allowance.

In the days before c-section was used, mothers and babies died. The almighty vagina will not prevent injury or death to your child. A c-section can. So, why must women push the limits and put their child in harms way? Vaginal birth does not make us any more of a woman or a mother. If you have carried your child and they came out of your body, you have given birth. Having a child that you love makes you a mother, not your almighty vagina.

The Mighty Vagina

As I sit back and read various mommy message boards, I witness hordes of women clamoring over the virtues of vaginal birth. Only those who have pushed a baby out of their vagina have given birth. Dangerous vaginal birth is preferred over ceasarean birth. Breech baby??? You can do it. Big baby??? Your body won't grow a child you cannot birth! If the baby is in distress, you must get up and move around. Cord tightly around neck is not a problem either. Failure to progress is always about a mom not given the appropriate time allowance.

In the days before c-section was used, mothers and babies died. The almighty vagina will not prevent injury or death to your child. A c-section can. So, why must women push the limits and put their child in harms way? Vaginal birth does not make us any more of a woman or a mother. If you have carried your child and they came out of your body, you have given birth. Having a child that you love makes you a mother, not your almighty vagina.

Who am I

I am a woman. I have been the wife to a wonderful man for over 11 years. I became a mother over 11 1/2 years ago and now am proud to have my seven children, one of whom is a beautiful angel in heaven. I use to be crunchy. Until my precious daughter died after a homebirth. I now am a strong anti-homebirth supporter. I also reach out to others who sadly suffer the loss of their infant. My life revolves around all of this. I think I'm a pretty awesome person, even when I'm being not so nice to the crazy crunchies.

Who am I

I am a woman. I have been the wife to a wonderful man for over 11 years. I became a mother over 11 1/2 years ago and now am proud to have my seven children, one of whom is a beautiful angel in heaven. I use to be crunchy. Until my precious daughter died after a homebirth. I now am a strong anti-homebirth supporter. I also reach out to others who sadly suffer the loss of their infant. My life revolves around all of this. I think I'm a pretty awesome person, even when I'm being not so nice to the crazy crunchies.

Our survey, more in depth

If you have filled out the survey and do not want me using your loss as a case, contact me and give me your info and I will take it out. My goal is not to exploit anyone's loss. I only wish to learn from them. I do not want my loss exploited, but, I do wish to share so that I can help someone else avoid the tragedy we have lived through. Nobody should have to bury their child. I also have to live with the guilt of knowing my choice to use this "experienced and trained" midwife led to my daughter's death. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.



Respondent 1

Had Care from a DR, CPM, and Peri
Had 1st trimester bleeding and an unlisted issue
Had an induced vaginal delivery in the hospital at 34 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to Bilateral Renal Agenesis
Delivered by a DR in the hospital



Respondent 2

Had care from a DR
Pregnancy had no issues
Had an emergency c-section at 26 weeks due to fetal decels
Stillbirth due to Genetic Issues incompatible with life
Delivered by a DR in the hospital



Respondent 3

Had care from a CNM
Had Hypertension and Intrauterine Growth Retardation
Induced Vaginal birth at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth due to Placental Insufficiency and Pregnancy Induced Hypertension
Delivered by CNM in the hospital

Respondent 4

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had Hypertension, Bleeding in the 1st trimester, Pre-eclampsia, and an unlisted issue
Augmented vaginal delivery at 36 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Infection, and Hep B Vaccine Reaction
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 5

Had care from a DR
Had Gestational Diabetes
Vaginal Delivery at 40+ weeks
Unsure if this was a Stillbirth or Neonatal loss but loss is due to Infection
Delivered by an OB (had to of been hospital as mother had a vaccum delivery and IV meds)

Respondent 6

Had care from a DR
Had Hypertension and Pre-Eclampsia
Elective C-section at 37 weeks
Neonatal loss due to unknown reasons
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 7

Had care from a DR, CPM, DEM, and Peri
Had unexplained bleeding in the first and second trimesters
Vaginal delivery at 22 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Prematurity
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 8

Had care from a CPM
No issues in the pregnancy
C-section at 40+ weeks (baby stopped moving)
Neonatal Loss due to Negligent Midwife
Delivered by an OB in the hospital

Respondent 9

Had care from a DR and Peri
Had an unlisted issue
PROM leading to Vaginal birth at 23 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Prematurity, Infection, Brain Damage from birth, NICU acquired illness, and Severe Critical Illness
Hospital delivery

Respondent 10

Had care from a DR
Had Incompetent Cervix and an Unlisted issue
Vaginal Delivery at 20 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to prematurity
Delivered by Respondent 10 at home

Respondent 11

Had care from a LM
No pregnancy issues
Elective c-section at 40+ weeks after homebirth transfer
Stillbirth due to unexplained issues
Delivered by a DR at the hospital

Respondent 12

Had care from a CNM
Had Advanced maternal Age
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth with Unexplained issues
Delivered at home by Respondent 12's SO

Respondent 13

Had care from a DR
Had an unlisted issue
Induced vaginal delivery at 26 weeks
Stillbirth due to Clotting disorder
Delivered in a Birth Center by DR

Respondent 14

Had care from a DR
Had an unlisted issue
Vaginal Delivery at 24 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Prematurity, and NICU acquired illness
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 15

Had care from a DEM
Had an unlisted issue
C-section at 40+ weeks after homebirth transfer
Stillborn due to Uterine Rupture, Negligent Midwife, read mother's HR for babies
Hospital delivery by a DR

Respondent 16

Had care from a CNM
Had Incompetent Cervix, Advanced maternal Age, and an unlisted issue
Augmented Vaginal delivery at 20 weeks
Stillborn due to Incompetent Cervix, GBS+, and Placental infection
Hospital delivery by a DR

Respondent 17

Had dual care with a DR and CNM
Had Gestational Diabetes, Excess Amniotic Fluid, and Preeclampsia
C-section at 36 weeks with breech baby
Neonatal loss due to genetic issues
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 18

Had care from a DR
Had Placenta Accreta
C-section at 32 weeks after trauma from a car accident
Neonatal Loss due to brain damage suffered after car accident
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 19

No Prenatal Care
Had an Unlisted issue
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn due to a cord accident
Delivered at home by Respondent 19

Respondent 20

Had care from a LM
Had an Unlisted issue
Vaginal delivery at 20 weeks
Neonatal loss due to prematurity
delivered at home by Respondent 20

Respondent 21

Had care from a DR
Had more than 5 previous pregnancies, Excess amniotic fluid, Unexplained 1st and 2nd trimester bleeding, and an unlisted issue
Augmented vaginal delivery at 36 weeks
Stillborn due to placental abruption
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 22

Had care from a DR
No pregnancy issues
Vaginal delivery at 39 weeks
Stillborn due to a cord accident
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 23

Had care from a DR
Had an Unlisted issue
Elective C-section at 40+ weeks
Neonatal loss due to multiple genetic anomolies
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 24

Had care from a DR
Had no issues
Emergency C-section due to prolonged labor at 40+ weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Infection, and Meconium Aspiration
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 25

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had no issues
Induced vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn due to unknown reasons
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 26

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had Incompetent Cervix
Augmented Vaginal Delivery at 22 weeks
Neonatal loss due to prematurity
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 27

Had dual care from a DR and Peri
Had an unlisted issue
Induced Vaginal Delivery at 30 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Unexplained, slight velementous cord insertion, low-ish amniotic fluid, slightly enlarged placenta, slightly enlarged cord
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 28

Had care from CNM
Had no issues
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth due to unknown reasons
Delivered by a CNM in the hospital

Respondent 29

Had care from a CPM
Had more than 5 previous pregnancies, unexplained 2nd trimester bleeding, excess amniotic fluid
Vaginal Delivery at 36 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to negligent midwife, prematurity
Delivered by Respondent 29's SO at home

Respondent 30
Had DR care
No pregnancy issues
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn or neonatal death after fetal distress, Negligent DR
Delivered by an OB

Respondent 31
Had CPM care
No known pregnancy issues
C-section at 39 weeks due to non reassuring NST
Neonatal death due to suspected cord accident, low fluid may have played a part
Delivered by OB

So far, the count is

12 OB 3 low risk

4 CNM 1 low risk

3 CPM 2 low risk

1 DEM

2 LM 1 low risk

1 Nobody

2 DR/Peri

4 DR/CNM 1 low risk

1 DR/CPM

1 DR/DEM/CPM/Peri

HB Transfers: 4

HB Deaths: 6

1 39 ND

1 39 SB

2 40+ ND

4 40+ SB

These are all healthy babies from low risk pregnancies. Yikes! I would say your baby has a higher chance of death once you hit 40 weeks, no matter who your provider is.

Our survey, more in depth

If you have filled out the survey and do not want me using your loss as a case, contact me and give me your info and I will take it out. My goal is not to exploit anyone's loss. I only wish to learn from them. I do not want my loss exploited, but, I do wish to share so that I can help someone else avoid the tragedy we have lived through. Nobody should have to bury their child. I also have to live with the guilt of knowing my choice to use this "experienced and trained" midwife led to my daughter's death. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.



Respondent 1

Had Care from a DR, CPM, and Peri
Had 1st trimester bleeding and an unlisted issue
Had an induced vaginal delivery in the hospital at 34 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to Bilateral Renal Agenesis
Delivered by a DR in the hospital



Respondent 2

Had care from a DR
Pregnancy had no issues
Had an emergency c-section at 26 weeks due to fetal decels
Stillbirth due to Genetic Issues incompatible with life
Delivered by a DR in the hospital



Respondent 3

Had care from a CNM
Had Hypertension and Intrauterine Growth Retardation
Induced Vaginal birth at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth due to Placental Insufficiency and Pregnancy Induced Hypertension
Delivered by CNM in the hospital

Respondent 4

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had Hypertension, Bleeding in the 1st trimester, Pre-eclampsia, and an unlisted issue
Augmented vaginal delivery at 36 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Infection, and Hep B Vaccine Reaction
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 5

Had care from a DR
Had Gestational Diabetes
Vaginal Delivery at 40+ weeks
Unsure if this was a Stillbirth or Neonatal loss but loss is due to Infection
Delivered by an OB (had to of been hospital as mother had a vaccum delivery and IV meds)

Respondent 6

Had care from a DR
Had Hypertension and Pre-Eclampsia
Elective C-section at 37 weeks
Neonatal loss due to unknown reasons
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 7

Had care from a DR, CPM, DEM, and Peri
Had unexplained bleeding in the first and second trimesters
Vaginal delivery at 22 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Prematurity
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 8

Had care from a CPM
No issues in the pregnancy
C-section at 40+ weeks (baby stopped moving)
Neonatal Loss due to Negligent Midwife
Delivered by an OB in the hospital

Respondent 9

Had care from a DR and Peri
Had an unlisted issue
PROM leading to Vaginal birth at 23 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Prematurity, Infection, Brain Damage from birth, NICU acquired illness, and Severe Critical Illness
Hospital delivery

Respondent 10

Had care from a DR
Had Incompetent Cervix and an Unlisted issue
Vaginal Delivery at 20 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to prematurity
Delivered by Respondent 10 at home

Respondent 11

Had care from a LM
No pregnancy issues
Elective c-section at 40+ weeks after homebirth transfer
Stillbirth due to unexplained issues
Delivered by a DR at the hospital

Respondent 12

Had care from a CNM
Had Advanced maternal Age
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth with Unexplained issues
Delivered at home by Respondent 12's SO

Respondent 13

Had care from a DR
Had an unlisted issue
Induced vaginal delivery at 26 weeks
Stillbirth due to Clotting disorder
Delivered in a Birth Center by DR

Respondent 14

Had care from a DR
Had an unlisted issue
Vaginal Delivery at 24 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Prematurity, and NICU acquired illness
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 15

Had care from a DEM
Had an unlisted issue
C-section at 40+ weeks after homebirth transfer
Stillborn due to Uterine Rupture, Negligent Midwife, read mother's HR for babies
Hospital delivery by a DR

Respondent 16

Had care from a CNM
Had Incompetent Cervix, Advanced maternal Age, and an unlisted issue
Augmented Vaginal delivery at 20 weeks
Stillborn due to Incompetent Cervix, GBS+, and Placental infection
Hospital delivery by a DR

Respondent 17

Had dual care with a DR and CNM
Had Gestational Diabetes, Excess Amniotic Fluid, and Preeclampsia
C-section at 36 weeks with breech baby
Neonatal loss due to genetic issues
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 18

Had care from a DR
Had Placenta Accreta
C-section at 32 weeks after trauma from a car accident
Neonatal Loss due to brain damage suffered after car accident
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 19

No Prenatal Care
Had an Unlisted issue
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn due to a cord accident
Delivered at home by Respondent 19

Respondent 20

Had care from a LM
Had an Unlisted issue
Vaginal delivery at 20 weeks
Neonatal loss due to prematurity
delivered at home by Respondent 20

Respondent 21

Had care from a DR
Had more than 5 previous pregnancies, Excess amniotic fluid, Unexplained 1st and 2nd trimester bleeding, and an unlisted issue
Augmented vaginal delivery at 36 weeks
Stillborn due to placental abruption
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 22

Had care from a DR
No pregnancy issues
Vaginal delivery at 39 weeks
Stillborn due to a cord accident
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 23

Had care from a DR
Had an Unlisted issue
Elective C-section at 40+ weeks
Neonatal loss due to multiple genetic anomolies
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 24

Had care from a DR
Had no issues
Emergency C-section due to prolonged labor at 40+ weeks
Neonatal loss due to Negligent DR, Infection, and Meconium Aspiration
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 25

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had no issues
Induced vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn due to unknown reasons
Delivered in the hospital by a DR

Respondent 26

Had dual care from a DR and CNM
Had Incompetent Cervix
Augmented Vaginal Delivery at 22 weeks
Neonatal loss due to prematurity
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 27

Had dual care from a DR and Peri
Had an unlisted issue
Induced Vaginal Delivery at 30 weeks
Neonatal loss due to Unexplained, slight velementous cord insertion, low-ish amniotic fluid, slightly enlarged placenta, slightly enlarged cord
Delivered by a DR in the hospital

Respondent 28

Had care from CNM
Had no issues
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillbirth due to unknown reasons
Delivered by a CNM in the hospital

Respondent 29

Had care from a CPM
Had more than 5 previous pregnancies, unexplained 2nd trimester bleeding, excess amniotic fluid
Vaginal Delivery at 36 weeks
Neonatal Loss due to negligent midwife, prematurity
Delivered by Respondent 29's SO at home

Respondent 30
Had DR care
No pregnancy issues
Vaginal delivery at 40+ weeks
Stillborn or neonatal death after fetal distress, Negligent DR
Delivered by an OB

Respondent 31
Had CPM care
No known pregnancy issues
C-section at 39 weeks due to non reassuring NST
Neonatal death due to suspected cord accident, low fluid may have played a part
Delivered by OB

So far, the count is

12 OB 3 low risk

4 CNM 1 low risk

3 CPM 2 low risk

1 DEM

2 LM 1 low risk

1 Nobody

2 DR/Peri

4 DR/CNM 1 low risk

1 DR/CPM

1 DR/DEM/CPM/Peri

HB Transfers: 4

HB Deaths: 6

1 39 ND

1 39 SB

2 40+ ND

4 40+ SB

These are all healthy babies from low risk pregnancies. Yikes! I would say your baby has a higher chance of death once you hit 40 weeks, no matter who your provider is.

I found an adorable blog!!

Cerebral Parenting

She is absolutely hilarious and right on with so many things!!